How to move on

 Well, DD3 has been here for 2 weeks now. I can truly say that any fears I had about bonding with her melted away the second that I held her in my arms.  I wouldn't give her up for anything! 

 However, even though I love my girls I am having a hard time coming to grips with the end of my child bearing years.  Not so much about the quest of a boy anymore, but more about never experiencing the joys of creating a new life again.  How does one decide that they have been blessed enough and move on? If you are done with your family, whether or not you got your DG, how did you know?  

When I was pregnant, I was so ready to be done. I'm high risk anyways, and my back/sciatica was really bothering me.  So funny then that the mind quickly forgets, and as soon as I gave birth, I missed my round preggo belly.  Instead I have a flabby belly that looks like I"m still 2-3 months pregnant.. lol. You want the belly when you are pregnant, but as soon as you are done it's no longer as cute! :)

I always said I would be done at age 35, which I am.  How come I cannot seem to let this go?  DH doesn't want any more.  Unless our financial situation changes, we shouldn't have anymore.   If I were to wait 2 years as would be ideal, I will be 37, and is that too risky to try given the risks of Downs'.  I could never forgive myself if my 3 daughters lost attention from me because I HAD to try one last time for a boy, and instead had a child with disabilities.   I actually would be ok with a 4th daughter I feel, and healthy is all that matters.  But is it too risky?

How did you know your family was complete?

 Hi, I'm glad you are moving through your GD with the arrival of your littlest :)  Not sure I can be much help with your query - I have exactly the same questions and could have written your post myself :)  I thought I would be "finished" after three children and felt very content when my youngest was about 4 months. I love the family that I have.  Since then, I have a creeping feeling of "just one more..."  I wonder if I would feel this way if my third was a boy?  I also wonder if this feeling is more so related to not wanting to say goodbye to my child-bearing years, or is it a bit of both? I love pregnancy and have been fortunate to have easy pregnancies.  I also love being a mum. The rational thing for me is to let go, but emotionally I'm not ready too.   DH is at his emotional capacity and financially it would really stretch us to have any more children.  I'm interested in other's thoughts / decision process about how they decided their family was "finished".

 I had the same concerns as you re: age and had my children close together with that in mind.  That said, many women around me in their late 30's and early 40's are ttc or  pregnant and don't share my anxieties.  All those that do have infants, have healthy children.

Thanks for your response! Glad to know I'm not alone! Yesterday I was feeling down again about not having a son. I hope these feelings will fade.

BAby number 32012 and agthrs! Hello. I could have written both your posts and feel like I have been at every stage of the journey you have been on. I have three girls. LAst one has just turned one. I am now in your boat! I want another but dont know whether it is because ai cant =accept end of child bearing years or it is another chance at a boy. It is a real struggle in my head between rashional thoughts like 'three is enough' and 'be happy with what you have' and 'just one more. just to have that experience again!' It is a really tough one. I will watch this post to see if we get any good advice. This site is full of fab advice and thoughts. It does help. I feel a bit sad about it today. I am not as low as I was day in day out but there is still a sadness! MY hubbie does not want another and all my family would go mad. My dad had already said that I am a fab mum but I am not having another one!!!!! You are not alone! How to move on is a real tricky one. I Have always said time really helps! But time also can be the enemy when thinking of biological clock as well!!!! Grrrr.

Don't worry about Down's - they scare us way too much with that. I was 36 with this last pgcy and my results from the prenatal screening were the best they could be, and baby is fine. If worse comes to worse, you can have an amnio, but it depends on your beliefs, if you would terminate or not should there be an issue. Anyway, women have healthy babies into their 40s. If your other pgcies went fine and you're healthy, no problem there. As for your main question, just wanted to say I'm in same boat, of not knowing whether family is complete or not. I try not to think of it and enjoy the present. I won't make a decision until baby is 1 anyway!

