DH is mad at me :(

At the moment I really can't help feeling this way, we have three wonderful boys and for the third I had to really beg DH cos we had decided we wanted to have only two kids, but I really wanted a girl so DH agreed that we can try for our last who turned up a boy. I love my sons please don't get me wrong, but I need a girl in my life right now, I want a DD. Tried to let DH know how I feel and asked him if we can try one last time, and he was furious with me, he said I was selfish and said I didn't deserve to be a mother cos I didn't love my sons, he made me feel so sad that I have been crying for a while now, I totally love my kids but I still feel I should have another, how's that selfish? Don't know what to do right now just feeling sad...

Sorry that you are feeling so sad at the moment. I know what I am about to say is the last thing you want o hear right now but.......I have 3 wonderful sons and am pregnant again with our 4th boy!!! There are no guarantees for a girl, your chances of another boy are increased because you already have 3 boys. Believe me, I would rather feel the way you do Han feel my immense heartbreak right now. I have believed in my heartbn soul since I found out I was pregnant, that this baby was my much desired daughter. My heart has been shattered and I feel like I have lost a baby, now I need to grieve to a baby that never was. I understand in your situation that there will always be the 'what if' but seriously enjoy your beautiful family, it is not worth the trouble it will cause in your relationship. What if you have another boy, how will your partner feel , but most of all how will you feel. Good luck, sorry to seem so negative, but I have been hit hard with a very harsh reality Xxx

Also, just wanted t add.... Wanting another baby is not selfish, itscjustvhowcwevmothers feel. But ask yourself if you really want another baby because you desperately want a girl or because you desire another baby, and the gender doesn't matter??? Good luck

Sorry, bad typing on the iPad, lol! That should say...... Just how we mothers feel!

sweetie you want a daughter... you don't need one. i know because i thought i needed a son to have a complete life. don't get me wrong i adore him. after 10 years of failed sways i got him but at what cost? having  a son doesn't make me a better mother, it didn't make my husband love me more. it didn't make my daughters any happier. it just gave me a 6th child and let me tell you 6 kids is no walk in the park. its alot of work. hard work. im glad he's here but having a son wasn't a magic cure pill to make me happy and giggly all the time. now im sleep deprived and exhausted. there was no confetti or a marching band when i had him, nobody cared it was a boy but me. and he's exactly the same as his sisters. i just dress him in blue.

 Sorry your dh is mad at you and said those hurtful things.  I was desperate for a third child, boy or girl and dh finally agreed and now I suddenly really, really want a girl.  DH told me I lied to him when I said I just wanted a third child.  I didn't lie, I didn't feel this way until after I was pregnant.  But I don't think they understand that longing for a daughter.

Also, as pp said, even if you have a fourth there is no garauntee it would be a girl.  Plus you and dh have to be on the same page about that.  I know how you feel, if this turns out to be a boy I don't know how I'm gonna deal with never having a daughter.

 

oh dear i

have to agree with all of the above posts everything they have said is true, and i know cause its all happen to me 15 years ago, and believe it or not im still trying to get over it all! Good luck in what you and your dh decide but once the decision is made theres no going back, and you well have to deal with the consequences for a very long time.i am happy with my family and have no regrets whatsoever,and i wanted a fourth child regardless ,but also got my hopes up for my desired gender and it didnt turn out that way.I set myself up for heart ache and i could never go through that again.Dont get me wrong ,even though i didnt get my desired gender i dont regret going for my fourth child.How could i?,i love them all equally.It was the part where i was ( hoping ) for a particular gender that i do regret,if you know what i mean.You really do need to ask yourself am i prepared to risk the heart ache if i dont get what" i really want "? .Unless you (really) want a fourth child ,regardless of sex ,then i wouldnt do it, if i were you!,after all its alot of dam hard work!

oh

 i also forgot to say that your dh is probably upset cause he parlty feels like he has failed you in a way! Even though your the one that wanted the last son, he gave in and now dosent want to put you through that turmoil again! im sure my dh felt the same way! try not to get too upset, both his and your feelings are completely normal.

