Gender Disappointment

Not inherently miserable and don't want to be...

Vaun-tess13 — Tue, 21 May 2013 12:04:16 GMT

I just can’t take it anymore. I’m not an inherently miserable person, and I’ve been miserable since conceiving this child. What the hell is wrong with me for not wanting another daughter? I’m a woman and how would I feel if my Mom didn’t want me? Sure, I wanted the perfect family like most everyone on here, a boy and girl. It’s like I feel that two girls would be the end of the world and I don’t know why. I love my Mom, my aunts and my girlfriends. I have an autistic brother whom I’m not close to and a father who committed suicide. What exactly am I trying to revive in a mother/son bond? Do I believe the heavens will open and the angels will sing if I give birth to a boy, is that what I really think will happen? I wanted to give my husband a son, but he just wants me to be happy again. And all of you know it,, our families just want us back. GD takes us away from them,, and why??? Life’s too short and we’re too young to be this miserable (that sounds like a country song!).

I may have finally reached a state of anger that gets me past this. An anger in the greatest enemy we all have here, and it’s not what’s between our baby's legs that’s the enemy. Our enemy is ourselves and our desires, and only we have the power to control that. It hurts to lose a dream, but we've all lost dreams before and survived. My Dad's dream turned into an autistic son he wasn't close to, and he adored me until the day he died. We don't decide what gender we get, but we absolutely decide what we do about it. Depression is depression, and I saw what it did to a loved one. Remember we are all loved ones, loved by our families and the children we already have. We owe it to them to find our way out of this storm, and we owe it to ourselves and our unborn babies.

Disappointed and frustrated

lovetimesthree — Wed, 22 May 2013 23:34:14 GMT

I have a son who is such a blessing to us!! He was born in a condition that 9/10 babies die from. He is our miracle baby!! Fast forward 2 years and we mc a baby girl. I also found to have fertility problems and am having to do Ivf to concieve at all. It feels like since I really want a girl now... Everything isn't working out because I'm not thankful enough for what I have. (I wanted a girl with my first and he has complications that knocked sense into me and I just wanted healthy). Here we are again...I have been through 2 Ivf, Pcos, 2 mc, and now I can't get my period back. On our last go I couldn't get my lining correct and couldn't get a trilamiter lining...which is signs of a health. I may not have even ovulated. I feel like I'm being punished because I have a preference...and It's like my body is failing me..,

Feeling guilty, preparing for disappointment

NatalillyC — Tue, 21 May 2013 14:05:59 GMT

am currently 16 weeks pregnant and have an 18 month old daughter. For my first pregnancy I really wanted a boy and did suffer a degree of disappointment when I found out I was having a girl, but as I knew we would have more children it didnt last too long and I was excited for my baby girl. Now this is my second (and final) pregnancy, and I am so desperate for a boy I just know i'll end up having a girl as these things never seem to go my way! I have posted my nub pic on the other forum and everyone said boy. One of the "experts" did say that there would be no surprises either way but was leaning boy. The no surprises either way part really go to me. I am now scared I placed too much faith in the nub theory and expected to have a boy that not only will I be disappointed with a girl, but it'll be a shock aswell.

When people ask me what I would like I say "oh I don't mind at all", but in my head im thinking "boy! boy! boy!". Occasionally I even tell people I want a girl, so that if we are having a girl I won't have to cover my disappointment as much as people will think that a girl is what I wanted (and if we had a boy there would be no mistaking the happiness I would have). I feel so guilty about this, especially as my little girl means the absolute world to be, I am scared I would not feel the same way about another girl, knowing I have no more shots at a boy.

I don't really know what I am expecting you to say, just needed to get this off my chest as I am scared to tell family and friends incase they think I am selfish.

Thanks for reading.

Feel like I know you all already...

ItsRainingSun — Thu, 23 May 2013 05:45:11 GMT

Somewhat anyhow... I have been a lurker since I found out I was pregnant for the second time. I only ever wanted one father for all of my children, unfortunately my DS's father and I split... or he split.,. anyhow I met a wonderful man I'm content to share my life with now, He has DS and two DD's with his ex of quite sometime who are his entire world, and it's beautiful between them... more so him and the girls it seems. We found out we were pregnant in Feb. and I hoped it would be my girl. Now knowing it's my second son after scan, my GD is accompanied by the fears I have of seeing men with daughters VS. sons. Every man I know seems to be more infatuated with their daughters. I always wanted a little girl, but my son is so astounding I'd never trade him, and I know my little man on the way will be as well. I've had two gender reveal scans now though, with the fathers showing an obviously forced happy look at the "it's a boy!" reveal. I had to run to the restroom and cry, I was so embarrassed. :( I'm done and I know if I have any more after this one, it'll be with this man or never again. I love boys, I love my boys, but I still hope someday I'll have my girl, and be able to give DF a girl from me as well. P.S To the mamas on here with girls wanting boys-THANK YOU! You remind us (or me, at least) with boys how special they are and how lucky we are to have our sons! To the mamas on here with boys wanting their girl- THANK YOU! I don't feel so alone anymore!

