No holiday from GD!

GD is a wierd thing, 3 years ago I'd never even heard of it [Really wish I had tho', it would've saved me a lot of grief] then wham it took over my life. Its not as bad now as it was during the last pregnancy, ugh, but it lingers & I havn't really bonded with DD2 yet, which is sad. I think for me it'll only ever really be gone if I got the gender I'd wanted.

Just back from a seside holiday, I was involuntarily noting what genders every family had got. 1 day it seemed to be all DD & I felt a bit of panic, what if there's something in the water leaning towards having girls?!! - There's always these silly thoughts going thru my head, while on the outside I'm looking 'normal' & no-one would have a clue how GD mad I am. [Hopefully] There was a couple with 4DD & I felt so sad for them, which is a horrible thing to think about someone's healthy offspring, wondering if they'd been trying for a DS; I never used to think like this before GD! [If it was 4DS I'd felt jealous & annoyed that they've got my share of DS] On the last day of the holiday I saw a lady with 2 olderDD & a DS in a pram & I felt happy thinking 'That could be me'... I wonder who else might be sat there GD obsessing, on holiday. Maybe other people are obsessing about how big their bottoms look or what cars are being driven, instead of relaxing & enjoying themselves!

BlueSky:

'That could be me'... I wonder who else might be sat there GD obsessing, on holiday

there are definatly people watching you go past with your daughters thinking why not me and all the things you are thinking.

I look in prams,check out no's, genders everywhere I go. I never thought I would get obsessed with that sort of thing.

I wouldnt have either ,if other people had shut up and left me alone to have as many babies as I wanted gender irrelevant.

BlueSky:

GD is a wierd thing, 3 years ago I'd never even heard of it .......then wham it took over my life. ....I think for me it'll only ever really be gone if I got the gender I'd wanted.

Yes, this pretty much sums up my life... been on the GD rollercoaster for 5 years now and I've only had 3 brief periods of respite ...twice during the 2WW after doing Microsort IUI, and another time for 4 months during my last pregnancy when I had hope it was a girl (if you can call months obsessing about nubs a respite)... then of course it ALL came crashing down even worse after the big reveal u/s (still haven't bonded properly with DS though it is better than when he was born).... and again my hopes/dreams CRUSHED with the iui BFN's.

Most days I spend like a duck on a pond...looking calm, serene on top... and underneath PADDLING LIKE CRAZY trying to keep my head afloat.

I wonder what my life would have been like if I had just gotten my dream fulfilled ..... what would I be doing now instead of writing over 800 posts on a Gender Disappointment board... taking the kids to the park?  making a 5 course gourmet meal for DH when he comes home? having a spotless, organized house?  working out at the gym and being in the best shape of my life?

Pathetic is how I feel.... it sucks to be me

MyDreamBabi:

BlueSky:

GD is a wierd thing, 3 years ago I'd never even heard of it .......then wham it took over my life. ....I think for me it'll only ever really be gone if I got the gender I'd wanted.

Yes, this pretty much sums up my life... been on the GD rollercoaster for 5 years now and I've only had 3 brief periods of respite ...twice during the 2WW after doing Microsort IUI, and another time for 4 months during my last pregnancy when I had hope it was a girl (if you can call months obsessing about nubs a respite)... then of course it ALL came crashing down even worse after the big reveal u/s (still haven't bonded properly with DS though it is better than when he was born).... and again my hopes/dreams CRUSHED with the iui BFN's.

Most days I spend like a duck on a pond...looking calm, serene on top... and underneath PADDLING LIKE CRAZY trying to keep my head afloat.

I wonder what my life would have been like if I had just gotten my dream fulfilled ..... what would I be doing now instead of writing over 800 posts on a Gender Disappointment board... taking the kids to the park?  making a 5 course gourmet meal for DH when he comes home? having a spotless, organized house?  working out at the gym and being in the best shape of my life?

Pathetic is how I feel.... it sucks to be me

I sometimes wonder though whether I might have found something else to obsess about or be disatisfied with.... I know I have said this before, and Blue Sky you didn't think you would. But Would our lives be that perfect?

rosebuds:

I sometimes wonder though whether I might have found something else to obsess about or be disatisfied with.... 

I've thought about this too and no, I don't thnk my life would be "perfect".... but I wouldn't be obsessing about anything else quite like I obsess about GD....and I think I know the reason why too...

Because EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE I CAN CONTROL TO SOME EXTENT:

* don't like my house? Move

* Hate my job? Get another one.

* Feeling dissatisfied with my career? Go back to school and study something I enjoy

* Can't stand DH? Divorce and marry another one.... (ok, this last thing I completely mean in jest but even a DH can be replaced if you're miserable kwim?)

The only thing 100% out of my control, that I am powerless to do anything about...the thing that it doesn't matter how hard I work, study, pray, beg or plead is having a healthy, baby girl.... and I don't know if it will ever happen.  If ME, 20 yrs from now could come back and tell me, "Yeah, don't worry....she comes after a night of drinking and sex in Cancun", then I could relax.

Another thing... kids (what you get and when you get them) is all TIME DEPENDENT.... its not like I can shove this off to the back burner for a few years and focus on something else.... nooooooooooooooooo.... my eggs are degenerating by the minute.  It has to be SOON or never. Talk about added pressure! 