It's nice to know that some of u ladies understand just how I feel, but it's getting DH to that's the hardest, I think also why I feel this way is cos am often left out of his activities with the boys. My boys love me, but it seems they enjoy doing stuffs with their dad more, I hope things change and they'll love doing what I love doing too, but each time I feel left out I just think it will be nice to have DD to keep me company.

I think u shud let DH know just how u feel when he leaves u out of some of what he does with the boys, u cud also do some of what u like doing with your DSs too, my DS loves shopping with me, try not to let this issue affect your marriage as it's obvious your DH dosen't want another LO for now, and like the other posters hav said there's no assurance that you'll get a girl next, so try to enjoy what u hav. Hope u find peace with your family, hugs

Sorry you are going through that. Mine blames me saying i can't make a girl . I have 6boys total, 3 from past relationship and 3 with my DH. Mine knows how bad i want a girl, and just don't understand :(

Hey farouza,

So sad to hear you are disappointed but a HUGE Congratulations on your 4th ...........bet he's gonna be a real winner!! . Also can't tell you how I am....here wanting  just one . When you said you wanted a DD to keep you company thought it was so sweet!!, I am a young woman who is always up for making more friends and if you want feel free to email me. All the best .

newbaby2011:

sweetie you want a daughter... you don't need one. i know because i thought i needed a son to have a complete life. don't get me wrong i adore him. after 10 years of failed sways i got him but at what cost? having  a son doesn't make me a better mother, it didn't make my husband love me more. it didn't make my daughters any happier. it just gave me a 6th child and let me tell you 6 kids is no walk in the park. its alot of work. hard work. im glad he's here but having a son wasn't a magic cure pill to make me happy and giggly all the time. now im sleep deprived and exhausted. there was no confetti or a marching band when i had him, nobody cared it was a boy but me. and he's exactly the same as his sisters. i just dress him in blue.

THAT! We had a boy and I was desperate for a daughter. I GOT her! And what happened? I wanted ANOTHER ONE! I swayed, drove myself crazy, never realising how happy I was with my 2 toddlers... well, I am expecting a boy. I am regretting not having waited for some years and then have another 2 close together, I am exhausted nonstop, my daughter inbetween will get less attention once the baby is here and I was disappointed it would be another boy. Although I am not 100% we are done after this baby, I have to really take a step back and think of whether I really want another BABY .... or just a girl.... DO NOT have another baby if you only want a girl. You need to be in the right spot first.

So grateful to all u ladies for posting here, I really needed your support and encouragement, aben4me I have your email and will send a mail to u as soon as I can, where about are u? Maybe we can meet someday, JUSTLUVDEM, my DSs hate shopping lol I wish they were like yours, but I love them sooo much. Finding peace with my family is what am trying to do right now, but it would be so much better if I can have a DD along with my boys, how's that selfish?

 I am so sorry to hear your feeling so down....I can tell you though if you wont be happy with either boy or girl...then dont do it.... I am on my third, our seventh....and its yet another boy....It was an accident pregnancy not planned which made it all the more stressful....I love this little boy to death but as others have said I now feel I have burried my little girl...even though she never truly exsisted.....and on top of it now dh is facing horrible gd apprently as well but wont admit it.....he keeps telling me hes happy and what not but hes not showed any reall happiness and on top of it..he just recently mentioned after bing very adiment bout this being our last..that maybe we can try again way down the line........now the question for us is..can we handle another boy or would it be best to just move on with our family and be happy.....thats something you need to really think about...its hard....i know i am torn now..i dont want to give up the chance on a girl or on babies at all...but i dont know if i can handle hearing boy one more time and not girl..il still love that boy to death....but....i want my girl so bad..............................its just too hard and too much sometimes....sometimes dh does not always get it...do they......maybe just talk to him ....idk how to really help...im sorry...