Is it wrong to feel down????

Colorme3 — Thu, 23 May 2013 00:35:07 GMT

Hi I'm 27 years old and married to the love ofy life. I have 3 beautiful daughters that I love to pieces. Today I had a u/s at 12 wk 6 days n the Dr. Said it looks like a girl. Well immediately I felt sad and like God why am I not good enough. It's even harder because last year I lost twin BOYS at 20 weeks and I went thru a depression so deep I didn't talk to anyone for a minute. You know I always hear there's no love like the love of a son and I can't help but to only image. I delivered my twins and they were not breathing nor were they big enough to get hooked to any machines I held them in my arms for 2 hours and haven't been right ever since. I just felt like this pregnancy would be my BOY. That this would indeed heal that spot in my heart. I honestly don't know how to feel its like I feel disconnected from this baby now. My husband didn't show his disappointment although I know he was instead he stood strong and asked could he name her. I'm just feeling horrible because I feel like I should just be happy to have a healthy baby.

A lil something I wrote

dixiedarlin — Wed, 22 May 2013 20:05:37 GMT

Some people say that when your going thru something try writing and talking about it and express your feelings and what ever you do not hold it in. So, I just wrote this lil poem and wanted to share it with you all....My gender disappointment is about having our 5th girl..yours could be about having your 5th son. So this can be for a mother who is dealing with having another son( just change the words around) If you wanna share it or copy it or change it for you then go right ahead, I am still having a very hard time with finding out this baby is a girl. So, heres the poem I wrote........

"A mother and son realtionship is what I was always dreaming of. All I ever wanted was a SON. A son to call my own, a lil boy to love and cuddle with all day long. To watch him and daddy play loudly with the tractors and trains. I already had his name picked, his coming home outfit laid out and all ! Could already picture his "oh so cute chubby cheeks" so soft and all. Then reality set in and I realized I was hearing those words all over again..."It's a girl".....How do I get over this? How do I get up from this fall? It's easier said than done...when your the one with the son."

I hope you liked it. Everyday is a struggle for me and it seems like it is getting harder than easier. Going into the store and all that jumps out at you are the colors of blue, green, red!! And you knowing that its the wrong color for you to be looking at.... I think people see me in the baby section and wonder "what is she doing" Cause all I can do is have a smile on my face when I pick one of those outfits up and imagine what it would be like to buy these clothes and go home and place them on my "son". I fully had faith that this time was different...actually went out and bought clothes, socks, blankets, diaper bag and all ! I was so upset that I had to make my hubby take them back because I didnt want to run into anyone at all! I stay home and keep to myself these last few days. Dread having to tell anybody about her. I know people think that I should be happy she is healthy and "get over it" But it seems like the people that say that already have a son or 2 and girls. Why am I so different? Why cant I have a son? Those are 2 questions I ask all day ever day. I try to stay up beat for the my girls that I have. I praying I get over this before she gets here...but honestly and truthfully....a part of me (a VERY LARGER PART) still is holding out that they were wrong and its a lil boy and my dream comes true. So much that I havent picked a name or got anything ready.

