I feel so cheated still! I want to know why it doesn't work both ways!

I still feel so cheated that I will never have a daughter, and sadly I know I always will feel that way! The biggest reason I wanted a daughter was because of the future relationship. I know people say you can have that same relationship with a son, but it's just not the same. Yes, as a child boys can do many of the things girls can, but as they get older they don't want to do these things anymore! I don't believe for a minute that any of my boys are going to call me on the phone when they are grown up just to chat, want to go shopping with me, or want to hang out with me and and get pedicures together! When my Mom is no longer around I will not have any women in my life to do these sorts of things with and that is a horrifying thought to me!!!! I admit that I am a girly girl, and I would love to buy pink and dresses and beautiful girly things. I am trying so hard to keep my chin up and really get excited for my new little boy. But even as I try to shop for DS4, I realize that nothing and I can buy for him will make me happy. It really upsets me that you can dress a little girl in boyish stuff and people think it's cute! But, with a boy it's not like I can just throw a pink outfit or a dress on him to at least have that little experience of having a girl! My little 2-year-old loves Abby Cadaby and Zoe on Sesame Street, but of course there are no boy (non-pink) clothing items with these characters. However, it is totally acceptable for a girl to wear a shirt with Elmo or Cookie Monster! It makes me so angry! I am so sick of buying the same sorts of things, and I don't understand why society is okay with a girl wearing boyish things, but a boy can not wear anything that is in the least bit girly! I am so sick of cars and trucks and ugly boy stuff! I am so sick of being surrounded by children who are wild and like to shoot at everything! I don't even allow toy guns, but they still pretend! I am so over spending every day at baseball, soccer, swimming, etc...I really hate sports, but I do it for my boys! Yes, we do lots of other things with them like arts & crafts, gardening, etc. but in the end they are still boys and would much rather be playing sports or shooting at each other! It makes me so sad to think this is what I will be surrounded by for the rest of my life! :-( I love them all so much, and I would honestly do anything of them, but I just can't understand how they think and the things they enjoy! I so desperately needed a little girl in my life...someone I could relate to on a different level. And now, I can't even buy things for DS4 that make me feel less cheated for now at least! I just wanted some pink, purple, hearts, flowers, cupcakes...anything! I know this will be our last child, and I honestly don't want more than 4 kids! It's just so hard when I realize that I will forever be alone in my house, sad to some extent, and will never feel complete!

My father in law called his mom every night for years up until the day she died! Did you read the Yahoo story from yesterday of the grown man who has sent his mom a letter every day for the past like 10 years? Sooo sweet! I think you have tons to look forward to with your boys, not to minimize your feelings though!! I have all girls and would have loved a momma's boy too so I understand. Hugs to you!

Julianna, I know what you are talking about. I feel cheated too. Not having a daughter has always been my nightmare........now it came true.  3 sons and 1 step son. Lots of karate and fighting moves in this house. I am sick and tired of it as well. I know these arent words of encouragement, but maybe it helps that Im going through the same. I feel so cheated......even humiliated. Everybody knows I wanted a girl. Its hard to keep my chin up. Take care hun!

I have three sons - but honestly u have to look at the positives. Don't dwell on all te thing you 'can't' experience think about all the great things boys bring! My sons all adore me and I was getting used to no girls - and I too wanted a girl. Bit as soon as I realized all the great things - my boys bring, I decided to ttc #4 truly accept my sons. I get what u r saying- my daughter is not born and it's funny as my one cousin is having a girl and lastnight o found lug and this jealousyset in - as I alway had when 'others' had a daughter and 'not me' and I struggled to be happy for them ad I wanted to but how I felt was how I felt! But I am having a daughter (die in less than 90 days) and still it's hard to accept. Nothing jn life is easy and even when u get it DG it's still bittersweet ...

