"I hope it's a girl"

 Heard that a few times from people already.  It is obnoxious....I have one boy, would it really be that bad to have a brother for him?  No...and I know that.  But I guess it still manages to hit me in way because my sway attempt sucked and am worried about having GD if this one ends up being boy.  I was actually kinda cool about it being either but these comments are flaring up my GD: it's like I feel condemned to just have another boy and that is inferior now or something.  Ugh.

I know what you mean - try having 4 boys in a row - people see us out (w/out the girls) and say things that let you know that they think this is not a good thing - kind of "poor you" which unfortunately just further makes me feel badly about it.  I can't imagine what others will say if this is a fifth boy - the thought of that makes me not want a boy alone - comments can be so hurtful!  Society in general doesn't have many nice things to say about alot of boys or girls or big families.  It just makes the fears you are already having that much worse.  Believe me, 2 boys in a row is really nice - they love each other and play and have fun.  It is hard to not let people's comments upset you, but try not to. 

TTC2under2:

Heard that a few times from people already.  It is obnoxious....I have one boy, would it really be that bad to have a brother for him?  No...and I know that.  But I guess it still manages to hit me in way because my sway attempt sucked and am worried about having GD if this one ends up being boy.  I was actually kinda cool about it being either but these comments are flaring up my GD: it's like I feel condemned to just have another boy and that is inferior now or something.  Ugh.

I got that often from both people who knew my first baby was a girl that I lost and from those who didn't.  It was definitetly upsetting at times.  For me, I used to say this, "That would be nice, however, I think that a boy would be great because I want my son to have a brother."  and then talk about how close they'd be, how awesome it would be for my son and so on.  Most times that shut them up.  There were a few times it didn't and then that really pissed me off.  I had one lady say, "Really????  Because I have one of each and I think THAT'S the best!"  YUCK!  Why people can't keep their own personal opinions to themselves, I don't understand.

So, maybe try telling them that something that you feel from the heart and say it with a huge smile on your face.  Most often (not always) that will get people to stop and actually LISTEN instead of talk.  Most people just want to talk and give their opinion and not actually listen.

Good luck!  My two boys are just 2 years apart and it's wonderful!!!!

I am so sorry for your loss ABC.

Thank you for your responses.   It is really helpful to hear from moms who  have more than one boy and how great the friendship is.  I have always and still want 2 genders in a row- whether that is two boys first or 2 girls last doesn't matter.  I want them to have that closeness.  However, I will be upset if the next is a boy in a way just bc that only leaves me one more chance for a girl (i will be done at 3 no matter what).

Best of luck for pink ladies and stand strong to the ignorants with their ignorant opinions!

When everyone found out I was pg with baby #4 Oh the comments I would get!
"Going for the girl huh?"     No going for a baby!
"It better be a girl this time."      Like something is wrong with our boys!
"Oh no! What if it is another boy?"    
And when they found out it was a boy...
"I am SOOOO sorry."
"I have one of each and trust me you dont want a girl."          I dont have a girl but how is that not offensive? Or how is that a comfort?
I could go on.....

All of this in front of my boys!! That is what makes it so bad to me! The comments on here are different to me. They are meant in kindness, care and comfort. They are from people that understand. But strangers making this comments are just not okay too me. They make me feel bad/sad when I dont have to feel that way.
I dont get why people think it is a tragedy to have all one gender??? Maybe if others didnt feel that way some of us wouldnt feel that way.

babeegirl1:

When everyone found out I was pg with baby #4 Oh the comments I would get!
"Going for the girl huh?"     No going for a baby!
"It better be a girl this time."      Like something is wrong with our boys!
"Oh no! What if it is another boy?"    
And when they found out it was a boy...
"I am SOOOO sorry."
"I have one of each and trust me you dont want a girl."          I dont have a girl but how is that not offensive? Or how is that a comfort?
I could go on.....

