Rising Above Gender Disappointment

Re: Try again or try to get over GD once and for all?

cinpow — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 16:50:30 GMT

If you are in a traditional chinese family, having sons is everything, because only the guy can carry on the family name and when girls get marry, they are consider someone else daugther, not yours anymore. You have basically sold them to another family by marrying them away. When the guy get a wife, the wife will consider to be ur daugther. I don't like those ideas, but thats the way it is, I m so stress to make sure I get all boys.....I m just praying to Jesus that this one is a boy too!

Re: Try again or try to get over GD once and for all?

GraceR — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 22:40:54 GMT

true we have x eggs and men have the x and y sperm which makes the gender BUT I believe our vagina environment plays a huge factor on which x or y sperm makes it to the egg, I have swayed the best I know how and yet I still have all boys, I dont wont anymore children and yet it still bothers me that I dont have a girl, i love my boys to pieces and wouldnt trade them for the world, but the fact I will never experience a girl's world saddens me, but do I believe going for one more will give me a girl?? NO I do NOT! why? because there a lots on here with 5 boys and more and I know I will be just like them, so the question is why do you want to go for one more? just for your desired gender? and thats the only reason? then I say no, you have been down that disappointing road before and it was depressing, if you want to go for one more then you need to be content with the fact that you have a high chance that its gong to be another boy/girl(which ever you have multiple of) so if you decide to go for another then go for a baby, not for a boy or for a girl, just another baby that it doesnt matter what gender, thats my opinion, so when I just want another baby then I will go for another and not even worry about what gender, all the way down to not finding out until I give birth. :)

Re: Try again or try to get over GD once and for all?

cinpow — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 16:21:49 GMT

is not fair for us women to be so depress and stress over the gender of our babies. It have been proven that the gender of the baby is determined by the male sperm, not our eggs. Its not our fault that it is not what we want it to be. The men is the one who should be the one stressed over this, they need find out some ways to produce more X or y sperms, for example eating sudden food or some chineses believe if the men drinks sudden type of soups, there will be a higher chance to produce a baby girl or boy. In my case, the elderly chinese parent always wants sons, if this one is a girl I knew for sure they are going to blame it all on me, Then i will just tell them go talk to ur son about it, cus its not up to me!

Re: Try again or try to get over GD once and for all?

threesenuff4me — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 02:43:01 GMT

i am at this cross road of do i "risk" another. i may only have 2 boys but sometimes i feel like i have 10 bc my GD is so bad. and i've been off this board for a while, basically since i miscarried in feb but the last 2 weeks my GD has come back to haunt me!!! a friend was tweeting about how she had to take her daughters to the nail salon with her so she didn't get "me" time. i said do you know how bad i would LOVE to have a daughter to take to the nail salon with me. she replied with "don't start". she doesn't get it bc she has 2 daughters and a son. our youngest are the same age, a week apart. that had rode my mind so freakin hard the last few days i'm about in tears now just thinking about it!! it really upset my husband when i told him about it. then someone else announced on fb tuesday they were having a GIRL, not a girl but GIRL. just that little bit of emphasis on that particular word rubbed me the wrong way. so what did i do but run to twitter (bc it's private with few followers) and she told me i needed to stop taking things so personal that i would do the exact same thing if i had i girl. honestly NO i wouldn't bc i know how much it sucks for something someone else thinks is not such a big deal, is to someone who wants one so badly! and not take it personal.... seriously this IS personal!!! my husband wants to try again but i just don't know that i can take it. i day dreamed today about walking into the u/s scan and it almost made me sick to my stomach. i'm afraid if that time were to come it REALLY would!!! i can not take anymore weenies in my house, i just can't. so when do you finally say that's it? when do you give up?

Re: Try again or try to get over GD once and for all?

lmp1973 — Wed, 25 May 2011 15:42:54 GMT

FiveGirl- I could have written your post almost word for word except I'm on a boy streak. What kills me the most about GD is the "wondering what to do" portion of the program. I have literally been suffering from this for almost 5 years straight now and just when I think maybe I will survive something happens to break me again. My GD started back in 2006 when I was told I was having a girl at my 20 week ultrasound but low and behold he was ALL BOY when he came out! Two years later I get pregnant again and My SIL has the "girl" and I have another "boy. Now I'm pregnant again and guess what yep my other SIL is having the "girl" and mine is once again another "boy". I have to tell you it's like a knife to the heart rubbed in with a ocean of salt.

I wish the solution was just simple. Oh, what to do? HT- expensive and no guarantees that you even get pregnant. International adoption- also expensive and my goodness the loops you have to go through, some programs there are age restrictions, high costs, long travel times, wait lists, risk of child that has birth defects, etc. Foster to adopt- basically free but some of these kids are abused and maybe stripped from your arms and given back to their horrible birth parents. Oh and yes the good old swaying option- basically i still believe that it's a 50/50 shot no matter what.

But to give up? I think that is hard to do. GD becomes a life of it's own after awhile and nothing will stop it until you get your desired gender. I have another post out on this board about "does GD ever go away?". I mean "can we just move on or does it always affect you years to come?".

So I think you need to do some soul searching like myself and figure out just how severe your GD and what emotionally you can handle. Then hopefully the answers will fall into place.

