NOTE:   I posted this in the GD forum too, but since it's about adoption, I also wanted to post it here.  

 I always wanted two boys, and then a little girl. I had my two boys, and it didn't even take me by surprise.  (Someone should've smacked me, LOL...)

When DS#2 was two, I decided I wanted to adopt my DD.  That was 11 years ago.  ELEVEN YEARS.  What happened?  In a nutshell, DH wouldn't agree to adopt.  And yes, I resented him for it and still do, although I try not to.

One year ago, I got accidentally pregnant.  That sounds weird, but how else can I put it?  I was a tiny bit mad at God, because I had still not given up my dream of adopting my DD.   Still, I wasn't TOO mad.  After all, a biological DD would work too, although that wasn't quite my dream family.  Close enough, though. 

Of course, the baby wasn't a girl, and I had DS#3.

My GD rears it's ugly head when I see a family with two boys and an adopted DD.  And let me tell you; they are freakin all over the place, especially on adoption blogs.  And there is post after post about how LUCKY the mothers are to have been able to adopt their DD and how it is such a different feeling and way of becoming a mother.  Many say it's more powerful than giving birth biologically.  It's like a double blow to my GD:  I want to feel that feeling of being a mom to a DD and feel the feeling of becoming a mother through adoption.

 The greatest experience, the one which shakes a soul with hopes and fears, the results of which are never ending, and incidentally, the one which pays the biggest dividends, is to be found in the adoption of children ~Anonymous

My GD is sadly multifaceted.

This post was mostly for me to work out my thoughts, but thank you for listening!  I always feel supported when I'm here at IG.

{{{{HUGS}}}} Oh AM I wish I had the right words that could make everything better.  The words that will make your dh understand that you want to adopt your dd (you have for 11 years).  God I am so sorry.  I am sending you all my adoption energy I can to make your dh change his mind. 

aprilmay i'm sorry your dh is being so stubborn about this!!!

*11yrs* is crazy!!!

Your post breaks my heart. I don't know what to say, only that I feel very sad that you haven't yet been able to fulfill your adoption dream. I am that one day soon, with Dh's support, you will get that opportunity to adopt your longed for DD. (((hugs)))

I am so there with you.  I have completely decided that I will not get pg again.  So, on with the adoption!  However, dh is being too logical since I have our family at least $20,000 in debt from my failed IVF.  He says he is not opposed to adopting, but we need to wait until we are out of debt.  This is so troubling to me especially since he turns 43 this year and we already have 4 ds.  This is causing so much stress on our marriage, I can't stand each day.  I wish so badly I could take back doing the IVF.  It was a huge mistake and money thrown down the drain.  REALLY!  But, I can't.  And I live with this poor choice daily.  I know we can eventually adopt, but my heart is breaking now and I need to get this process going.

I understand how you feel. We had 2 sons and had ordered the paperwork on adopting a girl from China.  Our only concern was how to pay the $20,000-$25,000 in costs. Then, we found out about a suprise pregnancy 1 week before I was to have a 5 year IUD put in.  Of course, it was another adorable little boy. I banked on the fact that maybe we could adopt  a girl later. Sadly, or little son had to have a 6 hr. skull reconstruction surgery in Feb 08 and we are left with over $15,000 in bills and have already paid over $5,000. This is even with insurance (the entire surgery was about $150,000). So, not only do I not have a dd, I have already spent what it costs of adopt a dd on my son's surgery. I LOVE my sons and am so happy that my baby son is doing so well. But, it is ironic that he took away all cahnce I have of adopting from China. I'll stop whining now!!

i'm sorry what you've had to go through three.little.boys, but i'm sure your son is an angel!!   and there are other, cheaper options you can look into if you are open, like Haiti/Ethiopia, foster adoption, or independent adoption from Ukraine of an older girl.

best of luck to you!!