I did IVF/PGD for my 1st child - is that so unsual?

 

 Hi there,

I am new to this site and posted 1st to the GD forum.   I have no children and did ivf with pgd for our 1st child.  This apparently is unusual and my post in the GD forum received a lot of criticism!   Am I so unusual??  I did have some supporters :) who perhaps understood that I was trying to avoid GD by using pgd to sex select for my 1st and likely only child.  As it stands after 3 failed pgd pregnancies we've now turned to a GC for help who's carrying our unbiopsied embryo.  She's 2 months pregnant.  This is a huge gamble and having put so much time/effort/emotion and $ into trying to create the family we desired we our now at nature's mercy.  We'll get what we get.  For you other Hi Tech ladies I'm sure you'll understand my plight better than the none ivf group.  I am praying our GC is carrying our desired gender.  I have gone to counseling and take ownership of my strong gender preference. Although it is never something I publicly admit to as I know it's very socially unacceptable.  It's something I'd love not to suffer from!  however it's undeniable, I wake up everyday and it's there as strong as ever.  I thought I was being preemptive and proactive by doing pgd.  I would never want a child to pick up on the idea that I had wanted a different gender.  I believe children are very clever and intuitive.  I will do everything in my power to not let them know if they are not my desired gender.  I do hope in time that I'll get over this desire but truthfully I don't see it happening ...

The theory with my 3 failed pregnancies was that it was either the pgd had damaged the embryos or perhaps an immunity issue.  That is why now on our 4th attempt we used a GC and unbiopsied embryos.  We also switched Drs and clinics.  We believe our past embryologist may have damaged the embryos in the biopsy causing them to fail.  This time around we were warned not to do pgd again if we ever wanted a baby.  So of my 8 blasts we biopsied 2 just to increase our odds.  These 2 turned out to be abnormal! and so weren't transferred.  So I did try again (a little) to stack the odds in my favor .. my plan was to put in 1 biopsied and 2 non ... but it didn't work out that way :)   Mother Nature obviously doesn't like to be messed with!  For those of you taking the pgd route I now know the quality of the embryologist and clinic are imperative.  Afterall they are slicing your embryos!!  Do your research and go to the best clinic possible the 1st time.

Anyway  I've read some posts from ladies awaiting US results on gender .. you don't need to wait.. there is a urine test kit you can order online called 'Intelligender' which claims to be between 80-90% accurate @ 10wks ... also there's a genetics company in California called Consumer Genetics that sells a blood test kit online that's 100% accurate @ 10 wks but you can't be on progesterone ... you can Google these ..

I intend to do this ...  I do not believe in termination based on sex but it will help along with the aid of counseling for me to come to terms with the gender I may be expecting.  

I hope I find better support over here :)

I understand your desire for a certain gender but I don't believe you got so much criticism because of that. Everybody has its own story and all the girls have their own story. I'm sorry but I don't believe it's you desire! I think you got so much criticism because you make advertisement for the intelligender test. Probably they think you are a faker.....I'm sorry but is sounds like that......I hope I'm wrong......

The intelligender test is a total scam with about a 50% chance of being right, lol.

Hm.. I didn't read it this way.. intent to sell anything etc. I think she is just saying there are these tests. i never tried Intellegender.. but heard it is pretty unreliable.. so if you are really thinking to do it to see what your GC is carrying you may not want to weigh too much on it... I hear that it usually says boy. I think maybe there was more criticism since from your post no one quite knew why you only wanted one gender and went to such lengths.. and there have been people that "Troll" on here saying not nice things to make people feel bad. Hope that you are genuinely here for support.. and if so, sorry if you feel like you are not getting it. I think if you went with any healthy child is better then none (something I truly believe) then you should rest assure that that route is being taken now. Boy/Girl you will be very lucky to finally get to experience motherhood.. it sounds like your journey there has not been easy. This will be your baby that you will love no matter what. I think before having a baby it's hard to even imagine what it feels like to finally hold a baby that is yours. Somehow I doubt you will regret it if he is a boy afterall .. you may still want a girl.. but you will be so happy you have your boy too. GL!

I don't understand why you should do such a test? You can also do an unltra sound test. That's pretty reliable!

 You're totally right regarding the US being more reliable .. I just didn't want to wait the 20 wks :) ... as far as promoting a product .. no way!! I'm a regular poster with no affiliations to any companies or products ... simply sharing information as it's new to me. Maybe that's old news to everyone on this forum nut i just came across the product.  I didn't realize there were people 'trolling' on these websites saying nasty things ... that is why in this forum I chose not to disclose my preferred gender ... as that's irrelevant .. it's not so much the gender that matters rather the fact that we may have a preference.  

With preference is nothing wrong right? Everybody has their preferences! And nobody has the right to judge you if you have it with your first or 10th child!!!!

prettyinpink18:

The intelligender test is a total scam with about a 50% chance of being right, lol.

Maybe you might just adopt your child out, if you feel that strongly (if it is a boy).  Perhaps the carrier would want it?  No sense in being miserable the rest of your life otherwise.  But, if it's just fear of the unknown, let me tell you, after suffering gd with my ds2 while pg, I am totally, completely head over heels in love and can't imagine for one single nanosecond not having him, or having a girl instead.  Hopefully things work out. Sending pink dust.

