Wow, we are almost living the same life, it was really strange to read your post. I too am SO embrassed to say I am having another boy. I feel like a failure, my oldest hoped for a sister as well, I am sad my sons won't know what a sister is like too. My mom was even upset for me, she said she was quite shocked. I am also scared of 5 for many reasons, 4 will be enough work, I feel selfish to take away money that me sons could use in the future, just to take it for my dream of a daughter. My husband says he will do it, he only wanted two and here we are at 4 and he says he will get me that daughter I want. I also fear if I did gender selecting, it wouldn't work. So many fears. Also, when people look at you, with 4 boys, I am quite sure they will know that 5th was a selfish attempt at a girl.
The only people who know I really want a girl are my mom and my husband. My sisters have an idea of coarse. I didn't tell the world because I wanted to protect my sons, I wanted people to think I didn't need a girl. I didn't want people to look at my sons and think, she wanted a girl, and THIS is what she got. My sons are lovely and they love me to the core, and I am wild about them.
Because my faith has always been in God, I spend my days so confused about it all. Yes,I have heard that some men produce only male sperm, and sometimes the womens body only accepts one gender. If I faith, I should believe that God could give me a girl, despite this. Yet, I did and have only boys.
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.- Mark 11:24
You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.-John 14:14
I had people praying for me,my Mom, my husband and I prayed at church together
"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.- Matthew 18:19
I studied Sarah, Elizabeth, and Rachel.
I prayed to have stronger faith. I did every prayer I could. I asked the God, The Holy Spirit, Jesus, Mary, the angels and saits, I asked my relatives in heaven, all to pray for me. I prayed often the prayer to St. Jude.
How can I have faith now. God wants me to pray to him, to ask him for things, he makes promises of granting those requests but doesn't deliver. Perhaps I will be like Moses he wants me to follow him, but he will only show me the Promised Land but not let me in. he wants to believe in him, and bear these children and lead them in his way, only to make sure and let me know, it is me that is not good enough.
I feel punished as well, and yet, we are told as Christians, if we confess, we are forgiven. He is suppose to be a God of love not of punishment, yet so ofetn it feels that way.
People already have gone off on faith in this thread. Saying take things in your OWN hands, and faith doesnt work for them, and praying is naught. I get confused because I know they don't have faith so they can't understand, yet, look where having faith gets you.
It's all so hard for me. I want to believe but I just find it hard to find why I should anymore. I have faith in a God who doesnt have faith in me.