How good does getting your desired gender feel?

Well, the first time I was preggo I wanted a dd badly - I knew I'd be devastated if I didn't get my girl since I had no idea if we'd have another. We found out at 18 wks it was a girl, and I literally sobbed from  happiness. I was on cloud 9, calling everyone I knew. I was literally beaming and SO excited. It was one of the happiest days of my life, and I still love my girl to death.

This time at the u/s when I heard "boy," I started sobbing - but not from joy. I was upset and disappointed and angry and scared and frustarted, and all those feelings have lingered. I wanted another dd. I wanted dd1 to have a sister. That's not to be, and that makes me so sad. I'm resentful of this pregnancy, and I'm ready for it to be over. I didn't feel that way the first time.  

The day i found out it felt i had won the lottery !!!! Went shopping on my own which i wanted to do and just looked at all the pink i could buy. I bought her a small ballerina skirt. I will keep it forever. My husband bought champagne and both set of parents came round to celebrate.

FANTASTIC to say the leat.

something that everyone deserves to feel in a lifetime.

We have 3 beautiful little girls who we love with all our hearts, but something in our family is missing, our little son and brother for my girls. We are now pregnant with our 4th child, i was so definate it was going to be our son, i swayed for a boy, i was on the diet for 6months, took supps and dtd right on time but to our devastation we are having another girl. It hurts like mad that ill never hold our son in our arms, it hurts so bad that everything i did was for nothing, it hurts so bad that i couldn't even give my husband the son he so much deserves, it hurts so bad that everyone just keeps saying we are going to have another girl even though they have no idea we have found out the gender. Its unbelievable how many people i know who are just hoping we have another girl. I ask myself everynight why couldnt we be given our son, what did we do wrong not to have a boy, im a great mum, i love my children, i love my husband, i just wanted our son to complete our family. Anyway it still hurts so bad and i know it really hurts dh too, but we are going to love our little girl no matter what, its not her fault she's a little girl, she must be one determined little girl to want to come into our family. I Know as soon as we meet her we will fall in love with her just like we have with every other girl of ours.

A friend of mine has just fallen pregnant with her 3rd child, it wasn't planned so she was pretty upset, anyway she has 2 little girls and just found out the other day she is having a son, she is now over the moon and im so happy for her,i told her it was just meant to be, she said dont worry your going to have a little boy too, gee i wish she was right, wishfull thinking but im kind of hoping they got it wrong at my u/s and our little girl turns into a he... but why couldn't that happen to us??? i ask that question everynight, WHY???.. i feel like i have failed my husband and my kids as they so much want a little brother. No more children for us, too much heartache to go through, we are just not meant to have a son...But im blessed with 4 beautiful, healthy girls who we love and adore with all our hearts, they are our life.....

IJIMYANGELS:

We have 3 beautiful little girls who we love with all our hearts, but something in our family is missing, our little son and brother for my girls. We are now pregnant with our 4th child, i was so definate it was going to be our son, i swayed for a boy, i was on the diet for 6months, took supps and dtd right on time but to our devastation we are having another girl. It hurts like mad that ill never hold our son in our arms, it hurts so bad that everything i did was for nothing, it hurts so bad that i couldn't even give my husband the son he so much deserves, it hurts so bad that everyone just keeps saying we are going to have another girl even though they have no idea we have found out the gender. Its unbelievable how many people i know who are just hoping we have another girl. I ask myself everynight why couldnt we be given our son, what did we do wrong not to have a boy, im a great mum, i love my children, i love my husband, i just wanted our son to complete our family. Anyway it still hurts so bad and i know it really hurts dh too, but we are going to love our little girl no matter what, its not her fault she's a little girl, she must be one determined little girl to want to come into our family. I Know as soon as we meet her we will fall in love with her just like we have with every other girl of ours.

A friend of mine has just fallen pregnant with her 3rd child, it wasn't planned so she was pretty upset, anyway she has 2 little girls and just found out the other day she is having a son, she is now over the moon and im so happy for her,i told her it was just meant to be, she said dont worry your going to have a little boy too, gee i wish she was right, wishfull thinking but im kind of hoping they got it wrong at my u/s and our little girl turns into a he... but why couldn't that happen to us??? i ask that question everynight, WHY???.. i feel like i have failed my husband and my kids as they so much want a little brother. No more children for us, too much heartache to go through, we are just not meant to have a son...But im blessed with 4 beautiful, healthy girls who we love and adore with all our hearts, they are our life.....

