Other people's perceptions...

Photo-Girl:

islandmeadow:

I don't know why I let it get to me so much but it drives me crazy when people make boy bashing comments!  I wish I could learn to just accept that these people are idiots and move on and not let it get me down.

Same here. I **really** wish these comments would not get to me, but I'm still in a place where they do, alas. It would be very freeing not to care anymore, but I just don't know HOW to not care, kwim? Thanks for the insight on how people would gush at a girl if you had a DD and ignore the boys - I would also feel sad and defensive about that - never thought of it that way.... Hum...

 

Yes, I'm disappointed in myself for being such a pessimist in this way, but I just really feel that it will be that way.  

 

I'm actually kind of hoping for boy #3 tbh.  I already have him named. I am always looking at baby boy clothes and thinking of how ds2 and ds3 could share a room,  Like I said, I've never really had true gender disappointment, but there was a time when I desired a daughter.  I really think that desire is fading.   I used to be bitter when I would have to shop for someone's baby girl because there would just be so much more available and it was annoying.  I don't even care about that anymore and I find myself truly happy for people who are having a pp (if that's what they want).  Of course, I would love a daughter and be excited to add a girl to my two boys, but I feel my heart getting set on my little Asher Liam and I'm not even pregnant yet. I caught myself referring to my unconceived child as "he" to dh today. 

That is awesome Islandmeadow.  And I really liked what you said about being truly happy for people who want a pp and are having a pp.  I am getting there, there are still days when I would think, "whatever " and roll my eyes when I hear pp moms say "oh I'm done, I got a boy and a girl".  Makes me feel like I don't know what to say back, I mean, they know I have three daughters, do I say "oh I'm done too, I got three girls".  lol.  But now there are more days of me feeling good about mix gender families without feeling like they think I am not as happy as them even when some do still make the "I got a boy and a girl so I'm done" comment and that I am proud to show off my dd3 and am enjoying that I do get the attention from people, sometimes they are good, sometimes they are "oh my gosh, 3 girls!"  but heck, it's what makes 3 of a kind special.  And when I get the "oh my gosh, 3 girls!" comments, I just look right back at them and say proudly "yep!"

 

FOUND OUT YESERDAY ABOUT BOY NO 3, AND IF ONE MORE PESON TELLS ME TO BE HAPPY,BECAUSE "i'LL SAVE ON CLOTHES" OR at least I'll have 3 strong men to protect me (from what I wonder..myself???)..I'll SCREAMMMMMMMMM!!!!!! Was going to celebrate after scan,but ended up just sobbing to my poor DH.Of course I adore my two miracle IVF twin boys....was just really looking fwd to having a girl to bond with.

 

No one ever says Congrats,just oh poor you,or "not sure what to say".Just stupid comments about hands full and having strapping lads around!!!

 

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!xxx

wincha123:

I am getting there, there are still days when I would think, "whatever " and roll my eyes when I hear pp moms say "oh I'm done, I got a boy and a girl

I hate when people say that because it makes me feel that my family is somehow not enough cause I have only boys.  I mean, people with only one gender can't be done?  I like how you said you look back and the people who make three girl comments and say "yup"  It really does make a difference.  After I had DS2, people would say, oh so you have two boys now? and I would say, "yes, I got lucky both times!"

 

 

wincha123:

That is awesome Islandmeadow.  And I really liked what you said about being truly happy for people who want a pp and are having a pp.  I am getting there, there are still days when I would think, "whatever " and roll my eyes when I hear pp moms say "oh I'm done, I got a boy and a girl".  Makes me feel like I don't know what to say back, I mean, they know I have three daughters, do I say "oh I'm done too, I got three girls".  lol.  But now there are more days of me feeling good about mix gender families without feeling like they think I am not as happy as them even when some do still make the "I got a boy and a girl so I'm done" comment and that I am proud to show off my dd3 and am enjoying that I do get the attention from people, sometimes they are good, sometimes they are "oh my gosh, 3 girls!"  but heck, it's what makes 3 of a kind special.  And when I get the "oh my gosh, 3 girls!" comments, I just look right back at them and say proudly "yep!"