Feeling sad/guilty 6 days before DS #2 is born

ashleyanmarie — Wed, 22 May 2013 18:47:46 GMT

Hi mommas. I am new to this website, and very nervous to post my real feelings but I figured I'd give it a shot. I am also a member of another mom website and I posted once about my gender disappointment and got crucified for my sadness and haven't really spoken about it since. Well here's my story, I am 25 years old and I am 39 weeks pregnant with my second son. My oldest son is the joy of my life, I had him when I was 19 and was a single mother until he turned 2 then I met my current DH. We got married in May of 2012 and he adopted my son in September of the same year. Well after we got married I had REALLY bad baby fever and went to the doctors to have my IUD taken out so we could get pregnant. I ended up finding out I was pregnant Father's Day weekend in 2012. We were beyond excited and so in love already. Unfortunately I suffered a miscarriage on July 9th which was heartbreaking and devastating. The loss hit us both very hard and actually really brought us closer and strengthened our bond as husband and wife. Not a day goes by that we don't think about the baby we lost. But we knew we still wanted to add to our family so very shortly after I became pregnant again. We were very excited and I have been blessed with an incredibly healthy pregnancy with no real issues thank God. Since this is my DH's first time being pregnant I really have tried to make this pregnancy special for he and I as well as our 5 year old. We were going to find out the baby's gender in December and I planned a small family gender reveal party at our house to tell everyone what we were having. I told everyone I just wanted a healthy baby, but it was all over my face that I wanted a girl. DH and I went to the appointment and right away it was shown that we were expecting another boy. I was instantly happy and swooning over this baby waving at me in the ultrasound, DH and I were so happy. But the moment we stepped out of the doctors office it hit me, it's not a girl. I had my heart set on pink and my gut was telling me girl but no. I was wrong. We went on with the party and I told everyone how happy we are and I was happy but a part of me was holding back. Since then I've found myself looking at pink things with envy. I spent the next few months trying to disprove my ultrasound. I even paid for a 4D scan and right away they said OH LOOK A BOY FOR SURE! which made my heart sink all over again. I feel like I already love my son so much, but now I'm afraid what if I never get my girl? DH told me that he also had wanted a girl but is happy to have another son. We aren't very well off financially so I am aware that means we can't bring children in to this world that we can't afford so I'm already thinking IF we have more kids we'd have to be done at 3. But part of me thinks if I do have number 3 and it's a boy how will I cope? And is that fair to that baby? But then if I don't try then that's a loss too!! I'm having a beautiful baby boy in 6 days and I'm already thinking about my next baby? How much more awful of a mother can I be? I find myself looking online at ways to get pregnant with a baby girl but I know in the end you get what you get and there's no guarantees. A healthy baby should just be enough but I don't know how to feel okay. Any advice? I feel better knowing I have a place to share all this.

Anyone here from India ???

Silversoft — Tue, 21 May 2013 15:12:15 GMT

I wanted to write this post for people who either live in India or are originally from India. You know how in our country Boys are worshipped. Unless you have a son you dont have any respect in society. People see your lives and family as incomplete. Are those things slowly changing or still the same. I stopped visiting after my daughter was born b'coz the comments I got were "dont worry next time you will get a son", "you should really pray to so and so god, you will then be blessed with a son", "look at that one, she is blessed to have a son" ... So are we cursed that we dont have a son ? Really are sons that much better ? Does having a son give a happy fulfilling life ? Why are only-girls parents made to feel inferior in society ?

Is 12 1/2 weeks too soon, tech seemed too in a hurry...

JClark1980 — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 18:37:38 GMT

Hello, my name is Jeannie, I am due Aug. 14th 2013. I had one of those early gender prediction ultrasounds done at what we thought was a few days after 14 weeks but was actually 12 and a half, we paid $70 to be scanned only for 2minutes and 47 seconds...the tech that did the scan was in such a rush that she repeatedly shoved the handheld piece into my abdomen to try and get a quick potty shot, and off the bat said yep I think its gna be a boy...yet when I go over the video my fiancée took on my phone I feel as if it was too soon to really tell. Is there a way to upload the video so that I might get everyone's opinion? I have three children, one girl 13, two boys 7&8, and was unable to get pregnant after my last son in 2006, June of last year I found a doctor that was willing to help me find out what the problem was instead of just putting me on metformin and saying it will eventually happen...or oh its your weight. He went in and discovered that both of my ovaries were incased in huge cysts and I had developed endometriosis on my uterus, he fixed everything and I was able to conceive in November! We prayed for a girl, and when the tech said boy I couldn't have been more devastated...all these years wanting another little girl and to be told a boy..it broke my heart. Over the past few weeks I have been able to cope with it but there is always that voice in the back of my mind...what if the tech was wrong? I was unable to have the regular three scans because I have had to go to the er for bleeding a lot and they did scans there to confirm the baby is OK but would not comment whether they saw boy or girl parts...so we are contemplating whether to pay for another scan or wait til the c section...

I'm stuck on blame...

shiningstar — Wed, 22 May 2013 02:48:53 GMT

This baby was a surprise. I had so much anxiety when I found out (still do). I hoped and prayed the baby would be a girl. I didn't want to have to deal with GD on top of everything else. Well of course it had to be a boy. I love my little guy and feel guilty for these feelings. Though, as many of you know, you can't just turn them off. If only it were that easy!

