So angry at myself.

it's stupid, one minute everthing hunky doorey. then jealousy strikes and i get so friggen cranky. I hate being jealos of people i care so much about, and i want the best for them. Just hurts. I'm sure some of you understand what im saying. GD sucks arse.... in the sense of gender desire. so stupid... i love what i have... i guess its like they say "the grass is greener".... in a sense i feel that way, but i dont want what they have exactly, i want my own... iykwim? not gunna happen, just here to vent and get it off my chest... i hate myself for being jealous of someone i care so much about, i'm really struggling to be positive and supportive because im being so bitter. arg. mean. need to get over myself and be happy for my beautiful beautiful friend.

You are entitled to feel like this, we all have moments hun. But those moments will get less and less, I promise you. Your boys are so beautiful and you are such a lovely person and mumma. Don't ever feel guilty. I don't let you xxxx

Tickleme I know how you feel.  One minute I am like I will be an all boy mom and it is a great feeling especially when I hear myself saying "my boys"  then I see my friends who 95% of them have a pp and the other 5% have 2 girls.  I will be the only one in my family and circle of friends who have 2 boys.  I look at the adorable pictures of their girls or pp and I get angry!  My friend is now pregnant too and I just know what it will be and she wants a girl sooo bad.  I get angry with myself because I should be happy I can have happy healthy children.  I just feel like I am raising my ds now why can I not experience what it is like to raise a dd!  Why does everybody else get what they want?!  It is dumb and selfish I know (but this is how I feel when I am being irrational.)  I went to go buy a crib the other day for my new ds and I walked in the store saw the ton of beautiful girl clothing and just didn't feel like being there anymore!  I was told this baby was a girl at 18 weeks which elated me to then hear nope it is a boy 2 weeks later.  I managed to take back and pack away the girl clothes I did buy, the rest I am going to sell at a yard sale and it will be gut wrenching to have to see all those cute out fits again and things I bought for my daughter I was told I was having.  Try to take it one day at a time, you have the right to be upset and jealous that is what GD is all about.  You eventually will be there for your friend, it will just take time.

 Wow..   are you tapping into my brain???

I know EXACTLY how you feel and it SUCKS!   My childhood friend (who I have known for almost 28 yrs!) is 13 wks with her third, a surprise and she wants a girl - I am praying it's another boy!  How awful is that!  I am so ashamed of myself but I can't help it!  She already has a daughter too, she has a boy then a girl. She wants another girl.   Also, another friend found out she was pregnant and she posted her 7 wk scan on FB and I told her I thought it was another boy   Well, she just got confirmation it's another boy and I was Happy!  Geez.. I am a B*tch!  Lol  

The ONLY ladies I want to get their DG is the one on HERE!  Lol    

I am having my 4th boy and it still stings pretty bad - NOT that I am having another boy, just the fact I will NEVER have a daughter now. It hurts real bad and I still cry. I know (hope) things will get better once he comes. 

Don't feel bad, I just wanted to stop by and say you are not alone in the way you feel. It's normal.

I just hope we both find peace!  ♥

Dreamingofxx... that how i feel... wouldnt trade my boys... just sad that my little girl will never hapen. i wass typing this post as my hubby climbed into bed, and i'm secretly hoping he read it (while pretending to watch tv). I dunno.... maybe he didnt. he knows how i feel. waiting4daisy...i had a bit of a break down a few weeks back and havent bounced back like i normally would've... thats why i made myself scarse. I dunno whether its because my baby is no loner my baby, and the sadness of being "done" and also not having a girl.... i think i'd be feeling sad regardless of the gender... gd is just making it that bit worse. and what stinks is gd is what scares me from pushing to have a fourth baby. I dont want to be sad if i did and heard ds4... i'm so worried about that. when i'm content with my 3 boys and not longing for my lil girl.... i lust over having another baby.... but when gd strikes it makes me want my lil girl so bad.... that i thnk i should just settle for the beautiful family i have. My baby is laughing like a toddler, he doesnt have that baby laugh anymore.... he's furniture walking.... he wants to play with the big boys... he's so lovely and cute and funny.... but hes growing too fast... i feel like i need more baby time. Yesterday I walked around the shops on my own, and tried to imagine that ds3 was infact a girl, and tries to imagine how i'd be if it were true.... and then reality hit and i thought "smug bitches" that get both genders. I thought trying to put my mind in that imaginary place might help me realise what my motives were for wanting another baby. if i had my girl with ds1,2,or3.... would i still want another one? it's so confusing. Smug bitches.... arggggggg.... makes me angry at myself. so disapointed i feel this way. I dont mean to be this way.... and i'm trying. i had a fairy party on the weekend... and my "friend" who got the redheaded lil girl came over, and brought her baby (who i still havent gone to visit cos i didn't want to get upset), and she just seemed to be in my face with this beautiful lil red headed baby. and she's there complaining about the redhair saying she hopes it atleast goes to strawberry blonde, and i was obviously busy in the kitchen catering, and she's "so you want to hold HER".... i really didnt want to. :( I made a lil joke out of it saying to my hubby "so what you dont think a pink redhead would suit me?".... oh fuck... i'm crying again. i'mover this.

i hear u hun. GD has mad me bitter and jealous too. i love my sons and i know i am a good mom, but im not a good wife anymore. thats when my anger kicks in. im even jealous of my husband. why is he so good that God blessed him with sons. does that mean he is the better person since the most important role model is same sex parent. am i so bad that God doesnt want me to raise a little girl? those r questions i keep asking myself all the time. i too cant get over myself. after 3rd son, i decided not to believe in God anymore. I try to believethat everything is just a coincidence.........its way better than beating myself up. well, i still do though 

 

i ask myself those questions too sabrine, why do other people get what they want when i dont? i have to shake my head to rid those thoughts, because i know its stupid and we get what we are given. still doesnt stop the questions from haunting me. :( I was feeling so good a few months ago and thought i was over gd... even had a good post about it.... but now i'm a miserable friggen mess again. I never had a sister to bond with, I ave never really bonded with my mum, and I struggleed to make female friends... maybe i'm a female repelent? blark.... I have lots of female friends in the most recent years, but i still struggle to "bond", and they see that.... I find it hard to get comfortable with other females. i dont know.... maybe thats why i will never have a girl.... i dont have the experience of having a female bond so i am simply not worthy.

