Special Needs & Challenging Kids

Re: Whiny, not listening 6 yo DS - Nearing my breaking point with him

snakesnsnails — Sat, 11 Jun 2011 05:30:31 GMT

Hi Two Loves, My son has ADHD and serious fine motor control difficulties that he receives occupational therapy for. I have learned several things in this special needs journey so far (my other son has some real struggles as well) -

1. You need to fight to get your child what they need (in education, OT/PT, therapy, services through your regional center) The insurance companies and the school save money if they say "No" and you stop asking. Don't stop asking. And if you don't agree with a result or opinion of the doctors, make sure to get a second opinion. You have a right to it.

2. You have to make sure you are doing everything in your power to parent your child the best that you can. That is not at all easy and I make mistakes every day, but it's my goal. I apoligize when I should and I make a point of telling my kids that I love them, or point out something that they did right or describe what gifts they have to share with the world.

3. Take time for yourself. Have girlfriends that you can vent to and that will support you without judgement.

4. Sometimes there can be medical reasons, (thyroid, hypoglycemia, allergies, etc.) for behavior.

5. Sometimes there can be other medical reasons (ADHD, Mood, processing, and/or sensory disorders)

6. A healthy, more natural diet along with certain Omega-3's can really help some kids.

7. I try to remember that it can't be anymore fun for him to be whiney (or nasty, or babyish, or mean, etc.) than it is for me to be dealing with it. They don't like feeling bad.

Hopefully you can use something here. All the best to you and your son.

You can read my blog if you'd like: http://www.wereswimminginalphabetsoup.blogspot.com

~ Snakes n Snails

Re: Whiny, not listening 6 yo DS - Nearing my breaking point with him

xTwoLovesx — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 22:35:02 GMT

Hi! Im kinda new to this site and I know this is an older post but my son sounds EXACTLY like your son but he is 4.5 Literally EVERYTHING you mentioned. The trying new food bit REALLY stood out to me because that is one of our biggest issues. Have u found out what it is? I just wrote a post on my sons behavior. We can't take him anywhere either and I also feel like I do not like him half the time BECAUSE of his attitude. It sounds horrible but he just seems like a whiny, ungreatful brat nowadays. Im 6 months pregnant so im desperate for answers. His stupid doctor wont even do an evaluation on him which isnt helping any. PLEASE respond im sorry this is old and im just now posting but I feel like im going to break at any minute.

Re: Whiny, not listening 6 yo DS - Nearing my breaking point with him

Wishing On A Star :) — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 11:04:50 GMT

Hi Snakes,

Wow whiny kids eh..?! My 3 year old does it to push boundries and to see how soft mommy will be on him. I turn into psycho if he crosses the line, especially in the mornings, my tone of voice is scary and he knows I mean business, I put the fear of god in him lol. Typical Irish mother ha ha !! Just when he thinks I am going to lose it and kill him I step back and give him a warning. LOL. I dont slap. Sometimes I want to, but I refrain from it as I was needlessly beatin with anything my mother could find for just breathing and being (thats a long story, she was evil bitch and we do not talk anymore.)

He may have ADHD. Your instincts are always the only ones you can truely trust. You know your kid best. Ask yourself do you think he is like his brother? Regardless of whether you want another child with a diagnosis...look at him and ask yourself. Your qualified in all the ins and outs of your son.

I hope it is just a phase and he grows out of it for you Snakes, kids do that dont they, they are all individual and he may just feel he wants to get his own way etc and push boundries as they all do...my older son is an angel most of the time, gentle and mild, he looks at his younger brother like he is a moron when he acts up, but they are so different as we all are. Granted my lil fella is almost 4 and still young, it's all relative.

Hugs to you. It aint easy, but your a fab mom ~Wishing xx

Re: Whiny, not listening 6 yo DS - Nearing my breaking point with him

snakesnsnails — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 02:22:03 GMT

I went on Amazon and looked, but I'm not sure which one either....

I have read "Parenting the Explosive Child" by Ross Green and found that to be helpful.

Re: Whiny, not listening 6 yo DS - Nearing my breaking point with him

lukes princess — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 22:53:10 GMT

I was trying to find the book "parenting the strong willed child" but there are multiple by that title. Who is the author please?