I hate that I didn't get the chance to sway with this baby. I feel cheated. I tried to sway with ds2. I couldn't get pregnant so it was half hearted at best. This time I got pregnant the one time we had an oops. I know it only takes one time but I'm not usually that fertile. So that leads me to think that maybe something changed to make me more fertile.. It dawned on me that during my repeat c-section my OB mentioned that there was a lot of scar tissue from my first c-section. He said he cleaned it up. I've read that scar tissue can hinder your chances of getting pregnant. So maybe this time I could have gotten pregnant with a great sway. I used to be jealous of the people who had hardcore sways and actually were able to get pregnant within a few months. I tried for 9 long months with ds2 and finally got pregnant when I dropped most of my sway.

I blame myself for messing up our last chance to have a girl. We only want three kids at most- even that seems like a stretch these days. I get so mad thinking about before I had this unplanned pregnancy... I was sooo lucky and didn't even realize it. I had my two boys and the chance of a girl in the future. Now that is gone. :( Now I'm jealous of people with just two boys.

I feel like I chose another boy because of my diet. We ate out so much the month I conceived. I ate lots of red meat and other boy friendly foods. I did eat very small amounts- never ate breakfast, never snacked, and lost about 8 lbs. during the months leading up to conception. I try to tell myself that the my eating pattern was girl friendly and the foods were boy friendly, so maybe my diet didn't sway either way. For some reason it makes me feel better thinking it really was 50/50. I just hate to think that I swayed boy.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I knew if this baby was a boy, I would beat myself up with what ifs. How do you get past that and forgive yourself?? I'm sure with time I will let go of these regrets but for now they are wearing me down. I can't even sleep at night because I wake up with anxiety several times.

Thank you for listening to me. :)

Shocked to be Pregnant

Really_Now — Tue, 21 May 2013 18:47:56 GMT

I am a 43 year old mother of 2 boys, 10 and 8. I had extreme disappointment with the first--- was desperate for a girl, actively didn't want a boy, took about a year to get over the feeling that I had been awarded the booby prize....I really come to love and adore the little bugger, as I'm sure everyone here understands . With #2, I was gutted to find out he was also a boy. I had even considered doing IVF with PGD but husband recoiled at the thought so we went the natural route. He was born, though, and I knew it was instantly okay. After him, I also considered doing IVF with PGD but ultimately decided to accept and be happy with what I had gotten. Very quickly after #2's birth, I settled into being an all-boy mom. The daughter dream became a distant memory. I have been content with my family composition, no pangs or jealousy that I never got a daughter-- even though all my family and friends have at least one. I was feeling done with having children and was very much looking forward to life with older kids and- eventually- an empty nest

That very condensed story takes me to today....I was shocked to take a pregnancy test last week and have it come up positive right away. I was overdue for my period but honestly thought this was just the start of a very welcome menopause.I went in for a scan today and, it turns out, I am 8 weeks (wel, 7 weeks, 5 days). Quite honestly, I don't feel up to the challenge of raising anothr child...but- and this is where this board comes in- this has brought back the daughter dream I can't stop thinking "what if this is finally the daughter I used to dream of??"

Of course, the scan shows the baby is positioned at the center-right of my uterus...so....I know that means it's a boy.

I just feel like I'm being taunted. I worked really hard to work through and rise above gender disappointment- only to be confronted with it again late in life and at a point when I thought my fertile days were long gone.

Anyone else gone through this? I need to psyche myself up for a third boy, somehow...How?

"Has any woman ever been so loved? If she has sons then yes"

Sevenisenough — Mon, 20 May 2013 05:16:50 GMT

One of my friends sent me an article via email about a woman who has four boys. It was truly lovely to read about a family so content with their makeup, but this comment really bugs me. I always hear it, "Oh you're really missing out, boys love their mummies"and "no one loves you like your son does". I would love a son, but I love my daughters too, and I wouldn't expect them to love me more if they were a boy, the whole concept of this is just mind boggling to me. I understand boys may love their mothers differently, just as girls may love their fathers differently.

Maybe I am just over exaggerating, I'll blame it on the hormones, but what is up with this? Are there any other gender stereotypical comments like this you may get from people?

