Baby is nearly here

Sasha2012:

SadDad:

I am very grateful for the replies that are helpful, rather than the two who obviously do not understand that it is not about being sexist,

You implied that men who have daughters are not "men enough" and I find this extremely offensive. And writing a note to your dad APOLOGIZING FOR HAVING A DAUGHTER....it IS sexist and its also beyond stupid.
You really lost me with this thread. It is one thing to dream about a child of a certain gender and be disappointed about not getting one but entirely another to openly imply that one sex is just not good enough. Not good enough to the point of feeling the need to apologize for making a child of that sex. Next thing we know, you will require your daughter to write an apology note to yourself as well as the patriarchs of your ROYAL family (I am assuming) for not being a son and heir. This way she will be able to compensate somewhat for spoiling the family picture of Tyler MEN.
Let me tell you this. If you are unmanly it is not because you have produced a daughter but because you keep whining about it like a spoiled little girl who didn't get her candy, instead of getting over it like a real man should. Like real men do. My dad had 2 girls and no sons and my husband has one girl so far. Neither of them ever wrote stupid little apology notes, kept a diary of their "gender disappointment" , made their wives lives miserable on that account or ran complaining to a bunch of ladies to get their "support". Yes, you are not a man enough.
Before somebody jumps on me for not offering support. As a women and a mother of a girl, I can offer none to someone who thinks that producing girls is unmanly and worth apologizing for.

I completly agree with Sasha2012. That was a great way to put it.

I spoke with my husband about this thread yesterday and he can totally relate to SadDad.  It's a guy thing.  I think it would be outwardly sexist to go around telling people his feelings but he is using this forum and his journal as a safe place to vent his feelings.  Feelings are feelings.  I had some horrible feelings when I found out my second baby was a boy and not a girl - and equally horrible guilty feelings when the baby died.  And now more guilty feelings for carrying a girl.  They are feelings and I would never let them affect the way I parent my actual kids - because they are actual people, not just ideas or dreams.  If SadDad is this passionate about wanting a baby boy of his own, I am certain that he will be a fantastic daddy to his little girl.

It's normal to want to pass down the traditions from generation to generation - and there is something very nice about a same sex child keeping with those traditions.  I think most men probably feel this way.  

I agree.  Two weeks ago I gave birth to our first, a daughter, and as my husband and I have talked about our GD for months I do understand what you mean Saddad, although it is sexist and whiny.  My husband is the same way!

I will tell you that my husband is captivated by our daughter and although he still longs for a son, he wouldn't trade our little one for anything.  I think you'll find you feel similarly.

mykidseyessparkle, Imp1973, CJ's Kids, alsestis, and babybleux32: Thank you so much for your support the last few months. I appreciate your insight, thoughts, prayers, and words of wisdom. Your replies to this OP hit the nail on the head. This has nothing to do with not loving my daughter. It is about a personal stuggle of not understanding God's plan when you pray every day for something and it feels as if your prayers have not been heard. Sure, it is whiney, sure it may offend people, but NO, it is in no way about being sexist. You can tell a lot about those who jump onto the "labeling" bandwagon at the drop of a hat: we all know about those people. So again. Thank you ladies for allowing this to be a place for women (and men) to vent and share their darkest feelings among people who have words that uplift others.

 My second son should be here any time.  I've passed my due date of May 25th.  I feel your pain because in our family it is a very similar situation, just reverse gender.  I am 28 and I was the last girl born in my family.  My first son was boy number 12 and my second son is boy number 14.  Everyone hopes for a girl every time and so far no luck.  I am still devastated.  Sometimes I wish we would have opted for adoption for baby #2 instead of trying for the girl and failing.  It sounds terrible, but those are real feelings and they have to be dealt with.  I dont think I'll feel better until the baby is here.  That's what I've heard from the rest of my cousins who wanted daughters.