Re: Whiny, not listening 6 yo DS - Nearing my breaking point with him

snakesnsnails — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 00:03:46 GMT

loopylou - Both Dh and I have been doing that play exercise and even though we're not seeing dramatic improvements, it is nice to have that bonding time with DS. B/C he is so challenging, re-connecting with him is very important. Thank you for the kind suggestion.

......

We did have DS2 evaulated for ADHD and he was found to have it, combined type, which is exactly with DS1 has. They also found that DS2 is a least a grade level behind in reading (decoding/comprehension) and had a more than average number of number and letter reversals when writing. They are saying dyslexia right now, but did suggest we watch to make sure the reversals get better.

We'll start DS2 on ADHD medication in 2 weeks. That's when we can meet with the prescribing doctor.

I was a difficult diagonisis to hear. Even thought I knew in the back of my mind he had ADHD, it still hard to hear. Adding to the difficulty was that they found him to have a 99-109 IQ, which though is average, is much lower that I expected.

With DS1, it was easier to receive the news of him having ADHD since it was coupled with the news that he was a very, very bright child, 2+ grade levels ahead in everything. (They didn't take his IQ back then). So, it was really, "Hey, yes he has ADHD, but he's quite gifted academically and those strengths will help him overcome any shortcomings from the ADHD."

It wasn't all happy, joy, joy with DS2. Right now, I am just taking it one step at a time. We'll start him on meds, see if that can't help his focus enough to catch him up academically and see where we're at. My boy has an amazing personailty, is extremely flexible, kind and social and I know he'll be OK in life. I just have to hold onto that.

Re: Whiny, not listening 6 yo DS - Nearing my breaking point with him

loopylou — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 07:35:06 GMT

Im sure you do, but worth mentioning (I have a v strong willed 4 year old...very!!!!) and its easy to get carried away with the punishments and rules and forget to praise, praise praise. I bought a book (bible) parenting the strong willled child, its amazing, they say to try an excersise called attending, spend 5-10 mins a day and increase it ! just sit down with your child, dont ask questions or give directions, just attend (describe what they do) the change in behaviour is amazing as they feel they are being noticed, listened to
,br>You can say things like
Your pushing the car, you look like you are enjoying that, your making a race track, your playing really well, you are playing with the blue car, you are smiling

Your should not say:
do you like playing with cars? How many cars are there?why dont you make a garage, put the green car here, sit closer to your toys, dont push the blue car there, put that toy here, which is your favorite car?

It says strong willed difficult children are made worse by parents always asking questions and giving directions, I realised thats all I ever did
The first day I did the excersise my daughter came up to me out of the blue in the middle and said i love you mummy. But try the book, its burgandy in colour, its ace. I too thought my child might have adhd but this book has helped loads, feel free to pm me, i dont usually post.

Re: Whiny, not listening 6 yo DS - Nearing my breaking point with him

snakesnsnails — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 04:07:18 GMT

I have an appt. for my DS this coming Tuesday. I am going to discuss the issues DS is having and see if he thinks some OT would help...especially the handwriting (Dysgraphia possibly). I also think he needs to have an ADHD evaluation with the center for ADHD that my DS 1 was referred to. I have been closing watching DS2 this week and see SO many signs of ADHD, and his lack of focus, impulsivity, and distractibility is much more than other kids his age. I watched him at baseball and he is the only child that is "out of it" for practically the entire game.

Re: Whiny, not listening 6 yo DS - Nearing my breaking point with him

chooks**boys — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 04:18:26 GMT

snakesnsnails:
What does your ped. occ. therapist do w/ your ds?

DS has a lot of sensory issues and motor problems so they do motor planning, fine/gross motor skills, I don't even know how to explain it all...they do lots of excercises and things to stimulate and also calm the senses which helps reset his sensory system (and makes him calmer, able to deal with everday things & problems). I know they also work with kids with ADHD and other issues. I have seen a big improvement in DS, less prolonged meltdowns is the main one! But also the basics like writing/drawing/cutting/planning/strengthening muscle groups etc What the OT does is a lot of fun but has excercises and activities built in with a specific purpose. Not sure if that all makes sense, but OT is just another option out there besides Paediatrican, Psychologist/iatrist etc.