All of this in front of my boys!! That is what makes it so bad to me! The comments on here are different to me. They are meant in kindness, care and comfort. They are from people that understand. But strangers making this comments are just not okay too me. They make me feel bad/sad when I dont have to feel that way.
I dont get why people think it is a tragedy to have all one gender??? Maybe if others didnt feel that way some of us wouldnt feel that way.

 I think that the social pressure is definitely a part of why we feel pressure.  I hate that because I am totally not the kind to give into social pressure (I am not even married yet, we are doing things in OUR time), but this does get to me. 

What awful comments!   Someone is "sorry" that you are blessed with another child?  WOW.  I might go beserk and beat the crap out of someone who said that.  hahaa.

 I swear these kinds of constant comments are at the heart of my GD anticipation. Honestly, maybe I have a bad attitude, but lately I try to talk to as few random people as possible in my daily life because I find that most people will just bring you down one way or another with their annoying commentary. The way I combat these comments is to cut them off first. I tell people constantly that although girls are great, I am only planning on having boys, my family is on a boy streak and I don't intend to break it, my house can't handle another gender's worth of stuff, I want a brother for my son, want to be surrounded by adoring men, I love being a boy mom, etc. That way if I have a boy, I can smile wide and smugly say I got just what I wanted, hard to argue with that. And if it's a girl, well I'm sure everyone will assume I am happy to have one of each so it won't matter what I had said previously. I also in other instances like to make random comments about how sick it is when people favor one gender over the other, of course they have to agree and then can't go on to make rude comments after that. Or if they constantly exalt their daughters over their "difficult" sons I give them a pitying look and ask if maybe it is a cry for attention and they should try spending more time with them. Basically, I try to be totally obnoxious with them before they can get their jabs in. Keep in mind this is all in response to a whole group of pigeon pair moms I work with who desperately and blatantly try to flaunt their family makeup (among other things) as superior to me, grrrr. I would never be this way with anyone other then boy bashers but at least I get a good laugh out of it now instead of the inferiority complex I used to go home with every day.

 I got these kinds of comments a lot when I was expecting my second boy. Whenever I would tell somebody that we were having another boy, most people's faces just fell and they would look all disappointed. It only made my gender disappointment so much worse. This time around, if we should have another boy, I am not telling anybody but my parents. The rest will not find out until birth! Having two boys has been a true blessing for me. They are incredibly cute together and my second son especially has turned out to be the sweetest, brightest, most adorable boy I could ever have imagined. He enchants everyone, so at least I do not get any more stupid comments now. 

Ohhhh I sooooo know what you mean. I have started telling people we are pregnant with #3 and I get comments like "oh so youre trying for the girl??" etc. i just got an email from my Aunty about 2 minutes ago saying "congratulations, I hope its a girl (only joking)"..... whats that about??

And the other strange thing is all the strange looks people are giving us when we say we're pregnant, its like they think we are not supposed to have three?? Even my FIL just looked at us then said " well I'm not coming back from my holiday early" (they drive to QLD where it is warmer during winter (June is winter for us Aussies))....

Personally I think people should be supportive and non-judgemental... but I live in a fantasy world I think

Also my two boys are 21 months apart and they are the best of friends... its really adorable. I am soooo happy having two boys so close together.

AussieTwinkle:

Ohhhh I sooooo know what you mean. I have started telling people we are pregnant with #3 and I get comments like "oh so youre trying for the girl??" etc. i just got an email from my Aunty about 2 minutes ago saying "congratulations, I hope its a girl (only joking)"..... whats that about??

And the other strange thing is all the strange looks people are giving us when we say we're pregnant, its like they think we are not supposed to have three?? Even my FIL just looked at us then said " well I'm not coming back from my holiday early" (they drive to QLD where it is warmer during winter (June is winter for us Aussies))....

Personally I think people should be supportive and non-judgemental... but I live in a fantasy world I think

Also my two boys are 21 months apart and they are the best of friends... its really adorable. I am soooo happy having two boys so close together.

I find it fascinating that it a total faux paux to comment on someone's job choice, yet people feel it is entirely within their realm to judge people's family choice: size, gender, whatever.  It baffles me!  And  btw three isn't eyebrow-raising by anyone's definitions!  How weird!  Sorry you had to endure that blech.

