If you had GD with baby #1...

How long did it take you to "get over it?"

It's been about 2 months since I found out gender, and I am still having a very, very difficult time with GD. I find myself researching HT methods for baby #2 in all my spare time. But really, I'd like to just feel happy in the here-and-now...and "into" this pregnancy. I worry my GD will drag on and on, even after my DS is born. I can't imagine how horrible that would be. What have your experiences been?

Oh, I definitely had GD with my first.  I didn't "get over it" until I met him.  Truth be told, I even had a hard time after he was here, but it wasn't really gender disappointment as I had a serious case of post partum depression added on top of healing from a 4th degree tear.  I was in a lot of physical pain for a long time.  I think if that hadn't have happened, I would have been a LOT better emotionally.

That being said - I couldn't love my first born son any more!  Or my second... or my third!

I never got over my GD, but I liked him as soon as he was born and loved him maybe a few weeks in.

I had extreme GD with DD and it gradually got better and continues to do so.  I mean, I loved her but I still would look at her and think this would be so perfect if only..... (because she WAS a cute and easy baby)  Probably when she was around a year old and her personality started coming out is when I really started feeling happy.

It took me about 5 days to fall in love, but my GD never left. I loved him despite of it, over it, around it - it had NOTHING to do with him. I just wanted a girl. And after I fell in love with him (and his brother :-)) I wanted a girl in ADDITION to them.

Give yourself a break until after your son is born. You'll see how different it is when it's YOUR boy, and not just "a boy." I still don't care for boys, I'm not at all interested in my friend's boys, nothing has changed me about that - but MY boys are a different story. They're perfect. They're my kids; not just my "boys." I love them deeply.

Hope that helps!
Sarah

I did not have full-blown GD, but I had a strong Gender Desire for a girl. (I always wanted one of each, but am somehow under the impression that getting a girl is harder than getting a boy - which is slightly true statistically, so I wanted to have a girl first. Anyway, I digress.) I cried for two hours in the middle of a mall after finding out, but then realized that if I don't love this boy, who else will? And I felt so sorry for him and became okay with him being a boy.

When he was born, I did not have a hint of GD(isappointment), but my GD(esire) stayed on strong. I still look jealously at parents of pigeon pairs and wonder if that will ever be me.

My DS1 is 14 and I have never gotten over my GD with him.  I cried everyday after finding out his gender for the rest of my pregnancy.  I honestly did not bond with him until he was 18 months old.  That's when we started talking about another.  Then I had DS2 and my GD went into overdrive.  I will say the sharp pain of GD becomes a dull throb over time.  You do not dwell on it so much once they get older but I still to this day am envious of people who are pregnant and having a girl or ALL of my friends who have at least one girl.  Now I'm pregnant (woops) at 40 with DS3 and am not at all excited.  I am again going through the motions of being a "happy" mom when in reality I'm so not looking forward to raising another boy.  I love my boys, I just wish one of them would have been a girl to make me feel complete. 

I "got over it" about a week after the ultrasound.  But I was only able to do it because I convinced myself that the second one would definitely be a boy.  I think that if I had accepted the possibility that I might have two DDs, I think I would have struggled with GD indefinitely.  Well, I now have exactly what I never considered - two DDs.  There was no more fooling myself this time.  DD2 is 7 months old and my GD still rages.  In fact, I think the GD that would have been the first time had I accepted the possibility that I would not have a DS has manifested itself as well.  For me, I think the only way to really get over it is to have a DS.  Otherwise, it will be one of those things that will just sting for the rest of my life. 

I always wanted ALL girls. So I had a little GD with DS#1. My gut was that he was a HE, and at the u/s, it was confirmed. Since it was my first, I was over the disappointment just like that, sooner than I anticipated. When I saw him move around the screen, and then all the week of my pregnancy afterwards, I fell more and more in love. When he was born after a long and difficult labor, I held him tightly and cried my eyes out.

My DS2 was a delivery room surprise, and it took me a few months for the shock to wear off, but even with him, the love was ALWAYS there.

Now I would be a lost soul without my sons. You'll be OK in the end...your love will come, just try to let it.

Hey,

Congrats on your pregnancy and son! You are so smart to be on here! I had GD with my first and just burried it and refused to reach out, so you are 10 steps ahead already.

