Large families and GD

Just wondering how many of our large family mamas have/had GD to some extent?  I know it's hard for some people to understand where those of us with mixed genders are coming from so I thought a thread would be nice.

For me I just never wanted boys and never really pictured myself with anything but girls - I went into each of my 6 ultrasounds hoping to hear girl.  With my first of course I was hoping for a girl but wasn't devestated or anything when I was told it was a boy because I figured next time it would be a girl.  Then with #2 I was SURE I was having a girl, I even wanted to buy dresses ahead of time but DH wouldn't let me.  Once again I don't remember being horribly upset that I was having a boy because there was always next time!  LOL  I even told my dad I would keep going until I got a girl.

I was incredibly excited when we found out #3 was a girl and for whatever reason my GD got WORSE after that and I became obsessed with #4 being a girl and giving my dd the sister I never had but always wanted.  I was terrified and excited going into the ultrasound for #4 and there was a moment when we saw his "package" on the ultrasound that my stomach dropped but I was still in love with the little guy sucking his hand on the screen.

We were going to stop after #4 but I convinced DH to try again to give my dd a sister and he agreed and then we decided to go for an even number and were blessed with dd #3.  Obviously my thoughts/feelings on girls and boys has changed a bit as I've watched my kids grow and of course I wouldn't trade a single one of them for anything.  My 5 year old son has me wrapped around his finger and my 16 month old dd is the equilavent of FOUR 16 month old boys!!!    But that's a little bit of my story.

I have GD to a VERY large extent. The only reason I have more than one child is because of my GD. When my son was born I was thrilled because I wanted a boy (here is a KICKER that is going to shock people) I wanted a boy because I thought boys had it easier in life. I thought girls were only used as pieces of meat and that men just have it easier. I wanted EASY for my child.

Well after my son was born I could only picture this little girl with blond curly hair.... hazel eyes like ds#1 actually looking like ds#1 but a girl.

11yrs later I finally was pg with #2... I REALLY thought I would be ok with any gender because it took so long to get pg but I thought that because I also figured since it took me so long to get pg I would have a girl because I "earned" it with my yrs of infertility. haha.. yeah. I was pretty shocked how upset I was he was a boy, but embarrassed hid my disappointment and thought well we are going to have one more so THAT will be the girl. and then my son was diagnoised before he was born with a UPJ obstruction which I didn't have a clue what that was but thought his kidney was going to have to be removed right after birth (it didn't of course but I was really misinformed about alot of medical stuff pertaining to UPJ obstructions at that time in late pg)

so right after that baby was BORN dh and I started to ttc again... seriously he was 6 days old I "hoped" it would happen naturally but knew I would have to use fertility drugs most likely and so began my GD message board obsessions. I googled the crap out of finding out how to ttc a girl and started my fertility drugs again at 3 months old (I had to wait till he was 3 months old for my dr to prescribe more) decided to wait till birth to find out "because wouldn't that be a great surprise!! HEARING IT"S A GIRL!!" at birth for the first time... yeah... woo hoo! LOL

and that is how I found out I was having a 3rd little albino looking baby (they thought he was at birth but he wasn't he just is "different' that way haha!  I was pretty stunned actually that I really had a 3rd son... I mean... I only wanted another child really to have a girl, and now I had two boys 1yr apar... and a teenager who was also a raging hormone boy..........CRIED alot in the shower because I was mortified that I could be so DISSAPPOINTED in a healthy beautiful baby who was actually HERE and needed me to care for him. I was ashamed at myself.

so I talked dh into goign for #4... wait, talked him into it would be putting it mildly.... I told him I would resent him for LIFE and probably hate him if we didn't ttc one more time for a dd. (ds#3 was shettles with supplements ds#4 strict 0+12 with lemon douching) had 3 m/c then got pg with #4 who stuck

lets just say I was in denial for most of my pg after hearing that I was having another boy for #4. I seriously was.... I even told dh minutes before my 4th baby was born that it would be a little girl in the basinet.. because well, the u/s was wrong. I JUST KNEW he was a girl.

