Hurtful boy comments (I have a girl)

It is sad isnt it. I've also experienced it the other way - I had my daughter first and I had friends actually say to me that "I better have a boy next because its what my husband would really want. You know, every man wants a son"

Actually no, some men dont care about gender

I still dont get why poople think dressing up girls is so much fun - its a pain in the ar$e! boys are SO much easier.

Yep, this bugs me a lot too. There were people who made it sound like having a second DS was some kind of tragedy, and a few people actually said 'sorry' when I said I was expecting another boy. Makes you wonder what the heck is wrong with people, that they feel the need to appologize for a healthy baby. And how sad, to say unkind things about innocent babies....

chickfromaus:

Actually no, some men dont care about gender .

Yep! And there are men that want daughters though you can't convince people of that. Both of my parents were ridiculously pro girl and have said that all they wanted were granddaughters.

 Yeah I have heard some amazing comments, I got my first amazing comment about the possibility of having three girls when I was 6 weeks pregnant (needless to say this lady had two boys first and then a girl so she would have gone through the same thing as me with gender but still decided to share her remark) since then I have been putting off telling people and letting them know. I love my girls, sometimes they get to me and we have good and bad days and would openly welcome another baby girl, but with this some people really cant help themselves. This is why I choose not to announce my pregnancy publicly until I know the gender in hope stupid comments wont worry me. 

 I remember people saying the same things comparing their sons and daughters and I have to admit that I have been doing it myself sometimes of course not in front of my children. My son is much more hyper and louder which can be obnoxious at times. It is in the male nature for them to have all this energy. My daughter is much more affectionate and interactive with us. That probally comes from females being maternal. My daughter can sit in one spot for hours where my son is constantly moving. It is what it is. My friends with both agree it is the same way with their children. Boys and girls are very different. I use to also get insulted before my daughter but now realize they were just pointing out the obvious. The feeling sorry for you for having a boy is just crazy. Having a son is awesone and also is a very different type of relationship. I love having both.  But do brace yourself to be more physically active with your son lol. I bet the boys become the easier one as they get older.

My boy hates getting dirty, shares hugs and love with everyone and loves animals and of cours cars and other "boy-stuff". He likes puzzles and is not very active. I love buying and sewing cloth diapers for him, and there are lots of beautiful boy clothes everywhere. Even though we are TTC a girl this fall I still wouldn't change my boy for anything. He is the cutest thing in the world!

 Thank you for your beautiful words - you're right: It IS hurtful when people makes those boy stereotypes...

daisy1:

My son is much more hyper and louder which can be obnoxious at times. It is in the male nature for them to have all this energy. My daughter is much more affectionate and interactive with us. That probally comes from females being maternal. My daughter can sit in one spot for hours where my son is constantly moving. It is what it is. My friends with both agree it is the same way with their children. Boys and girls are very different..

 

I do agree that boys and girls are *generally* different, esp the older they get. So not arguing with you there. But I think PP parents have a very limited view of both sexes and tend to box in what their boy/girl does as atrributed to their gender. I say "limited" because you have only one example of a boy, and one example of a girl. Try talking to some of us moms of 3+ of the same gender and you'll see how different our kids are even though they are the same gender. My 3 boys are very different! While my younger two are very hyper (my DS2's hyperactivity is mostly because of his autism though), my oldest couldn't be more calm. He is totally non-aggressive (in fact, we had an incident this past week where a littel girl in his day camp was bullying him- he came home crying hysterically that she wouldn't let him on the monkey bars and that she told him he "wasn't her friend anymore". He was so upset because he said he didn't do anything and kept crying to me that he didn't do anything wrong and was wondering why she would be so mean to him.) All 3 of my boys are EXTREMELY affectionate...so much so that it annoys me sometimes lol. All 3 will fight for a spot on my lap and kiss me on the neck, wrap their little arms around me, like all. day. long. My niece on the other hand is not very affectionate at all (she is the same age as my DS2)... I've asked her for kisses and hugs and my SIL has to make her do it. She's just not touchy-feely at ALL. I don't assume it's because she's a girl (because I have met affectionate little girls) but because it is her innate personality. Her older brother (who is 12, and from a previous marriage, he is my brother's stepson) couldn't be more affectionate- he won't hesitate to wrap his arms around me and give me a huge hug without me asking. 

I will agree with you that boys are more physically active- I don't mind it a bit though as I've always been a tomboy and into sports, etc. Actually, my DS1 and I were just outside throwing a football back and forth- it was fun! :)

OP: Thanks so much for your post! I have found that there are pockets of populations that favor girls, and pockets that favor boys. Before I had DS3 all I encountered were those who favored girls, but since DS3 it seems like everyone around me loves boys!