Not sure of my feelings

van80 — Sun, 19 May 2013 11:42:41 GMT

I am not sure of my feelings and over the period I have realized that there is something that's troubling me..I have been reading posts on this site and do adore love and support you all provide so thought of writing..please apologies if you find this post confusing.. Background is I am 33weeks pregnant and have a toddler girl whom I love a lot..in our 18weeks morphology scan we were told we r having a boy but then for some reason I did Internet search and posted pics on this site where most of replies leaned pink..my husband is so super convinced it's a boy..for me it's having a sibling to my girl ..but now I am worried if it is indeed a girl will it disappoint all or once the baby comes out and we hold in our arms gender won't matter...in this delima I did not even opt for a rescan to confirm n find out..for me I just feel that the whole "dissapontment" of gender should not cross me as I'll feel really really guilty that how can such a pity thing should bother you.. Ladies I know it's does sound confusing that's why I just said not sure of my feelings..with all this it seems I am not enjoying my pregnancy as much and it's kinda vicous circle..coz I am thinking about it I feel more pathetic..Am I being too hard on myself? Just a bit sad and wanted to share in hope this will make me feel lighter as I know people in this forum don't really judge you and maybe someone had the same experience and could help

Seeking comfort

Hopeless — Wed, 22 May 2013 05:14:11 GMT

I am new here and glad to find a forum where I'm not the only one going through GD. So please forgive me for the long post. I've always dreamed of having a little boy and when I became pregnant with my first child I just knew it would be a boy. Girl was not in my vocabulary and it never crossed my mind that I would ever be a mother to a daughter. I was never a girly girl and raising a boy just seemed to be something I would be more natural with. When I found out the first time it was a girl I held back the tears until I was alone with my husband which seemed to be fine with the news although I know deep down inside he wanted a boy also. In a nutshell, he couldn't believe that I was responding the way I was and said I should be happy that the child is healthy. Thinking that he would comfort me and be more understanding of my feelings his comment made things worse. I felt even more guilt as if I was ungrateful. Of course the most important thing was that this child was healthy no matter the gender! But I just couldn't suppress my feelings and hopes of having a son. I soon got over the GD and now I couldn't imagine my life without my DD. My DH and I were not ttc but unexpectedly I became pregnant again. I made myself believe that it was a girl in hopes if it was I would not break down and cry this time. But when it came time to find out the gender I could not even hold back the tears before leaving the ultrasound room. The tech tried to comfort me and I really felt like she understood how I felt even though I was trying to not be so obvious but yet again I felt like I was being ungrateful and I was disgusted with myself for the way that I felt. I never said much to my DH and tried to keep my composure while still in the office, however, as soon as we left he said he couldn't believe how I was acting and that there are many ppl who would love to have what I have and can't. As if I didn't have the same feelings, again I told him I agreed but I just couldn't help but feel sad because this was the last one we were having and I would never know what it would be like to have a son. We really hadn't plan on having any more after the first but I knew if we had 2, we both decided that is all we could handle. I can just feel the disappointment there will be from other family members before I even tell them the news. My FIL was so excited and other family/friends just knew it was a boy. Now I feel like I've let down others as well this time and yet I know it's initially the male side who makes the deciding factor of the gender but I wouldn't ever bring that up to DH because I don't want him to think it's "his fault". Saying that even sounds so silly to me. I just feel like I've lost something that I never had and I can't even talk to my DH about it. I just really needed to get this off my chest in hopes of getting over the GD and move on. I just wished I could of experienced the excitement of having a boy that I never will get to have. But I know deep down inside I will love this child just as much, I just wished I could be more excited about it.

It just dawn on me, I feel I am being punished

ptymsy — Tue, 21 May 2013 00:59:28 GMT

I know everyone will say having a 3rd boy is not a punishment but to me it is. I went back and read old post of mine from when I had DS#2 and my exact words were "I do not want anymore children because I rather never have a daughter than have a 3rd boy". Well, here I am 3-4yrs later pregnant with a baby I did not want to begin with and low and behold it is a boy. My mother had ALS, which meant she ended up wheelchair bound and bedridden and needed to be tended to, could not do anything for herself. I often remember my mother in her younger years saying "When my time comes, I hope I just die in my sleep but I do not want to be a burden on anyone, I do not want to be bedridden and have to be tended to". You see, I never saw my mother as a burden, neither did my brother or my family but taking care of her, the last few years of her life was hard, tiring and very sad. She didn't want that for herself but that is what she got. Exactly the opposite of her desire. You see, I sealed my destiny by expressing exactly what I did not want for myself. Just like my mother did. How can anyone say that her last years were NOT torture and a punishment for my mother, in her own eyes? Her life was unfolding in front of her eyes the exact same way she didn't want it to be. Now, my life is unfolding in front of my eyes exactly how I do not want it to be and there is not much I can do. Abortions is out of the question, adoption is not an option, I just won't get my chance to be happy ever. My fate was sealed the day I said " I do not WANT a 3rd SON".

