Quetions for all those who have risen over GD - Long post Warning

Hi,

I have 3 DDs. With DD1, I wanted her to be boy, but was not at all disppointed when we found out during scan that she was a girl as I knew that I wanted two children(one of each). I had two miscarriages after DD1 (was hoping for a boy both times), went through years of unexplained secondary infertility and then got pregnant with DD2. We learnt DD2's gender only after birth. I was disappointed and had PPD. However I quickly got over it, when DH said that we will have one more child. In my country people have only 1 or a maximum of 2 kids these days. It was a BIG decision to have another child. I learnt that DD3 was a girl during scan and was DEVASTATED to say the least. I Went into depression and thoughts of suicide and abortion were very very tempting (don't bash me please). It is the faith/fear on God, love for my children/husband, In-Gender support that made me come out of it.

We are planning to try one more time for a son. We are already mocked upon for having a BIG family. Friends and Family see us as a freak of nature that we have a family of all girls. To have another child is not going to be easy at all(although financially we can manage), not to mention the strain that it will put on my career. We tried sort sperm technique with IUI for two cycles and they were bust. We gave that idea up as the sorted sperm count was lower and so We have been trying to conceive naturally for the past 3 months, they have been bust too. My DD1 is already 10.5 years old and here people do not have children when they have children as old as my DD1. The delay in conception is only adding my stress.

Sane part of my mind reminds me that it is high time to give up my boy dreams. I am not sure how to come out of it. I had my AF today and I have been crying since morning. DH tells me that he is happy with our family and is ready to give up his boy dreams. I do not know how I can do it. I have been a very ambitious person through out my lfe and have always reached my goals through my hard work. No matter how hard I try, I can never get the son that I so much dream of having. It has been close to 9 years of trying and for some reason or the other all my attempts are failing. If the sway is perfect I do not conceive,  If I go through HT methods I do not conceive, If I conceive I have girls. I am tired and really do not have the energy to do this anymore..

How did you make our peace with the way your family is? Any tips/suggestions would help me.. Thanks if you have reached so far..

oh dear god please help you get through this

 i have four all the same but believe me you will get over this.its very hard letting go of a dream but somehow we need to move on and try to make the best of the situation we are in. i know that wont change how you feel right now but ,try and think of the positive things about having your daughters and try if you can imagine what it would be like if you had a boy and he wasnt all what you dreamed of ! the grass isnt always greener on the other side!

 i have known people that have got their DG and actually regreted it because their child was a nightmare to bring up. i guess its a case of be carefull what you wish for scenario, and once they are here theres no going back.not to mean that your child would be like this but it does happen and i have seen it often! so i thank god that i am content with what i have, and try to make the most of it.

when i was younger i would often see other people that i know with my DG and think why didnt i have one? what would they look like? what would they be like? what if this and that, the list just goes on and on, its the mystery of never knowing that keeps you thinking like this.But now their kids have all grown up they have been a great source of grief for their parents and im now so gratefull with what i have. im not a religious nut or anything but i truely believe God gave me the children i do have for a reason! dont worry about what others think they are not God, and if they say anything to hurt your feelings then point it out to them.i do!

 

gee i hope i didnt upset too many people reading my above post.when i said DG i meant ( Desired Gender ) not dear daughter im still new to all these abbreviations,sorry to miss interper to anyone.

Thanks Bill69 for your reply and for the useful advice. I am feeling a little better today..  True, grass is only greener on the otherside.. Your 4 sons will be a blessing to you and my 3 girls would be a blessing for my family also..  God needs to help us making peace with the facts..

and do not worry about DG, I read it as 'Desired Gender' and so I am sure others would have got it right too..

Hi

 Im glad your feeling a little better today.It does get better,believe me,the hardest years were when i finally realised that it was over,( my choice) ," this is it" now i have to face the harsh reality of getting on with the rest of my life, but i had to make a decision to move on and accept what was given to me. My children didnt ask to be born, they couldnt help what gender they were, so i love them even more! Just thinking that i wished at the time for something different is quite silly now.I honestly dont think i would be any happier .My youngest is a happy little soul!