Thanks ladies for sharing your stories about having a second boy.  It is good to know if this bean is blue it's not the end of the world lol.  

viv0377:

 I got these kinds of comments a lot when I was expecting my second boy. Whenever I would tell somebody that we were having another boy, most people's faces just fell and they would look all disappointed.

This is why when I was PG w/ DS#2, I told people that we didn't find out the sex of the baby!  We did but only told my mom and the rest of the world thought we didn't know.  It was easier in my opinion.  I just didn't want to deal with the comments and I wanted to happy for the new baby I was carrying (and I was happy about it) and I didn't want to have to have those awful conversations with strangers or coworkers, etc.

I love how people say negative things about boys right in front of them as if they can't hear!!!!!  GRRRRRRR!!!!!

Recently, my DH was out with DS1 who is 4.  They were at a store and an older woman was commenting on how cute our son is.  Nice right?  Until she said, "OMG, he's so beautiful with such a nice complexion.......he should have been a girl!"  How F'ed up is that? 

Anyway, I so love my boys.  Sooooo much.  I sometimes wonder why I feel the need to have a DD as they are just so loving, so wonderful that my heart is so full because of them.  For me mostly it's because I lost my DD so I have that need in my heart to have one in the future.  I'm not sure if I'd feel this way otherwise.  Then again, there's also that social pressure that everyone talks about.  That's there too.  Like you have to have a family that has both sexes in it in order to feel "complete".  I don't know.  I am one of two kids, a pigeon pair as people call it and I don't think that's a good family make-up at all as my brother and I are not close.  It may of been nice for my parents to experience one of each but for me, it would have been nice to have another sibling (boy or girl). 

I wish everyone peace and also strength against the stupid comments that unfortunately will always come!

ABC123:

This is why when I was PG w/ DS#2, I told people that we didn't find out the sex of the baby! 

We did the same thing w/ DS #4 - we found out because I knew I would be sad if it was another boy (we had never found out before #6 - we loved the suprise).  We didn't tell anyone but my sister - I needed to have someone to talk to about it; she was a great support.  But it was nice to know for sure for ourselves, accept it, and be happy once he arrived.  People still gave us the comments about the baby needing to be a girl and all, which did hurt, but I could then say something to fend that off.  I often said, I fully expect another boy, but would love a girl; we really want a healthy baby.  GL!

Mindy

stellaluna:

  I tell people constantly that although girls are great, I am only planning on having boys, my family is on a boy streak and I don't intend to break it, my house can't handle another gender's worth of stuff, I want a brother for my son, want to be surrounded by adoring men, I love being a boy mom, etc.

That's brilliant, I love it, am going to be saying this a LOT!!

I'm worried about this one being a boy mostly because of other's reactions and thinking they are superior (most of my friends irl have pigeon pairs). I feel better just reading what you wrote!

Also it is great to hear from pp about how great it is having 2 boys, really reasurring.

indigoviolet:

stellaluna:

  I tell people constantly that although girls are great, I am only planning on having boys, my family is on a boy streak and I don't intend to break it, my house can't handle another gender's worth of stuff, I want a brother for my son, want to be surrounded by adoring men, I love being a boy mom, etc.

That's brilliant, I love it, am going to be saying this a LOT!!

I'm worried about this one being a boy mostly because of other's reactions and thinking they are superior (most of my friends irl have pigeon pairs). I feel better just reading what you wrote!

Also it is great to hear from pp about how great it is having 2 boys, really reasurring.

Yeah I already use this tack... I say to people all the time when they ask "oh you must be hoping for a girl". Usually my answer is "We are expecting a boy cos we only know how to make boys!!" usually people laugh with that and dont discuss it again.

And yep, 2 boys are really great! My boys are soooo close, in fact I think I might get them to bunk together when baby #3 arrives (I nearly typed DS3 out of habit!!! I hope I didnt just jinx myself... lol)