That is so lovely and i couldnt have put it better myself! I have the exact same feelings too, eventhough we havent had gender confirmation one way or another yet as soon as i saw my baby on the u/s Monday i just knew in my heart it was another boy, it so resembled my other boys at that point long skinny legs like boys have not girly shaped thighs my heart sank, and evenmoreso when i posted my nub picts and got loads of boy votes though some 50/50's and a couple of girl votes i know its not over yet as such but deep down i know now we wont ever have a little girl to complete our family, which makes me feel so sad and just WHY why cant i have girl i feel like ive let down my family, really hope this feeling passes xx

When I found out in 95 that I was pregnant I was so thrilled. My mom and grandmother had me convinced I was showing symptoms of it being a girl so I was so sure, then I found out it was a boy and was a little devastated. I got over it thinking well he will be the big brother and I'll get my girl next. I couldn't get pregnant after that so the GD set in good. As other people in the family got their girls it was harder and harder for me to be around them. I gave up hope after trying for years of ever having my dream. My husband's niece is what got the baby vibes going in me again and we decided to give it one last try. After 8 months of trying we got pregnant. It had been 14 years so knowing it was probably my last time I was so worried that it would be a boy. I wouldn't even look at girl bedding or clothes. I went for my ultrasound with my son and husband and expected to hear boy. I always thought I would cry out of joy if I heard girl but after she said it I was in shock. It took a long time to sink in then I was worried through most of the pregnancy that something would happen and I would lose her. Only now that I am 6 weeks out from having her am I accepting that my dream will come true. I had terrible dreams of losing her and guilt at why do I deserve her now after all this time. But yes, it feels wonderful to get the girl I have longed for my whole life. I love my son so emensely but also wanted to know what its like to have both. I gave up hope and lost my dream, only to find it all 14 years after my GD. I feel blessed and so happy.

run_girl_la:

Well, the first time I was preggo I wanted a dd badly - I knew I'd be devastated if I didn't get my girl since I had no idea if we'd have another. We found out at 18 wks it was a girl, and I literally sobbed from  happiness. I was on cloud 9, calling everyone I knew. I was literally beaming and SO excited. It was one of the happiest days of my life, and I still love my girl to death.

This time at the u/s when I heard "boy," I started sobbing - but not from joy. I was upset and disappointed and angry and scared and frustarted, and all those feelings have lingered. I wanted another dd. I wanted dd1 to have a sister. That's not to be, and that makes me so sad. I'm resentful of this pregnancy, and I'm ready for it to be over. I didn't feel that way the first time.  

 

See, that's what I don't understand... You were already blessed with a girl, why would you NOT want a boy? If not for you, at least for your DH. I understand your preference for girls and giving your DD a sister, but to the point of sobbing? How would you feel if you were having another DD and your DH was the one "upset, disappointed, angry, scared and frustrated"? I am sorry and I don't want to judge anybody's feelings here, I just don't understand what's the problem of getting one of each

If I found out I was having a girl, it would be the happiest day of my life!!! With DS#1 is was dissappointing, but he was healthy and that was supposed to be all that mattered. There was still hope. At the U/S with DS#2, she said if I had to bet I would say it was a girl. In that moment I had the biggest smile on my face ever. It was the best feeling. However, she wasn't 100% sure and she was new at the doc office. The baby kept turning. We tryed for an hour and a half to get a clear shot. She finally called in the other doctor who is a specialist and has never been wrong. At least that is what we have heard about him. He said oh it looks like a boy. I was crushed. It was so hard not to show how dissapointed I was. We decided not to tell anybody their predictions because this was only the 13 week U/S and we did however get two different answers. My husband knew it was a boy, he trust the second doctor. I knew deed down he was right, but I held out hope until the next U/S. Yep, it was definitely a boy. I am not sure if we will have a third child. I just don't know if I can have a third boy. It would be an even greater dissappointment. I love my boys, but I never wanted boys. So yes getting the desired gender would be the best feeling in the world!

when i found out my longed for daughter was on her way it was a huge relief i felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and i felt the luckiest woman alive and still do im so grateful for her my husband and I still sit there at night looking at her and saying how lucky we are to have our much wanted DD

i also feel really lucky to have my boys too though i wouldnt change the way we have got it for the world people asume because i wanted a girl so badly i want two girls but thats simply not true the pain and gap i felt for a daughter has been filled and if this ones another girl she will be loved but maybe i wont feel on quite a high as i was with my first daughter iykwim

anyway if this ones a boy im gonna be on cloud 9 because it means i get to finally have a baby boy in my arms and not wonder what its like to have a girl but either way im going to be thrilled :)

goodluck to all x

mixture:

anyway if this ones a boy im gonna be on cloud 9 because it means i get to finally have a baby boy in my arms and not wonder what its like to have a girl but either way im going to be thrilled :)

I love that you dont care about the gender of this current baby. You seem so content and happy with just a little bit of pink admist all that blue.

