Do you think GD lessens as kids get older?

Hi all! Just wondering if anyone has the same feeling as I do: I feel like a lot of my GD is fueled by how physically cute baby/little girls are, and the clothes, etc... I know, superficial. I have other reasons of course (like the fact I feel girls are more mild-mannered, which is in line with my temperament), but right now it is merely the *sight* of cute girls that feels like a a pang of pain/jealousy when I see most baby/toddler/preschooler girls... and which triggers my GD. Now I'm not saying boys aren't cute - they're adorable too and if I had two girls, I would probably long for a boy too - we always want what we don't have huh! Anyway, I get those pangs only when I see LITTLE girls (say 6 and younger). So of course, I'm hoping that as time passes, as my kids age and I'm less and less in contact with such young girls, the GD will lessen also. Because let's face it, when girls get older, gone are the pigtails, little dresses, etc... Some of them can still be beautiful, but the cute factor is less, kwim? Example: it's at a point right now where I'd rather shop online than have to see pure strangers with their little girls in children's stores. It's enough that I don't have a choice to come across so many little girls on a daily basis just living my life!! So I try to avoid the contacts that are avoidable because when I don't have too many "contacts", my GD is actually not that bad, it's not too obsessive. So just wondering if anyone has experienced that or feel that they will: GD lessening as kids get older. Or are you still longing for your DG (ex: to go shopping with a teen DD, have that mother-daughter bond all thru life, share more in common, etc...). I just don't want to be bitter my whole life and right now, I don't really see any solution to my GD. **Sorry about the packed text - my browser doesn't do paragraphs alas.**

I think it gets easier as your kids get older.  I was doing really well with mine prior to this pg,   For me having that hope brought up again with a pg definitely flares mine up a ton!  I think once I know I'm done having babies and there is no chance of a girl I'll have an easier time accepting that and moving on.  I agree that the young girl cute factor makes it really hard.  I'm a photographer too, so I take photos of all of these adorable little girls in all their cute clothes and accessories and just feel like in comparison the boy stuff is just blah!  Right now though my pg hormones are really doing me in.  I watche a baby story today and the lady on the show had 5 boys and was having her girl finally for #6 and I just cried and cried watching how happy and excited she was.  It made me feel really sad that I feel like I have to be done this time.  I have horrible morning sickness and this pg it was just a nightmare that I can't go through again, or put my family through again, so I know it's time to be done, but then there's always that part of you that wonders if the next one would have been a girl.  Anyway, sorry I don't have a great answer, but you aren't alone in feeling that way. 

This is gunna sound terrible, that I'm talking about a friend... but as much as I love her little girls.... and they are so cute and funny... MAN THEY ARE LITTLE BITCHES! I know its a terrible thing to say about a child. And my friend is a really good mum. So it's crazy.But i guess all kids get into those moods. My friend is dreadingteenage years. She looks at my boys and the little polos i put them in and she wants one so bad. My boys are normally good, ds2 is the issue, he has a horrid temperment at times. but he's getting better. They are really rough in their play though, motorbikes, dirt, play fighting. And I look at my friends grls, and how they playdress ups and wear the pretty little dresees, and i would love to have one! She will get to do the adult female bonding... I wont. And I find that sad. I never had that sort of relatioship with my mum.... and I wanted a daughter to have it with. But i figure that as the boys grow up and become fantastic men and hopefully meet wonderful life partners, that I will be an important part of their lives, and how I have raised them will reflect on the wonderful relationships they will have. Hoping anyway. I think it will get better as they get older, as your love for what you have will become stronger, and new and different things will become more important then not having the DG. like grandbabies! or your career or life long goals... rekindling your romance with your hubby now that you dont have to chase after babies and toddles. lol. I'm sure thats how it will be with me and my family. but I dont think the sadness will ever go away completely... it will become not as important. iykwim?

Photogirl I could have written this post.  This is exactly what I am wondering.  For the two weeks they told me I was having a girl, I admit I went wild with buying adorable clothing, headbands, even pink baby bottles etc.  When the truth came out it was ds2 I was crushed.  So I sat and thought alot, is it just because of the cute clothes now or maybe the future bond of a mother and daughte?.  I just cannot forsee my sons calling me everyday like I call my mother, but I have also heard alot that do.  My GD is also fueld by literally everyone around me has the one of each or 2 girls, I am pretty much going to be the only one with 2 boys.  It absolutely pained me to take back and pack up all the cute girl clothing I had got from my cousin and back to the stores.  I tried to shop for ds2 after, but I was just disgusted as I felt nothing was as cute as the outfits I picked out and bought for what I thought was my little girl.  I truly hope as the boys get older it will be easier, I do believe it will.  I was obsessed with learning about pgd ivf for a girl next time but I also think now I don't know if I could handle 3 and should be happy with what God has given me.  As always the stupid comments do not help but I do think that as they get older the GD will fade away.  We are not superficial with what we are thinking, we just had a dream.

