MicroSort and PGD

Re: Back after a LONG time, last cycle in progress!

JackiesHope — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 22:43:23 GMT

TwoSweetGuys:

The emotional cost was worse though. Even now it's incredibly hard. I have experienced almost no joy or happiness as a result of this BFP; just a never-ending dread of something else going wrong (since so much has over these 2 years).

I almost wish this hadn't been an option for us. I really was, and AM, happy with the family I had. My boys are incredible. And if my only choice was to live with the family I had and get over it, I would have been okay. I just feel incredibly torn about the choices I've made and the time and energy I've put into this process. It has been hard on my husband, and certainly hard on me.

I don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm not trying to discourage you. Everyone has to go through their own journey and there's no way to anticipate what you'll feel at the end of it. I didn't think that what I'd feel right now is just DREAD and fear, and a slight wish that we'd just gotten a BFN and been done with this. I know in the end, if we get a baby to take home, I will be glad we did this. But the BFP has been harder for me than the BFNs ever were, and I could never have anticipated that.

Thank you for your honesty TwoSweetGuys! I feel the same way and yet I can't seem to get off this rollercoaster. I'll probably keep going until the money runs out!

Re: Back after a LONG time, last cycle in progress!

TwoSweetGuys — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 22:31:37 GMT

saggyrl11:

I'm so sorry you're filled with dread right now, I understand in a way because I've had 4 losses so PG is always scary for me, I know after multiple IVF cycles it is probably that X 1,000! Praying your little girl is a sticky and you have an uneventful and boring pregnancy! :)

I live in the DC area too and have been planning on going to GIFV in Fairfax...I didn't know other places in this area do GS!! Is it okay if I ask why you chose George Washington, and did they just do GS for you or is it something they offer routinely? Did you have insurance coverage for your cycles and how did you get it? Sorry for all the questions!!

ETA: Okay, just saw that you paid as you went. :)

Hi again! Yes, we paid as we went - we did have some insurance at my husband's old job and that covered medications and two full cycles (minus about $1k per round). That was amazing.

Dr. Gindoff at GW will do "family balancing." The other doctors, officially, won't. That said, once you're "in", whichever doctor is on duty that day does your ultrasounds or answers your phone calls, so really they'll all see you. Dr. Gindoff doesn't do it regularly, or advertise it, but if you call and talk with him he will probably tell you that he'll help you. I went to GW because I actually live in downtown DC so it was much more convenient, and they were able to work with my insurance so that was a big deal. I have been very pleased in some respects and disappointed in some - if things go well, they're a great practice. But as soon as there are problems, like I had (low egg yields, unsuccessful transfers, etc.) then they sort of thew up their hands and just said "Well, these things happen!" There didn't seem to me to be a lot of "detective" work on trying to figure out what to do next and how to tweak things. Maybe they were discussing things behind the scenes more forcefully than I saw, but I just didn't feel it.

But in the end, all I wanted was a daughter. I didn't really care about bedside manner in order to get there. A lot of people are very happy with their experiences at GW so that's good. I don't know if I'd recommend them, but I don't know if I'd recommend AGAINST them either. Does that make sense?

Give Dr. Gindoff a call and see what you think!

Re: Back after a LONG time, last cycle in progress!

Havebluwantp1nktoo — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 18:37:32 GMT

TwoSweetGuys:
Sorry for the delayed response! I'm 37 and cycled at George Washington fertility in DC.

I feel mixed about giving you hope. This was a long, expensive route. We are lucky to be in a financial position where we could mostly pay as we went (since it went over 2 years) but we definitely made compromises to pull it off. We think it was worth it, and had resigned ourselves to having spent it with nothing to show for it, but it was a lot.

The emotional cost was worse though. Even now it's incredibly hard. I have experienced almost no joy or happiness as a result of this BFP; just a never-ending dread of something else going wrong (since so much has over these 2 years).