Honestly ANY gender-bashing pisses me off- whether against boys OR girls...both have GREAT qualities! I want a girl but I never did NOT want a boy, I always wanted both (2 of each actually was my dream). :)

 I have two biological sons, three step sons and one step daughter...I have heard it all lol...i have been through it all lol..both genders can be just as sweet or just as wrotten lol all depends on who u raise them and who they become:). I love all my children equally...yes i want a girl soooo bad but its not because i dont like boys...ive got such diff boys..the oldest boy typical bad boy lol...hes gna be the bad boy in high school...likes all things daddy likes is a major flirt and is alllll boy....my second oldest son my biological son..super sensitive used to scream when bugs were near him altho i worked on it and now he picks them up but more out of curiosity i think lol very smart all he wants to do is learn doesnt jump round rough house none that very quiet..my step daughter..shes a tomboy and a girly girl lol...she loves to dress up and play with dolls and what not but she also cant seem to stay away form mud either..she tries to be just like her brothers lol...my thrid step son...very shy quiet reserved non active....my fourth step son alot like his oldest brother except hes a bully....my youngest son and biological...comeplete sweetie...lovey dovey..hes a bully but hes a sweet heart hes like those commercials of those sweet and sour gummy bears lol one minutes hes awful brat then hes all lovey dovey cute face and you just cant help but forgive him...hes a daddys boy but..right now hes oddly a mommys baby will ssee if changes after pregnancy...he wanted nthn to do with me til i was like 12 wks preg lol alweays wanted daddy..but anyways a kid will be a kid lol regardless of sex adn i hate the stereotypes and the assumptions even if it is true i want another girl my own little girl...but drives me nuts cuz i love allll my kids and they are allll different

It's sad that people think that way. My girl could --and has!-- debunked everything stereotypical I've ever heard about the difference in genders. She has her "girly" side, but her tomboy side is strong competition for any girly displays she's shown. She loves to get dirty, she's messy, she's her Daddy's sidekick, and she was the best (although smallest/youngest/only girl) on her T-ball team this past season. Just the other day I caught her outside in a summer dress playing "ninja fighters" with my neighbor's bigger son and his younger sister (her BFF). She has the lack of fear I've heard boys have, but she'll do it all in a dress with a big bow in her hair. She has been a living example of why I'll never throw a kid, no matter the gender, in a pre-decided genre.

 It's even sadder when their own parents do it, geesh.  But yes, people can be so ignorant sometimes.  Our neighbors downstairs don't get along with us cause they think our children are too loud.  Our other neighbor told them I was pregnant with #3 and our neighbor said, "Well hopefully it will be a girl so it won't be as noisy as the other two."  Okay, both genders can be equally noisy.  The little girl next door and the one downstairs come over and play and can be just as loud as my boys.

I also agree about the dressing up thing.  What gets me is it's a child, not a baby doll.  My SIL just HAD to have a girl (and she got one too) and it seemed just so she could dress her in dresses.  She might as well have gotten an American girl doll.  And frankly, I enjoy clothes shopping for my boys.

I had this exact conversation tonight with my husband. I have two gorgeous boys, and I get the "oh you don't understand how different girls are" from parents who have both. But also to those parents that have one of each I would say "you have no idea how different two same sex siblings can be"! My oldest son is nothing like a boy stereotype. He was having full conversations at 16 months, I am not exaggerating. He doesn't play with toys that much, preferring to make up games like school, or pretending to be his older cousin, or hospital. He can sit in one place for hours and loves painting and reading. He is two and a half and tells me long made up stories while I'm making the dinner. My youngest isn't wild either, but then I'm really laid back, but he's more into running, and moving, loves planes, and trucks and music, LOVES music. My older son is mad about swimming, the younger one is scared in the water. the older one has never thrown a tantrum, ever, and never ever runs off. Even when he was very very small. The second one, can have a tantrum now and again, is more independent and will walk the complete opposite way than you want him to go. Both are VERY VERY cuddly and will cuddle me in the bed for ages in the morning. The youngest, will come up to me randomly throughout the day for a kiss and cuddle and then goes off playing. My older one rubs my face all the time and tells me Im a lovely mammy! If they were different genders I would say, girls are totally different to boys. My friends are twin girls and they couldn't have more different personalities if they were different races and genders! Stereotypes help us make sense of the world, they're generalisations. Other people's generalisations don't bother me. Me and my husband would have loads of kids, because our two are so good. I have met people with both boys and girls who have said " no way three babies in three years, I can't cope with one"!

daisy1:

 I remember people saying the same things comparing their sons and daughters and I have to admit that I have been doing it myself sometimes of course not in front of my children. My son is much more hyper and louder which can be obnoxious at times. It is in the male nature for them to have all this energy. My daughter is much more affectionate and interactive with us. That probally comes from females being maternal. My daughter can sit in one spot for hours where my son is constantly moving. It is what it is. My friends with both agree it is the same way with their children. Boys and girls are very different. I use to also get insulted before my daughter but now realize they were just pointing out the obvious. The feeling sorry for you for having a boy is just crazy. Having a son is awesone and also is a very different type of relationship. I love having both.  But do brace yourself to be more physically active with your son lol. I bet the boys become the easier one as they get older.