Re: Try again or try to get over GD once and for all?

mykidseyessparkle — Sun, 22 May 2011 14:11:53 GMT

applesoup:
My sister (GB) recently bragged on her blog that she feels so "complete" with her new son. Her family is "complete." (Which makes me jealous because she's always judged me for being sad about my boys' genders. Now, she'll never understand.)
Complete is not a word that I'd use to describe my family. Boys. Organized chaos. Sweet boys. ...yeah, that's how I'd describe it. I wish I could say I felt complete.
I have a daily, usually hourly, conversation with myself about the next baby. I've been doing this since I was 20 weeks pregnant with DS#3. I'm trying to trust God. At the same time, I need a plan to focus on until I feel a direction. And for now, here is my plan:
Sway. Have 1 more baby. If it's a boy, then I'll get over it. Or I'll adopt.
In my mind, if the odds are against me to have 4 kids, then they'll be against me on the 5th.
I hope you feel complete...whatever you do.

My gd was triggered comletely by my friend announcing that she felt her family was complete when she had a ds - to go with her dd. It was like a punch in the stomach as i suddenly realised that my family didn't feel complete.

Re: Try again or try to get over GD once and for all?

applesoup — Fri, 20 May 2011 07:54:29 GMT

My sister (GB) recently bragged on her blog that she feels so "complete" with her new son. Her family is "complete." (Which makes me jealous because she's always judged me for being sad about my boys' genders. Now, she'll never understand.)

Complete is not a word that I'd use to describe my family. Boys. Organized chaos. Sweet boys. ...yeah, that's how I'd describe it. I wish I could say I felt complete.

I have a daily, usually hourly, conversation with myself about the next baby. I've been doing this since I was 20 weeks pregnant with DS#3. I'm trying to trust God. At the same time, I need a plan to focus on until I feel a direction. And for now, here is my plan:

Sway. Have 1 more baby. If it's a boy, then I'll get over it. Or I'll adopt.

In my mind, if the odds are against me to have 4 kids, then they'll be against me on the 5th.

I hope you feel complete...whatever you do.

Re: Try again or try to get over GD once and for all?

wounded_healer. — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 00:09:10 GMT

p5wbp:

I am in a similiar position but I have 5 sons and yearn for a daughter. I am in the UK so high tech is not an option for me because I just don't have the funds to travel abroad for it.

My youngest is 8 weeks and 3 days old and already I'm considering a 6th child. I too feel torn about what is the right thing to do for my family as well as for me but I think I may regret not trying again when my baby making days are over. If I don't have a daughter then at least I know I did everything I could as opposed to not going for it and wondering 'what if....'

Maybe we should swap notes! I have been looking at the girl cook book and am worrying about the diet for the girl sway because I only like pasta and white rice off the list!

Eat it then....lol...I think I lived off chicken,alfredo sauce,milk,yogart,decaf stuff and vitamins....but in the end it helped!

Re: Try again or try to get over GD once and for all?

expecting#6 — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 23:00:32 GMT

I am in a similiar position but I have 5 sons and yearn for a daughter. I am in the UK so high tech is not an option for me because I just don't have the funds to travel abroad for it.

My youngest is 8 weeks and 3 days old and already I'm considering a 6th child. I too feel torn about what is the right thing to do for my family as well as for me but I think I may regret not trying again when my baby making days are over. If I don't have a daughter then at least I know I did everything I could as opposed to not going for it and wondering 'what if....'

Maybe we should swap notes! I have been looking at the girl cook book and am worrying about the diet for the girl sway because I only like pasta and white rice off the list!

Re: Try again or try to get over GD once and for all?

x nicola x — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 09:53:23 GMT

Well this exactly the same boat I am in. My youngest is now 20 months old and I have made my peace with having 4 boys but there is still that niggle that is sometimes more of a smack in the face than a niggle. I am going down the HT route but I change my mind on a daily basis. At first I only wanted another if it was a girl, but now after all of the plans I have made, I feel like I need to have another baby either way, all the planning seems to have given me baby fever. Then I have a morning like I did today and wonder if I want another at all. I have the money for another cycle (I have already had 1) and wonder if I should go for it, if it fails try again naturally. Try again and if it fails, leave it at 4. Or just try naturally and save my money? I need to make a descision soon because all this going back and forth is driving me insane.

Try again or try to get over GD once and for all?

FiveGirls — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 17:08:27 GMT

My youngest is almost three years old. She is the fifth of five girls. I found out at 15 weeks. I had GD really bad after I found out her sex. I hoped for miscarriage. I thought about abortion. I felt extremely guilty. Giving her a name helped me stop thinking about abortion or miscarriage, but I still felt heartbroken and depressed. I was probably 30 weeks before I felt at all excited to meet her. For awhile (almost all of the past three years) after her birth, we talked about being done having babies. Most of the time I felt happy. But whenever someone I know has a boy after multiple girls, I feel jealous. Whenever someone points out that I have no sons, I feel hurt. Then I feel guilty. We actually have money saved that would pay for high tech options. There is even a local clinic that does it. I just feel torn about the right thing to do. If I try and get a son, that would be fantastic! If I try and get no baby or try and get a girl, I just don't know how I'd feel. No baby could be easier in some ways. I fear severe GD again if I got a sixth girl.... The logical thing would be to get over GD. But I don't know how. :-(