I am feeling very frustrated at the moment.  And I am hoping that someone else has or is going through the same thing.

About 6wks ago, my DD said that all her undies are annoying her and refused to wear them.  But I must admit that I have had clothing issues with her right from toilet training.  She won't wear shoe string strap dresses or shirts, tie up dresses at the back, dresses with buttons at the back, shirts with elastic in the arms etc etc.

I was able to get her undies that she felt comfortable wearing, which she wore for 6mths but then they were getting to tight.  The same brand of undies don't go any higher in size so I had to get different ones.  We went to the shop, tried them all on and found some.  That lasted about 4wks and then she refused to wear them.  I went back to the shops and we tried more on found some more, bought 12 pairs, wore them for a week and refused to put them on again.

I rang a child health nurse and she suggested stop having a power struggle with her and let her wear what she wants.  So we had some ridiculous outfits on over the next few weeks (fairy dress, tracksuit pants and gum boots, were the favourite combo).  But I refused her to wear dresses or skirts because she didn't have underwear on.  SO she wore only tracksuit pants,  the same ones everyday, which meant I had to wash them everyday as she refused to wear any other tracksuit pants.  I thought that it was getting ridiculous.

I rang another child health nurse and she said, too bad, too sad, she has to wear underpants and that is the end of it.  So I basically told her the rules, prepared myself for the kicking and screaming and got through it....for a week.  This morning was the biggest meltdown of them all, the neighbours must think I am strangling her of something.  I ended up late taking my older DD to school and had to drag Miss 4 kicking and screaming all the way to school. 

Please tell me that someone else has been through this and if so what did they do?  I feel that my older daughter is missing out on my time at her school as I am struggling with the younger one.  And I hate to see my youngest one feel so distraught about not wanting to wear undies.

ANY ADVICE I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR, FEELING EXTREMELY DESPERATE.

 I wish I could help you out! My oldest isn't even 2 yet, so I haven't gotten to that point in child raising. I am just wondering, when she says her "underwear are annoying" what does she mean? Were they hurting? getting bunched up and feeling uncomfortable? Were they rubbing the inside of her leg? Does she like a certain character that you could buy underwear with a picture of that character on them? That might encourage her to wear undies. I really have no idea here, just throwing out suggestions. If she were my kid I think I would just make her wear the underwear and hope that she would eventually understand that people have to wear underwear and that is just the way it is. Good luck to you!!!

I know my girlfriend has the same issue with her 5yr old, but I don't think she does too much about it.  Have you tried boy leg undies or would she even wear boys boxers?  Not ideal, but at least undies??  I agree with the nurses though and I would create a rule, no undies = absolutely no skirts or dresses.  If she wears pants or shorts, then she can probably get away with it. 

I would say as far as the other clothing issues go, don't fight it if they seem reasonable.  HTH

 What about a bikini or a swimsuit..or some knickers with her favourite tv character on them.  DD1 is very thin and can't wear normal knickers (she just isn't comfortable) so I have found very thick, almost boxer short type knickers and she is much happier.

It might be fun to take her shopping and buy some accessories, such as iron on transfers, buttons, beads etc and you could both create amazing designer knickers!  Just like grown ups.  Get yourself a plain pair and decorate them too, so that you can both be designer girls together.

Whatever happens, I wish you luck and remember, this time will pass!!

Alice 

It sounds like typical preschooler control issues.  I would suggest giving her as many options  as possible.  Too many would be bad though.  Offer her three choices of underwear and a choice of two outfits.  So that she feels like she is making choices in  her life.  Be very firm and say, " I want you to be able to choose your clothes but you need to choose one of these two."  Also, when it doesn't matter let her choose crazy, silly four year old clothes.  My two year  old wore her swimsuit all day a few weeks ago.  Looked silly but she was totally happy.

You could also use a behavioral chart to stop the meltdowns.  Each morningt that she dresses and puts on underwear without a fit she gets to put a sticker on a chart.  After four days she can choose to do one special activity with mom or dad.  Also, reinforce your older daughters cooperation every morning so that the younger one sees you praising her.  If younger DD has a great morning, make a big deal out of it.

I do think that the key is letting her make less important choices throughout the day.  Little kids have very little control over things and they tend to over react while trying to control silly things.  Just my opinion though.

Sounds like your DD has sensory processing issues. My 2 year old DD has the same issues. If I dress her in something that 'bothers' her she lays on the floor and screams till I change her. It is not a power struggle. The best way to describe it is to imagine what it feels like when you have sand in your shoes and you have to walk around on it for a while -it irritates you like crazy. That's what it feels like for your DD. The feeling of those things on her skin bug her until it drives her nuts.