 

 

Being  in a great place can easily be ruined by one idiotic comment by someone.  I still have a hard time with people's comments.  I still let it get to me and that bugs me that I can't just let it go.  BUT I don't know how I can when they are pretty much openly insulting my family.  

 

Some people seem to just thrive on the idea that they somehow have it better than you.  These are the same type of people who would also say: I'm soooo glad I don't have a girl/boy.  I really am so thankful to have all girls/boys, if YOU had the pp and THEY had 2 or 3 or more of the same gender.  I don't like people like that and at this point, I'm willing to just not be around those type of people if I can help it.  I'm sorry, but I want friends that I can be happy for and who I know will be happy for me.  Life's too short for me to sit around listening to the crap that comes out of some people's mouths especially since 95% of what they are saying is probably to make themselves feel better or superior.

islandmeadow:

 

wincha123:

That is awesome Islandmeadow.  And I really liked what you said about being truly happy for people who want a pp and are having a pp.  I am getting there, there are still days when I would think, "whatever " and roll my eyes when I hear pp moms say "oh I'm done, I got a boy and a girl".  Makes me feel like I don't know what to say back, I mean, they know I have three daughters, do I say "oh I'm done too, I got three girls".  lol.  But now there are more days of me feeling good about mix gender families without feeling like they think I am not as happy as them even when some do still make the "I got a boy and a girl so I'm done" comment and that I am proud to show off my dd3 and am enjoying that I do get the attention from people, sometimes they are good, sometimes they are "oh my gosh, 3 girls!"  but heck, it's what makes 3 of a kind special.  And when I get the "oh my gosh, 3 girls!" comments, I just look right back at them and say proudly "yep!"

 

 

Being  in a great place can easily be ruined by one idiotic comment by someone.  I still have a hard time with people's comments.  I still let it get to me and that bugs me that I can't just let it go.  BUT I don't know how I can when they are pretty much openly insulting my family.  

 

Some people seem to just thrive on the idea that they somehow have it better than you.  These are the same type of people who would also say: I'm soooo glad I don't have a girl/boy.  I really am so thankful to have all girls/boys, if YOU had the pp and THEY had 2 or 3 or more of the same gender.  I don't like people like that and at this point, I'm willing to just not be around those type of people if I can help it.  I'm sorry, but I want friends that I can be happy for and who I know will be happy for me.  Life's too short for me to sit around listening to the crap that comes out of some people's mouths especially since 95% of what they are saying is probably to make themselves feel better or superior.

I agree, I am so much more happy now after I let go of "those" friends, the type who seems to step on you so that they can feel superior.  Real friends are suppose to be happy for you, not make you feel bad.  And I know what you mean about it only takes one stupid comment to ruin everything.  With my daughters going to summer camps and starting new classes, I know a part of me have to take a deep breath every time I go into the first day of their classes, I have to prepare myself in case I do get those stupid comments. 

Honestly Wincha I bet so many ladies are jealous that you have three daughters. I know so many women that only want girls and girls really are desired so much! 3 little girls would be a dream family to so many.

islandmeadow:

Being  in a great place can easily be ruined by one idiotic comment by someone.  I still have a hard time with people's comments.  I still let it get to me and that bugs me that I can't just let it go.  BUT I don't know how I can when they are pretty much openly insulting my family.  

 

Some people seem to just thrive on the idea that they somehow have it better than you. 

I agree. And honestly, I have already taken my distance from such people. I want friends who have tact and sensitivity. Of course, it's possible that 2 boys is not their ideal family, that they don't relate to boys, etc.... but that's THEIR problem. As a mom of two boys (or even just one), I don't need to hear boy-bashing from their mouth. It is just respectful and common sense to keep some of our feelings and opinions to ourselves depending on whom we're talking to as to not hurt people's feelings. And I expect that sort of good judgement and respect from the people I frequent - otherwise, sayonara!! And I'm trying to come up with good comebacks too for when the comments actually occur so they know I won't tolerate such insensitivity.