I almost wish this hadn't been an option for us. I really was, and AM, happy with the family I had. My boys are incredible. And if my only choice was to live with the family I had and get over it, I would have been okay. I just feel incredibly torn about the choices I've made and the time and energy I've put into this process. It has been hard on my husband, and certainly hard on me.

I don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm not trying to discourage you. Everyone has to go through their own journey and there's no way to anticipate what you'll feel at the end of it. I didn't think that what I'd feel right now is just DREAD and fear, and a slight wish that we'd just gotten a BFN and been done with this. I know in the end, if we get a baby to take home, I will be glad we did this. But the BFP has been harder for me than the BFNs ever were, and I could never have anticipated that.

Okay, I'm rambling. I'm sorry. I just can't believe this road. Please let me know if you have any other questions or if I can help at all. I appreciate all of you!

I'm so sorry you're filled with dread right now, I understand in a way because I've had 4 losses so PG is always scary for me, I know after multiple IVF cycles it is probably that X 1,000! Praying your little girl is a sticky and you have an uneventful and boring pregnancy! :)

I live in the DC area too and have been planning on going to GIFV in Fairfax...I didn't know other places in this area do GS!! Is it okay if I ask why you chose George Washington, and did they just do GS for you or is it something they offer routinely? Did you have insurance coverage for your cycles and how did you get it? Sorry for all the questions!!

ETA: Okay, just saw that you paid as you went. :)

Re: Back after a LONG time, last cycle in progress!

TwoSweetGuys — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 16:20:51 GMT

Sorry for the delayed response! I'm 37 and cycled at George Washington fertility in DC.

I feel mixed about giving you hope. This was a long, expensive route. We are lucky to be in a financial position where we could mostly pay as we went (since it went over 2 years) but we definitely made compromises to pull it off. We think it was worth it, and had resigned ourselves to having spent it with nothing to show for it, but it was a lot.

The emotional cost was worse though. Even now it's incredibly hard. I have experienced almost no joy or happiness as a result of this BFP; just a never-ending dread of something else going wrong (since so much has over these 2 years).

I almost wish this hadn't been an option for us. I really was, and AM, happy with the family I had. My boys are incredible. And if my only choice was to live with the family I had and get over it, I would have been okay. I just feel incredibly torn about the choices I've made and the time and energy I've put into this process. It has been hard on my husband, and certainly hard on me.

I don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm not trying to discourage you. Everyone has to go through their own journey and there's no way to anticipate what you'll feel at the end of it. I didn't think that what I'd feel right now is just DREAD and fear, and a slight wish that we'd just gotten a BFN and been done with this. I know in the end, if we get a baby to take home, I will be glad we did this. But the BFP has been harder for me than the BFNs ever were, and I could never have anticipated that.

Okay, I'm rambling. I'm sorry. I just can't believe this road. Please let me know if you have any other questions or if I can help at all. I appreciate all of you!

Re: Back after a LONG time, last cycle in progress!

dream4purple — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 15:45:45 GMT

Congrats, I'm so happy for you! You absolutely deserve a happy ending! BTW, I'm in my last fresh cycle, starting stims on Wednesday and doing a Day-5 GSN with a FET(hopefully!) following after! Enjoy the holidays!

Re: Back after a LONG time, last cycle in progress!

Havebluwantp1nktoo — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 13:53:00 GMT

SUCH great news Twosweetguys!!!!!!! You have just given me the hope that I needed to continue to pursue HT (haven't started the process yet but have been so discouraged lately after reading IVF "failures" on here I've been thinking of scrapping the whole IVF idea altogether). I am so excited for you!! Can I ask where you cycled and how old you are? I'm 34 so I also get encouraged hearing about ladies near my age having success!

Re: Back after a LONG time, last cycle in progress!

choulu — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 01:18:21 GMT

No problem at all! Good luck and ejoy your pregnancy!

Re: Back after a LONG time, last cycle in progress!

TwoSweetGuys — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 01:13:28 GMT

Starr, love, I tried to email the address you sent me but I'm getting an immediate bounce-back each time I try it. Can you message me again and make sure you spelled it right? That's the only thing I can think of...

