How aware is your spouse about your GD?

I am curious.  Does your spouse know how bad your GD is?  I have to say that my DH is aware that I am disappointed about not having a girl with any of my pregnancies.  However, I have not really let him know how bad my GD is this time with this third pregnancy.  I don't feel like I can talk to him about it, b/c he will turn around and blame me, telling me I was the one who was so insistent on ttc for a 3rd baby (he was happy with two), so I just need to suck it up and get over that I will never have a girl.  To my DH, all boys is fine.  He grew up with a brother and no sisters and he is totally, "boy" when it comes to his interests (and my mil openly hates girls and favors boys, so his family is very pro-boy, anti-girl to begin with), so he just sees this as an opportunity for him to have more interests with our children.  He has even said things that are very anti-girl (ie: "I'm glad we don't have a girl, if we did, she'd need to be on BCP by age 13, blah, blah, blah."), so having three boys suits him just perfectly, so he has no complaints and while he knows I am disappointed about not having a girl, I don't think he can even fathom how deep the hurt is.

I am very blessed in that my husband understands to the fullest extent.  And he is extremely supportive and willing to do whatever it takes to help me through it.  I just wish I could figure out a way through it...

He's very aware of it, I talk about it all the time!  Still think he doesn't get it, though.  I mean it's not like he's saying "Who needs a girl, all boys are great, that's what I want," but I know that he wishes I could be okay with whatever we got.  Sorry, I can't!

Ahimsa_Malozzi:

I know that he wishes I could be okay with whatever we got.  Sorry, I can't!

That's me-except that I had all girls. And I wanted a little boy so bad. He knows, but he doesn't feel the pain and disappointment like I do.

 My dh kind of understands but just thinks we've got 2 boys get on with it. When I was pregnant with my second he even said he prefers boys as hes used to them now. It really annoys me as he really wanted a boy first time round and got what he wanted, why cant I too have what I want? But to be completely honest if we had 2 girls I really dont think dh would particually want to try for a boy - I guess I'll never know, he will never have to feel the way I do!

My dh is totally happy with only boys,each pregnancy we talk about 'our son/daughter' but as soon as boy is confirmed he is happy and moves on.

He wants me and expects me to do the same. More than  once he has said "we will be happy with whatever we get.......and we will.

This time our girl conversations have lasted all the way through because we dont know what it is,its been lovely to talk and think about the possibility of her as well as him.

 I know as soon as baby is born he will expect me to move on,even if it is another boy,he wont look back at all. 

Maddie

He is aware of it but I don't think he fully understands the extent to which I was suffering while pregnant with DS#2.  I don' think he COULD ever understand, to be honest, but he is aware of it.  He has heard and seen me cry a million tears, listened to my reasons for wanting a daughter more than anything, and is agreeing to try again for ME when he really would be content with stopping at 2...but he will never, ever "get it", KWIM?

lola1979:

 My dh kind of understands but just thinks we've got 2 boys get on with it. When I was pregnant with my second he even said he prefers boys as hes used to them now. It really annoys me as he really wanted a boy first time round and got what he wanted, why cant I too have what I want? But to be completely honest if we had 2 girls I really dont think dh would particually want to try for a boy - I guess I'll never know, he will never have to feel the way I do!

 

 

I relate so much to your post.  The only thing my DH said when I had my 20 wk u/s this time was, "Oh good, this means we don't need to buy anymore (girl) toys."  He got what he wanted, but I didn't and I frankly, it sucks, esp since I'm just supposed to get on with it.  My DH was the same way, b/c he was really wanting a boy for our first baby too.   The thing is, I think my DH would be SUCH a good dad to a little girl, IF we had one, he just doesn't know it...

My DH just thought I had PPD after DS4, so finally I sat down and wrote him a letter about my feelings and how strong my desire was for a girl.  After that, he said he was very supportive of adoption.  Time went by, and I didn't say much until a friend of mine with 4 DS had a girl.  I lied and told him she did high tech to get her girl.  A few weeks later, I sent him an email at work telling him all the things we would buy if we won the lottery, and I included getting a girl via high tech on the list.  Quite surprisingly he called and told me he was all for it - I was floored.  However, the economy is so incredibly crappy right now, the cost of daycare is crazy, and I'm scared he won't agree to it if I bring it up again.

mfp:

The thing is, I think my DH would be SUCH a good dad to a little girl, IF we had one, he just doesn't know it...

That is so true.  I know if I am ever fortunate enough to go high tech, and actually get pregnant and deliver a girl, that it will all be worth it because I know he would go crazy over her, like he has for my other children.

 My dh not only knows about it, but suffers from his own GD.  I'm now pretty much too old for high tech and probably wouldn't do it for fear I wouldn't get pgbut I would LOVE to adopt (my heart being set on a Ethiopian baby) my dh isn't there (yet.)  He still wants his own baby girl.  We're giving it one last shot (currently ttc) but I'm not very optimistic.  Hoping I can convince him to take another look at adoption as a possibility in a year or two (even if I by some miracle get a girl, I still want to adopt.)

DH knows i want a girl & he does too but i dont think he knows how much i want a girl.  I mean i dont know at times either because i go  back and forth with it since my boys are so wonderful.  DH blames me tho (jokingly) because i always said i never ever wanted a girl and he says i'm getting my wish.  Even tho DH wants a girl he's not willing to change anything to get one, he's not cooperative with swaying or anything like that so it will just be 50/50 for us basically.

DH and I are on the same page with our gender desire. He's willing to do whatever I ask him regarding our upcoming sway and I'm grateful for that. We were just talking the other day about a third boy, and both agreed that we'd be initially disappointed, but would rather have another son than no third child at all, which means, as far as I'm concerned, that we're ready to TTC. I talk about it more than he does, but he really does get it, which really makes this whole process so much easier.

Winogurl:

He is aware of it but I don't think he fully understands the extent to which I was suffering while pregnant with DS#2.  I don' think he COULD ever understand, to be honest, but he is aware of it.  He has heard and seen me cry a million tears, listened to my reasons for wanting a daughter more than anything, and is agreeing to try again for ME when he really would be content with stopping at 2...but he will never, ever "get it", KWIM?

That would be my answer exactly!!  He knew about it, but could never fully understand it, as he was perfectly content with 2 boys.

 My husband is very aware. He is just as disappointed, he suffers from the GD himself, in his own way.

 

 

I'm so sorry your DH isn't very aware of how deep the hurt is. It's hard to go through something so emotional, when you feel all alone in it. Big hugs to you!!!!

My DH knows, and also suffers a bit from GD.  He has 2 girls from a previous marriage, 14 & 11.  DH's ex has basically pushed him out of the girls lives (visitation) and moved them to Hawaii while we live in NY.  He loves his girls and misses them.  I think if we had 2 girls first he would have been upset and had GD for a boy.  I really wanted to give him a boy first, and we got him.  I expected a girl after my boy, thinking he would be OK with a girl after he got his boy, but it was my second boy.  Now we are having an Oops baby he is so sure it's a girl.  I do know he gets upset because he thinks I obsess over wanting a girl so bad.  He can at least say he has girls.  He doesn'tunderstand that I can't.  I'm not even a true step mom.  I don't spend time with the girls or anything cause they are so far away.  They're strangers to me.  But financially we can't do a 4th, and my body can't handle another.  So this is it for me.