Firstly - let her wear what feels comfortable for her to wear. Shorts under a dress or skirt may feel better for her if they have no elastic in the legs. If you can sew you might want to try making her some underwear that have ribbing instead of elastic. You can also make boxer briefs that she might like.

My DD is not yet toilet trained so we don't have the underwear issue yet -but she has a long list of other things she won't wear. I just go with the flow and let her wear what she wants.

The most important thing to remember is that it is NOT a power struggle. Your DD isn't doing it on purpose - she can't help how the clothes make her feel. There are things you can do to help her become less sensitive - do a google search for Sensory Disorder and have a read.

I know it is a big pain in the butt - It drives me crazy when my DD makes me change her outfit 5 times before she is comfortable, or strips herself naked for the 10th time or throws a fit and won't move off the floor because its cold out and I put long pants on her.

Hope you can find something she is happy with.

It's probably premature to consider the problem a sensory processing issue unless it's diagnosed by a physician or child specialist.  I was a early chilldhood teacher for years and few children have true SPD. Children at this age are quirky and also do have a great need to feel control in their life.  Something about the underwear probably did annoy her at some point and now she's decided that she can't wear them anymore.   It's hard for a four year old to move on from feeling negative about things, but giving choices is a great option.   So if you are concerned that it's that serious (SPD) and not a NORMAL issue of 3/4 year old not liking something then please see your child's dr and ask for options.  Best not to label a problem until it's been professionally diagnosed.  I hope that you figure out constructive solutions soon.

Thankyou girls for all your wonderful suggestions.  Unfortunately I have tried them all, except for the accessorising with buttons etc.  I never thought of making boxer shorts with ribbing but I can certainly look into that.

I have tried taking her shopping (about 4 times) with picking and trying them on to see if they annoy her.  I have also tried the choice thing as well, not very successful with that either as the choice I give her either annoy her or she just sits naked or kicks and screams at me when I force them on.  When I do force clothing on her I have to hold her hands and leave it to the last minute so that I can strap her in her car seat immediately or she just takes them off again.  Once I do this and we get to our destination she happily accepts it.

I let her pick whatever she wants, with in reason (cold days etc) but I have told her that undies HAVE to be worn. 

 I have had a break through this week with reward charts, as the main issue is that I need her to be dressed so that I can take my older DD to school on time.  She will normally just say she isn't going, which of course isn't the solution as I can't leave her behind and then I miss out on spending that time settling her big sister in at school.  Frustrating.

So bascially I have had a huge response this week, so I just hope that it all goes smooth for next week. 

With the SPD, I actually looked that up a few weeks ago but I have spoken at length to my child health nurse and she doesn't think that this is our thing.  At times however it does sound familiar.

The worst thing is that my older daughter who is 5, just had a meltdown regarding her undies!!!  I tell you I am so sick of buying undies.  So off to the store once again to buy undies for my other daughter.

I hope I don't have issues with our little guy, if so I think I will just let DH sort it.  The girls are hard enough!

I saw that it was you posting, Mummas, and thought I'd see what you were up to!  I won't try to give any advice, although apparently my MIL had a difficult time keeping my SIL in clothing when she was about 2-3 years old - she used to sew clothing on her!  That would be difficult with undies, and would defeat the purpose of toilet training.  Sorry I can't be of more help!

The one thing I did think when I read this is that all of us obsessing for girls should read this!  I for one, am dreaming of a day when I can dress a DD (should I be so blessed) in all those cute clothes on the other side of the aisle.  I doubt any of us think of these potential difficulties!  Each child will throw up his or her special obstacles!  Although it's tough now, you'll be the one laughing and reminding her of this phase in years to come!  Maybe at her wedding??

Take care and hope your pregnancy continues to go well. 

 ive got one... i dont think you mentioned...(maybe you did and i didnt see it)

but what about really really praising your older DD for wearing undies... really exagerate it. maybe oldest DD gets a present everytime she wears her undies... and dd#2 doesnt b/c she wont wear undies! maybe with a little positive reinforcement she will decide she wants to wear them to get the same rewards dd#1 gets?

Hey kayjay, great to hear from you.  Thanks for responding and you are right, I am sure I will look back and get a good laugh about it.   She is so gorgeous, kind and great at sharing.  She is also very, very stubborn and quite the individual, which I also love and encourage but I will be the first to say that it is very trying also.

But I guess we all have our issues and I have a feeling that it will pass, fingers crossed it will be long gone by the time she has to start school next year.

And thanks oneadorableboy&girl, I have tried that in a way but in the form of missing out on going on the swings at the park until she puts them on, while her sister is having a great time, which I make really obvious.  She still insisted on waiting a whole hour before she put them on.  I did feel sorry for her as she was walking like she had just gotten off a horse because they were annoying her so much but I stood my ground and she knows I won't cave in (although I came very, very close too!)