def. yes little girls are cute and get more attention then boys i think cause you can doll them up and turn them into mini-me's but my oldest is going on 12 now and omg.... i love her so much but really who wants a hormonal, pre-teen, justin beiber worshipper- who slams doors and cries about everything living in their home? last week her life was over because of her first pimple. this week its because shes a freak and lost a baby tooth. last month it was my legs are too long and i don't fit in my body. think about it, what 16 year old girl loves their mother and never gives her any trouble? i know what i did when i was 16.. omg i owe my mother a big apology. i can't wait to go through all this 4 more times!

newbaby2011:

def. yes little girls are cute and get more attention then boys i think cause you can doll them up and turn them into mini-me's but my oldest is going on 12 now and omg.... i love her so much but really who wants a hormonal, pre-teen, justin beiber worshipper- who slams doors and cries about everything living in their home? last week her life was over because of her first pimple. this week its because shes a freak and lost a baby tooth. last month it was my legs are too long and i don't fit in my body. think about it, what 16 year old girl loves their mother and never gives her any trouble? i know what i did when i was 16.. omg i owe my mother a big apology. i can't wait to go through all this 4 more times!

It depends on the child's personality... just because one girl is behaving dramatic, doesn't mean all do. I myself was a great teenager at 16. So was my sister (though we were both terrors when we were little girls...)

To the OP, yes I do think GD lessens as your kids get older. As I watch my children grow and develop their own little personalities any traces of GD vanishes because all the stereotypes I thought against boys do not necessarily apply to my own. :)

 

My egd went away mostly with the birth of my DS. MY boys are just as beautiful as any girl. However my DD is nothing like you would think a DD should be...she is beautiful but is messy,hates her hair tied up, moody and very active. people dont understand that not every girl=easy and every boy = crazy...some times its a little of both!

Photo-Girl & Jen2012, your stories sound just like mine but my DS2 was born last year. My GD was worst while I was pregnant and I hoped up until the last minute (even as they were pulling him out) that the Dr would say "oops its really a girl". When pregnant i couldnt handle looking at girls clothes without crying, but now I can and I don't even feel that upset (with the exception of girls shoes, I just love them. I think I may just buy myself a pair of gliter mary janes to keep in the back of my closet). But my GD has lessened in the last 6 months since he was born, I definitely agree that it (in my case) will lessen more and more as my boys get older. I know it will always be a part of me, but I think I will think about less often, and recover quicker when i do have those GD "moments". I wanted to add (its a little off your topic) that the other thing that made it easier was that DS1 and DS2 are besotted with each other. My nephew (same age as DS1) is horrible to his sister/my niece (same age as DS2). He hits her, throws toys at her, steals her dummies, wakes her by screaming in her face. Anytime he shows her affection it sounds and looks really insincere, like he is just putting on an act. We had dinner with them tonight and my DS1 insisted on sitting next to his baby brother and not his cousin. This made my nephew very mad, he screamed he got his way. So every time I get told about another mean thing my nephew has done to his sister I thank my lucky stars for the two sweet boys Ive been blessed with. Oh and to just clarify I dont mean that this is a typical brother/sister situation its specific to my nephew.

I'd like to think it does, although I can see stupid comments from others triggering a spout of it, either that or rage at them, ha ha!

Yes, it has for me. My baby is now 2 and I think about it so much less. Also, we have decided that we are done having kids, so I can't obsess anymore "will my next one be a girl" etc etc. Its done, its over, I will never have a girl child. I have accepted that and I feel pretty darn good about it too. My kids are 5, 3 and 2 and I am starting to really enjoy them and their funny personalities.  Now that i am longer sleep deprived and dealing with a crabby baby/toddler I feel really good. I believe that happiness is a choice and I want to be happy. I don't see how a daughter would make me any happier. I don't understand the posts that say, "I will never be happy/complete without my DG" really? a girl child will make everything in your life better, there has got to be more going on in those situations. Kids are basically the same, they are all going to grow up and leave to make their own life, as they should. Women seem to think that having a daughter will give them an instant best friend and a guarantee that they will not be lonely in their old age. What if your daughter wants to move accross the country from you? My parents had 5 girls and none of us live in the same city as my parents. I love my mom, shes awesome, but she is not my best friend and I don't talk to her everyday. My husband is closer to his mom than his sister. He took his mom to pick out a tux for our wedding, his sister didn't take her mom when she picked out her dress. All these stereotypes that we fret about here are just that, stereotypes, they aren't always true.  