There is no words to explain how I feel

dixiedarlin — Tue, 21 May 2013 19:41:37 GMT

So, we got our 3d/4d ultrasound done this past sat. And they have confirmed its another girl..that makes 5 girls in a row[:'(]. I can not tell you how I feel right now. It just dont seem possible! Hold on here ladies, this is gonna be a long one! You know yrs ago when mothers were going thru the "baby blues" as they called it back then.. it seemed like nobody really understood or believed that it is was actually possible to feel that way. But now, they will ask you before you even leave the hosptial if you have ever been thru ppd! But with gender disappointment they look at you like you are the worst mother, human being that has walked the earth and you should die ! I mean really? This gd is all new to me, yes I already have 4 girls (3 I gave birth to and we adopted our 2nd daughter)...but I have never went thru this with my other girls. I was sure and believed with all my heart and soul that this time we were getting a son..just to let everyone know..my hubby is upset but has gotten over it. Me on the other hand has not and really doesnt feel like I can. I sit here and it is just gut wrenching to even think about this baby being a girl. I couldnt even look at her when we were having the ultrasound done...I wanted to get up and walk out and go back in time and not get pregnant this baby.I have tried to look at the 3d/4d pics we have to try to "fall in love" with her but it just isnt happening at all. I even told my hubby we could just give it up for adoption and not have to worry about it, he said no that we would regret it and he couldnt do that. I couldnt even tell anyone what we are having...I keep telling them it is a secret...which I never want to be told! I was so upset that I could have threw up ! Everybody keeps guessing boy...I wish !!!! Its not that I dont love my 4 girls...I DO !! Like I said before this is all new to me and I am having such a hard time with this. They have made a pill for everything...to not getting pregnant to getting pregnant..to getting over a cold or getting rid of a headache and so forth...but they havent came up with a "lil blue pill" or a "lil pink pill" to get a boy or girl!!!! I cant even bring my self to look at clothes or go thru clothes or get anything ready for this baby (which I will have in 11wks) I go to the store and I am drawn to the lil boys section and find myself wanting to buy one of everything in every size!!! Its so bad that I havent came up with a name at all and I REALLY DONT WANT TO ! We went to dinner this past sat night and I was walking out with my girls and all of a sudden a complete stranger grabbed me by my arm and asked me with a nasty look on his face "if this one was gonna be one of them again" first off I could have went to jail that night but I knew I had to get my girls home safe and sound!! Some ask me "dont you know what can prevent that" and sometimes I wanna reply with yes I do but I am sorry to say that the CDC still has not came up with a cure for being stupid!! I have a sister in law that is in "waiting" ( like a lion looking for prey) to see what we are having so they can try for a boy ( my hubbys half brother is the fav of the family with everything...even his bowel movements smell great and wonderful and are golden to my hubbys mother and step dad ) and NO thats not why I what a boy! I have always wanted boys!!! yes this baby is healthy and yes I am thankful but I just cant seem to feel connected to this baby or have feelings for this baby at all. I was alil upset when we found out our 3 were girls but I got over it in like 10-15mins...this has gone on since april 1st of this yr and def has gotten worse since sat. everybody says get over it and blah blah blah !!! But they dont have to have this feeling of not being "good enough" to have a son or daughter ( in other mothers cases) Or feeling like your womb is cursed! or feeling like you have done something wrong to be going thru this and not only have feelings of regret towards the life in you but also you migth have feelings of regret towards your hubby or yourself at least I did and still do. I didnt want to get pregnant again because I felt like God didnt hear my prayers before asking..begging for a son that he wasnt gonna hear them know. But my hubby wanted to have another baby and he felt like this time was gonna be it ( was he wrong and I was right) I even did the old wives tales about peeing in drano and the needle and thread and all said boy! I was like YEPPERS!!!! It finally has come and then BAM its a girl[:'(]....I dont even want people to know what we are having to where I asked my hubby if we could move and start over some where. I feel like I am in the darkest of places and my flashlight has ran out and now I have to find my way home with out any sense of direction!!!! WHERE IS MY Gender Disappointment GPS AT !!! because I need one really bad !! I that I can get over this soon and real quick like...and that all of you that are going thru the same will to! I wish they had a GDA support group like they do for everything else !

