i cant seem to fall in love!!

Just delivered after induction,i was told that it was a girl before and i had been asking for a miracle that may be all the three techs were wrong.anyways the thing is that its a girl.

People on this forum used to say that i will fall in love with her the moment i set my eyes on her and things like that but to tell you the truth,it is not happening,i am taking my responsibilities of taking care and feeding her but the bond in not developing thou she is cute and beautiful.what should i do?

Well the thing is that i wanted a brother for my son to play with,i wanted them to be partners,to have same interests,me and my hubby wanted another child just for him,not for us,coz we were happy with one son too,now we have a daughter and it is all so strange for both us as how to respond,i cry secretly,today in morning when i told my hubby he also cried too he said really supporting words to me,but i know him,he wanted a boy more than me as comming from an all boy family.

I dont know what to do?please please help me in this time?i think of trying for three,but the thing is that there will be 50/50 percent chance and i really cant handle another daughter.I am not unthankful to God,i know its a blessing and i am feeling guilty but i really cant cope.

HELP PLZ!

2008 expecting a may 2012 thou dreamed for a

Aw hon, you've just had this baby and your hormones are all over the place. Give yourself a break and don't be too hard on yourself.

I'll be very honest- with my DS2, I had bad GD. I wanted a daughter but got another boy. Throughout my pregnancy I felt detached to him and when he was born, after a long, hard labour I still felt that way. The early days were hard, I was looking after him and giving him lots of cuddles but I didn't feel that same rush of love that I had with my first child. But something happened along the way. One day, when he was about 6 months old I realized I DID love him. I was crazy over him and I would do anything for him. Fast forward to now, he is 3 years old and I love him more than I could ever have imagined and I would not trade him for anything.

You may need to 'fake it till you make it' for a while, but you will love your daughter. I personally prefer babies when they are a little older and have more developed personalities, I know there are ladies who adore newborns but I'll always take an older child. Maybe you are the same?

As far as your older son goes, my boys both adore their little sister. DS2 and DD are very close, as they spend all day together, and they play together very well. My DH has a sister and growing up they were very close, so your DS can have a great relationship with his sister.

 I think the whole falling in love with them as soon as you see them is a crock. I never remember having that and  I adore my boys now, After labour you are sore and tired and emotional. It takes a while to get to know this little person and who they are so you can fall in love with them, My attitiude is if you care you'll get there, you are looking after her and you are bothered by the fact you dont have an instant bond so you'll get there. It would be worse if you had no bond and didnt care about it.

 

I agree with previous poster that falling in love with baby the second he/she arrives is true for some, not for others. People always told me the second your baby arrives, the pain you experienced while in labor immediately goes. Well, I was the most gullible person ever - I believed that and looked forward to it!!! Yes, I know naturally pain couldn't just vanish - but I didn't expect to feel so sick, exhausted, sore, unable to move etc etc. because people said ''you immediately forget''. WRONG. I REMEMBER the pain, I remember everything!

So yes, do give yourself a break. I didn't feel HAPPINESS until about a month after my first and second were here. The first few weeks are exhausting before you get into your routines (not baby into routines, you), all the visitors have come and gone and etc. It's okay to feel like you are, it doesn't always develop into depression - and you will truly truly feel that bond one day.

Hugs and congratulations on your new baby. :)

I agree with the other posters that you need to give yourself some time. I was sure my third child was a boy, when she came out a girl it felt very surreal and it took a few days to get used to the baby she was rather than the baby I expected. Once she begins to smile and interact with you you'll find that those feelings of love WILL come 

As for the brotherly bond. I firmly believe that sibling relationships are what their parents make them. I had an older brother I didn't get along with because we never did anything as a family, my parents never put an emphasis on our relationship and we spent most of our time playing outside with separate friends. When DS1 was born I became friends with another new mum who was very close with her brother, I found this strange but hearing her talk of her childhood I understand why - they were encourage to play together, to value each others company. They did things as a family and went to classes and activities together. Gender didn't really seem to come into it, even as teenagers they liked the same films/books.

I think if you can see beyond 'boy' and 'girl' and see your children as friends and siblings, no matter their gender then you will see they can still have the bond and love you wanted. They also won't have the competition that same gender siblings often have (my DHs sisters fight like anything!). Think of activities they can do together, things that you and your DH are interested in too. I know you have a girl, but really, apart from the pink there isn't much difference between my daughter and her brothers. She adores playing with them and is particularly close to my second DS. My first DS is a bit of a loner, he likes solitary activities like reading and writing stories so DS2 and DD play a lot together and have a very close bond.

