Never going to have a daughter

Azuremyst:

 Am wondering if it's even possible for you to have a vaginal birth after c? The only reason I had a c was because my baby was over 10lbs. trying to come out face up so I never dialated past 9cm and progress stopped. I know people have different reason for getting a c but was just wondering. I know of people who have had 4 c's. I still think of having #2 even though my #1 is only 7 months, but I can't help obessesing if the next one would be a boy or if we could ever make a boy, not that my daughter isn't perfect, she is in my eyes, but something that seems hard to explain I guess.

pretty much it is not possible for me to have a vaginal (as much as i would love nothing more)

pre children i had CIN3 (pre cancerous cells removed) which caused scar tissue around my cervix.

ds1 i laboured for 15hrs and no dialation <1cm. because he was prem and heart rate dropping i had an emergency c/s

ds2 i tried for a vabc. my waters broke and after 48hrs and again no dialation i end up having another c/s

The scar tissue although it will be checked later in the pregnancy with my ob, is not likely to have dissapeared, hence this birth will be a c/s also (the only possibility it wont be is if my waters break, i go to hospital and i have actually dialated, but other then that c/s is my only option.

its something that i have also had lots of emotions over, the fact i dont get a  baby put on my chest and hold straight after delivery. I will be a lot less dissapointed this time around than with c/s 1 and c/s knowing this is how i have to have babies, than try and fail and be extremley upset with my body.

Azuremyst wrote  why didn't you pray to God to lead you to PGD after your 2nd son?

 

I didn't know about PGD, so how would I know to pray for it?

Azuremyst wrote  I know in my hear of hearts if I had a 2nd girl, I could only assume the 3rd would be too, it's just how we would natuarlly think. That's when id stop, esp. if I was trying for a son, the more daughters or sons in your case, the harder it gets.

 

My heart of hearts didn't tell me that, so no, I didn't start to loose hope until baby #3

 

Azuremyst wrote Well, you took the chance and became pregnant with each of them so?? I don't understand the question. We magicily can't get what we want we have to take it in our OWN hands and make it happen! Through adoption or PGD. 

 

I had wrote, I was putting it in God's hands.

 

 

 

The same thing happened to me with my 3rd son..psychics told me I was having a girl..the were right about a few things.I didn't think I would have a daughter eather after he was born..

dreaminglikeelizabeth:

 

I had wrote, I was putting it in God's hands.

 

 That is great, whatever works for you hun, that would not work for me though. 

double post.

Azuremyst:

Coffeecake:

Not everyone can afford the high tech stuff. We hope that luck and prayer will push things our way. Plus, it's not like our dh's will go for high-tech if w can conceive on our own.

 

I wasn't really implying that, but if you work hard and save up $$ if it's your dream, if that huge of a deal it should not stop you from at least trying a high tech cycle. As far of the DH's go, they should be on board of course and share your dreams as well. If I never have a boy im not going to play the blame game a7nd blame God or someone else because I didn't get what I wanted, im not 5 years old.  I get where GD is coming from when it's dissapointment not the imsanity of thinking of aborting, divorcing, and being miserable the rest of your life because it's how things played out. 

Life's too short to be anything but happy!

wow way to be supporting...not..not everyone can afford high tech and who says it is always gonna work...you can put 1000's in and not get/stay pregnant..ppl think if u pray hard enough It will happen...nothing wrong with that....its natural to be angry and feel foolish when you prayed for naught. In response to your other post.. Actually ur more likely to have a boy after some girls then a girl after some boys...it possible though...obviously as I did...she come on here for support not to be questioned and picked on..

wounded_healer.:

wow way to be supporting...not..not everyone can afford high tech and who says it is always gonna work...you can put 1000's in and not get/stay pregnant..ppl think if u pray hard enough It will happen...nothing wrong with that....its natural to be angry and feel foolish when you prayed for naught. In response to your other post.. Actually ur more likely to have a boy after some girls then a girl after some boys...it possible though...obviously as I did...she come on here for support not to be questioned and picked on..

eh? I don't believe that at all, I do believe the people here have more boys than girls but that is obvious. Id pesonally rather not sit here & lie to people and sugar-coat everything and feed into their dissapointment. Of course I hope they overcome it, im not a monster. 

I realize that not everyone can afford high-tech esp. in this economy, but it can be a solution for those dealing with not having a daughter/son.

Azuremyst:

wounded_healer.:

wow way to be supporting...not..not everyone can afford high tech and who says it is always gonna work...you can put 1000's in and not get/stay pregnant..ppl think if u pray hard enough It will happen...nothing wrong with that....its natural to be angry and feel foolish when you prayed for naught. In response to your other post.. Actually ur more likely to have a boy after some girls then a girl after some boys...it possible though...obviously as I did...she come on here for support not to be questioned and picked on..

Id pesonally rather not sit here & lie to people and sugar-coat everything and feed into their dissapointment.

No you'd just rather get all defensive because she blamed it on your precious god...blah...I don't lie I tell it how I feel it is....nor do I feed in to them...I actually understand and have had EGD...

my1dream:

its something that i have also had lots of emotions over, the fact i dont get a  baby put on my chest and hold straight after delivery. I will be a lot less dissapointed this time around than with c/s 1 and c/s knowing this is how i have to have babies, than try and fail and be extremley upset with my body.

I'm not sure if this helps, but I had a vaginal delivery and my DD swallowed some fluid on her way out.  I didn't get her on my chest, and because I had labored for 27 hours, I was out of it and didn't get to see her for 8 hours.  I'm not saying a C-section birth is perfect either, but looking back, I felt like I was robbed of all the good that comes out of a vaginal birth. At least with a C-section I would have got to hold her and I wouldn't have been so exhausted - it caused me not to bond with her right away.

