7 weeks left and I can't get over GD!!

I'm 33 weeks today and while I'm excited to meet my new little man (my third son) I still can't accept that I'll never have a daughter. Every time I see a little girl or a mom who is pregnant with a girl my heart literally breaks. EVERY single person that I know has either had a little girl this year or is going to have one. I've lost count after 20!! I'm the ONLY one who is having a boy and that makes it so much harder. I adore my boys and I know that I will love this new one too but how do I get over the sadness of never having a daughter? After DS 2 was born ALL I could think about was trying one more time to have a girl. I don't even think I fully appreciated him because I have been so busy researching swaying and was so obssesed with having a daughter. Here I am pregnant again with yet another boy and I've spent my entire pregnancy doing the same thing - - being obssesed over the daughter that I will never have. I can't believe that this is my life and that I will never have a daughter. I feel cheated. I feel sad. I feel angry and most of all, I feel guilty because this new little boy along with my other two deserve a mom who doesn't spend her free time daydreaming of a life she wish she could have. A life where I am the mother of that beautiful girl I've dreamed  of my whole life. Time is ticking and he is coming soon and yet I wish with all my heart that I could be filled with joy but I'm not, and I feel so bad. I hope that when he is born all of this goes away but i know it wont. It hasn't for over 2.5 years. Am I going to live my entire life sad about the daughter I never had? Will I ever be happy? I hope you moms don't think I'm a monster but I just felt the need to vent because my heart is so heavy with sadness.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so sad right now. Don't feel bad about how you feel. I think you'll truly love being the proud mom of 3 ds's once he's here. I've been exactly where you are. That is exactly how I felt 4 years ago. But, as soon as my 3rd ds was born, all of my longing and sadness went away. I didn't feel like I was missing a dd anymore. We did want a 4th baby though, and if it was a girl, big bonus. Well after having 3-4 mc's, we just wanted another healthy pregnancy and baby. We were so surprised when she was born! I still can't figure out how/why we went through all of the things we did.

So sorry you are feeling this way. I am due the same week as you with DS3 too! I couldn't believe it when they told us boy at our 15 week scan since we swayed etc. I had horrible GD with DS2 and didn't want to go through that this time around when the baby was born so foudn out ahead of time. I didn't know about swaying then.. but I did know I wanted a third child so I learned about swaying before we tried for this baby. I have somehow left the door open for a fourth child. I know it's silly since I will be 38 after this baby is born.. so that would put us around 40.. and our kids are young.. 4, and 2.5 and now baby number 3. But... I think it has helped me kind of get over this GD way quicker. Who knows, we most likely will stop with this baby.. but I guess having the floating option if we feel good about it is nice. Just worried how we would do it and not be upset if it was boy 4. Anyway, what has helped me with this pregnancy is feeling the baby moving so much inside of me.. It just makes me so excited to see him and see what his personality is going to be like. I think once your baby is here you are going to feel much better. Right now it's so abstract and it's hard seeing so many people having both genders.. I know it since so many people around me have that. But, we can't look back now, and this baby will fit into your family right where he belongs. Are you absolutely done with 3 kids? Anyway you would consider a fourth? Maybe if you there is a small chance you will consider it just hold on to that for now. I do know so many people with 3 of one gender going on to have the opposite.. although not guaranteed without PGD it can definitely happen and the odds seem in your favor. Hang in there!

Thanks pnkpanther and hope1212 for your kind and encouraging words! It makes me feel better that other moms out there understand what I am going through. I'm struggling everyday to get happy and excited about his arrival and even though the idea of a new little one gets me excited, I so wish it was still a girl. i still pray every night for that miracle at birth that I know will never come. the truth of the matter is that (I know this is horrible) but had i known that this baby would for sure be a boy, I never would have tried for the 3rd. I would have been perfectly content with my two boys. I led myself to believe that this would be the girl I always wanted - foolishly, I know. I can't bare the thought of trying for the 4th and it being another boy. Financially, 4 children is too much for my family and we can't afford high tech. So, it's 3 boys for me and no daughter and that's what really kills me. Not so much that this is another boy but that I'll have a daughter...