I have three sons - but honestly u have to look at the positives. Don't dwell on all the thing you 'can't' experience think about all the great things boys bring! My sons all adore me and I was getting used to no girls - and I too wanted a girl. Bit as soon as I realized all the great things - my boys bring, I decided to ttc #4 truly accept my sons. I get what u r saying- my daughter is not born and it's funny as my one cousin is having a girl and lastnight I found out and this jealousy set in - as I alway had when 'others' had a daughter and 'not me' and I struggled to be happy for them and I wanted to but how I felt was how I felt! But I am having a daughter (due in less than 90 days) and still it's hard to accept. Nothing in life is easy and even when u get it DG it's still bittersweet ...

I'm so sorry that you didn't hear "girl" I don't know why it's so hard for some of us to get a mixed family. I honestly think that 50/50 chance is a bunch of BS; I think it varies for some couples and it depends on the body chemistry of the couple TOGETHER that makes all boys or all girls. This is just my crazy theory of course but I think just some men produce more boy or girl sperm and combined with the woman's body chemistry it just increases or reduces the chances of conceiving either gender. Just a crazy theory I say to myself to feel better somehow. Hope it passes for you as soon as you see your boy. I know some people keep trying but I agree that 4 children is a lot of work, I only have 3 and I feel overwhelmed sometimes. I don't think I'll go for a 4th and if I do I believe it will be another girl. anyways, I'm sure you'll fall in love with your cuddle bug when you see him. best wishes.

Oh and also, my grandma's youngest son called her until the very last day he lived. He visited her all the time and told her all his secrets. He was my grandma's best friend so please don't think boys are all reserved/quiet type and you won't have a close bond because you will. I always hear about mother/son bond is so special. anyways just wanted to add that.

 I hope this helps, but I wanted to let you know that I have a very close relationship with both my mom and dad.  I live on the other side of the world now, but when I lived close to my parents and when I see them a couple of times a year my mother and I, and now my wife too, go shopping, out for lunch, to plays, or even just for nice walks.  I do not think the relationship you dream about is exclusive to mother daughter relationships. I also phone my parnts up at least once a week.  To be fair, Iusually speak to my father, but my mother has an ear issue and doesn't like the phone as much.  Also, I know many many many sons who are closer to their mothers than many daughters I know.  So, chin up and know that mother son relationships are very special as well!  I hope this helped, even a little bit.

 

 I'm sorry you're feeling like this, hon. I can completely relate - I could've just about written your entire post. I found out a week ago that I'm expecting DS #3, and I'm very upset about it still. My DH doesn't understand why I'm so upset, and it's become very clear over the past week that he doesn't want to discuss it. I told him the day we found out the gender that I feel like I don't even want the baby (although I know that's not true, I do love this unborn baby and I will love him always), and he was pretty shocked. So, needless to say, I feel extremely alone. I'm really struggling with accepting that this is my life when I know there won't be any girls in my future. I'm totally done with 3 kids - it's enough for me. And I don't know if I could cope if I ended up pregnant with boy #4. Also like you, I am SO done with boy 'stuff'. I hate sports, but my boys love them so I'll of course be there to cheer them on. Boys clothes seem so drab and boring compared to little girls' clothes. My DS1 just had his 5th birthday, and got 3 pairs of navy blue shorts.... They're so boring.  I'm totally done with all the Spiderman and Batman stuff... And I just know that boy #3 will be into this stuff to be like his brothers. 

Anyway, I dont' really have any advice - just wanted to let you know I'm right there with you. *hugs*

 

Big hugs hon, you're still in what I call the grieving for a dream stage- be gentle to yourself.

As far as boys and their mums, my DH is very close to both his parents. My in laws are wonderful grandparents, and wonderful people. In the past when I've had a problem or needed advice I would go to my M-I-L first, rather than my own mother (who has since died), because my MIL is so understanding while my own mother was reserved and often judgemental. If you have a strong, caring relationship with your sons, that will continue in the future.

Big hugs hon, you're still in what I call the grieving for a dream stage- be gentle to yourself.