From an OT site...

We see and treat children with a range of development difficulties. These include young people on the Autistic Spectrum, with Developmental Delays, ADD/ADHD, Sensory Integration and Sensory Processing Difficulties, Learning Difficulties, Gifted Children with Learning Difficulties, Cerebal Palsy, At-risk children and toddlers, Developmental Co-ordination Disorder, Dyspraxia, Organisational Problems and handwriting difficulties.

Re: Whiny, not listening 6 yo DS - Nearing my breaking point with him

Forever_Outnumbered — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 17:17:09 GMT

It could be the sleep thing. My 6yo goes to bed at 6:30 and will usually wake between 6-7am. All of mine NEED their sleep... and I need a break from them in the evenings too.

Re: Whiny, not listening 6 yo DS - Nearing my breaking point with him

snakesnsnails — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 17:10:44 GMT

chooks**boys:
I would possibly start with the sleep and go from there to see what else might help (I'm a huge fan of our local paed occupational therapist, they help kids with any/everything). I'm sorry, I know it can be hard.

I will bump his bedtime up a bit and see if that helps.

What does your ped. occ. therapist do w/ your ds?

Re: Whiny, not listening 6 yo DS - Nearing my breaking point with him

chooks**boys — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 03:14:45 GMT

My kids do not do well on little sleep. Everything is a zillion times worse. So if your kids are anything like mine than I would say that he is possibly overtired. Mine are in bed at 7pm and up 5-6am. That's not for everyone and most people are shocked by how early they are in bed lol but if they aren't then my kids can't handle anything and life is crazy =S my DS is the same age with ASD/ sensory issues and his behavior is similar in regards to whining, everything being too much, not listening, maturity/social skills etc of 3 year old etc etc. I would possibly start with the sleep and go from there to see what else might help (I'm a huge fan of our local paed occupational therapist, they help kids with any/everything). I'm sorry, I know it can be hard.

Re: Whiny, not listening 6 yo DS - Nearing my breaking point with him

Itabu — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 02:31:25 GMT

Well actually I'm not sure about the condition, but the sleep seems okay. It differs with every child, but if he sleeps those hours it's obviously an average of 9 hours at least and up to 10 hours which is actually around the recomended for his age because I found this site explaining a lot about kids sleep and it says kids in the U.S. at that age sleep a little over 9 hours and in other countries maybe between 9 and 11 hours per day. I would consult his pediatrician as well as whoever you speak to about your eldest child's condition because acting out can be anything from the reasons you mentioned to something simple as a chemical of vitamin issue.

Whiny, not listening 6 yo DS - Nearing my breaking point with him

snakesnsnails — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 02:19:28 GMT

My 6 year old DS has always been a whiny child, but it seems like it’s getting worse with age, not better. He never gets his way when he whines and frequently if he’s been warned to stop and he continues, he’ll get a punishment (lose video games or dessert).

I really feel like Dh and I are firm, but loving and very consistent with the discipline, but DS is pretty much unbearable to be around much of the time. He will shriek/scream when playing with my 9 yo DS and there is an altercation. Much of the time, it’s this small infraction, but you’d think by 6 yo DS’s reaction, that he’d just had his finger cut off.

He is really bad now that school has started back up. Whines and cried about getting dressed in the morning, about going to school, about doing homework (even a measly 5 minutes of homework is the end of the world to him), about trying new foods, waiting his turns, practicing baseball for more that 5 minutes with his dad (I’m tired, I’m hungry, I have to go to the bathroom, etc.), not being able to play video games whenever he wants, etc.

I don’t even like him lately. I really don’t. I wonder if he might have ADHD like my older DS. Many of his issues, especially with schoolwork could be explained by ADHD. I don’t want yet another child with this frickin condition! Good God.

This child doesn’t listen. Really ever. Like it’s dangerous how badly he is about listening. He is more like a 3 year old is so many ways. One other things about him is that he goes to sleep at about 8 or 8:30 every night and wakes at 5:30 or 6am every morning. Could he be chronically overtired?

Good things about him? He’s funny and loves making people laugh, he’s well liked by other active boys, he goes to bed fantastically, he isn’t mean and doesn’t get into trouble at school. He isn’t whiney and doesn’t cry at school.