I know the feeling! I have too wanted always a big family. Because my hubby dos not, we have decided to have only 3-4. Now we have 3. And they are all boy. It was fanny when I was pregnant with my third everybody was thinking that we are trying to get a girl and that´s why I´m pregnant again. Even thought we have always known that if we could get baby´s we are going to make them at least 3. It´s also a true that if I had know 3 kids (mixed) I would do right away baby 4. But now I wan´t so badly a girl, that I don´t know dare I do one more? It´s irritating that this gender thing is determined everything :( When I was just planing to have kids, I did said to my sister, that I just hope I won´t get three boys. And here I am. I have been thinking that I should make the fourth one...so I don´t have that three boys I was fear of. :) Four boys are different thing...right :)

Serenity:

Honestly Wincha I bet so many ladies are jealous that you have three daughters. I know so many women that only want girls and girls really are desired so much! 3 little girls would be a dream family to so many.

Thanks Serenity. :)  I will remember this whenever I get defensive or down that there are some people out there who thinks I hit the jackpot.  I heard this comment once and it was from my pediatrician, he is awesome!  I think I get uncomfortable because I'm asian and there are lots of asian mommies where I live.  My husband doesn't see it because he is at work and I deal with the mommies every day being a stay at home mom.  Last night, my husband told me that my GD does get to him and that things did change in terms of our marriage after we did pgd/high tech and loss the baby.  I wish he could see how far I've gone and the posts I've made here and how grateful I feel for the family I have. 

 

wincha123:

Serenity:

Honestly Wincha I bet so many ladies are jealous that you have three daughters. I know so many women that only want girls and girls really are desired so much! 3 little girls would be a dream family to so many.

Thanks Serenity. :)  I will remember this whenever I get defensive or down that there are some people out there who thinks I hit the jackpot.  I heard this comment once and it was from my pediatrician, he is awesome!  I think I get uncomfortable because I'm asian and there are lots of asian mommies where I live.  My husband doesn't see it because he is at work and I deal with the mommies every day being a stay at home mom.  Last night, my husband told me that my GD does get to him and that things did change in terms of our marriage after we did pgd/high tech and loss the baby.  I wish he could see how far I've gone and the posts I've made here and how grateful I feel for the family I have. 

 

wincha123:

Serenity:

Honestly Wincha I bet so many ladies are jealous that you have three daughters. I know so many women that only want girls and girls really are desired so much! 3 little girls would be a dream family to so many.

Thanks Serenity. :)  I will remember this whenever I get defensive or down that there are some people out there who thinks I hit the jackpot.  I heard this comment once and it was from my pediatrician, he is awesome!  I think I get uncomfortable because I'm asian and there are lots of asian mommies where I live.  My husband doesn't see it because he is at work and I deal with the mommies every day being a stay at home mom.  Last night, my husband told me that my GD does get to him and that things did change in terms of our marriage after we did pgd/high tech and loss the baby.  I wish he could see how far I've gone and the posts I've made here and how grateful I feel for the family I have. 

 

Where I live it seem everyone just wants girls! I know a lady who 4 little girls and everyone thinks they are the cutest family . I am positive A ton of women would love to have your family. My neighbor had a 4 year old girl and a 2 year old girl. She is sad because her 3rd is going to be a boy an she was praying for a 3rd girl

Serenity:

My neighbor had a 4 year old girl and a 2 year old girl. She is sad because her 3rd is going to be a boy an she was praying for a 3rd girl

See, if that mom told me, a mom of two boys, her preference, I would not take it well. She's allowed to her preferences, we all are, but one has to be careful whom one reveals them to. For me, it's an important value to not hurt people's feelings with my comments or actions.

wincha123:

Last night, my husband told me that my GD does get to him and that things did change in terms of our marriage after we did pgd/high tech and loss the baby.  I wish he could see how far I've gone and the posts I've made here and how grateful I feel for the family I have. 

 

Sorry for being nosy, but as someone who is one the fence about HT, may I ask more details about your experience? How did it change your marriage (strain)? How did you lose the baby (miscarriage)? How many cycles did you do? Do you regret trying HT? Sorry for all the questions - answer only what you're comfortable answering. And sorry for hijacking the thread momentarily! :-)

Photo girl I know what you mean. I have a son and thought it was rude that she would say she didn't want a boy knowing I have one!

Here I think boys and girls are desired pretty evenly. I think that woman was rude too Serenity, I think any family with 3+ of the same is cute tbh, especially if they are all quite close in age. They are like a wee team or gang!