Oh tickleme, I'm sorry you are so sad. The way I tell myself, life isn't fair. There are loads of time bad things happen to good people (not that having boys is a bad thing btw, but just as a more general example of 'life') and vice versa. We can't always get everything we want, and that is what we teach our children. This is really no different. The hardest thing I find is giving up on my little girl, not just a girl, but my Daisy that I've dreamt of and told her we would wait for her, that we would go back for her. Yes, I think we will have a no 4/poss even no 5 down the line, but there are no guarantees, and after 3 boys I really think my cervix is all about cooking the boys. We wouldn't have more if I couldn't be ok with more boys, and I definitely am, but it is sad that so many people get girls, and we aren't them! I always remind myself that it's special to be different. I think it would be really cool to have a family of all boys, and be the queen of the family! I also think my future hubby is more designed for dealing with boys rather than teen girl attitude (I'm a secondary teacher, so happily deal with both, but I am a lot more patient than him) and I think he has real fears and worries about raising a daughter. Of course he'd deal with those if it happened, but maybe I'm getting all these boys as a gift for HIM, y'know? To make up for some of the shit he has gone through and worked so hard to overcome? Tickleme, it's not that God doesn't view worthy of having a girl/female bond, he just has other, better, bigger, more important plans for you. And raising 3 boys into wonderful caring men is a hard task but one you do with ease. And one day, no matter what your husband says now, another kid might be in the cards. And maybe that will be your little girl? And she just wanted some kick arse big brothers to look after her first :-)

I hope so. I hope you are right.

yeah waiting4daisy and tickleme, I agree with u both so much.

I too never bonded with my mom and never had a sister. Im so longing for this bond....sisterhood...."womenhood"....... I know sometimes bad things happen to good people....I dont mean to say my sons are bad things......just the darn GD is. But also I see so often good things happen to bad people... Many women who are not that nice get one of each or several of each gender. I cant handle seeing that. When they find out how sad I am, they say that everything happens for a reason and that's when I get upset.....how dare they say they were meant to have both genders and I wasnt. Did they do anything good to deserve that? Did I do anything bad not to deserve that? I dont believe in that. I cant or Id be hurting even more. Hugs to all of u who feel the same.

This is me too. I also don't like it :(

I started thinking it was "that time of month" talking... exagerating my thoughts.... but no she;s gone, and so is my dream of having a daughter. this is fucked. It's a reliefe I'm not the only one who's bitter... and angry at themselves (and the world) for feeling this way. But I just want to isolate myself again. Tell everyone to fuck off and leave me alone, because although I can't see them or hear them, i know they are thinking "oh poor dear having 3 boys".... I dunno what's wrong with me. I'm spiraling. I think I need to go see someone. ( I feel like my post is turning into a trollish post, but this is me.... this is me today anyway... maybe tomorrowwill be different).

 I feel what u are saying tickleme,

I too need to go see someone, but too bad....I dont take any advice from people who dont have at least 3 sons....much less from man because a man doesnt have to deal with morning sickness and the pains of labor and giving birth......I know some men have GD and long for a son, but for women its harder.... we carry the child we are so much more connected to the pregnancy and then the disappointment of not getting the DG is devastating..once finding out its not a girl once again, we have to continue the pregnancy feeling guilty and angry. I think there is rarely a female psychologist who has 3 or more boys if there is and she happens to be in my area, I would try to see her.....if its not too overpriced. I know I need help too and like u tickle me, I use the f word so much ever since finding out about third son. Im beyond frustrated and hate that people know i wanted a girl. if u have more than 2 boys its so obvious u kept going in hopes of a girl. if u have 2 boys and then a girl people are like what a lucky cookie, but no, Im a poor thing too  Hugs to all of u poor things out there.

Sabrine- happily im feeling better today.... but did get knocked down again (for a short while) when i recieved a birth announcement from a friend, with photos of her beautiful redhead girl..... i spoke about her previously. and first thought was, "are you fucking kidding me, why does she feel the need to rub her girl in my face?".... but you know she probaby wouldve sent a similar thing if she'd had a boy. I told my dh what i thought when i opened it.... he laughed at me... we both know its stupid.... but i was raging for atleast an hour about it. And another thing.... there seems to be alot of people that my dh's family knows who have just had their 3rd baby.... and after2 boys they have a girl.... and what does my mil say each bloody time?.... "Oh how lovely for them, after 2 boys I bet they are thrilled to have a girl".... when i found out i was having a boy I got "oh well, you get what you are given".... grrrrrrr.... or worse... "atleast you can have babies" (that comment annoys me so much, cos its like they think i dont love my boys and like i dont appreciate what i have.... its a different grief and they shoulnt be compared... ARG! We all know that it would be more heartbreaking not to concieve.... but bringing that up as a comparison is belittling my emotions and isn't really thinking about why I;m feeling the way i do.) grrrrrr... Why dont people get that I am craving a female bond, I have no sisters, im not close to my mum, and i have no daughter. I'm the only female in a house of males, a family o males... and i'm the only one who goes out of their way for anyone else. :( no one gets it. and i really wish someone in RL did... but really what could they do?