I am trying to research all possible avenues to add a girl to our family. I was just curious of how likely it is to adopt a child that you foster parent. Can you request girls? I am not trying to discount boys, I have 3 that I love dearly and I would foster parent a boy if need be(I doubt dh will go for this anyway-I am just curious). I also worry about the effect of getting any child and them him/her having to leave would be too hard on them(and us). How likely would this work? Any info appreciated thanks

I do think the foster adoption can be very risky, it depends on how open you are to an open adoption. I have only done minimal research in this,  and most children stay intouch with their bio siblings and foster family. maybe someone can jump in and give more info, as I decided against this for the reason it is to risky in that I would never feel the child is mine. goodluck.

I have very limited knowledge of Foster Parenting and have done zero research.  This being said I have a friend who does just this.  She places children in Foster Families.  I am certain that things vary depending on the State you are in.  I am sure if you called your State Health Department or Children's Welfare they could answer all your questions. I am sure they would be happy to help you out as I imagine they are in need of Foster Parents.  However, my friend advised another friend not to turn to Foster Parenting in hopes of adopting a dd.  She said that for our State a woman can go back to drugs (or whatever poor behavior landed her children in the welfare program to start) three seperate times before they will take the children away.  It is almost impossible to get an infant for adoption as they usually go back to the parent or family many times before they are deemed available for adoption.  Given that these children have had such an unstable and sometimes abusive life for the first three to six years of their lives (average age a child is permanently taken from a parent is 5 per her status) they often need many years of intense mental health treatment.  My friend advised against this friend going this route as she has small children (boys).  It is highly likely you could put your own children into harms way bringing this child into your home.  The child (even a young one) could act out violently or even sexually.  My friend also indicated that it could be hard to get a girl and then even harder to adopt her.  I don't want to discourage you as this is one social workers opionin to a friend.  I would call and talk to a social worker in your State before making up your mind.  I think that parenting a Foster Child is a noble selfless act of unmeasurable kindness and love.  A Foster Parent may be the only love and light in that childs life.  The Foster Parent might be the one who makes the difference, all the difference in the world of a child.  Good luck with your research. 

Foster/adoption is the only thing my DH will consider.  I would even be willing to do a donor egg (if we can ever get his sperm to work again) but he just flat out refuses (like he did when maybe I'd have a chance at MS with my own egg back a few years ago.)  Gosh I am feeling so depressed right now [:'(]

I am sure that it is hard to feel as if you have only one option but it is an option.  I heard the other day on "finding your child" Davenports podcast a man talk about Foster Parenting as the most affordable avenue to take when wanting to adopt as the State pays you to adopt the child.  He said that most children are toddlers and preschoolers and older.  I also have a friend who just started a job working as the intake person for children going into foster care.  She said its heart breaking to see some of these children go with total strangers that she doesn't even think "look" good to take the kids but they fit the "requirements".  She said she would love to have a nice couple come in and take a child for once.  This may be a very rewarding path to look into.  I would encourage you to call and just check it out.  At least your dh is willing to do this.  Good luck you are in my thoughts. 

 I don't know anything about this, except that I know one person who has adopted a beautiful little girl this way.  She has two sons, and requested a girl at least 4yo -- she said she didn't want to go through diapers again!  Because she is in the medical field, she was requested a number of times to take children with medical needs, but since one of her sons is autistic, she didn't think she could take on another special needs child.   She did get a beautiful little girl, and has since adopted her.  The girl has two older siblings, who sometimes visit them.

I have heard many people shy away from foster parenting because you lose your heart, and then the adoption doesn't work out.

We finished the foster/adopt training before I was diagnosed. They said to come back and get our lisencing after I am better (in about 3 months..) but we decided not to. We actually know a few who have gone this route and some of the kids stay, some don't. You have no idea until it has been a good year if the kids will go back or not (even if they say it looks like they won't you don't know...) One of my friends just lost a little girl she has been caring for for 7 months to the birth mom who was on drugs. :(

However, if you keep going, you might luck out on the first try or the 5th...just protect your heart and know it can fall through.

I guess I am just not strong enough, but it is a GREAT option!!

Hi Cinderella,

I have a friend who fostered to adopt.  She got her heart broken once- the little girl she was supposed to adopt got taken back by her bio-mom.  The second child they fostered worked out.  She had her for about a year before she could officially adopt her.  All has ended well though.  The little girl needed some speech therapy because she was behind developmentally, but no problems other than that.  She was 2 years old when the adoption went through.