Gender Disappointment

Re: Help - Not excited about new baby and overwhelmed with self-pity

Furat — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 15:23:45 GMT

I can't find the link to your sway xx

Re: Help - Not excited about new baby and overwhelmed with self-pity

Sari — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 01:59:30 GMT

the monkeys are after me!!!!!

Re: Help - Not excited about new baby and overwhelmed with self-pity

Sari — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 01:56:47 GMT

CAA0506:
But deep down, I DO believe that what's meant to be will happen, even if we don't understand it, and I need to keep reminding myself of that. I have a theory that women like us are given these challenges because we are stronger than others who couldn't handle it. Like my sister, for example - she gets everything she wants, right down to her pigeon pair kids (in the order she wanted them). I get jealous & angry a lot, but I always end up reminding myself that she's not strong enough to handle the things I've had to deal with. And that includes GD. So really we should feel empowered that we're as strong as we are. (((hugs)))

Thanks for writing that. I really needed to hear that right now.....

Re: Help - Not excited about new baby and overwhelmed with self-pity

Sari — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 01:52:02 GMT

Toffee-Praying-for-a-son:
I really thought I was doing better and had made my peace. But the last few weeks have been really hard on me. I have a terrible back pain, sore ribs, heart burn and all the 'joys' of third trimester.. I delivered DD1 normally and DD2 thru C-sec (cord around neck). My doc has given me the bad news that she does not encourage VBAC due to risks associated with it and so this will be C-Sec 2 for me.. I am sooo tired and sick of being pregnant that I want to be done already.. I envy every woman who is delivering a baby with gender of her choice and I can't be happy for them.. This is so not me and I am ashamed of myself for having become a jealous person. I pity myself thinking how nice it would have been if it had been a boy so that I can be done having kids..

Anyone who has gone through this same path.. Is it normal to not be excited about having a new baby and be a jealous person who is overwhelmed with self-pity..

Oh honey, can I relate to you. I have to say that #3 is a HUGE blow. I have found a lot of people say that...I guess its because when we have DD1 we think, "oh, no worries I'll have more and surely I'll get my DS". Then we have DD2 and its a little bit of a blow but we still have a chance. But then DD3 comes and all our hopes, dreams, prayers, etc have been poured into it and its a bitter blow. I remember it well. DH and I were so upset when we found out that we couldn't look at each other for a whole weekend. I couldn't look in his direction without crying...took me a LONG time to get over and learn how to LIE to everyone's face that "Yes, I was so thrilled to be having a 3rd girl..."

I remember it so well. It does get better I promise and their tends to be something about those #3 GD babies. Mine is my mini-me and I couldn't to without her AND I would still love to have a DS....such a quandry.

Lots of love and hugs your way.

Re: Help - Not excited about new baby and overwhelmed with self-pity

CAA0506 — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 01:00:40 GMT

Living & Loving:

As crazy and rediculous as it sounds (and as much as I am sure you are tired of hearing it), God does have a plan and He does know what is best for you. I am not just speaking to you....I have to continually tell myself the same thing every day. It is so hard to understand or comprehend why God chose this for you, but He did. You will make it through and at the end of the day, you will be holding that beautiful baby girl. Sending hugs and prayers your way!

I totally agree with this. It's comforting to hear that other women struggle with their faith because of the GD...I'm right there too. I've always been very religious, but since finding out I'm carrying my second boy, I've had no interest in praying or church or anything spiritual. It's like I'm mad at God right now (as horrible as that sounds). But deep down, I DO believe that what's meant to be will happen, even if we don't understand it, and I need to keep reminding myself of that. I have a theory that women like us are given these challenges because we are stronger than others who couldn't handle it. Like my sister, for example - she gets everything she wants, right down to her pigeon pair kids (in the order she wanted them). I get jealous & angry a lot, but I always end up reminding myself that she's not strong enough to handle the things I've had to deal with. And that includes GD. So really we should feel empowered that we're as strong as we are. (((hugs)))

Re: Help - Not excited about new baby and overwhelmed with self-pity

Living & Loving — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 16:26:36 GMT

As crazy and rediculous as it sounds (and as much as I am sure you are tired of hearing it), God does have a plan and He does know what is best for you. I am not just speaking to you....I have to continually tell myself the same thing every day. It is so hard to understand or comprehend why God chose this for you, but He did. You will make it through and at the end of the day, you will be holding that beautiful baby girl. Sending hugs and prayers your way!

Re: Help - Not excited about new baby and overwhelmed with self-pity

Toffee-Praying-for-a-son — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 13:19:32 GMT

pinktastic:
it's taken me about 20 months to start praying again!!!