so #5 I was going to adopt a girl. I figured if I had a baby again (which ds#4 ttc with the m/cs and then the horrific birth and my severe GD when pg with him and the denial... oh and he was super colicy to boot!) I wasn't going to do it myself with my dh... we made boys. I would have a 5th son and I didn't want a 5th son. I wanted a daughter. I was NOT going to get pg again. NEVER was I taking those damn fertility (make me wacko) drugs again! No more m/cs! No more hateful pgs! no more crying over a healthy baby because he had a penis and not a vaja ja.

when my 4th son was 9months old I got pg on my own without trying, infact was using a condom 90% of the time and pull out the other 10% HEY  I had to use DRUGS to get pg!!! 10yrs NOTHING no pg....

ds#5 my GD...........................ugh I don't even like to think about it.... so dark, so hateful, so ugly... not me at all. ALot of guilty for my feelings I had during that pg, still to this day it brings me to tears to think about it. dark dark dark....... sinking into a pit dark. REALLY felt sorry for myself and hated everything.

needless to say yes I had GD when pg with #6 but I wasn't as bad as my other pgs because I was prepared. Had my 5th AWESOME son who showed me sometimes YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED more than what you want at the time. And if I a 6th son was anything like a 5th son??? I was LUCKY. BUT I still wanted a girl. instead of a 6th son. And I did dread my u/s like I NEVER did before. I wasn't counting down to my u/s I was dreading it!! I was terrified of my reaction. TERRIFIED I would go off the deep end. (although surprisling the day of my u/s I was unusally calm and felt peace that whatever baby was I would be ok... which still shockes me I felt that way because I was ready to except a 6th son........ AND ADOPT A DD AT A LATER DATE HAHA!)serious! I was GOING to have a daughter. after that amt of boys I wasn't giving up now!!!

And I cried all my pg with her because I thought it was a cruel joke being played out on me and at birth she turn into he (aka Abe lol the name I wanted for a boy) I seriously had a hard time believing it was real, and I turned her girl bits into testicles all the time and a small penis. I even posted pics of her on other boards asking if it was a boy???? (not saying I had any sons at home to boot!)

sorry for the novel but I had ALOT of GD and it was hard to just say YES... I had GD.

I am not sure i qualify under large family or not however I was thrilled for have our first son as I didn't honestly care one way or the other and just knew I was having a boy then when I got pregnant for the second child and they told me it was a boy I did have GD but not to a huge extent....the day of ultrasound was so hoping for a girl and sometimes I have guilt for this cause my son tends to be........well.........gay. I sometimes wonder if I did that to him but anyhow......after him we got pregnant unexpectantly and i wanted SO BADLY to have a girl and got one....didn't believe it completely till I held her though it was AMAZING!!!!! Then got pregnant the last time and wanted a sister for Emma but wouldn't trade my son for anything. Now we are planning out last pregnancy and I am scared because I REALLY REALLY REALLY want a girl.....and I mean REALLY!!!!!!! Emma wants a sister so badly and I want a daughter so badly!!!! I would love a boy anyhow but since it's my last shot at this I am scared to do not sway enough or not understand what i should be doing and then mess up my last attempt for another daughter.....but if God gives me a healthy son I will be thrilled to....just my preference certainly is a girl (and hubby has her named already so......)

I'm on my way out but didn't want to read and run - just wanted to say YES  I have major GD right now.  I don't think it'd be so bad if I'd planned this pregnancy.  But I didn't.  I didn't want this baby at all but the only thing that held me together so to speak was the fact that I might get a step closer to a balanced family.  Well, no such luck for me - it's a 5th boy and the comments I'm getting are horrendous.  Mix that in with the fact that EVERYONE around me is having a girl (no lie, EVERYONE!) and I'm a complete mess right now.

I'm so sad right now I'm stepping back from everything except IG.  I can't even talk to people who are having baby girls or just had them and that includes my very best female friend and my neighbour...  I can't deal with my life at all right now, I really am a mess.  And yet I can't tell anyone about it because I've already got two girls.  Apparently that means I'm not allowed to be sad about a FIFTH boy.  It's apparently unreasonable that I hoped for a third girl over a fifth boy.  Ho-hum.