My boys right now are still little and they are so sweet and cute. They are growing up fast and I don't want to miss it by obsessing about something that I didn't get.  

I do get jealous at times, hearing somone get a girl after a boy makes me insanely jealous because that is what I wanted. Seeing little girls doesn't usually bother me unless the child is extremely beautiful or something. I happen to think my kids are the cutest anyway Ha!

I think you will get over it but it takes time and acceptance. Hugs!

Winter that was very well put. I try to think rationally all the time.  I may have a vision of my daughter etc and the things her and I will do and be close with etc, but that does not guarantee it will happen or say that it cannot happen with my son.  I have several friends who moved away from their mother etc.  My biggest battle I will have to overcome is why not me.  Why do 95% of my friends have one of each or 2 girls and I will never experience that.  But, somedays are good and I think God has given me what I am supposed to have and what is right for my family.  At times I get excited to be an all boy mom and then unfortunately the stupid comments come, but people are entitled to their opinion and stupidity lol!  Great to know that I am not the only one who has felt or feels this way and I hope for all of us it gets better and all the gd fades away.....

Thanks so much ladies for the insightful posts. I can relate to a lot of what was written. I guess what worried me is sometimes reading about moms on here who have holes in their hearts for years and years about not having their DG. I just really don't want to be bitter and sad my whole life. I know time heals a lot of wounds, but as I said initially, I hope that when the cute factor of little kids is gone, the GD will be less overwhelming in itself - some of your posts give me hope on that front! Of course, that doesn't prevent me from hoping for a grand-daughter one day, and a nice DIL I can be close to! ------------------------------Winter: Your post was comforting to read and I hope to be able to write a similar post in a couple years. I'm also a lot more bothered by very beautiful little girls, or ones I find look like me when I was their age (I know, it sounds pretentious, but I can't help it!)! You describe exactly what my rational side thinks so I'm really hoping my emotional side catches up asap once DS2 arrives. What you mention about stereotypes is true. I also know girls/women who are not close to their moms while their brothers are. I don't want to waste my time either obsessing about what I don't have - it is just so draining. I want to focus on how cute, sweet and smart my boys ARE, not on how a DD of mine COULD be, or on how so and so's DD is. Of course, I know I'll never be as 100% at peace with this as the people who have their "dream" family... but I'm hoping, say, 90% at peace to able to move forward. _________________I think it also has a lot to do with how narrowly some women define themselves, esp. SAHMs. We define ourselves by our kids, our families, and I believe that contributes to the gender obsession. It's like our whole identities revolve around our kids, their genders, their achievements, how they look, how they act, etc... But how do people without children find fulfilment, happiness? Career, friends, hobbies, travels, home decoration, sports, working out, etc... Those are areas I know I need to work on to shift the focus from me = only my kids. We need to have projects outside of our families. Ex: I'd like to lose weight and get back in shape after baby, I love to plan trips and vacations, I like my part-time business and can develop that, I'm into home decoration a lot, music/singing, etc.... And as a pp noted, once I decide that the family is complete, no more kids, which is what I anticipate after DS2 is born, then I also feel it will be easier to move on ... I hope anyhow.

GlutenFreeGal: I'd love to see your photography work! I'd write a private message to ask for your website address, but I don't have Gold and it's broken anyhow I think! I'm really into photography too. I know what you mean about photographing little girls... I find I always relate to your posts a lot too!

My kids are 9, 11, and 13.  To be honest, as my kids have gotten older and involved in more activities, I just don't have time to dwell on my feelings of wanting a DD.  However, that want has not gone away as much as I would like it to.  Even though I am older and my kids are older, I am still considering trying one more time, because that want has never gone away.

Praying for a Daughter:

My kids are 9, 11, and 13.  To be honest, as my kids have gotten older and involved in more activities, I just don't have time to dwell on my feelings of wanting a DD.  However, that want has not gone away as much as I would like it to.  Even though I am older and my kids are older, I am still considering trying one more time, because that want has never gone away.

I see. Obviously not what I was hoping to hear from a mom of older kids, but thanks for your honesty. If you're still young enough to have a last child, and your financial situation permits, then why not. Your boys are older so it would probably be easier as they're more independent. Would you go for HT though to guarantee a girl?