thanks for being here

I am new to the forum. I just found out this afternoon (at my 20 week US) that I am having another boy. I have a 22 month old boy now--he is precious, loves me to pieces, I love him to pieces, yet I can't stop crying about my dream of having a girl being lost forever. Due to me being 38 and our not-so-great financial situation, this is, I'm afraid, our last child. Two boys. Ugggh.

 I went through the same disappointment and depression/constant uncontrollable crying when I found out gender with my first son.  It got better 3rd trimester, and completely disappeared when he was born---loved him so much and felt silly for ever being depressed.  Thought I'd truly be happy with either this time...but surprise, I am not. I "know" another boy will be easier, more practical, cheaper financially, less stressful emotionally in the teenage years, that my DS will love having a brother. I "know" all this, yet I am so sad.

 My husband is ecstatic, calling all his family to say that the legacy will live on (he is one of two brothers, and his father is one of two brothers). They were ALL such trouble....I fear I'm in for it.  Yet I know that these boys will be half "me"....

 Anyway...thanks for being here and letting me vent. Any similar stories?

I know how you must be feeling. It is horrible when we hear what we don't want to hear..and really I think there is nothing that we can do about it as it seems that just as a lot of women who sway do get their desired gender - the other half don't. When I was pregnant with my first I didn't really mind what we were having as my whole life I imagined having a boy then a girl. Well we had a boy - needless to say I was upset about it because I really did want a girl...but then I rembered my "plan" for kids...boy then girl...so of course I was happy again....the second time, we were definately having a girl, afterall, that is what I was having since i was little...a boy then a girl...all the owt's said i was having a girl, the birth charts, when we conceived etc all said girl....ultrasound said boy and again...i was broken. I was completely devastated for at least a week, hubby on the other hand was excited as he wanted another boy (he has a good relationship with his bro but not his sis), so that made it even harder because i didn't want him to know how upset I was. But it did get better and I started to make myself excited about him, I thought about how precious a gift he would be to my first and then thought about being at a table surrounded by 3 grown men who absolutely adore me and really, how could anyone not be excited to think of that??!?!?! haha..

Now that I have told you my story, I really don't have any helpful/constructive words of wisdom for you, but you are definately in the right place!! I am sure your son is going to be as wonderful and gorgeous as your first!!! There really is nothing like seeing your boys playing together, laughing, smiling at each other!! You will honestly love it!:) 

Thanks for your honest and kind words and story.  I do like that image of being surrounded by three grown men who adore me...that's a good one...thanks! And I hope that my DS and baby boy on the way DO end up playing...smiling...laughing...

I guess they'll be into the same things. I plan on getting more and more gender-neutral toys (play kitchen, baby boy dolls/accessories, engineering-building stuff (tinker toys, etc)...?  I am just getting so sick of trucks...my two year old is OBSESSED!

Congratulations on your son!!  I've been in your shoes and know how tough it is though.  My boys are 26 months apart.  I desperately wanted #2 to be a girl, but alas, he was a boy.  I wasn't happy about it until he was born.  Now- I wouldn't change things for anything.  I LOVE that my boys have a brother.  The sadness of having a girl is still there (in the background), but I absolutely love having boys.  And I started at the same point as you- crying the day of the u/s.  So there is hope!! 

Hi, just wanted to tell you my story and I hope it helps. I have always wanted a daughter, it is not meant to be for me either as I am now pregnant with my 3rd son. You have only just found out, so give yourself time and I promise you will feel better soon. I am now really looking forward to having my 3rd son and can't wait to meet him. Initially I was upset I would never have a daughter, but I am ok now as time has passed. What is meant to be is meant to be, there is nothing I can do about it but embrace it and feel happy and blessed with another child to love.

When I found out I was pregnant with DS2 I was probably more upset because I was very nervous about raising another boy, so at that time it was not just about not having a daughter. The reason for this was because as lovely as my DS1 is, he is also a real handful at times and everyone kept telling me that it is the way 'boys' behave. Well, let me tell you that DS2 behaves nothing like my DS1. He is much easier to look after, even placid in a way, the boys are very different to each other. So I am not as anxious at having another boy this time. I love my boys equally for their individualty. So don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore my DS1, there are a million wonderful things I could tell you about him, but I just don't think my patience could handle 2 with the same personality.

So please don't worry too much about whether your DS2 will be trouble as he might be a little angel. In my case that is how it turned out. Best wishes to you, cry if you need to, the tears will pass soon.

I am so sorry that you are not going to be having your little girl but I just wanted to say that your little boy will have so much fun with his baby brother, especially once the baby grows up a little bit. I was someone who had envisaged myself with 2 little girls and no boys growing up. I do have girls and boys so I know that I do not know how it feels to only have one gender, but I can honestly say that I think 2 of the same gender (whether male of female) is wonderful. I absolutely love watching my boys together and brothers can be just as close as sisters and just as much fun.

My little boys are now 7 and 3 and they are great. They share a room and in the mornings my older son reads to his brother. They are just about inseparable at all times and even if they have a quarrel it is quickly forgotten about and then they are off playing once again.

I also get bored with trucks and cars so I encourage mine to paint, draw, do play doh, play outdoors, cook etc etc. My oldest can cook scrambled eggs and little cakes already and my littlest knows how to load the washing machine and empty the dishwasher !!

I am incredibly proud of them both, they are well mannered, polite and great fun. I am looking so thankful for my two wonderful boys and I am so pleased that they have eachother too.

Julie

Big hugs to you.  Give yourself some time.  Even though you "know" these things, its really hard to get past the emotions.  I found out I'm having my 3rd boy a month ago.  It's gotten a little better.  I can think a little about names and look at some of the baby clothes that will get worn again. 

My boys are so fun right now.  They have a good relationship with each other and I keep focusing on that.  I know what you mean about boy toys.  Everytime I trip over one of their cars, trains or blocks I do get a little resentful.  I think its just the gd and my hormones.

Keep posting and getting your feelings out.  I feel like this is the only place I can voice my thoughts and I think its helping.