I wouldn't worry too much about still having these feelings once your baby is here.  Right now you're not dealing with the disappointment of your daughter, you're dealing with the disappointment of not creating a son and to me those are 2 completely different things but unfortunately they come hand in hand.  It's not a disappointment in your daughter just like my GD isn't a disappointment in my 2nd son, it's more of a mourning of the loss of something I never had, but I can still appriciate the parts of having another son that will be good and (personally) I know I won't have these feelings once I see him.  The pregnancy part is hard because you're dealing with a hypothetical human being who you basically know nothing about.  I think GD would have to be harder if it was your first baby because you haven't experienced having your own child yet and I think becaue I have it's the only reason I know I won't still feel this way later.  Everyone knows they will love their baby once it's born but it really is hard to explain how much you can love someone you've only known for 45 seconds, and how it's possible to miss someone who is laying right next to you.  I'm sure you'll be fine when she's here and I'm glad you're venting to strangers rather than to your wife.  :)

Also, I don't know if this is helpful or just annoying but between my husband and my son there was a 28 year gap in males born to males in his family (he was the last one before my son was born), and now we're on boy #2.  Everyone told us we'd only need a girl's name when I was pregnant and now I'm just hoping we get a girl one day, so even though there's a huge gap and it feels hopeless it's really not, it's likely just coincidence.  Good luck with everything.  :)

I know that this is a support group. But when someone is stuck in a dark place it is not helpful at all to keep telling him: "Aw poor you. I so understand you. Your feelings and actions are totally fine."

No. Sometimes support means to give someone a more or less painful wakeup-call or he'll be stuck in his dark place forever.

It is okay to be disappointed (IN SECRET!), it is okay to mourn the son you don't have (yet). It's okay to search for a way to cope with your GD. But it is not okay to apologize to your dad because your wife carries a daugther. How does apologizing help you? You should try to be proud of your baby. You should try to find a way to realize that she isn't a disappointment at all. You shouldn't feel the need to apologize. Writing a letter of apology to your father seems to me like you are openly admitting how disappointing and unmanly is it to produce a daugther. And a parent should never do that. What if your daugther learns about this letter? What if her granfather thinks that he now has the permission to be openly disappointed about her?

I know you will ignore this post like you ignored all nonlovey-dovey posts before. I don't want to bash you. All I want is to tell you that the way you are "coping" with your GD is harmful to you and your future-relationship with your daugther.

To saddad: you are welcome...I've gotten support about 96% of my posts about having GD with my two daughters...until I mentioned in one of them that I NEVER wanted even one daughter, I wanted 3 boys and got a few "whats wrong with girls?" and I heard a few "greedy's"...but shrugged it off as GD comes in all shapes and sizes!

Not to get into another debacle but....Sasha can I just point out that you said "cry like a little girl who didn't get her candy" hmm....sounded pretty sexist to me! I mean, why Is it always cry like a little girl...or whine like a little girl? Dont get me wrong, I dont agree wih his need to write apology letters to everyone, as it's not his or his wife or daughters fault, BUT you accused him of being sexist, then use a sexist phrase......nice.

babybleux32:

Sasha can I just point out that you said "cry like a little girl who didn't get her candy" hmm....sounded pretty sexist to me!

Writing this does not make me anti-girl just like saying "cries like a baby" does not make one anti-baby.

babybleux32:

I NEVER wanted even one daughter, I wanted 3 boys

But you got 2 girls instead. Since you are so supportive of what was written here by the OP, let me suggest that you should now divorce your husband because he failed to be man enough. Twice. Oh by the way, has he sent apology notes yet?

American Housewife- who the heck do you think you are to tell me that because I am supporting Saddad in his time of need that it is just a way to quote on quote feel better about having multiple boys???!!!!!  Hummm- NO!  Between Sasha and you,  I have all but lost GD and replaced it with absolute disgust.   Wow, glad you two are giving this man a great prospective on women! 