Count me to the list of people that didn't feel in love immediately either, and I had my desired gender with my first!  I had a horrible labor and the pain was really intense.  Honestly, the amount of pain my va-jay-jay was in after birth was horrendous.  I kept begging them for something stronger that ibuphofen because that just wansn't cutting it.  Not to mention, because she had swallowed fluid, I didn't get to see her until 7am that morning and I had her at 1 minute after midnight.

It took months and months to bond, and I had PPD.  The pain vanishing and falling in love instantly was a bunch of BS for me.

Just know, you are not alone.

Please don't worry! I have never experienced that instant love for any of my babies! I don't know if it was because I have never had my DG or not, but it has always taken a while! I just go by the saying "fake it till you make it" and it has always happened in time. I am sad that I will never get to find out if I would have had a different experience with falling in love with my baby if I would have had a girl. I am having my 4th boy in September, and I am sure I will not have the instant love/bond with him just like I didn't with my other boys. Good Luck! I am sure in time you won't be able to imagine your life without your baby girl.

i didn't fall instantly in love with dd2. she was my first failed sway and it hit me hard because i thought i was this magical fertility goddess who could get pregnant with whatever gender she wanted with the blink of an eye. it took me about a year actually but now that i look back on it im positive i had a little ppd. give it a little more time then if you still don't bond maybe check with your doctor. there is nothing wrong with having ppd its very serious. congrats on your new baby.

p.s. ALPHA!!! you are 40 weeks today where is the baby?

I had GD with both my dd's, I fell immediatly instantly in love with dd2 but not dd1. See her bio dad was very mean to me,beginning immeiatly after we were married, then got worse after I fell pregnant. He was great in the hospital but the minute after she was born he went and got drunk and didnt come back until I was discharged 2 days later. She was 5 weeks early so we had to stay an extra day. Well needless to say I cried a lot during those two days I should have been rejoicing. When he returned he told me he did not want her or me and signed his rights to her over. We divorced obviously. Well, i came home my mom stayed two weeks wih me, and I was smitten with her, she was cute and little but I didn't feel what people said I was supposed to feel. My mom left to go back to work and it was just me and her! She was in her bassinette and I was on the couch and looked at her, crying and said "Adysen.. what am I going to do. Do you think I can do this? Are you ready for it to just be us?" and that baby rolled her head towards me, opened up her eyes and grinned. She held my gaze for well over 30 seconds. I lost it, she had my heart! Right then and there, simply had my heart! And that was the end of that. You dont know when or how, but I'm betting it will happen!!!!

newbaby2011:

i didn't fall instantly in love with dd2. she was my first failed sway and it hit me hard because i thought i was this magical fertility goddess who could get pregnant with whatever gender she wanted with the blink of an eye. it took me about a year actually but now that i look back on it im positive i had a little ppd. give it a little more time then if you still don't bond maybe check with your doctor. there is nothing wrong with having ppd its very serious. congrats on your new baby.

p.s. ALPHA!!! you are 40 weeks today where is the baby?

Oh, my babies don't like to come out - that's what!!!

eviction notice to maddox! time to get out. r u going to let them induce you at all? my goodness 40 weeks, im going crazy at 31 weeks.

 Maybe I have the unpopular opinion here- but could you have Post pardumdepression?  how did you feel when youhad your 1st.  haveyou thought about conselling/therapy> ?  Is it that she is a girl?  or do you think your depressed?  or are you depressed because it is a girl? hoestly your son will be ok with a sister- I think your thinking what your son wants and sad about npot giving your son a brother- but he WILL be ok as long as you are ok.

 

I WOULD NOT try for # 3 - unles you can 110% be sure you would be happy to have a daughter- as it COULD be a daughter again. 

 

Thank you so much all,i am so relieved to know that not all people fall love at first sight and it is so very good to know,actually people pretend to be so perfect and all and set standards.

It is true there are so much things to do,there is lack of freedom,change of life style,change of routines that one cant really handle it and then there is the existing toddlers,inshort there are so many things.

i am not coping well still

I too, didn't fall in love straight away. It's normal, you're body has just been through a huge amount of hard work! We're automatically programmed to care for them, not fall in love. Don't worry yet. As a PP said, sibling relationships are what you make of them, gender means naff all in the grand scheme of things. All my friends are blokes (and I have 2 sisters!). You could've had another son, but that wouldn't mean he and DS1 became friends. Just take it as it comes and don't place any expectations on them. It won't matter to your son what flavour his sibling is. If you're really struggling, talk to your health care provider (I'm not sure who you have post-birth, in the UK we're with the midwives then health visitors) and keep talking to work through it. Good luck xx