Thanks Orchid :)

I think its because i just feel so bad when i think of my ds4 and how i felt when he was born getting upset that i didnt have a girl and spending his newborn days wondering what its like to buy a little dress or have a daughter kiss me take her shopping doing her hair etc and now my dd is here my ds4 is now 2 and hes so precious to me i wish i could have his newborn days all over again if only id known when he was born it was all going to work out ok i could saved alot of heartache :(

I cant do anything to change that now all i can do is make the most of it and i think thats why we opted for another baby after our dd because it will feel like closure almost f its another girl i will feel blessed to have 2 gorgeous girls and i will have to come to terms with the fact i wont ever have another newborn son again but if its a baby boy i feel its another chance to really enjoy him and make the most of those precious new weeks with a new son and dismiss any comments etc ..

what will be will be :)

XX

brazilian_mommy:

You were already blessed with a girl, why would you NOT want a boy?..I don't want to judge anybody's feelings here, I just don't understand what's the problem of getting one of each

Everyone has their own opinion of what is an ideal/perfect/dream family. For some its the pidgeon pair B/G, G/B...others like all girls/boys, others want mix with lots of kids...nobody can judge which configuration is better than another.

I can completely relate to run_girl_la though.  I always wanted ALL GIRLS...lots of them.  Maybe a son for DH eventually but I wanted my girls first.

And I can understand wanting the sister bond for her DD  and wanting them to be close...just look at her signature...she's going to be 4 yrs difference with her younger brother..by the time there is another baby (IF there is another baby) the spread might be 6 or 8 years! 

ColdWater:

It felt nothing like I thought it would feel. Nothing at all.

I spent years daydreaming about what it would be like to find out (by u/s) that my angel boy was "coming back". Sometimes I could imagine it so vividly that I would be in tears. I remember thinking that if I were ever told I was having a boy with #2 or #3, I'd be an absolute sobbing mess.

Then I found myself pregnant with #3 and seeing clear boy bits and a boy nub at my NT scan. My dr. kind of laughed about it, saying that he doesn't often see such an obvious boy at 13 weeks. There were no tears. My heart was in my throat. The following week I was told, "Go buy all the blue you want. It's a boy for sure." Not only was I dry-eyed, I could barely muster a smile. I was happy that he looked healthy and well, and happy that it looked like I might have another chance to have a son ... but sad about everything that I'd been through, sad about my losses, even (surprisingly) really sad over the little girl I wasn't having. It was very, very strange.

I spent the rest of the pregnancy waffling between joy, fear, and total disbelief. I was sure he'd somehow "turn into a girl", and I few times I almost wished he would. I was terrified (and sometimes still am) that everything was a dream, or that he'll be taken away from me again. I think it didn't help that he was unplanned, and that I'd FINALLY accepted that we wouldn't have any more children and that my strong feelings that we would have a son were all in my head. I wasn't just at peace with it, I was glad to be moving on. Finding out I was pregnant so unexpectedly put me right back in the middle of all those feelings.

I think when we have GD, it makes it easy for us to think that getting our DG will be all sunshine and roses and all of the issues that led us to have GD in the first place will be fixed. Maybe it works like that for some, but for a lot of us all the events that led to our GD still happened and have to be dealt with, and a lot of new feelings and issues can be stirred up. Besides that, my son is just a baby. I love him, but not any more than my daughters, and the joys and complications of having a baby in the family are exactly the same.

I don't know if that helps or not, but that's been my experience - and though it hasn't been what I've expected, I'm grateful for ALL of it. Even the very hard parts.  

this is me but opposite gender with a few more boys in the mix LOL.

I cried in the past imagining hearing "it's a GIRL" but when the time came I was dry as a bone. I didn't believe it. I had a hard time believing it the entire pg. I felt like I was "faking" buying girl stuff I was waiting for the other foot to fall... it was a weird time and one I didn't expect I would feel specially since I had imagined it for Soooooooooooooooooooo long.

When she was born I was over joyed but still felt like I was faking. She looked like my boys had to be cared for like my boys, the only difference is she looked like my baby boys in drag. I also had alot of guilt for my sons. I think it was because once she was here she was pretty much the same as them (as newborns) and I had alot of guilt for how I felt over having boys for so many yrs.......alot of guilt for my sons and I really felt like I had to "prove" my loyalty to them and that they are just as loved and valued.

