Newbie here..sorting through my emotions.

Hello Ladies,

I'm new to this website. I found it when I was researching nubs. And I wish I would have found it sooner! So I'll start with my backstory. I've always wanted a daughter. I couldn't imagine my life without a little girl in it. I had my first son in 2006. His father left during my pregnancy. But God blessed me with an amazing man a year and half later. He was so great with my son, he stepped up to the plate 100%. You would never know that my Son wasn't his. Our first child together was the Daughter I had always hoped and prayed for. I was over the moon. I felt so blessed. I had my Son and My Daughter, along with this amazing man. Life couldn't be better. Then September of 2009 rolled around. I was almost 23 weeks pregnant. I wasn't feeling her move all day. I took a trip into the doctors office and they confirmed my worst fear. She no longer had a heartbeat. And we still don't know what happened to this day. I delivered a healthy, beautiful, baby girl. She was perfect in every way. Which is what is so hard..they found Nothing wrong..nothing! I immediately wanted to try again and my poor husband, this being his first baby was traumatized. But agreed to try again as soon as we were able.

This was when my GD really started. I found out that our Second baby was a boy, even though I KNEW it was a girl. Just knew it. But I was wrong and he was clearly a boy. Not that I was trying to replace her, because that's impossible. And of course I just wanted a healthy, screaming baby in the end! But I couldn't let go of not having a daughter. Just the year before I was planning her room and our baby shower. Dreaming of what she would look like. I just couldn't let it go that easy. It was very traumatizing for me. So I talked my husband into trying just one more time. And this is our last and final baby. Well, just the other day my Doctor and a Tech guessed Boy. First the Tech actually Said Girl, then switched to boy. So now I'm just trying to sort through this. I was only 13 weeks, but more than likely they were right. It's really hard to believe that We will Never have another little girl. And I can't keep trying just to get a girl. I couldn't handle more than 3 children. So Here I am trying to make myself realize that the dream is over and that I should just get my tubes tied during my c-section. I'm afraid the GD is REALLY going to hit me later at my 16 week ultrasound that I have set up. I just know I'm going to Hear Boy again. And I will love him to pieces, just as I have my other children. But my heart will ALWAYS yearn for a Daughter. My only one isn't here and it kills me everyday. Sorry this got so long! Just wondering how you ladies, that are done and haven't gotten your Son or Daughter are handling it? Thanks Everyone!

So glad you found us here!! There is so much empathy and support on this board. First off, I want to tell you that I am so very sorry to hear you lost your daughter. That is a lot to cope with under any circumstances. There have been some stories similar to yours here so hopefully they will comment. I cannot say I have been in your shoes as I have had some miscarriages, but they were early. Also, I would like to say that there is a gender prediction forum on this site and the techs and ladies/men there are just awesome!! If you have any shots from the 13 week scan you are referring to, perhaps we can all help you take a look. Perhaps you do have your little girl in there!!

I can share in some respects that my last daughter was born @22 wks and died and since her death I have gone on to have only boys. I do however have older children including dd's. I think the death of a child and not getting the gender you lost is very hard and fuels GD. Not that a new baby of that gender would replace the one you lost, but the hopes and dreams, shopping ect die. I am on my 7 th boy in a row, 5th boy since Trinity died. We always wanted a huge family and I thought by now I would have another dd. I have said if I lost a Ds and had all dd's I would want the opposite of my dg now. I am so sorry for the loss of your little girl, it is something NO parent should have to go through !