All I can offer is my experience, which is exactly why I have been hesitating. I had GD following the u/s telling me my first was to be a boy. I kept thinking it would go away when he was here, but I was completely wrong. I spent the first 6 months of his life refusing to be seen by him, refusing to let anyone know about him etc. It was really a horrible experience. Good news is, I finally went in to my doctor (who had previously told me maybe 30 times that my feelings were normal ) and I told him that I was NOT feeling anything remotely normal. Well, a few lifestyle changes and supplimental vitamins and meds and I was feeling 100% better! My GD was obviously caused by abnormal (even for a pregnant woman) hormones and I really needed some help. I don't know what has triggered yours, and I know there are a million different reasons. I just thought I'd put in my pitch for getting help if it is needed. I really regret not standing up to my dr. prior to 6 months postpartum. I felt like those months really hurt our time to bond.

That is my story, but I also have heard of those who as soon as they saw their infant they fell in love. I really hope that happens for you. Just make sure you find the bottom of your worries, define them, and then figure out what is going to work for you.

Good Luck! I wish you the best of health and happiness!

blue_or_pink:

I did not have full-blown GD, but I had a strong Gender Desire for a girl. (I always wanted one of each, but am somehow under the impression that getting a girl is harder than getting a boy - which is slightly true statistically, so I wanted to have a girl first. Anyway, I digress.) I cried for two hours in the middle of a mall after finding out, but then realized that if I don't love this boy, who else will? And I felt so sorry for him and became okay with him being a boy.

When he was born, I did not have a hint of GD(isappointment), but my GD(esire) stayed on strong. I still look jealously at parents of pigeon pairs and wonder if that will ever be me.

I could have written this myself except the last line. Both dh and I had gd. We both were "disappointed" at our gender u/s. I think we had mostly adjusted before DS1 arrived, I truly loved him more than I could have imagined the day he was born. Same for DS2, even though that made me feel "farther" from getting my girl. But we ultimately decided to go high tech for this reason, we really wanted a girl and weren't willing to take any more chances. It was a lot of money (that we'll be paying off for a while) and a lot of stress and shots, etc. But ultimately we got our girl(s). And I'm not jealous of pigeon pairs, and frankly I wasn't even before we went HT. I LOVE that my boys have each other. They're best buddies and DS1 is so much happier than before his brother came along. You'll get lots of different answers I'm sure, and it's hard to predict what your own reaction will be, but whatever the scenario, know that there's bound to be someone on IG in the same boat. Best of luck in your journey, and know that we're all here for you.

I had bad GD with DS, after finding out at his 20 week ultrasound.

After he was born, I then had PPD.  And was still very mad/depressed about his gender.  Not a great combo.  lol

I didn't start truly bonding with him until he was ~1 year.

So I guess all told, it took me about 18 months to "get over" my GD (well, I guess over the worst of it... I didn't feel truly over my GD until now, pregnant with girl(s)).

One thing I did learn is that human resiliency and the capacity to bond are strong, so if you are open to it, you *can* work your way through it...

HTH!

GZ

Hmm let's see, I started feeling a bond when they took her away from me in the hospital to do tests, about an hour after she was born. When we came home I had PPD because even though our families helped out a lot they still had work and a life and there were days I was by myself taking care of her. For the longest time I just felt like she was just like a fragile pet. Now that she's a toddler though, with the looks and personality to match, she is just so gosh darn cute it breaks my heart.

Last year around this time I was like you. Researching on HT. Always on IG. I was not into the pregnancy once I found out the gender. Everything changed when I saw him. That moment it became real that there was a actual person living inside me, a person who is depending on me for everything, hoping I would love him and take care of him. My "issues" vanished almost immediately. I forgot about IG another 4 months, forgot my log in , password , etc. You have to give it time.

One.Day.At.A.Time.

blue_or_pink:

I did not have full-blown GD, but I had a strong Gender Desire for a girl. (I always wanted one of each, but am somehow under the impression that getting a girl is harder than getting a boy - which is slightly true statistically, so I wanted to have a girl first. Anyway, I digress.) I cried for two hours in the middle of a mall after finding out, but then realized that if I don't love this boy, who else will? And I felt so sorry for him and became okay with him being a boy.

When he was born, I did not have a hint of GD(isappointment), but my GD(esire) stayed on strong. I still look jealously at parents of pigeon pairs and wonder if that will ever be me.

This is very much how I felt. I do think I had pretty strong GD when I found out DS' sex at my u/s. It lasted until he was born. I did things to get excited about having him. Making a lovely nursery. Picking out adorable outfits. A beautiful name for him. Imagining him, etc. I knew I loved HIM, but I deeply had wanted a girl. I do remember spending a lot of free time trying to assure a girl the next time. That's how I found this site. It became a bit too maddening, honestly. I feel that I really missed out on his pregnancy wishing he was someone else. I did fall in love with him immediately, but, like pink_or_blue said, I still had STRONG gender desire for a girl. It never left, but I was VERY happy with my son. When I had my daughter, she did not overshadow my son at all. They are both equal and equally loved.