MyDreamBabi:

rosebuds:

I sometimes wonder though whether I might have found something else to obsess about or be disatisfied with.... 

I've thought about this too and no, I don't thnk my life would be "perfect".... but I wouldn't be obsessing about anything else quite like I obsess about GD....and I think I know the reason why too...

Because EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE I CAN CONTROL TO SOME EXTENT:

* don't like my house? Move

* Hate my job? Get another one.

* Feeling dissatisfied with my career? Go back to school and study something I enjoy

* Can't stand DH? Divorce and marry another one.... (ok, this last thing I completely mean in jest but even a DH can be replaced if you're miserable kwim?)

The only thing 100% out of my control, that I am powerless to do anything about...the thing that it doesn't matter how hard I work, study, pray, beg or plead is having a healthy, baby girl.... and I don't know if it will ever happen.  If ME, 20 yrs from now could come back and tell me, "Yeah, don't worry....she comes after a night of drinking and sex in Cancun", then I could relax.

Another thing... kids (what you get and when you get them) is all TIME DEPENDENT.... its not like I can shove this off to the back burner for a few years and focus on something else.... nooooooooooooooooo.... my eggs are degenerating by the minute.  It has to be SOON or never. Talk about added pressure! 

, everything you said.  It's such torture right now, and it's blocking me from doing anything about the other things I'm unhappy about in my life because I need to be done being a SAHM before I take the next step.  I, too, just got back from a vacation (well, a trip to the west coast to visit the in-laws), and you just can't turn off GD, all I saw around me everywhere were families with girls or both, which made me curse and scream in my head in frustration and jealousy, then the few all-boy families I saw gave me panic palpitations.  All DH's old friends and acquaintances who have kids have at least one DD, DH is the only one out there he knows with kids who doesn't have a DD.  I hate this, it shouldn't be this way, I can't even look at another family with small kids without feeling a stab of negative emotion.  That's insane.  I just hope that I'll have a DD and my old feelings will all seem extremely stupid and unbelievable very soon!

Oh yeah, BlueSky, I mostly saw girl families too, but you know what my interpretation of that was?  It's much easier to take a bunch of DDs out on vacation versus a bunch of DSs!  I was out at a restaurant on Father's Day and only one other family had boys, and the little boy was up out of his seat acting crazy, not sitting down, and he was a few years older than my DS.  Made me very depressed cuz my boys are pretty bad right now but I thought they'd grow out of it, but my observation made it seem like if you have boys, they're just too difficult to take out, so why even bother?

Ahimsa_Malozzi:

I saw around me everywhere were families with girls or both, which made me curse and scream in my head in frustration and jealousy, then the few all-boy families I saw gave me panic palpitations.  .............. I just hope that I'll have a DD and my old feelings will all seem extremely stupid and unbelievable very soon!

LOL! Aint that the truth!  I hate seeing families with girls (I think WHY NOT ME?) but all boy families send shivers of dread down my spine (OH PLEASE DON'T LET THAT BE ME!)... can't win...

And I dont' think your feelings are stupid or unbelievable...they are completely normal.  The only good thing I think can come of GD is perhaps some empathy and understanding for others going through the same thing.  I'm much more sympathetic now, whereas years ago, before having kids, it shocked me that people even had a preference!

I do this all the time!  Took my two little men to the park yesterday.  It was really busy but I swear we were the only single gender family there, which got me missing my little girl again.  So next time you're gender obsessing on a day out, rest assured that i'm doing exactly the same thing elsewhere!

MyDreamBabi:

The only good thing I think can come of GD is perhaps some empathy and understanding for others going through the same thing.  I'm much more sympathetic now, whereas years ago, before having kids, it shocked me that people even had a preference!

That's true, its all I can think of that's 'positive' about GD, its made me a lot more understanding [but still obsessive!] Even on here, I used to get cross seeing posts about people wanting DDs so they could 'dress them up with bows' etc, I got annoyed cos I hate girly things, but now I understand; we may want different things but its equally painful wether its wanting DDs or DS, for whatever reasons, its all valid.

I had hoped my GD was lessening, I've been on here less as my GD has slithered more into the background but its still there & as large as ever. The other day when DH told me that our neighbour's 2nd kid was a girl, I felt such relief that it shocked me, I was trying to act uninterested. She already has 1 DS & I secretly hate it when people get 2 DS as that had been my ideal! - She'd said previously that they wanted 2DS & 1DD, like its as easy as ordering pizza - if only! I then read in the 'papers that Tess Daly - UK TV presenter - has had DD2, which cheered me up a bit; it makes me feel less of a freak/failure when 'succesful' people also have 2 DDs! Oh to be normal & not think like this...

BlueSky:

 She'd said previously that they wanted 2DS & 1DD, like its as easy as ordering pizza - if only!

lol!  The crazy thing is, people like that *usually* end up getting what they ordered, down to the last hair bow and blue rattle.... and then they walk around oblivous to the fact that they were just lucky and others have to struggle, so they come up with stupid things to say like "make sure your next one is a _____ (boy/girl)" or "I really didn't care what I had" (um, sure that's easy to say when you got what you wanted)