 I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I am feeling very similar to you, especially lately. I always dreamed having one boy and one girl that was it...well that didnt happen lol...  have my first son from a previous relationship, and GOD DO I LOVE HIM...my whole fam said was girl and i said nope this is my little boy, we have many generations of woman first lol so they assumed it had to be a girl lol but I knew from day one...Hes the only one Ive actually known what was from day one.. After him I wanted a girl, I just wanted one more and that was it...well I spent a while just me and my little man until I met back up with my childhood sweetheart who happened to just become single himself..Well we started talking again falling in love again and next think I knew Im a mother of three more boys and one little girl..and then few weeks later we found out we were pregnant with out first. I had a lot of complications in the begninning and come to find out after two ultrasounds, all of a sudden I had twins lol...We were beyond shock but then I was so happy and excited and kept dreamng of a boy and girl as they werent identical:D...well after a few more weeks the twin just wasnt developing as well as the other baby and things started getting mentioned about miscarriage and what not...very depressing especially as I just got used to the idea of twins..and sure enough the twin died few weeks later...then on top of it they said if my body didnt obsorb it..id have to give birth...thus killing the other one...so devastating to me but thankfully my body did obsorb it but it was so awful I still cry about it just knowing I never even got to meet it and i am so convinced that was my little girl..never got proof but I just knew I had a girl and I cant let it go, especially since the drs origionally told my family girls  (we kept it secret from ourselves lol) and lo and behold the surviver popped out a boy...So I can sort of relate to you, especially as we did say that we would try for one more but we wanted to wait for all the kids to be in school..and I went to switch bc and got pregnant, and then lost that one at around 8 weeks or so and then boom I was pregnant again right when I was about to try the mirena....and I am so desperate for it to be my little girl as this has to be our last...he wont let me have another one..together we just have too many children lol.....but I am so torn, I love this baby to death even knowing that its probably a boy, hasnt been hundred percent confirmed and i have to wait 7 more weeks til im 28 weeks before they will confirm for me..but part of me origionally had bad thoughts about wishing the pregnancy would just end on its own so I can try again for my girl and actually try this time.....and I am better about it now but it was bad before....but even with me accepting that this is probably a boy now I am torn about trying to convince my fiance to let me again lol...i keep thinking of how to bring it up and begging him to promise me we can try again lol just so i can have a girl....but idk what i would do if it wasnt my girl that time...this time was hard enough.i didnt suffer GD so bad with my twins only the fact that i felt like i lost a girl and was horrified that i lost one at all...but this time has been so hard since it is my last and i didnt even get to try like i wanted i was just learning bout sway and all the tips and what not...and i didnt even get to try to make a her....so its been so hard and like i said I love this baby i see it move and feel it and I just feel wonderful now...so much better than in the beginning...but part of me feels that once gets confirmed is a boy im still going to cry again because I know then for sure...il never have my girl....but anyways...i am slowly getting over it..sort of....i dont think i will ever be over not having my little girl...but I truly love my babies and wouldnt change them for the world...il probably spoil the crap out of his daughter, even though its not the same..and end up spoiling my girl pup that we just got...actually sort of got her because pretty sure this a boy and shes becoming daughter lmao...but still not the same...im not super girly infact i hate the color pink but right now thats all i look at....is pink...cute little frilly pink very girly stuff lol...and sometimse i feel sadder, other times its almost like its going to be ok...Atleast I have healthy babies and in the end that is all that matters:) sorry hope it helps you...Im a rambler..i do it to everyone lol..i dont talk to anyone about my emotions on this out side of here...so you ladies and gents get the full blast of it...its hard to talk to family when they are making it worse by saying things better be girl and last one or goes back and just stuff like that it just hurts....and it hurts when my fiance's ex is having a girl and took my baby girl name..so now I have to hear it from my step daughter all the time...she already took one of my names for her twins that passed and I hear it all the time but now our fave girl name is going to be her daughter and I cant even hold my own little girl...its just not right or fair....so once again sorry I unloaded lol....I feel how you feel, maybe not exactly but I can relate to you..your not alone

((HUGS))  Im sooooo sorry for your loss and the other moms losses also.  I wouldnt trust a nub guess, not to get your hopes up but they arent very accurate.  Make sure you are 100% SURE you want your tubes tied because it is the  biggest regret of my life.  Good luck

I am very sorry for your loss and everyone else's losses on this forum. I absolutely agree with prayingforaprincess though, if that desire and pain is in your heart DON'T get you tubes tied. I had mine tied thinking it would force me to come to terms with never having a daughter and it didn't. It made it so much worse. (((((((big hugs)))))))

Thank you to everyone who responded back. It definitely helps to know that I'm not alone. Hugs to you all! I honestly am not 100% sure about a tubal. I go back and forth about it everyday. But my Husband says he's done, I don't see him budging. And like I said, I really don't think I could handle more than 3 children. After everything that's happened I would love a dozen! But it's just not realistic. I'm really considering getting an IUD though. Maybe until I am sure. I feel so guilty that I feel the way I do because I lost a child. And the Sex really should be the least of my worries. I told myself that all I care about is their health. But deep down, it's so much more than that. I know the "nub" isn't 100%. We still have a very small glimmer of hope that we'll get our second girl. But that would just be too easy in my mind lol. I feel like I'm just bound to have all boys. And I love my boys more than life itself. I just always have that "What If". I see a little girl with their Mother, and I can't help but think that should be me. And the loss definitely makes this worse..I would probably want the opposite as well! We will always have a piece of us missing. I have 2 more weeks and we will see what happens. Maybe I will be surprised! But right now, I just need to prepare myself to hear "I'ts a Boy". I don't want to walk out of there having a melt down like a crazy woman. Thanks again! This is a great board!

I don't have much to share, but just wanted to say I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Big congrats on your current pregnancy!

I'm so sorry about you loss. I can relate to what you're writing, I also lost a babygirl with 22 weeks . It took me a long time to recover from that. Just like your babygirl I also didn't feel her move for days and went to the doctors office and they confirmed my worst fear.

Soon I found I was pregnant with another girl and I was so happy. Nothing and no one can replace the death of your child, that's the whole sad thing about it, a hunderd new babies can't make up for that. But the fantasies about having a daughter were there, they didn't die with her, in stead, they grew. So having another girl after she died was very comforting in a way, it helped me grief.

I'm also expecting a baby in november, congrats to you and I hope he/she is healthy and i hope you hear girl somewhere the coming weeks, good luck!