Are girls really that much better than boys?

luv4them — Wed, 08 May 2013 20:19:01 GMT

Do they come out shimmering with fairy dust and pee pure gold? Does their spit-up smell like roses lol!! I really want to know??? Its one thing to come on this forum and long for the gender you haven't experienced, but when mom's have both and still so much more prefer daughters, it makes me wonder if having a daughter is the holy grail of life. No wonder so many of us have unrelenting GD! I feel like hanging around this sight perpetuates the belief that everything girl is better than everything boy, and that my unalienable rights have become, life, liberty, and the pursuit of a daughter because that is the only gender worth having. What a lopsided world it would be without our boys, or men, thank God for them. Ladies with boys, we are blessed, and no less blessed because we have blue bundles. It is a huge honor to be blessed with future men; future leaders, future husbands, future fathers. How many absentee fathers are there?? Too many to count. What a responsibility we have been given. We are not second-class citizens and neither are our sons, and shame on anyone who has pitied us for bearing a child that is the perfect expression of love. I have my desires just like anybody, but when all I hear about is " girls, girls, girls" it almost makes me not want one anymore! Thank you ladies who always give a positive message regarding both genders. You really help my GD not get the best of me! So I guess this was maybe a vent rather than a real discussion post, but if anyone has any thoughts on the topic, I would love to hear them.

can't forgive myself for messing up girl sway and now am having a boy

oops01 — Tue, 21 May 2013 18:01:15 GMT

I spent 2 years researching best ways to sway for girl and have spend thousands of dollars on tracking cycles, consulting astrologists - you name it - never attempted unless it was at least 24 hours before ovulation (shettles method) and would ensure actual conception would only occur in a female moon sign - this goes by the theory that the moon changes into a female zodiac sign then into a male zodiac sign every 2.5 days - I have exact times this happens from various fertility centres (Jonas method) These were my 2 biggest concerns - I waited month after month for these things to align and then stuffed up at the last minute on my only attempt this year - miscalculated my opk reading and dates and conceived smack bang on a male moon sign and on ovulation day. Can't believe it - I am hoping that someone can give me some consolation that the moon sign theory didn't work for someone they know.

Feel total despair - have been crying for weeks and cannot function at all. My despair is due to the fact that it was such a stupid mistake and after all the time and money i spent trying to get it right i made such a stupid mistake and cannot forgive myself. I have a lot going on in my life which has given me depression for many years - having a girl was the only bit of hope i was clining onto for some happiness and now its gone. I am 40 and do not want to try again - I never thought i would feel so much despair and dissapointment in conceiving another boy

Rough night

MinaAriel — Mon, 20 May 2013 14:08:53 GMT

Just had a particularly rough night last night. It kind of hit me out of nowhere.

I'm 30 weeks along with boy #3. Was diagnosed with gestational diabetes a couple of weeks ago and within the last several days, it is looking like I will have to go on meds to control it. I live 600 miles from all friends and family, having moved not even a month prior to getting pregnant. As of now, no family at all have asked about baby since finding out it was a boy. There are no plans for anyone to visit us after he is born. Boy #3 has no name. Hubby finally decided to put up a crib in the guest room and it's missing a screw and has the bottom spring installed incorrectly. DH suggested a zip tie to "fix" it. Not only no, but hell no! This kid has nothing, since we had gotten rid of all baby items except crib and bedding after thinking we were done at 2. DH is the type to go with the flow and he just says it'll be fine, we will get it all done. Except, he is forgetting that with our first 2 everything was done at 24 weeks. I was making hand-painted growth charts and decorating lamps, and scouring every baby store for miles for cute outfits and nice books. This kid doesn't even have a car seat. I found a bag of stained outfits of which I managed to salvage about 1/3 of them so the kid has maybe 3-4 onesies of each size.