So I'm trying to fake it until I make it.  I buy things and for the time I'm in the shop I feel a little bit excited (probably cos I'm buying something), the minute I walk back out though reality comes crashing down on me.  I'm not sure if it's because he's a boy or because I really didn't ever want to be pregnant ever again but whatever it is I can't help but think if this had been a girl I'd be happier about it all...

Anyway, I'll be back later.  I'm being dragged out today to socialise because I've hermitted myself and stopped going out or talking to anyone.  It's almost 9:30am and I've already ignored 8 phone calls from my Mum - just lying on the sofa feeling sorry for myself.

Hi,

I am due to have my 5th DS in 8 weeks.

I never wanted a boy & always assumed I would have 1 child, a girl. I have booed my eyes out at every gender scan.

Our larger family is only due to my desire for a girl. My GD is & has always been totally consuming, selfish I know )-:

I would never try again naturally so our only option now is PGD or an early CVS to establish the gender. I know for sure that I don't want anymore boys because I never wanted even 1 ! My DH has a DD with his 1st wife so it can sometimes be very painful, he really has had enough & has tried hard to give me my hearts desire.

With all this said..... my boys are my world & the best thing that as ever happened to me. I am blessed with a wonderful family (-: x

pinktastic:

 

With all this said..... my boys are my world & the best thing that as ever happened to me. I am blessed with a wonderful family (-: x

you have a great attitude. Having a 5th of the same gender is a hard pill to swallow. BUT I wanted to tell both you and the other mom of soon to be 5th boy, the darkness I felt during my 5th sons' pg and how I feel now over 4yrs later is night and day. I still wanted a dd (I am not going to say things went roses and sunshine after he was born and my GD disappeared, because that would be a BIG FAT LIE!). I still planned to get my dd through adoption because there was no way after all of this I was going to roll over and accept that I wouldn't raise a daughter of my own. Not after going as far as I did to get one. But wanted to let you know that my 5th son is my greatest joy and my biggest surprise lesson in life... and I didn't want him or plan for him at all!! TOoo afraid he would be another son and I didn't want 5 boys what so EVER!!

Hugs to you both! FIfth sons rock! Welcome to the club. And I hope you will both have a little sister in the future to add to the mix!

Dream your words are always so lovely to read....  Do you EVER have a bad day?!!!!!

I guess I'm scared to say what I really think or feel.  I have two girls already so should be happy right - but I just don't feel it.  I feel sad.  I didn't want to be pregnant again - ever.  Sure I had moments of broodiness where I said I would like to do it all again in the future, but the reality is I really didn't.  I have dangerous and painful and uncomfortable pregnancies - I almost died having my last two children and it's a very real risk even this time. 

And I can't tell whether my feelings are based on him having a penis, or whether it's just that I resent that I am in pain and sick and unable to look after my six perfect children for this baby I didn't (and still don't) want in the first place.  I have serious grass-is-greener syndrome in that I like to think that had HE been a SHE I might have felt better about it all.  This baby has ruined my "perfect" family.  Completely ruined it.  If I had a time machine and could go back - this baby would not be in existance today.  I know that's really a horrible thing to say but it's so true.  I just want him and this pregnancy to go away and leave me alone and let me be healthy again.

If I think about it, I think I'm hiding behind GD really.  I'm not entirely sure it IS GD I'm feeling other than the "Grass-is-Greener" stuff I mentioned earlier.  I just plain resent having to be pregnant again when I didn't plan for or want to be.  And I feel like this baby has not only wrecked my body completely to a point where I may never recover (and may even die - although I'm being closely monitored so it's unlikely) but he's wrecked my "perfect" family.  I can't imagine loving him...  Some days I think I can, but more and more these days I think I just can't.  And the guilt I feel about feeling this way, when there are people on this site who would give their right arm to be in my position is HUGE...  I know there will be loads of people reading this thinking what an ungrateful, selfish bitch I am and how I should just be happy...  But I just can't help it.  I can look at it all logically and know I'm wrong for feeling this way but it doesn't make those stupid feelings go away...

