Sorry I couldn't post earlier...busy day and this is the first I have been home, after getting dinner on the table this is where I headed...

My u/s today didn't go so well, as twin #2 didn't make it.  She was bigger than last week, but no hb.  She probably grew a bit more judging from her size, but stopped at some point.  Also, the yolk sac was too big.

Twin #1 is looking good;  "perfect" as Dr. Lavy put it.  She is two days ahead in size, with a hb of between 160-170.  He is confident that this pg is going well and will be discharging me soon to my ob, although I am going to ask to stay a little longer so that I can continue to see the hb via u/s (my ob uses a doppler without the u/s at every appt, but I have a tilted uterus so far to my back that I can't get hb's with a doppler so I don't feel like panicking every time I am at the ob.)  And it is still SO early; I am only 8w2d.  My next u/s is next Wednesday, and I just pray no more surprises.  I need no more surprises and to get the heck off this rollercoaster.

It was very hard, much harder than I thought, to see the twin not make it.  The truth is, I only wanted one, but not for it to happen like this.  Maybe the RE was a little surprised to see me upset (inconsolable, I would call it) because he knows how much I wanted just one and went back and forth until three minutes before the ET trying to make a decision.  I am not sad because I am not getting twins, because I never wanted twins.  But I am sad because this baby fought and didn't make it.  After I saw the hb last week, I was really routing for her to make it.  I figured she was a miracle.  I stood in the stairwell of the medical building and cried for a long time before I could get to my car.  Thank goodness I didn't have the boys with me.

As you know, I never let myself get used to the idea of twins, since I was told "it could go either way" at the last appt.  I am SO grateful to have one healthy baby, and SO grateful I put back two.  If I hadn't, today might have been the end of my pregnancy.  Thanks for your support and as always, your advice that helped me get to where I am right now.

I am so sorry for you loss!  HUGS to you and your little one both with you and the one in heaven.  Your dd will have a beautiful angel watching over her throughout your pregnancy and all through life.  Again..I'm very sorry.  

I'm really sorry, and I can understand how you feel right now.

I am very sorry for your loss. Im am glad your other baby is doing well.

oh sweetie, the ride has been especially tough going for you.  BIG (((HUGS))).  I'm happy to hear that the other baby is doing so well.  Be kind to yourself.

i am so sorry.  i know exactlt how you are feeling.  it is really hard, and people will not understand.  you will hear "at least you still have one" as if the other baby didnt exist.  but you know she did, and you will never forget her. im not religious, but id like to think that my dd welcomed yours into "heaven" and that someday we will meet them again.  

I'm so sorry for the loss of your twin.  I pray that the rest of your pregnancy is uneventful!!!

 I'm so sorry you've been through this emotional roller coaster, and that your second baby didn't make it after fighting so hard. I completely understand what you said about only wanting one, but not this way. It was clear from your post last week that you were really hoping she would make it, even though you had only wanted one. I'm so sorry it turned out this way, but very glad you put back two and that one of them looks so healthy. I hope this is the end of the roller coaster ride for you and you can just enjoy a happy and healthy rest of your pregnancy.

 I am very sorry for the loss of your twin

I'm sorry the second baby didn't make it, you're right though--she gave it a good fight.  Like Kate, I'm not religious either but maybe our 3 little girls are all together right now.

Oh Lisa, I'm really sorry.  Even only wanting one, I know you were really pulling for the other baby to make it.  Twins in the abstract are so much different than the real twins you were carrying--this is a terrible loss despite what you may have originally wanted.  Take some time to grieve, and then try to focus on the perfect baby you're still carrying--what a blessing!.

So sorry you had a tough day.  Sorry about the loss of your twin.  I am happy you have one healthy baby girl.  Wishing you the best.

wanting pink:

I'm sorry the second baby didn't make it, you're right though--she gave it a good fight.  Like Kate, I'm not religious either but maybe our 3 little girls are all together right now.

i really like this thought.   

I'm so sorry for your loss.  You've been through so much already.  I really hope that things get easier for you, and that your little girl continues to do great.

 I'm so sorry, Lisa.  I'm sending P&PT that the rest of your pregnancy is textbook boring.