BUT she is 2 yrs old next week and it has sunk in. She is one of my kids now not "the girl" or the "favoured and longed for one" just one of my kids who I love the same as my boys. I still wish I would have known she would come eventually though... so I could have enjoyed my sons' pgs and relished the person who was coming and not the gender they were.. and I won't be condensending, having the desired gender I longed for did end my GD. Not instantly hearing "it's a girl" but it did end it.

dream:

this is me but opposite gender with a few more boys in the mix LOL.

I cried in the past imagining hearing "it's a GIRL" but when the time came I was dry as a bone. I didn't believe it. I had a hard time believing it the entire pg. I felt like I was "faking" buying girl stuff I was waiting for the other foot to fall... it was a weird time and one I didn't expect I would feel specially since I had imagined it for Soooooooooooooooooooo long.

When she was born I was over joyed but still felt like I was faking. She looked like my boys had to be cared for like my boys, the only difference is she looked like my baby boys in drag. I also had alot of guilt for my sons. I think it was because once she was here she was pretty much the same as them (as newborns) and I had alot of guilt for how I felt over having boys for so many yrs.......alot of guilt for my sons and I really felt like I had to "prove" my loyalty to them and that they are just as loved and valued.

BUT she is 2 yrs old next week and it has sunk in. She is one of my kids now not "the girl" or the "favoured and longed for one" just one of my kids who I love the same as my boys. I still wish I would have known she would come eventually though... so I could have enjoyed my sons' pgs and relished the person who was coming and not the gender they were.. and I won't be condensending, having the desired gender I longed for did end my GD. Not instantly hearing "it's a girl" but it did end it.

 I know this is EXACTLY how I would have felt if I was having a girl.  It is thoughts like this that made me get over ds#3 being a boy asap.  Now I'm SO thrilled to meet him and relish the person who was coming not the gender.  Thanks for posting. 

MyDreamBabi:

brazilian_mommy:

You were already blessed with a girl, why would you NOT want a boy?..I don't want to judge anybody's feelings here, I just don't understand what's the problem of getting one of each

Everyone has their own opinion of what is an ideal/perfect/dream family. For some its the pidgeon pair B/G, G/B...others like all girls/boys, others want mix with lots of kids...nobody can judge which configuration is better than another.

I can completely relate to run_girl_la though.  I always wanted ALL GIRLS...lots of them.  Maybe a son for DH eventually but I wanted my girls first.

And I can understand wanting the sister bond for her DD  and wanting them to be close...just look at her signature...she's going to be 4 yrs difference with her younger brother..by the time there is another baby (IF there is another baby) the spread might be 6 or 8 years! 

Well my girls have a 12 year age gap and they still share the sisterly bond... My sister is 10 years older than me and we have a very strong bond - love her to death. Anyway I guess I just don't understand what's wrong with boys... Maybe I will once mine is born??

first off, let me start by saying that i was only having light GD.

All the births im my DH's family run BOY-GIRL-BOY. ALL of them for one whoel generation (DH's).  My Dh played college football.  its THAT kind of family, the one that favors boys. you know?  Anyways, with #1, i didnt care that much. I would have rather had a boy, so you know it would be the bigger protector....However, everyone wanted me to have a boy. So that made me want it more than i did.

Of course we found out it was a girl. people were excited, but not near as excited as they would have been im sure. i was upset.

When #2 came along, i was more hoping for a girl. A sister.  everyone still wanted a boy and i really didnt care....Along came girl #2.  they love her, but again, not as much as they wanted a boy....

This time. Okay, i wanted a boy more. We swayed. I didnt ever pray for a boy though.I figured it would be a girl.  Lot of close people found out boys. I was jealous.......

Big u/s day came (just last week).   Everyone had made me feel bad that it was already a girl, they just knew. 'oh, its just gonna be a girl'.  By the day my u/s rolled around, i was so annoyed. i was almost hoping for a girl to piss them off!

About 5 minutes into the ultrasound...she goes "oh...well..."  and i could see the penis.  I didnt cry, i dont even think i smiled. I didnt look at my DH, i just accepted it, just like i had plan to with a girl. i didnt immediately call anyone. i came home, took a nap, then called last that night.

Im still kinda in shock that its a boy. After i posted on facebook, i got all these comments like "FINALLY!" and things like that.  It just made me LESS excited for him and pissed off like my girls arent good enough.

So, i have this little boy in my belly that i REALLLY wanted, swayed for....and i havent gotten excited yet :(

like a pp said, i even kind mourned the 'loss' of my girl #3, even though that is not what i wanted!

In the end, im kinda sad the way i have taken it. but, for me, it made me realize that i do love my girls sooo much and that most of my GD was stemmed from everyone else telling me what i wanted.

GL to all on your desired genders!