GD making me feel like the worst mother in the world

I am just so confused.... I am starting to hate the thought of having a little girl. I hate that this daughter that i long for so much will become a princess, with all the clothes and gorgeous little cardigans and i am scared that my 2 sons will be looked over because they are boys. I see the way that everyone keeps saying that they wish that i had had a little girl and it kills me because i think my boys are gorgeous. I look at my second DS and it makes me cry because my oldest is so demanding and animated that there are times when i ignore my DS#2. What would happen if i have my much longed for DD... I dont want my DS2 to grow up thinking that i hated him for being a boy and resent his siblings. I want to have another baby and would love a girl but i dont want to take away anymore attention from my DS2. Does any of this make any sense i just think i am being stupid. I am so scared that i have stuffed up. My DS2 is 10 months and doesn't even show any interest in walking or talking where my 1st was walking at 11 months. I am scared that i have ruined him. Has my GD delayed my baby's development??? and it keeps me awake at night. I feel like the worst mother. I dont think that i deserve another baby let alone a daughter if this is what i have done to the baby that i have already been blessed with.

Does anyone else feel this way of am i just being stupid?

TIA

 I think that you're being very hard on yourself. Both your ds's will know how much you love them. I think that a second child no matter what sex is often left to get on with it more than your first child as you simply dont have the time you had with your first. With your first its new, you probably worry and fuss more, but you know everything with a second. Dont worry about DS2 not walking yet, my DS1 didnt walk until he was 23 months!! And there is nothing wrong with him, he could just shuffle on his bum really fast and didnt feel the need to bother walking. 

My DS2 is nearly 8 months old, he doesnt roll over at all, I think maybe I have another late walker. 

Are you trying for a DD yet? When she comes along your sons will love her. I dont feel the way you do, but maybe I would if I were pregnant? I felt bad having DS2 as DS1 was used to all the attention, but soon they will be play mates, and if we have a DD then she will play with them too, I think that at the moment we are both going through the stages where our children dont yet play together and it feels like forever until they do, once they do everything will be different.

Take care and dont beat yourself up!

Lola x

I think your feelings are understandable, but are not entirely rational.

No, your GD has *not* caused your DS2's developmental pace (that is set by other factors... his natural abilities, birth order, etc).

Yes, your 2 DS would accept a DD, and yes you would be a great mother to all 3!

I am  sure you kids will love you no matter what...boys love thier moms so much...so do girls..

I have 3 boys and they all walked at diffrent ages...my first walked at 12 months,2nd 9 months and 3rd 11 mo's...

If you had a DD, i think it would make you a BETTER mother because your GD would be alleviated (for the most part) and you could focus on your children and be HAPPY instead of logging onto this website for sad/unhappy mothers with holes in their hearts....just look at me over 1000 posts I could have spent with my family instead of on here!

Well if it helps, when I finally had my dd... I spoiled the child absolutely rotten... and she didn't even sit up until 10 months.  lol.  She just realized if she screamed and lifted her arms up in the air, I would come running and move her where she wanted to go or hold her.  There was no reason for her to sit up, crawl or walk.  So, babies are all different in how they develop.  You haven't broken him.  He is just on his own little path. 

Also, you will set the example for people.  I make sure when people are complementing the girls that they also complement my ds.  If they don't... I will add it in.  I rarely feel it necessary though... most people probably complement him more, because he is so sweet and loving to them. 

Being mommy is hard... it really is just difficult.  You do the best that you can and at the end of the day that is all you can do.  There is no way to be perfect.  If you go to bed 1 night worried your 2nd ds didn't get enough attention, make a plan to show him the next day how much you love him.  Just sit with him and hug on him. 

Im sorry you are having such a hard time.  I think it will get better... you will do great with your new dd.  I really think having my daughter allowed me to be an even better mom to my ds, because I couldn then totally except his boyishness.  I can really get excited about soccer and football and cars and starwars, etc.  lol. 

You will find your way!!

I just want to thankyou all for your support. It is just something that i cant discuss with family and my friends IRL. I dont write many posts on here i am more of a stalker but the amount of hours i spend on here i could have been spending with my family. I am just such a mile stone nazi that i panic if DS2 doesn't do something when he 'supposed' to. At the moment both my boys are sick and spend so much time cuddling and wanting mummy. It makes GD melt away. I have this false sense of reality that a DD will love me more than both my sons together but at times like this i realise that my boys do love me and in times of need they want mum.

I guess it is the GD talking most of the time and it is a demon that i have to fight everyday. I know with the support af all the ladies on here it will get easier.

Thankyou all

you sound like a great mom and GL! every baby reaches a milestone at a different time dont worry about that.

You know, it is really interesting because I often feel the same way...I almost have an aversion to little girls now, I think it's some sort of mental coping mechanism.  I really had 'classic' GD with DS 3, I was sad looking at little girls, dresses, anything pink, but this time I feel none of that at all, I don't even really feel like I have GD, I just feel sad that my life has been a struggle for me, and yet still after all these years I can't get one small and insignificant thing that matters to no one else in the universe, to fall my way.

Don't worry about your son's development, each child is different and develops at their own pace...oftentimes when a child is slower at physical things that means he's going to be quicker at mental things.  But they all catch up in the end!!