It's scary because even when I was pregnant with DS4 who was a real GD baby I NEVER felt this bad...  I don't understand why I feel this bad, but I can't help it...  I'm thinking about seeking out some help/therapy/anti-depressant drugs for the first time in my entire life because I just don't feel I can handle my life right now...

SEVENFROM HEAVEN - I am so sorry about how you are feeling.....I really hope that the girls here on IG can help somehow....wish I could say something useful but don't think I really can. I am sorry you are feeling this way ...it must really suck......so sorry!!!!!!!!

Thanks...  I think I've figured out why I've been so down the last few weeks.  My kidney has flared up again last night (I tend to seem depressed right before I get ill)...  Just called the Dr and he is admitting me to the hospital.  I think they're now as fed up with this as I am, as he said this time I'm not getting out until they've sorted the problem as antibiotics obviousely aren't working. 

Hopefully they'll figure it out and in the next few days I'll be my normal chirpy self again and be looking forward to this baby without any pain.  I can feel him kicking and wriggling around, he even responds if I press my stomach he kicks me back which always makes me smile so I can't feel that horrible towards him.  He's only a baby after all - he doesn't know how ill he's making me, and it's not like he could help it even if he did...  He just wants to live and be nurtured and loved.  Every baby deserves that.

I'll update in a seperate post when I get back out of hospital as I think I've kind of overtaken this thread enough already.

I had GD after my DS4 wasnt disapointed with him though but i wanted to know if we ttc again it would be our girl

once the time came to actually ttc number 5 i started to look forward to the idea of 5 boys and then i found out she was our hoped for little girl but once she was born i found myself wanting another boy i spose because i never really fully got to enjoy my ds4 without that crushed feeling that i couldnt make girls which i now know is total rubbish!! so we decided to ttc again

dont know what im having yet though the tech said she couldnt be sure at my 13 week scan she said she thinks boy but isnt confident enough to tell me boy but ive taken that as it is a boy as its hard not too haha but anyway will find out if shes right or wrong in Dec :D this is my last baby whatever so im making the most of it :)

I should expect a large number of large families had GD at some point and i dont think its anything to feel guilty about when i say GD i mean Gender Desire not Depression ive never had depression luckily so not sure what that feels like but sounds hard :(  sevenfromheaven - im so sorry you are feeling this way i really dont have any words but Hope your family are all supporting you which im sure they are hun

xx

XXXX

As Mom to 5 boys you can bet i have and had GD to different extents over the years.....

I wanted a large family I just always figured it would be more balanced than it is....

Well first of all I am not a member of the large family club. I have two boys. Never wanted any boys. I wasn't having boys. God knew I only wanted girls and that was that. I am convinced he said "F*&k You, here are your boys!" I don't completely understand all of you out there that have both genders and still have GD. But from all that I have read, there are lots of you out there with some deep feelings and I do understand that. I don't have any great words to say, as I have GD badly. But I am realizing more and more that I am thinking I will be better off with only having two children. The only reason I want another child is to have a girl. Looks like from many of you, it doesn't matter how many children you have, you many still not get the desired gender. I love my boys, but I don't like them. My DS#1 drives me nuts and we have no connection what so ever. My DS#2 seems to be different than his brother, I think I like him. But he is only 5 months old. DS#1 was a good baby too, but then changed completely once he turned a year old. I haven't like him since. So the more I read and more I think about it, I am seriously considering not having another child. I don't think it would be fair for me to have another child just to want a girl. It would be just be one dissappointment after another. And I know I would just sink deeper in the black GD hole. I do hope all of you out there with big families do get the desireed gender. But thank you for making me realize that just because you want a specific gender, having "just one" more doesn't mean you get what you want.

 SevenFromHeaven, I just wanted to say I'm glad you are feeling better. I think it's perfectly natural to feel a bit down and generally depressed when you are not well and it sounds like you are having a really hard time with this pregnancy. I really hope it gets easier and I'm sure when your wee guy is born he will just melt your heart.