I have 2 boys who couldn't be more opposite so I don't buy the boys are loud/girls are quiet stereotype. I have a typical 12 year old who is into anything and everything sports and has been that way since he was 2. But my ds2 is the sweetest most gentle soul I have ever met. He is into building quietly with his legos and will sit calmly and do that for hours. My dd is a sassy little stinker a lot of the time and will definitely be "busy" just like her oldest brother. In fact I have several friends who have sassy, feisty dd's and quiet little boys. I don't like the stereotypes because kids are defined and shaped by so much more than their gender.

prettyinpink18:

daisy1:

 I remember people saying the same things comparing their sons and daughters and I have to admit that I have been doing it myself sometimes of course not in front of my children. My son is much more hyper and louder which can be obnoxious at times. It is in the male nature for them to have all this energy. My daughter is much more affectionate and interactive with us. That probally comes from females being maternal. My daughter can sit in one spot for hours where my son is constantly moving. It is what it is. My friends with both agree it is the same way with their children. Boys and girls are very different. I use to also get insulted before my daughter but now realize they were just pointing out the obvious. The feeling sorry for you for having a boy is just crazy. Having a son is awesone and also is a very different type of relationship. I love having both.  But do brace yourself to be more physically active with your son lol. I bet the boys become the easier one as they get older.

I have 2 boys who couldn't be more opposite so I don't buy the boys are loud/girls are quiet stereotype. I have a typical 12 year old who is into anything and everything sports and has been that way since he was 2. But my ds2 is the sweetest most gentle soul I have ever met. He is into building quietly with his legos and will sit calmly and do that for hours. My dd is a sassy little stinker a lot of the time and will definitely be "busy" just like her oldest brother. In fact I have several friends who have sassy, feisty dd's and quiet little boys. I don't like the stereotypes because kids are defined and shaped by so much more than their gender.

Do we both have the same DS2? Mine too is very creative and can spend hours building with his legos or playing playdoh and he loves doing arts and crafts. DS1 loves reading and has started writing his own books. I would definitely say my boys aren't the stereotypical boys. I have a neighbor with a DD who is wilder than any of my guys. She will tackle them to the ground and loves to play rough... it's not for lack of parenting as her mother is strict but she just has a lot of energy. Of course my guys have their moments where they get crazy and run around the house, but seriously what child doesn't? Kids are individuals, not just a gender.

prettyinpink18:

daisy1:

 I remember people saying the same things comparing their sons and daughters and I have to admit that I have been doing it myself sometimes of course not in front of my children. My son is much more hyper and louder which can be obnoxious at times. It is in the male nature for them to have all this energy. My daughter is much more affectionate and interactive with us. That probally comes from females being maternal. My daughter can sit in one spot for hours where my son is constantly moving. It is what it is. My friends with both agree it is the same way with their children. Boys and girls are very different. I use to also get insulted before my daughter but now realize they were just pointing out the obvious. The feeling sorry for you for having a boy is just crazy. Having a son is awesone and also is a very different type of relationship. I love having both.  But do brace yourself to be more physically active with your son lol. I bet the boys become the easier one as they get older.

I have 2 boys who couldn't be more opposite so I don't buy the boys are loud/girls are quiet stereotype. I have a typical 12 year old who is into anything and everything sports and has been that way since he was 2. But my ds2 is the sweetest most gentle soul I have ever met. He is into building quietly with his legos and will sit calmly and do that for hours. My dd is a sassy little stinker a lot of the time and will definitely be "busy" just like her oldest brother. In fact I have several friends who have sassy, feisty dd's and quiet little boys. I don't like the stereotypes because kids are defined and shaped by so much more than their gender.

 

 

I agree with you, pretty in pink, as well as some of the others who have pointed out that gender stereotypes just don't hold up.  I get really irritated at gender stereotyping because it does make me immediately want to defend my sons, but even more than that, it really annoys me that boys can't just be themselves... they are damned if they do, damned if they don't.  If they are rowdy, they are 'typical boys' if they are quiet, people ask you what is wrong with them.  My ds2 is sweet, calm, quiet, loving, and very smart.  People have actually said to me, "You don't think he'll be gay do you???"  SERIOUSLY????? 

I worry that parents don't let their boys pursue their interests or are overly harsh on them because they don't want them to be too rowdy, or too quiet.  Just like the op pointed out, it seems like little girls are given more of a free pass to act as they please.  They are praised for bucking the typical sweet girly girl stereotype in the name of girl power, but being a girly girl is also wonderful & great.  Boys, for some reason, don't get these same liberties.  

I am so over being nice to ignorant people who have decided that children have to fit in a nice little gender box.  I WISH I had been at that cloth diaper party!!  I would have had so much to say on this subject, but I probably wouldn't have made any friends... except maybe the op! 

islandmeadow:

I worry that parents don't let their boys pursue their interests or are overly harsh on them because they don't want them to be too rowdy, or too quiet.  Just like the op pointed out, it seems like little girls are given more of a free pass to act as they please.  They are praised for bucking the typical sweet girly girl stereotype in the name of girl power, but being a girly girl is also wonderful & great.  Boys, for some reason, don't get these same liberties.    

Sadly, I think you are absolutley right. People write them off as just rowdy boys when they're simply being kids but when they are quiet and reserved it's assumed something is "wrong". I feel like as a boy mom I am always having to defend my kids for anything they do, it can be tiring and is very unfair.