Decisions

 Well, I was pretty certain we wanted to go for baby #3, but now that the reality of ttc is setting in, I'm having doubts!  Does anyone else go through this? 

I feel like things are going well with two, and my gd is literally gone and I don't even really have a dg anymore.  When I think of baby #3, the thought of another boy excites me just as much as the thought of a girl.  My boys get along great and play together even though there is a 7 year age difference.  

 

Of course, there are many reasons we want one more.  For one, my first two are so far apart in age, that I would really like at least my younger child to have a sibling closer to his age.  And, I would also like to provide my children & granchildren with a big family as they grow...   My mom was adopted & and an only child and my dh's parents had only two children.  So, my children have a total of two cousins.  I grew up with virutually no cousins and was an only child until I was 12.  I like the idea of building a bigger family for my future grandchildren.  However, I worry about the finances of having three children (most college related expenses).  

 

I'm just wondering if any of you ever feel this indecisive about adding to your family.  How do you finally make the decision?  

Yes!  In fact, my original plan was to TTC starting in April and I totally chickened out.  Told myself to wait another year.  Then I thought, ""Will I be ready in another year"?  It's funny thing -- hubby and I had our kids when we were young and dumb, lol.  We are very comfortable financially and in a good place...so I'm not sure what's necessarily keeping us from just doing it?  I think my problem is, is that I'm putting TOO much thought into it.  I know I want another one, so I need to just suck it up and do it, lol.

I only ever wanted 2 children, but now that my ds2 is on the way I have myself convinced I should go for a 3rd and try for a girl.  However I do not know if I will feel that way once ds2 is here and maybe by gd will fade and I will no longer be looking to ttc #3.  I thought of my grandparents having 4 kids and only getting 5 grandchildren.  I am an only child and would have loved to have brothers and sisters.  I do have cousins but most of them are only children too.  I guess we will know when the timing is right and what to do next! 

BellaVita:

Yes!  In fact, my original plan was to TTC starting in April and I totally chickened out.  Told myself to wait another year.  Then I thought, ""Will I be ready in another year"?  It's funny thing -- hubby and I had our kids when we were young and dumb, lol.  We are very comfortable financially and in a good place...so I'm not sure what's necessarily keeping us from just doing it?  I think my problem is, is that I'm putting TOO much thought into it.  I know I want another one, so I need to just suck it up and do it, lol.

 

 

HA! I could have written this myself!! My husband and I use that EXACT same phrase when referring to when we had our first two. So we finally after nearly a decade of dragging our feet went for it and had another and we are also chickening out on the last one because although we are now financially secure and much more mature and patient, we are TIRED lol!!!! So, to the OP, I totally get where you're coming from!! Just keep thinking about it and eventually hopefully you will come to a final peace about it within yourself!

 The thought of even having ONE kid scares me. I never wanted them. !! After my DD was born, I knew I wanted a second--it was just convincing my DH!!! 3 years later he was born. Now that he is almost 2, everyone is asking when we are having #3. NO WAY IN A MILLION YEARS would I even consider one--now I have two--and thinking in the back of my mind that "one more" would be awesome. Actually, I mentioned this in passing to DH and he was kind of interested. Crazy where life takes you. There is a part of me that wants to be part of another miracle in creating a life. It's truly magical. Good luck with what you decide, but I'm in the same boat although I don't think we will ever do it--I also don't think the desire will ever go away (okay, maybe when they are teenagers! Ha!). 

It is such a hard choice! For me 2 is pretty easy for the most part. I have been watching my sisters 6 month old for 4 months now and with a 6 year old, 24 month old and 6 month old it is insane!! I do NOT like small gaps though. With you having such an older child it probably would not be so insanely busy and crazy like it is when you have 2 tiny ones at the same time. Sometimes I think in 8 years or so I want to try again. My kids will be older and self sufficient but do I want to start over in my mid 30s?? I like being a young mom and dont know if I would have the energy then. Plus I had severe Pre E and HELLP so thats another set of problems. I say for you go for it! You seem like a sweet person who has so much to offer a child.