As far as boys and their mums, my DH is very close to both his parents. My in laws are wonderful grandparents, and wonderful people. In the past when I've had a problem or needed advice I would go to my M-I-L first, rather than my own mother (who has since died), because my MIL is so understanding while my own mother was reserved and often judgemental. If you have a strong, caring relationship with your sons, that will continue in the future.

I don't do any of those things with my mum... We do not have that sort of relationship and we have no idea why. I do those things with my best friends and always will bu never my mum. Just giving you a perspective that if you did have a girl it doesn't mean you would have that sor of relationship at all... You could have your daughter and then in 15 years time be writing how you feel as though you've lost out as you don't do any of the things with her you had hoped to do. I do understand though, I had hoped for a daughter for the same reason and I had hoped that if I tried hard enough then I would have the relationship I wanted with the daughter...again, it doesn't mean it wouldve worked out though. My brother is very close to my mum...they go out to lunch, on holiday together, to the cinema etc so hopefully I'll have the with my boys. Like the above post says, it is a dream you are grieving and in time the actual reality will sink it and you just have to make the most of it, we can't waste the blessings we do have! I know some people would just keep trying till they got their girl but the life style I can offer a family of 5, for me, far out ways my need for a daughter. Writing a list of all the things we want to do over the next 10 years with the children we have got shows me there is way more to life to enjoy. I hope you can get through these emotions soon x

Ruby_red:

I don't do any of those things with my mum... We do not have that sort of relationship and we have no idea why. I do those things with my best friends and always will bu never my mum. Just giving you a perspective that if you did have a girl it doesn't mean you would have that sor of relationship at all... You could have your daughter and then in 15 years time be writing how you feel as though you've lost out as you don't do any of the things with her you had hoped to do. I do understand though, I had hoped for a daughter for the same reason and I had hoped that if I tried hard enough then I would have the relationship I wanted with the daughter...again, it doesn't mean it wouldve worked out though. My brother is very close to my mum...they go out to lunch, on holiday together, to the cinema etc so hopefully I'll have the with my boys. Like the above post says, it is a dream you are grieving and in time the actual reality will sink it and you just have to make the most of it, we can't waste the blessings we do have! I know some people would just keep trying till they got their girl but the life style I can offer a family of 5, for me, far out ways my need for a daughter. Writing a list of all the things we want to do over the next 10 years with the children we have got shows me there is way more to life to enjoy. I hope you can get through these emotions soon x

 

This is a very good point.  I know many girls whose mothers tried to dress them up in "girlie" clothes and make them do "girlie" things like ballet etc, and they absolutely hated it and still resent their mothers to this day for pushing the girlieness on to them.  Just another side of the coin.

 Also, I would feel crushed if I found out my mother thought I was "boring" when Iwas growing up!

Ruby_red:

I don't do any of those things with my mum... We do not have that sort of relationship and we have no idea why. I do those things with my best friends and always will bu never my mum. Just giving you a perspective that if you did have a girl it doesn't mean you would have that sor of relationship at all... You could have your daughter and then in 15 years time be writing how you feel as though you've lost out as you don't do any of the things with her you had hoped to do.

Same here. My mum is one of my closest friends, but we'd never do any of that stuff, I speak to her probably once a week, whereas my husband sees his mum everyday. Try not to assume this is how it would've been as you'll make yourself feel a lot worse. xxx

Ruby_red:

I don't do any of those things with my mum... We do not have that sort of relationship and we have no idea why. I do those things with my best friends and always will bu never my mum. Just giving you a perspective that if you did have a girl it doesn't mean you would have that sor of relationship at all... You could have your daughter and then in 15 years time be writing how you feel as though you've lost out as you don't do any of the things with her you had hoped to do.

Same here. My mum is one of my closest friends, but we'd never do any of that stuff, I speak to her probably once a week, whereas my husband sees his mum everyday. Try not to assume this is how it would've been as you'll make yourself feel a lot worse. xxx