I hope that I will also be able to pray with all my heart soon.

Sorry about your ectopic.. Hopefully you still will be able to conceive without much problems.. I think we can afford 3 IVF-PGD cycles.. (It will be tight, but I think we can).. But as I had mentioned in my PP wih my luck there is no guarantee that I would conceive within that.. :( (I struggled with unexplained secondary infertility after DD1 for 3 years)..

Re: Help - Not excited about new baby and overwhelmed with self-pity

Toffee-Praying-for-a-son — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 13:14:16 GMT

Hollie86:
am sure you know what i mean and feel the same when you see others with sons.

Yeah Hollie. I am very jealous of women with son(s). I am very sorry about your Nana. I was planning to name this child (had it been a son) after my father who passed away years back. We can only afford 3 IVF-PGD cycles at the max.. But with my luck I am not even sure that I will be able to conceive within that to ever have an opportunity to name a son.. :(

Thanks a lot for your reply..

Re: Help - Not excited about new baby and overwhelmed with self-pity

pinktastic — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 14:25:26 GMT

I am so sorry you didn't hear the news you were so hoping for. I actually gave up the 'god thing' altogether after DS5 arrived & it's taken me about 20 months to start praying again!!! It is so hard, give yourself time & don't let anyone rush you, it really takes time to accept that your dream has not happened again this time. I unfortunately became infertile after another Ectopic in the Summer but I am ever hopeful that we will win the Lottery & be able to do PGD.....maybe you can too? Anyway, thinking of you, Michelle (-:

Re: Help - Not excited about new baby and overwhelmed with self-pity

Daffodils86 — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 12:37:35 GMT

Hi, I for one can say i know exactly what you mean. Im currently pregnant with my fourth boy and truly thought this was finally going to be my little girl. I prayed for a baby girl since DS3 was born in the hope that by the time we did ttc #4, God would have decided to answer my prayers, unfortunately no such luck! I am devastated, we found out weeks ago now and i still cant drag myself out of the depths of darkness. I know that i will never have a little girl now as this baby is our last. I would have loved to have had IVF-PGD for this pregnancy but my husband refused point blank to even think about it. Im am a very jealous person, im jealsous of anyone i see who has a girl, especially when they dont seem to be looking after them properly, how come they deserve a baby girl and i dont? am sure you know what i mean and feel the same when you see others with sons. To make matters worse, my Nana, who i was very close to, was taken from us last week, im utterly devastated, a totl emotional wreck, however this stupid GD is still managing to o reach me through my greiving for my nana! All i keep thinkning is that, surely, if my nana was to be taken from me, the least i could have had was my little girl on the way to help me through it..............instead, im going to name this baby with a namemy nana used to always suggest everytime i was pregnant.

Im sorry youre feeling so bad hun and hope you find a way through to the light at the end of the tunnel. Sending big (((((hugs))))))

Help - Not excited about new baby and overwhelmed with self-pity

Toffee-Praying-for-a-son — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 06:19:58 GMT

Few of you may remember about my failed (not-so-perfect) sway and here I am pregnant with my third baby girl. I was devastated when I came to know that it is not a boy, but thought that I recovered after making a decision that we will go for IVF-PGD within a few months of delivering this baby. I really thought I was doing better and had made my peace. But the last few weeks have been really hard on me. I have a terrible back pain, sore ribs, heart burn and all the 'joys' of third trimester.. I delivered DD1 normally and DD2 thru C-sec (cord around neck). My doc has given me the bad news that she does not encourage VBAC due to risks associated with it and so this will be C-Sec 2 for me.. I am sooo tired and sick of being pregnant that I want to be done already.. I envy every woman who is delivering a baby with gender of her choice and I can't be happy for them.. This is so not me and I am ashamed of myself for having become a jealous person. I pity myself thinking how nice it would have been if it had been a boy so that I can be done having kids..

Anyone who has gone through this same path.. Is it normal to not be excited about having a new baby and be a jealous person who is overwhelmed with self-pity..

Me and DH discussed about going for IVF-PGD after having DD2. But I was the one who convinced him saying that God will give us a son naturally.. I prayed a lot and I truly believed that it was God's answer when I conceived this baby. When we learnt that it is DD#3, my faith was shaken and now even though I still trust that God has a plan which will be better than what I had, I am not able to pray with all my heart. This is so not me and I want to reconcile and strengthen my bond with God again, but I am utterly failing.

I just had to vent and get this out of my heart. Thanks so much if you have reached so far..