I'm pregnant with DS3 and honestly it hasn't hit my hubby and I yet that we're having another baby and its a boy. I still think it might be a girl. Why? Because I was never shown on screen at my ultrasound that it's a boy. (I wanted hubby to tell me not the tech) Is that crazy? Hubby said he thought he saw a penis but wasn't sure and the 2 pictures from our 18 week ultrasound we have looks like a little penis but I can't get it out of my head that maybe its still a girl! What is wrong with me?!?! When we went in at 23 weeks or so we asked to check the gender again and the tech said "your file said it's a boy why do you want to check again?" then she looked and said there it is but after she saw it for a second she couldn't find it again so we could see. The baby kept opening and closing his legs. Even a second tech tried and took 2 pictures anyways of his bottom but you can't see any gender clues because his legs were so close together. I know I'm crazy but I wont believe its a boy until I can actually see his parts! I wish I could've just seen it on the ultrasound then maybe this would be easier. We have a girl first and middle name picked out but we can't find a middle name for if it is indeed a boy. As of tomorrow we only have 28 days left and I can't take tags off of ANYTHING. Not sure if I just don't want to or if its a just in case thing. It's so weird for me because with my first 2 boys I was fine with it and took tags off of everything, picked out a name, etc... Deep down I don't feel one way or another about if its a boy or girl. To be honest it bothers me a lot. We've talked about a 4th, ok with it and going high tech for it with microsort. I have my ups and downs about what if it is for sure a boy so I understand what you're saying. I'm sure we both will love our new little guy and he'll steal our heart right away but the chance of missing out on having a daughter... I just don't know...

lilsweetone2118, i would probably be exactly like you if I hadn't seen the boy ultrasound either. There is nothing wrong with holding out hope for that miracleof a girl at birth. I hope for your sake it is. I too don't have a middle name for mine  and i'm not too sure on the first name either - I like it but with my other two boys I just knew that was their name. I guess it's the lack of connection with this baby. My ultrasound pic clearly shows a boy and yet my brain makes me see otherwise. What's wrong with ME? I feel him kick me all day and night and I feel terrible because I don't get too excited with that either but know that if it was a girl I would treasure every kick. I'm horrible, I know. Good luck with the remainder of your pregnancy and I will keep my fingers crossed for you. If it is another boy I hope we both can accept it and look back at this and feel silly for feeling like this at one point. That's all I can do for now, is hope for the best...

It's funny... we never got a confirmation either.. I mean we had one at 21 weeks.. but when I asked again they couldn't see, and we haven't had any other u/s. This is the first pregnancy I wanted to see the gender, and the only one that I had such little u/s. Even the other day I was at the hospital because I had contractions. And I thought, well atleast I will get an U/S and I can really confirm the gender.. but the brought the wrong probe, and never gave me an U/S. I know our 21 week 3d one looked like a boy.. but still without getting to really see it again my DH keeps saying.. huh, wouldn't it be funny if they were wrong. It just seems so weird to have 3 kids all of the same gender. I mean i know it happens.. and I know it's all over this board, but for the most part the people i know around me all have mixed genders. It's so odd to think we are going to have 3 boys!!! If I think about it too much I definitely feel overwhelmed about it.. especially since my 2 are so energetic..

I honestly think there is nothing that heals the loss and sadness except time and maybe a girl someday.  It's not the same as losing a child, but finding out my 3rd was a boy sent me into despair similar to mourning someone's death.  The dream of her was always real and each time I was told boy it was more and more painful.  The only thing that gradually made it better was the passage of time, like all loss.  I took great joy in my boys (especially my youngest who fills my heart everyday)!  I will post a post a picture of a delightful moment from today . The joy makes your life meaningful and happy, but it never changed my longing for a girl.  I could still bring myself to tears looking at little baby girl dresses and thinking about looking at her face for the first time.  I did get to the point where I thought I could be happy with just my three boys and a daughter was going to have to be something I would not get to have in my life.  But life is full of suprises!  Including my fourth and final child who is hopefully a girl.....

Thanks Emit for your beautiful words and what an adorable cutie you have there!! I have to agree with you that it is similar to the mourning someone's death - at least that is how i feel about it. I literally cry on a daily basis feeling so sad that I'll never have a daughter. I image what she would have looked like, the dresses and bows but mostly a life with "her" that I feel robbed from having.  The litte moments like playing with dolls or tea parties and the big moments like a sweet 16, picking out her wedding dress, her wedding and maybe even the experiece of her own children. I feel cheated. Everytime I hear confirmation of him being a boy it breaks my heart. I'm 34 weeks and had my doctor app today and she wants to give me one last ultrasound at 37 weeks as baby is measuring big. this is ridiculous but I don't even want to go because i don't want to be told yet again that it is another boy. I keep praying for a miracle at birth and I imagine the doctor handig me a little girl. Hearing that it is a boy at 37 weeks, a few weeks shy of the birth, gives me anxiety because I don't want to stop dreaming and because I still can't accept that this is my life. I hope in time like you, I could focus on the joys of life and get to a point where I could be happy with my 3 boys. For now, I just feel like I'll never truly be happy in life.

 Can I ask if you swayed for your girl or if it was all a surprise? Not that I can imagine myself going down this road again especially since I feel that I will have yet another boy, but I just like hearing stories like yours... 