Choulu, Starr and I are old friends who used to PM all the time back when the system worked. I'm not trying to be exclusionary but I'm really wary of sharing my "real life" with anyone online, and vice versa. I wish I could safely share myself in the world but I know that this is dangerous territory (IVF / PGD, gender disappointment, etc.) and I just can't take the risk. I'm so sorry. I am not trying to be rude at all but my kids pictures and names are all over my real blog and I don't share that info publicly. I really appreciate your good wishes very much and hope you understand.

Re: Back after a LONG time, last cycle in progress!

choulu — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 01:05:03 GMT

Great news that the bleed is gone! Very happy for you Sarah!!

Wish you and your family having a great passover. My family is going to celebrate passover as well.

Can you please send your blog address to my e-mail account? I cannot PM here although I am a gold member! My e-mail is choulu at hotmail dot com. Thank you very much!

Keep rooting for you...

Re: Back after a LONG time, last cycle in progress!

starrynight — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 22:52:57 GMT

Fantastic news!

Sent my email address your way! Have safe travels with all your precious cargo!

Peace~

Starr

Re: Back after a LONG time, last cycle in progress!

jany1025 — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 20:20:44 GMT

OMG!! That is fantastic news!! What a great Mother's Day it will be!! I hope you have a great time with the kids! And please don't forget to update us!!

Re: Back after a LONG time, last cycle in progress!

TwoSweetGuys — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 18:46:32 GMT

Starr!!!!! Hello! So I went back into our old PMs and I did send you the website to my blog - see if you can find it and send me a message through that! I cannot wait to catch up!

Update: So Ultrasound #2 this morning went much better. The bleed is gone! Baby measures 4 mm, 6 weeks 1 day, so pretty darn close (I'm 6 weeks 2 days). My beta was 10,998 (doubling time 61 hours). And they found a heartbeat! They said it's pretty early for that, so a good sign.

I'm heading out of town for Spring Break / Passover, so next ultrasound is Tuesday April 10th. If that looks good, we're letting the cat out of the bag and telling everyone. I'm most excited to tell my boys - they've ben begging for a baby for a long time now!

Thanks for everyone checking in on me and keeping me in their thoughts. I really appreciate it!!!

Re: Back after a LONG time, last cycle in progress!

starrynight — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 17:06:20 GMT

Hi!!!!

I can't believe I came to this site today, and I can't BELIEVE I just read this post. I feel completely overwhelmed with happiness for you, and your entire family. To see your ticker is unbelievable and I have some idea of the insane wave of emotions you must be experiencing.Your tenacity, drive, and refusal to let your desires overshadow the blessings you already have are exactly why I am so excited for you to have gotten a BFP. You have a very lucky family.

And I had to smile when I saw that you decided spending time with the boys was at least as important as any beta results the world had to offer. You rock lady!

I can't wait to hear your update today. Your beta numbers sound wonderful. I'll be thinking of you unil you post!

Peace~

Starr

PS I wish we had exchanged emails when we were able to PM. Life has changed drastically on my end- shortly after our last communication in Sept2010. Be well darlin

Re: Back after a LONG time, last cycle in progress!

choulu — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 09:53:46 GMT

I keep my finger crossed for you!! It is going to be fine.

Re: Back after a LONG time, last cycle in progress!

TwoSweetGuys — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 02:41:38 GMT

jany1025:
What happened Thursday? I hope are doing well : (

Thank you for checking on me! The ultrasound thursday showed a sac measuring the right size, in the right place. No heartbeat but that wasn't expected at 5 weeks 2 days. Beta kicked butt at 1638. The problem is that there's a bleed around the fetus and they just don't know what's going to happen - it could be nothing, it could be the end of the world. They have me coming back again this Thursday to see if the bleed is bigger, smaller, gone...who knows?

One day, I'm going to have an appointment that is JUST good news. The anxiety is about to put me into the crazy-house.

Thank you again. I will update again on Thursday again! :-)