Too bad we all can't have the births of our dreams!!!

 

my1dream:

its something that i have also had lots of emotions over, the fact i dont get a  baby put on my chest and hold straight after delivery. I will be a lot less dissapointed this time around than with c/s 1 and c/s knowing this is how i have to have babies, than try and fail and be extremley upset with my body.

 

Hi there, im not sure why the one poster felt all huffy puffy about my responses, but oh well.I was just asking a few questions to see where your coming from that is all. It's ok to ask things I think...no one has to answer them. I suppose some people don't feel the same. 

I felt this way too for a while after my daughter was born. I don't know even know if I can have a VBAC myself, i'll probably just keep brewing them big LOL I honestly thought I was going to be the mom who was going all natural, no pain meds, vag. birth, baby wearing, even breast feeding for at least 6 months mom, but I had the hardest time even breast feeding, my supply was so low and never got going well, I managed to BF for about 4-5 weeks with supplimenting formula. I think the hardest part was being in the recovery room w/o my baby. It was a short time but it felt like forever, when they gave her to me she was fast asleep! Your in good comany though, lots of womens have C's. My worry was always that id never go into labor on my own (which i did) and go far over my due date (which I did not). 

 JuliaGulia:

Wow, we are almost living the same life, it was really strange to read your post. I too am SO embrassed to say I am having another boy. I feel like a failure, my oldest hoped for a sister as well, I am sad my sons won't know what a sister is like too. My mom was even upset for me, she said she was quite shocked.  I am also scared  of 5 for many reasons, 4 will be enough work, I feel selfish to take away money that me sons could use in the future, just to take it for my dream of a daughter. My husband says he will do it, he only wanted two and here we are at 4 and he says he will get me that daughter I want. I also fear if I did gender selecting, it wouldn't work. So many fears. Also, when people look at you, with 4 boys, I am quite sure they will know that 5th was a selfish attempt at a girl. 

The only people who know I really want a girl are my mom and my husband. My sisters have an idea of coarse. I didn't tell the world because I wanted to protect my sons, I wanted people to think I didn't need a girl. I didn't want people to look at my sons and think, she wanted a girl, and THIS is what she got. My sons are lovely and they love me to the core, and I am wild about them. 

Because my faith has always been in God, I spend my days so confused about it all. Yes,I have heard that some men produce only male sperm, and sometimes the womens body only accepts one gender. If I faith, I should believe that God could give me a girl, despite this. Yet, I did and have only boys. 

 

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.- Mark 11:24

You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.-John 14:14

I had people praying for me,my Mom, my husband and I prayed at church together

"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.- Matthew 18:19

I studied Sarah, Elizabeth, and Rachel.

I prayed to have stronger faith. I did every prayer I could. I asked the God, The Holy Spirit, Jesus, Mary, the angels and saits, I asked my relatives in heaven, all to pray for me. I prayed often the prayer to St. Jude.

How can I have faith now. God wants me to pray to him, to ask him for things, he makes promises of granting those requests but doesn't deliver. Perhaps I will be like Moses he wants me to follow him, but he will only show me the Promised Land but not let me in. he wants to believe in him, and bear these children and lead them in his way, only to make sure and let me know, it is me that is not good enough.

I feel punished as well, and yet, we are told as Christians, if we confess, we are forgiven. He is suppose to be a God of love not of punishment, yet so ofetn it feels that way.

People already have gone off on faith in this thread. Saying take things in your OWN hands, and faith doesnt work for them, and praying is naught. I get confused because I know they don't have faith so they can't understand, yet, look where having faith gets you.

It's all so hard for me. I want to believe but I just find it hard to find why I should anymore. I have faith in a God who doesnt have faith in me.

 

Faith is hard. If it was easy then what would be the point? I prayed for my 3rd to by a girl, he is a boy. When I was pregnant with him I asked all the questions you are asking now. WHY couldn't he be a girl?? Why did God just have to give me another boy? I get it now. My DS3 is another very important chapter in my life. God knew that. I did a 54 day rosary novena to Our Lady before I tried to get pregnant with this baby, and believe with all my heart that she is an answer to my prayer. And I don't ever believe that having more children is selfish. My DH an I wanted to have 6 and still do. Does that make us more selfish than a couple who wants to have 2 kids? We believe having children and raising them to glorify God is important. Please don't ever think you are selfish for having another baby.

 Yes, and you can say that because your 4 was a girl. What made your prayer different from mine and you got a girl and I didn't? It so easy to say when you recieve.

 

dreaminglikeelizabeth:

 I just found out my baby #4 is a boy. I went through extreme GD with baby #3, to point of suicidal thoughts. Baby#4 was an opps, and from the moment I found out, I have been praying to God for a girl. I research, studied, prayed so hard, had people praying for me. I just didn't think God would put me through this again after the last time. I am now waivering in my faith I have had for so long. My eyes are so dry from all the crying and I can't even think straight.

I get mad at God because I believed all my life in him and then I get mad at my husband for making only male sperm. I am just very hurt.  My dad died when I was 7 , so I was raised by my mom only, with three sisters and a step sister. Years later, my mom remairried and I got another step sister. All girls, only girls in my life and I am suppose to just be ok with all boys in my life?

I live in another country, I get to see my family maybe once a year if I am lucky but more like two years. I am alone, and I love my boys , but I needed a daughter. 

Such a simple request that hurts no one, and yet God couldn't find it in his will to grant me a daughter.

I am more than angry and hurt.

I feel exactly the same way! I don't understand why god would give us another boy if he knew this was going to happen. I'm really having a tough time with it :(