Not excited about 2nd son

I was happy when my first son was born, and was hoping for a DD for my second and last baby. I dont play with my 2nd son, who is just 2 months old. I just seem to feed him and take care of his needs, but i am not happy and am not talking to him and playing with him. I seem to just take care of his basic needs, but i am mostly depressed all the time. feel like I've failed myself and my DH by not having a girl and am sad all the time thinking about all the girl -related things in life that I am going to miss. I havent uploaded his pics online yet, though ppl have asked me, and I havent even told some people I had another kid. It also hurts when ppl ask me about him ,and I have to sound enthused about his doings, else ppl will think I am a bad mom or will judge me for not being like one of those women on tv who seem happy when handed their baby for the first time. I dont see a point in the near future where I am going to be happy ever again.

You just explained me after I had my daughter and it seems likely that you may have pospartum depression.  Is there anyone you can talk to about this or would you feel comfortable seeing someone to get all this out?

 I'm sorry. :( It does sound like you need to seek some professional help. I hope you don't take that as an insult, I really think it would be best for you and for that sweet baby who deserves a mommy that finds joy in him. 

(((BIGHUGS)))

I felt the same after DD #3 how ever I agree with the other poster you sound like you have PPD and should talk to your doctor about it.. It is very important to get help for PPD. No matter how you feel about your little boy remember it's not his fault he is a boy. Pick him up hug him talk to him sing him a special song he needs your love no matter who he is. I did this with my 3rd DD and I love her to pieces now. I had days where I wanted nothing to do with her but I picked her up and loved loved her like I told you she didn't ask to be a girl she just is. I hope things can change for you. HUGS

A friend of mine has just had a baby girl and her facebook updates are full of pics of her "little pink bundle of joy" . Why cant I feel like my son is My bundle of joy, instead of feeling that if he was a girl, I would be picking him up right now and cooing ,

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way.  My heart goes out to you.  I am pregnant with my second son and our last child.  I don't talk to anyone about being pregnant and when people ask I quickly say fine and move to something else.  I never wanted boys....I only wanted girls but alas - two boys is what I will have.  My first son is 2 1/2 and I still feel like a robot with him.  I was diagnosed with PPD with my first son.  I would talk to your doctor and get help for yourself.  I hope that you find peace in your situation and can come to terms with what you have.   

A friend of mine is having her girl this month....we had our sons within 6 weeks of each other.  I can't understand how she got so lucky and I didn't.  SO I understand the disappontment.  My neighbour just had a baby girl too....it is really hard and everyday I struggle with getting through the day without crying.......

Good luck to you

I regret not swaying. I find a wealth of info on this site about swaying, but alas, I discovered this site only after I discovered the second one was a son too. I am consumed with what-ifs.

My apologies pescafish if I offended you.  That was not my intent. I wish you the best.

 

SAHM- After reading some of your posts I hope you find the happiness you are seeking.  Good luck.

Dear lasttime:  The only thing useful that you said was that she should seek help.  Everything else WAS NOT HELPFUL!!!!  Your post makes me angry.  I suffered from major PPD and you are basically in a fog.....telling her that you feel sorry for her sons and that after having a baby it is no longer about her and saying that she should spend her time elsewhere other than wishing for a daughter is NOT HELPFUL!!!

What should be really said is that we understand what you are going through.  It is really tough and I can't tell you if your GD will get better.  But for your sanity and health - speak to someone and seek some help.  I feel sorry for her as a mother and as a person!  And my heart goes out to her.  It is good that she is talking about her feelings and needs to feel safe in this forum. 

LASTTIME:  eventhough you intended for your post not be harsh - it is and it is rude. 

And yes we ALL know that there are many parents out there wanting a child and can't etc. but that does not help your own personal GD.  It is not a consolation. 

lasttime:

. It stopped being about you when you had your first child.  It seems time would be better spent finding a solution to your troubles/depression then wishing for a daughter.  There are many parents that spend thousands of dollars trying to conceive and still cannot have kids or turn to adoption.  You are blessed, whether you believe it or not right now.  For the sake of your sons, seek some help.  I in no way intend for this to sound harsh, but fully loving your child is the most amazing thing in the world and you deserve to feel this, just as your sons deserve to be fully loved.

Lasttime, my HEAD knows all this, about loving a child for itself, and how lucky i am to have children at all when many women cant, etc . and that its not about me , and children are a gift from God, etc. All the stuff that other women who don't have GD are likely to spew in my direction when I tell them how I feel. But my HEART doesn't. Which is why I am on this forum. Otherwise, I wouldn't care to vent in the company of other women like myself and seek solace.

SAHM:

Dear lasttime:  The only thing useful that you said was that she should seek help.  Everything else WAS NOT HELPFUL!!!!  Your post makes me angry.  I suffered from major PPD and you are basically in a fog.....telling her that you feel sorry for her sons and that after having a baby it is no longer about her and saying that she should spend her time elsewhere other than wishing for a daughter is NOT HELPFUL!!!

LASTTIME:  eventhough you intended for your post not be harsh - it is and it is rude. 

And yes we ALL know that there are many parents out there wanting a child and can't etc. but that does not help your own personal GD.  It is not a consolation. 

Thank you, SAHM ! I feel like I identify with a lot of your posts and what you are going thro. Sorry about ur day at the mall. I am not sure if i am suffering from PPD or EGD. But whatever the label is, it is a very tough time to go thro , especially with 2 small boys needing me to be at my best and I cant. And feeling like I am letting them down every minute as a mom.

Dear pecafish:  I am not sure if it is EGD or PPD or a combination of them?  I know that when I was going through PPD with DS#1 - I had NO idea what I was feeling or doing - literally I was in a fog. I was on meds for 1 year and it helped keep me neutral - I wasn't happy or sad I just "was".  To have PPD and GD - is much more serious in my opinion.  Not sure if you read one of posts - but EVERYONE on my hubby's side are doctors...and even they weren't sympathetic to my PPD let alone my GD (not that I told them anything).  I just really trusted my doctor and got myself through it.  I am hoping the same thing happens with my GD.

Have you spoken with anyone yet?  Please do if you haven't.  Trust me when I tell you that it will help you feel sane for those few moments of a day and then as time goes by - your feeling of sadness will slowly diminish.....

You are not letting your boys down.....you are just being a human and a mother all at the same time.  It is TOUGH!!!  And anyone who tells you otherwise - well they aren't not being honest.  Being a mom, wife, cook, cleaner, provider, etc. - is a tall order and right you now you are doing your BEST!  And you should be proud of that.  HUGS 

Sad. Very sad.

I feel the same way. I am you. I just can't get excited about another boy or bond with him.

Hi Pescafish, Your post sounds like you are suffering from a textbook case if post partum depression. This isn't your fault and you didn't do anything wrong. There are millions of women who feel this way after they have their babies. Do you have a family doctor you can talk with about how you're feeling? They can get you the help you need. I have suffered from several bouts of depression in the past and seeking treatment was the best thing I could have done for myself. You don't deserve to feel bad. Your doctor can help you figure out if you really are suffering from post partum depression, and if you are can find a treatment option (there are many options out there) that work for you. so you can feel better again. The women here are great too and we're happy to help you through this. Just let us know what you need and we will help you. These feelings you're feeling now won't last forever, promise. You have better days ahead, and we're here to help you get to them. :)