Help me to repair excitement with OH :(

Hi all, I'm now 34 weeks pg with ds2, I'll cut the story short but before gender scan I'd never even heard of gd let alone think I'd have it. I was convinced another boy was best for ds1, and as my oh already has 2 girls he was desperate for a boy. How wrong I was! Gd hit me like a ton of bricks and I still struggle now, but control it more than I could those first few weeks. Anyway, there was about 4hrs between my scan and the gd hittin where obvi oh was absolutely ecstatic, then gd came along and ruined everything :( now and again he will remind me that MY feelings and MY gd took that buzz away from him, and his best friend has just found out he is havin first boy too, so oh is jealous of his untarnished excitement :( we have never ever recovered any of the preg excitement, and I just wanted some ideas on what I can to try to repair the damage? :( Damn u gd for spoiling this pg for not only me but everyone around me :(

I think it is a little immature for your OH to blame you for "ruining" his excitement with your feelings. Your feelings are just as valid as his, negative, positive or otherwise. Just because you have some GD doesn't mean he can't be excited. It just means you need some time to overcome that desire for a daughter. It doesn't mean he HAS to feel upset along with you. He just has to acknowledge your feelings as valid and move on. And I think you can only gain back some excitement in the pregnancy by telling him that. And trying to gain some of your own excitement back. Get your new little boy some fun stuff that you didn't buy with your first son. Even if it it is just some fancy washcloths or something with his name on it. Start planning your birth, or if that is done, plan some meals for when the baby comes home. Keep a journal about the things you are doing to prepare for baby. When you get out the baby stuff, take pictures of your older son "helping" to set it up and testing it out. Then put them in an album. Those are some of the things I did and it really amped up the excitement for the coming baby. I also did a "baby pool" where I had friends and family guess when he would be born, what he would look like, how big he would be, etc. It was fun to see their guesses :)

Hotdogz&boyz:

I think it is a little immature for your OH to blame you for "ruining" his excitement with your feelings. Your feelings are just as valid as his, negative, positive or otherwise. Just because you have some GD doesn't mean he can't be excited. It just means you need some time to overcome that desire for a daughter. It doesn't mean he HAS to feel upset along with you. He just has to acknowledge your feelings as valid and move on. And I think you can only gain back some excitement in the pregnancy by telling him that. And trying to gain some of your own excitement back. Get your new little boy some fun stuff that you didn't buy with your first son. Even if it it is just some fancy washcloths or something with his name on it. Start planning your birth, or if that is done, plan some meals for when the baby comes home. Keep a journal about the things you are doing to prepare for baby. When you get out the baby stuff, take pictures of your older son "helping" to set it up and testing it out. Then put them in an album. Those are some of the things I did and it really amped up the excitement for the coming baby. I also did a "baby pool" where I had friends and family guess when he would be born, what he would look like, how big he would be, etc. It was fun to see their guesses :)

 

Wonderful advice!  I completely agree 100%!  

Also, it may be that some of your lack of excitement might be due to just simply finding out and having nothing super exciting to look forward to until the end of the pregnancy when the baby is born. 

I know I felt that way with ds2, my whole pregnancy was spent looking forward to finding out the gender, and once I found out, I felt kind of deflated and like I had all those months stretched out before me with nothing to look forward to between then and the birth.  Getting into planning & shopping cured the lack of excitement for me, so maybe if you haven't bought anything yet, or decorated the nursery, now would be the time to get started on that to help you with your feelings of sadness. One of the best things I did to regain my excitement was to pull out my ds1's things and begin to go through them. DS1 was born in december and DS2 was born in June, so I couldn't reuse the clothing, but  I got out the blanket I brought ds1 home from the hospital in and set it out to bring ds2 home in.   That helped tremendously! 

I would just remind your dh that you didn't intend to put a damper on things, nor are you choosing to feel the way you do.  Let him know that just because you're having some sadness doesn't mean you aren't excited about your baby to be!  Tell him you are focusing on trying to feel better and don't let him forget that you have pregnancy hormones going on and that those around you have to be a little forgiving as you can't help but be a little emotional.

 

Thanks for your replies :) I ordered the new nursery stuff for the boys last night and am hoping oh will help decorate nursery next week and it'll help us get back on track :) islandmeadow, thanks for pointing out about the 2nd pg/finding out sex thing - that's so true! And I do think that's prob a big part of it as well. It's hard as oh is naturally not a very empathic person and I think he wonders why I couldn't have just kept my feelings to myself ... I'm making him sound terrible but that's just him! Anyway, thanks for your suggestions, I'm gonna discreetly give them a go and see how it goes :) x