I think maybe you should consider doing a cvs. That way you will know the gender for sure. Also, it is a test for trisomy issues, downs etc and you can rest assured the baby is healthy and know the gender. I personally doubt a dr would recommend it just for gender, but in your case it seems like You really need to know and it will help you to have the definite answer. I'm not sure why you prefer a girl over a boy so greatly- but you entered this knowing you may have a boy- so that says something. You are hoping to have a child regardless- congrats that it is happening! You will love this child no matter what. The bond you have will be like no other boy or girl. GL

I'm not TTC yet but I'm planning to do PGD for my first and (99.9% sure of this) only child. Not as many clinics will do it for the first child but I found a couple that are located within a couple hours of where I live that are willing to. It's very important to me to raise a daughter, it's a dream I've had my whole life, and I think it's very unlikely I'd ever feel I could have a second child given my personal situation. Since I have to go high tech anyway to get pregnant, it just makes sense to me to do PGD rather than have more kids than I feel I can handle or risk having my only child be a boy and having the dream be over forever and risk an innocent child feeling resented. Since I'm afraid of having extreme disappointment if I were to have a boy, I feel the responsible thing for me to do is do PGD or just not get pregnant, but I can't risk doing that to myself and the potential child.

Honestly I've gotten more "But why do you want ONLY ONE child?" responses than "It's wrong to do PGD for a first child." I didn't realize choosing in advance to have an only child was so unusual?

the intelligender test is crap..even though it did tell me at least one of my youngest set of twins was a boy but so did every u/s too even though I did pgd for a girl..granted I did get a girl but my situation shows that even with pgd there's a chance of an opposite..

 I've been surprised to find that choosing in advance doesn't go over so well on this site.  My issue is similar to yours, I thought by choosing in advance I could avoid GD and any negative feelings I might have towards my pregnancy.  I too have had a life long dream of a D and lost my Mother relatively young and so would love to rekindle this type of relationship .. PGD didn't work for me ..  I lost 4 girls .. we believe I may have an immunity issue and now we're working we a GC an an unbiposied embryo .. as we do wish to have a child.  My pregnancies may also have failed due to embryo damage during the biopsy.  When you do choose a clinic please pick the most experienced one .. usually big urban centers are best .. the skill and knowledge of the embryologist doing the biopsy is vital to your success .. I have been always told day 5 biopsies are best too .. I'm looking into MicroSort now in case this pregnancy is a boy .. I don't know a lot about it and hope to find out more on this site. 

Unfortunately Microsoft isn't available in the US right now. The clinics I am considering are all in the New York City area, there are a lot of options in the northeast, hopefully I choose the right one when the time comes.

Before I joined this site I thought planning an only child wasn't that rare. While none of them did PGD (at least as far as I know!) I know quite a few people who have one child, are happy with that, and from the start only ever wanted one. Of course I know plenty of bigger families too. But on this site most people seem to plan on having more than one. Ideally I did want more than one, but I just think taking everything into consideration, having just one is best for me and for the child.

Hi NotGetting,

I'm glad you made it over to the HT board!  I too felt there were some unsupportive comments on the other board.  Welcome!

Anyways, as I said there, I believe it is your choice to do sex selection for a first child.  It seems you have found a willing provider (doctor/clinic), so you are pursuing an available option.  (Yes, I know some people fear that HT GS will lead to an unbalanced population.  I think there are so few people doing it that overall it will make no difference.)

Yes, it would be great to be able to *avoid* GD.  I understand your intent.

I think it's healthy that you are aware of your issues, and you take responsibility for how you feel.  

I also hope your GC's pregnancy goes well, and that she has conceived a child of your desired sex.

I second the others that the maternal urine/blood tests are unreliable to diagnose fetal sex.  I personally would not trust them.

As far as CVS or amnio on your GC to determine fetal sex... I'd say weigh the risks and how badly you need to know the baby's gender.  If you need to test for health reasons (AMA, etc), that could be a factor too.  If you *don't*, my advice would be to skip it.  I guess it will also depend how your GC feels about having the procedure done.  Interesting situation!  :)

As far as some people not being okay with sex selection for a first child... don't let it get to you.  Although everyone is entitled to their opinion, I personally believe some people are against it for reasons more to do with their own selves than anyone else's life.  I hope this makes sense.  lol

Bottom line is - you are doing what is right for you, what you are doing is legal and available, so I say go for it!

Again, GL with the pregnancy, keep us posted!!

GZ

Oh yes - it's also true we don't see sex selection here very often for a first child, for a variety of reasons.  But that doesn't mean it's not okay for you.

Also - in the case your GC is not carrying your desired sex, I just want to offer you hope and encouragement.  I had awful, awful GD/EGD with DC #1, it took about a year to bond, but after that it got much better and I was able to move forward.  But of course did PGD for the next pregnancy!!  lol

GZ

PS - Rh:  I also think it's totally acceptable to want only one child.  That is such a personal choice!  Don't mind what others say.  Only you will be living your own life.  You need to be happy with it.  :)