Photo girl, It seems to be a common theme! A lot of people seem to be in the same boat. For me it seems to have been magnified today buy my sister in law announcing she is pregnant. How many do you have? I think you are right about enjoying the moment. That is good advice. VEry sound.

Aww, you sound a bit like me. Being pregnant was horrible, I could hardly sleep at the end because of the sciatica but after I had DD I was so sad knowing that she was my last baby.

I'm nearly 40 now and I am broody as heck, I'd love another baby but the logical side of me knows that 3 is enough. My DH works away so I am alone most of the time with my 3 and now that DD is walking/running around it is hard work. Plus there is the financial side, we would really need a new house if we had another and I'm not keen on moving as we have a very small mortgage now.

I'm not sure there ever is a time when I'll be able to say I'm DONE, but my life and circumstances have pretty much said 'no' for me.

 I just want to say that the same things happen to me, even though I have my desired genders both times. I feel in my head that my family is complete, but my heart thinks of how I would do with 3 kids. Maybe that really never goes away, and it truly doesn't matter if you have 3 of the same gender or not; just never having the chance again to create a miracle isn't fun to think about! But as others have said, life and circumstances dictate how many kids. For us, it isn't a financial reason--it is more that I want to make sure the two I have are taken care of with TIME. I want to make every sporting event, want to be able to take off work to go watch a play, etc. My heart says there is definitely room for more love for two or three more kids, but I also want to make sure I give my kids 100%. And for me (not anyone else), I coudln't do that with more than 2 kids--regardless of gender. 

Congrats on your beautiful family!! 

I don't think I'm 100 or even 50% ok with not having more but it's what is best for me family. Financially we would be fine, and our house is big enough and my time would be split well because I'll be staying home once dc3 is here, but for me I have lowsy pregnancies and I don't enjoy them, they are 9 long, hard months that consist of me laid up on the couch with zero patience, horrid awful headaches, nausea, a bad pelvis that separates and has done it sooner with each pregnancy. I know 9 months doesn't sound like all that long considering I'm fine after birth, but I have a slight heart condition and it's one that ca be passed to my children in utero if they happen to be female, and I have 2 daughters and I'm two times lucky they don't have it, I simply can't risk putting stress on my own heart, passing something to my potential daughter, and being miserable and not a good mom to my kids for 9 months. So, as hard as it is to know I'm still young and won't have more children I just think about pregnancy and that's almost enough to scare me completely but I'd it doesn't work I think that so far I've never had to tell my dd1 no, dd2 isn't old enough yet but I know I won't have to for her either... Now I'm not saying I never say no cause I'm a mean mama lol, but I don't HAVE to say no ie: cause I don't have money for gymnastics or tball or ballet etc but I know after #3 gets to say 4 or 5 she/he will want to do something or other dd2 will be 5/6 and will likely be involved in something as will dd1 who will be about 10.. I don't want to have to start saying no because I don't have time to take you all to different places etc... Like another poster said I want to be able to let all my kids do events and for me to be there with them all. That's what helps me move on!U

First, you are not coming to the end of your child bearing years!  I don't know your FSH levels, etc. but if you're "normal" for 35, you could easily keep going.  I had my first at 37 and my second at 40 with no problems conceiving.  The odds of Down's for a 40 yr. old is like 1 in 100.  For a 35 yr. old it's 1 in 400. 

To answer your question about how I know I'm done even though we didn't get a DD:  My husband and I watch our two boys together and we don't feel the desire to add another to the mix, even if it was a girl.  I'm surprised to say that, too.  I worry it would take me away from the other two and their relationship is so sweet on its own, I wouldn't want to change it by bringing another into the family.  The gender stuff matters less the more I get to know my baby and watch him and his brother building a friendship.  And that's truly what I dreamed of and, thankfully, have now.

Hope this helps!

It's always sad to feel something come to an end. It may just take time to heal. Good luck.

Oh, and congrats on your baby!