Serenity:

It is such a hard choice! For me 2 is pretty easy for the most part. I have been watching my sisters 6 month old for 4 months now and with a 6 year old, 24 month old and 6 month old it is insane!! I do NOT like small gaps though. With you having such an older child it probably would not be so insanely busy and crazy like it is when you have 2 tiny ones at the same time. Sometimes I think in 8 years or so I want to try again. My kids will be older and self sufficient but do I want to start over in my mid 30s?? I like being a young mom and dont know if I would have the energy then. Plus I had severe Pre E and HELLP so thats another set of problems. I say for you go for it! You seem like a sweet person who has so much to offer a child.

 

 

Thanks Serenity!  Part of my issue is that ds2 and I are just all about each other right now and I'm scared that will change if I have baby #3.  

I think we're going to go ahead with ttc and I know if I get pregnant we will be thrilled, it's just so scary thinking about shaking my family up like that.  My first two were surprises (We have NEVER prevented pregnancy since I have infertility issues as you can see on my sig, but you can also see how many years there are between my kids)  We're getting to an age now (I'm 30, he's 32) where we want to stop having babies at some point in order to not be too old when they are all grown up so we can better enjoy our retirement and our grandchildren.  So, I guess we're thinking it's now or never.  We can't just 'see what happens' anymore :)

Quigs227:

 The thought of even having ONE kid scares me. I never wanted them. !!

 

 

This was me.  After I had ds1, I was on the fence about having another even though I loved him to pieces.  After ds2 was born, I thought, I could have a million of these!  Funny how things change.

 

Also, NEVER planned on even getting married.  My life is 100% different than I pictured it.  

 

hello i say go for it i always wanted 3 or 4 children after i had my third this feeling inside me was saying i dont no if i am finished having kids yet i hum and hard over it and i was saying yes no yes no and then i asked alot of people that had biggish familys etc to get there point of views etc and then i finally realize that for me to be pondering ova and ova on having another baby was  that i wasnt finished i so often had heard the saying you just no when you are done having babys and now i no what they mean lol i am pregnant with number 4 and i can tell you that this is deffinaetly my last baby :) hope this helps :) good luck with what you decided 

You are such a genuinely lovely person hun that I totally think you should have another baby! I kind of feel the same now. With no 2 I loved him so much and I really felt broody for another straight away and conceived his little brother, DS3, when he was about 11 months old. Now my DS3 is 8 months and I love him soooooooo much but he feels like 'the baby' and that should be his place in the family. We had originally planned to have another in a year or so but I think it'll be in a few years now. I want one more bonus baby before I'm 30 and then I want to be done. I would say that TTC and if it doesn't happen, the answer has been made for you and you will be happy you tried. I have to say, I feel I didn't appreciate having 2 boys because I was chomping at the bit to TTC again but 2 boys is a lovely, lovely, lovely family make up. Plus your boys are absolutely beautiful, who could resist having more! xxx

 Thank you all for taking the time to give advice.  I really just needed to hear that I'm not the only one.  Such a nice thing to know there are others who feel the same way.  

 

waiting4daisy Thank you for the compliment about my boys!  They are both really good kids.  Part of me wonders if I could be so lucky again :)

 I never had doubts about going for #3 as I wanted three kids from the get-go.  However, as silly as this sounds, I'd feel better if i had one of each already as the gender of the third probably wouldn't matter as much. 

I always knew I wanted four and I've always felt there was someone missing, not until I fell pregnant this time did I feel complete and yet I still had that sickening uncertainty of falling pregnant again and changing the family dynamics.

I found going from 0 children to 1 very difficult, when I became pg with DS2 I worried how I would cope and how the 2 brothers would bond and regard each other. I had to seriously consider number 3, would I be ok with another boy? When I decided I would be and fell pg again I worried about how it would change the relationship my 2 boys had with each other. What about middle child syndrome? My boys got on so well together, what if I was upsetting that balance needlessly? I'm having those exact same thoughts this pregnancy too.

But I knew deep down there were four children supposed to be seated around my dinner table and I too want them to have each other, to have the support and love of a close, large family in a way I never did. I hope they will always love and support each other.

As for university, well I worked my way through it and I see nothing wrong with my children doing the same. I expect them all to go and although we will give what we can there isn't the expectation over here that parents will pay for everything.

 Aww Islandmeadow, your boys are sooo cute, you make beautiful kids, i just cant stop wondering how cute your DG will be if you go for it, if you get another boy am sure he will be as handsome as your sons too, but do make sure your DH is okay with your decision.