 I know how you feel. My first post here was months ago when I found out we're most likely having a boy and the reactions of family that just floored me. I doubt I'd be as depressed about it if people were happy, but I haven't gotten ONE congratulations from ANYONE, just comments that are rude and cruel. "Oh, you'll have a handful!" "You should start getting into sports now!" "Boys are rambunctious brats. Have fun with that!" From a girl from my alma mater: "It sucks you can't be a part of our girl club! I'm sorry you're having a boy, that's horrible!" My brother-in-law's wife just had a girl and everyone's freaking out over it, as they never have girls in their family. That girl is spoiled rotten. Everyone says how much they love and adore her and are like, "Too bad our other grandchild is a boy, we won't love him as much." I'm being treated like a second class citizen by them and my husband is not defending me at all. I am not making this crap up! She had FIVE baby showers. I had ZERO, because it's a boy.

 My mom tells me, "You wanted a girl, so obviously you'd get a boy. You never get what you want. Get over it and be happy for everyone having girls, just live vicariously through them and buy them clothes." I know about 15 people who are pregnant and I am the ONLY ONE having a boy. I don't even know anyone who has a boy if they have kids already, everyone has girls. I hope I can get over it by the time the baby comes but I doubt it. Shopping breaks my heart so we don't have anything except for a few onesies. I did buy some really goofy hats the other day to try and cheer me up but it didn't work. We didn't have a baby shower, because no one would come and no one wanted to plan one, all because of the baby being a boy. Then I feel guilty because I know people who are struggling to concieve and this was a total accident and I'm still reeling about how all the things I wanted to do with my life are no longer possible. I always thought I'd be one and done, especially now because we didn't plan on having children yet (I was going to start graduate school this fall and had to withdraw). I am overwhelmed with the whole parenting thing, terrified of it, angry about it, and having a boy just makes it worse when I always wanted a girl because I want that mother/daughter bond I never had with my own mother. I keep praying the ultrasound prediction was wrong, as my OB thought girl at first and said she still has no true idea because the supposed penis was obviously the cord, the 20 week scan said boy but it's not really anything that prominent if you look at the pictures, because this baby is not cooperative, won't open their legs, and is super lazy! Logically I know I should be happy but...I just can't. I've been to psychiatrists, therapists, etc for the depression (not just rooted in the baby being a boy, it's everything else too) and they just tell me to get over it even though I have a history of depression and am terrified of PPD.

Always saw myself with a daughter, ever since I was a kid. I never even thought about having a boy, I just knew in my heart this was a girl and looks like I'm wrong. Gah. It sucks being so sad about this and feeling so bad about being sad. My husband wanted a boy really badly, of course. I just hope he turns out a little nerd like his dad and isn't into sports, trucks, etc or any of that garbage...

First, I just wanted to comment on how shocked I am by the ridiculous, negative and mean comments you are getting because you are having a boy. I especially can't get over the comment about not loving him as much because he is a boy. That simply floors me. your husband needs to step it up and defend you and his unborn son - - especially since he wanted a boy so badly too.

 I also want to share that not all boys rambunctious and brats. Neither one of my two boys are "typical" boys. My eldest, Jeremy is simply the sweetest and kindest child in the world. He is going to be 11 years old in August and he has never been into sports. As  much as dh has tried to push him in that direction, he simply doesn't care for it. He is more into acting and drawing and he is really creative. he has been the easiest child in the world. My relationship with him is so strong.

Mason, my 2.5 year old is also not a "typical" boy. he loves to read ALL day long. he was assessed to be advanced for his age. He too is not into sports but loves to learn. he is my book nerd and simply adorable. I always comment that even though I was only given boys that I am so happy that my boys aren't typical boys. I just pray that this new baby takes after his brothers too. I went to my nephew's baseball game this wknd and there were all these moms there cheering on their boys and into all that crap. I just sat there being thankful that my boys didn't care about that stuff. lol! The truth is that the main reason I wanted a daughter is because I too wanted the mother/daughter bond that I never had with my own mother. Plus, it would be nice to not be the only person in this family without a penis! Even the dog is male for God's sake! Plus, I love all things girly and it's not like i can dress up my boys that way

I am sorry that you are feeling so depressed. i too feel depressed, so I can relate to how you feel. You have a lot going on right now so that makes it worse. But I PROMISE you that once your little boy is here (if he is a boy) that you will simply adore him. I read somewhere that the strongest bond is between mother and son and i can tell you from my experience that I have such a strong bond and relationship with my boys. Your family will come around once he is here and if they don't, well then it is their loss.

I too always imagined myself with a daughter and I may never get over the fact that i will never have one. it's too much to think about right now. This is your first child and even though everything is so ovewhelming for you right now, you can try again later to have a daughter. Take care and I hope you start to feel better about your pregnancy and if it is a boy, once he is here you will never imagine your life without him...