For me it was dd2 and her alone that got me over GD (althought I know God had his way too..) anyway with dd1 I thought she was going to be a boy and was sooo hoping she would be. She was a girl and I was disappointed but it didn't bother me as long as I didn't think about more children. Anyway during my pregnancy I knew she'd be the ultimate girly girl. Sensitive princesses type and it scared me. Anyway she was born and started to grow and was an extremely mild mannered, thoughtful, careful child. She was the ultimate girly girl. Loves pink dress up, crowns and sparkles she's obsessed with it. It been difficult to be patient on occasions but we worked through it.. Fast forward 4 years and I have a new DH and new life and we are unexpectedly expecting again.. Everything inside me said it was a boy, I wouldn't let anyone talk about a girl, I only picked girl names I went and bought all boy clothes, etc.. I was that friend people were bashing in another post on this forum (not literally her but acted just like that) Well she was a girl, I cried and cried and I'm sure everyone I the waiting room thought the worst. DH was crying but from happiness, I ruined our day we had planned together, acted like a downright brat. But part of me thought shed be just like her sister but a bigger part of me thought they'd be total opposites... While I may have been wrong about their genders I've been spot on about their personalities. My dd2 is.. Well she's something else! Lol! She's completely opposite of her sister, actually she's just like me. She's made me appreciate my dd1 a lot more, let me see I let stereotypes get the best of me, that everyone is different no matter how small. She filled a place I didn't know needed filling. I can't explain it, and it sounds cheesy but she's fixed me! I swayed this time around because yes it would be nice to experience a boy too but I assure you I'm in no way disappointed about having another girl!!! We will find out soon!

babybleux, this is so beautiful! Thank you! When preg. with DS1, I could just not imagine taking care of a boy. I didn't want to deal with boy stuff, etc, I had only pictured having girls! Then he was born, and he was so handsome, I of course fell in love with him.But as he grew older, I saw so much of myself in him, that he really healed me and my pre-concieved notions about what 'having a boy' would be like...

 The only shocker to my story is that mine is reverse of yours; when I found out I was having DS2, though I had wanted a DD so bad, the only thing that gave me peace was envisioning another son like DS1. Well, DS2 is totally his own wild child! He is 15 mos now, but he is soooo different from my first, that I think God gave me him to teach me that even the 'same' gender the children can be totally different! He has taught me patience on a new level, and he is such a handful sometimes, that when things do go smoothly, I feel more grateful.

 Honestly, I feel bad that I didn't appreciate DS1 more when he was younger because he was the most easy going laid back sweetheart baby, and all I kept thinking was how badly I wanted to get pregnant again to get a DD! And now that DS2 is so challenging, (but of course cute and adorable!) it's helped me to appreciate all the traits in DS1 as well.

I am having a DD in 6 weeks and I have truly do not have any vision of what she may act like, be like, look like. I have learned my lesson about that, and I am just going to love and accept her for whatever personality or person she is.

I think you need to stop comparing other peoples families to your own. Their families are not your family and there is no reason to see your family through what they think. You are surrounding yourself with love! You are special and unique and YOUR girls are going to grow up to be women! Women who love you. I'm so glad that you are trying for a fourth...my fourth was my DG, but even if you do have another girl, there is nothing wrong with you or your beautiful family.

 If you are going for #4, first of all, dont worry what other people think about your big family (which isn't that big imo).  Also, really think of the prospect of having another girl.  Pick out a name, picture her in your mind etc.  I am pregnant with #3 (gender unknown) and what has helped (besides a dream I posted about) is picturing my little boy and loving him.  That way I'm all prepared and if I have a girl, well I'd be happy about that too.

 I am soooo sorry:(. I have been off and on with my gd...infact dh is suffering with me as well and since we are young we both decided that we will try once more, once all kids are in school and if we both feel at that time we want another which has helped my gd greatly as i think the biggest part was this was spsoed to be our last and i wasnt ready especially with it as another boy....ANYWAYS....I am not sure what your age is but if you still have some good years ignore what other have to say about your family and only keep trying if you feel it will be ok if was another little girl. that is the best advice i can give and if you are ok with it...then stop trying...and just go for it:) ive seen so many give up trying and then poof they have a baby and some even get their dg:D. Otherwise if you cannot handle any more girls then i would stop and just look at what wonderful little ones you have now and live your life. it will be hard to give up the dream and i have no real advice but i have lots of hope and lots of heart for your situation.