This website is about SUPPORT.  I am not saying you have to agree with everything everyone has to say in every post but I'm sorry I do find it rude to jump down someone's throat when they are obviously hurting.   And really sexism?  I don't think Saddad said he wasn't going to love his daughter.  If anyone was sexist in this picture it would be his family for making him FEEL like he was less than a man for producing a female heir.   For making him FEEL like he needed to appologize.   What I see is that this man has been put under a tremendous level of pressure by his family to produce the "first male heir" in over 22 years and he FEELS like he was a failure. 

Also, Gd as most of us know can make rather rational people into "complete messes" during pregnancy.  Just because a man doesn't carry the baby doesn't mean that the 9 months of pregnancy isn't an emotional roller coaster.  Saddad, has never been a parent so he hasn't experienced the joy of having his little girl in his arms yet.  I'm sure he is going to look back on this later on and shake his head about many things he writes in his journal.  And furthermore, what is wrong with writing his feelings in a journal?  Atleast he is expressing his feelings and seeking help.  He recognizes that GD is a problem and is trying to work through it. 

Saddad- it's all about coping and getting through this period of time.  I assure you will love your daughter with all your heart.  I also wish you luck in your journey of adoption.  Meet me on the adoption forum since I am pretty sure I'm no longer visiting the gender disappointment forum and am moving on.

Sasha2012:

babybleux32:

Sasha can I just point out that you said "cry like a little girl who didn't get her candy" hmm....sounded pretty sexist to me!

Writing this does not make me anti-girl just like saying "cries like a baby" does not make one anti-baby.

babybleux32:

I NEVER wanted even one daughter, I wanted 3 boys

But you got 2 girls instead. Since you are so supportive of what was written here by the OP, let me suggest that you should now divorce your husband because he failed to be man enough. Twice. Oh by the way, has he sent apology notes yet?

LOL, it was a sexist remark to make, regardless how you look at it. Automatically implying it's "cry like a girl" See my point? Well no, you dont because you are obviously offended but still....also you quoted a very SMALL section of my post when I said I never wanted girls, but 3 boys....the REST of that had nothing to do with being disapointed, as a matter a fact I said I did NOT agree with his writing letters in apology because that was very silly as neither he, his wife or daughter could help it...so if you want to attempt very poorly to turn a small section of my post around you can, but I was in agreeance about the letters, that was not ok, and seeing as I feel that way about his letters I obviously do not blame my husband, myself or my girls in any way for my not having a son, none of us could help it. Simple as that. Did I have disapointment during pregnancy? Of course, or I wouldn't be here...have I gotten over mine and stick around for support of others on here, of course because I know how it feels. Like I said, twist it if it makes you feel better, but eveyone else read my FULL post and saw my point.

I was talking to my wife about the events that proceeded our 20 week u/s tonight. She pulled out her phone to read me a text from my inlaws that she had saved from the morning of the u/s back in February; it was from her mom. Here you go: "send me pictures of baby Jensen as soon as you get them." We replied, "there is a really good chance HE is a SHE." In which she sent back, "Hold your tongue!!!" There are more examples of this, but I dont feel the need to type more.

The tension between the grandparents over something that is beyond our control has made me crazy. You do not, and will never, fully understand the pressure, tensions, and strain put upon us for something that we KNOW we cannot control. Sasha and Housewife will never see it the way I do. I am glad for whoever posted that said their husband understands some of what I have said. My parents will be WONDERFUL grandparents, her parents---not so much so this has created even more stress (but we knew some of this when we got married and decided to live near my parents instead of hers, but that's a differerent story.)

 Nonetheless, this thread should be closed and locked because it is going nowhere.

I have, and will never be, disappointed in my daughter, or my wife, ever. My disappoinment lies somewhere beyond to which I ask God to help me understand his plan (even though Sasha doesnt believe in God and IDK about Housewife) and I pray even still that somewhere, there is a boy that will join our family someday. 

-Saddad

saddad. ive been following this thread, i think your going to be a fantastic dad!!!!God does have a plan and sometimes we just dont understand  it...Bless you  your wife and your georgeous daughter!!!im sorry your feeling the pressure from Family...bugger them i say!!!

good luck to you x