I was talking to a friend on the phone and she joked about me killing time before the kid got here. She was assuming that I had the nursery all ready to go. I heard the shock in her voice when I admitted we have done nothing to prepare for this baby. I haven't even picked a hospital or a pediatrician. She commented on how unlike me it was and I just lost it. I spent a couple of hours last night going over everything in my head. I ended up crying myself to sleep. I do not know why this child would pick me as his mother. I am an awful person, so selfish in my desire for a girl. There is no joy to be had in this pregnancy. My body is literally starting to turn against the baby. Dr.'s are talking induction at 38 weeks if we can't get sugar under control. So, in about 8 weeks I will have this beautiful baby boy that I have to take care of. The idea of spending the next several months trying to fake feelings that should come naturally makes me sick. This baby will be loved by my husband and his two brothers. Everyone else will tolerate him it seems. As for me, I almost fear him. Will he know how I've felt about him? Will he know my apathy and my tears? How will he feel when he sees the pictures of me pregnant with his brothers and their nurseries and the showers, when there is no celebration for him?

This just sucks.

Should I get my hopes up??

Vaun-tess13 — Mon, 20 May 2013 03:50:31 GMT

So one of the reasons I'm not finding out the gender of this baby is because I'm currently working in a country where it's illegal for them to tell you (although I'm American). I had my 12 week scan done in another country and that is where the doc was leaning girl. I just had my 24 week scan and while going through the photos, I noticed this one. It shows the stomach and the knees, then something in between (I've circled it). It is FAR from the best gender shot in the world, but it's all I've got. Although, with much GD, I have accepted that this baby is probably a girl from the 12 week scan, I wonder if I should still have any hope that this baby is a boy??

Did anyone use DIVA-CUP for ttc girl&got boy?

Summer13 — Tue, 21 May 2013 17:16:20 GMT

I was wondering if anyone used diva-cup for ttc girl and got a boy instead? I am planning to use diva and Im a little nervous, I do not see alot of women using it.

freaking out! 1 month till ttc a girl

ilovemykiddies — Fri, 17 May 2013 16:04:22 GMT

Like the title says going to ttc a girl in June. I have been reading up on gender swaying for at least 2 years, since ds2 was born, it all seems so straight forward x+y = a baby girl, lol if only. I have had my sway planned out for the past year, I have been super obsessed with it lol. so had coil out 3 months ago, started charting, me and DH taking all the in-gender recommended supps, in-gender girl diet, ordered a ridiculous amount of stuff off the internet, ph monitor, salt lamps, douches, crystal light, rephresh, and god knows what ever else. we have planned o+12 as this is what Tamara recommends. BUT!!! for some reason I am doubting my sway plan. I have read so much conflicting evidence on so many things, and I have now got my self all stressed and confused, I want to have nooo regrets about my sway. I know timing is the least important sway factor, and i planned on o+12, but I have now been reading a few attempts that resulted in girl where they BD everyday all the way from AF to past ovulation, and wondering if I should change my sway. A bit of a pointless post, but would just like anyone's view ... maybe if you are planning a girl sway soon, what would you do. I was so sure about the sway i was going to do, now having second thought last minute....think i have lost the plot!!

Sooo Nervous!!!!

Whitiprincess — Mon, 20 May 2013 08:36:10 GMT

I have 2 x boys 1 of whom is very challenging! We have both wanted a girl from the start and were quite happy to never have boys. Alas they are here 8 and 3. Wouldn't take them back for anything but each time I have secretly bought little pink outfits in hopes of influencing my future. Many watch lists on shopping sites I have had to delete and things I have had to pack up. I am 19 weeks pregnant with number three and have not allowed myself any of those things this time. I do however have the same dreadful feeling that in 2 weeks time I am going to have to again let go of my hopes of pink. I am concerned to even allow the sonographer to tell us for fear of my reaction. This will be our last as I need to work full time and we cannot afford any more children. I cannot stop the feeling of dread no matter how much I try to tell myself it will be ok if it is another boy. I have even had panic attacks :( I am so concerned I will not bond and my children will suffer. My worst nightmare. Am a little bit lost and feeling very very guilty.

accuracy of scan at 14 weeks

TM29 — Fri, 17 May 2013 15:03:49 GMT

I'm hoping against all the odds that my stenographer got it wrong. Is anyone able to offer an opinion if I work out how to upload the picture?

dealing with rude comments...

Airbear831 — Mon, 20 May 2013 18:28:27 GMT

Hi ya'll I just have a question for moms of same gender households. How do you deal with what people say to you about having same genders?? You know the rude comments. My husband and I are ttc baby 3 and I am 100% ok with either gender, however I just fear people making fun of us or saying rude things if we have another son and i also fear people saying things like oh thank god its a girl or aren't you happy its not a boy...i find that rude too! I was just curious how you other moms dealt with it???