Will the hurt ever go away?

Ladies I'm desperate. I'm Sooooooooooo scared. I'm 30 wks. prego and still grieving because I'm due to have 'another boy. I foolishly thought that God would bless us with a girl b/c we already went through so much infertility stuff just to get prego. I thought-we've been through so much, surly God will give us a girl. But I guess it doesn't work that way. I just had another ultrasound today and had them double check gender-and then the tears started flowing all over again. I feel so fearful b/c I don't know if I will have the strength to care for this little one when he arrives. This is our last baby, so I have no real hope that I'll ever have a girl. My dreams have been shattered. My DH is no help b/c he wanted a girl too. Now he says we should have adopted, but I was so scared to. And his resentment and lack of joy over this pregnancy just kills me. I'm not sure what to do. Have any of you ever gone into the delivery room feeling like this? I feel so afraid and don't know what to do.

 

I could really use your prayers!~

I hear you....sending lots of energy...25 weeks with my 3rd boy. My husband has gd too. We both swayed hard and it failed. He is stronger than I. He wants to go to 4 now. He wishes we did HT from the start. My feelings ebb and flow. I'm 37 so...it's just really hard because I worry about my hubs bonding with baby when he gets here. One of us has to be strong....and I really truly want to be happy. I just some days have regret that we ever went to three when we already have our hands full. Hopefully over the next 9 weeks you'll start to feel differently...I am hoping I do too! Best wishes!

 Yes.  I went to the delivery room feeling like that with DS2.  I had EGD - and I'm not just saying EGD.  It was not normal at all.  It was very extreme.  I made abortion appointments that I could never bring myself to go through with, I punched myself in the stomach, wished I would miscarry, and told the baby I hated "it".  I also considered adoption but knew it was not a real option because dh wanted him - I could not bring myself to even say "he" or "him".  I did not want him at all.  I even refused to pick out his name, because I was not going to name another boy.  Luckily, DH and my sister chose a good name!  Anyway the reason I am telling you all of this stuff that I am not proud of is because you'll never believe what happened next.  The second I saw his tiny face, I was in love!  I had an instant bond with him.  That didn't happen when I had DS1 and I had GD with him too but it wasn't as bad, so it was completely unexpected.  Maybe it was the guilt, or maybe it was because I had an easier delivery, I have no idea.  I can tell you for sure, that you may be surprised!  You can most definitely fall in love with a baby you're not excited about.  My GD didn't go away, but I ended up falling head over heels in love with that sweet boy!  He was the best baby, he was so good and calm and smiley.  Even to this day, he is such a great kid.  He's so sweet and thoughtful and empathetic when it comes to other people.  He was born that way.  He really is like a little angel.  I used to think that I did not deserve him, because he is so great and I was so awful when I was pg.  I never thought I would, but I thank God every day that I have him!  Hopefully, that's what happens for you!  

 Honestly, for me... the hurt hasn't gone away.  It's been 8 years since it started and the last 4 have been the worst. For me I think the only solution is for me to have a DD or for me to be so old that I am an empty nester and children are not the focus of our lives.  Even then, it will feel bad if my DSs move on like most do.    

I did feel GD and guilt going into delivery. I was hoping that there would be a miracle and I would get a DG after all. I asked 3 times if they were sure it was a boy after he was delivered. MY DH also had GD , because he really wanted a girl. I think it gets worse before it gets better. Hang in there !

everyday:

Honestly, for me... the hurt hasn't gone away

Yes, I think that for a lot of us the hurt doesn't go away.  That is true.  We still love our children, though - whether they are our DG or not.  We fall in love with our children - not just our boys or girls.  Wouldn't you agree?  The OP was worried that she will not love her child.  I think that is a fear a lot of us have had when we didn't get our DG - especially when it's our 2nd, 3rd (or more!) attempt and we STILL get an opposite!  I know some people meet their baby and POOF!  their GD is gone.  I think for most of us, though, we do fall in love with our baby but we still have GD to some degree.  It may take some people longer to bond (for me it did with DS1) but the love is there.  I am like you.  I don't think I'll ever be over it completely.  I had and still do have pretty severe GD.  However, it goes without saying that I love my boys more than anything in this world!