Do you ever resent your child for not being your DG?

AlphaCentauri82:

Seb2011, I hope this helps because as you can see, girls are JUST AS messy as boys.  You never know, your little man could be a perfect angel that hates making messes!  I hope that you don't start everything off by thinking you won't be close because he's a boy - my husband and mom are VERY close and so are my dad and my grandma.  They definately love their mamas and I know your little boy will love his! Just remember that all kids will be messy, naughty, etc - that's just the way they learn about the world around them.

Well that certainly hasn't been my experience so far but perhaps I will be proven wrong. I am not counting on having a close relationship with my son though so when it doesn't happen I won't be disappointed. I can only go by my personal experience and I've had many bad experiences with toddler boys (heck, make that men in general) and I am so dreading the baby growing into a toddler, and then into a teenage boy. I also want to say that I have seen far harsher comments posted on this forum arguing against having boys and I feel like I was crucified for expressing my feelings. Maybe I'm actually really upset right now and need a little sympathy instead of being attacked? For those who really think that people like me who didn't get their DG are bad people because they're upset about having the other gender, why are you on this forum?

I am really trying to move on and look past this but the fact that I am clinically depressed over everything it makes it a lot harder. I just want it to stop hurting and I wish I could just be happy I'm having a boy, but I'm not and I don't know if I'm going to get there anytime soon. I have a lot of doubts, and attacks are not going to help me get there any sooner. I decided that it's best to stay away from sharing my true feelings on this forum and saving them for therapy where I won't be judged and instead I'll be helped by someone who doesn't want to hurt me, but rather to help me.

I agree with the other ladies about that girls can be very naughty too, and boys aren't always messy or gross, etc etc

My DS1 always helps cleans up his toys and helps me get ready to vaccum. He's also very protective of his baby brother and is the sweetest thing ever, with all his kisses and hugs, he loves to snuggle up to me. He is the light of my life...when I think back to how disappointed I was that he was a boy when I was pregnant with him I feel shameful, but then I remind myself that I never knew then just how much he'd mean to me. He is such a blessing.

Give your son a chance to be born and show his personality to you :)

I also just want to add that the comments about loving my baby instantly and bonding to him and being happy as soon as he's born aren't helping either. Anyone who has experienced clinical depression knows that it doesn't ever just magically go away over the course of a day or two days or even a week. It takes a long time and it's a painful uphill battle, and I'm fighting against myself. So no, having the baby placed in my arms isn't going to be like my fairy godmother waving her magic wand and making everything go away all at once for me. It could be months until I'm anywhere close to being back to my old self again and I need to be prepared for that, not putting unrealistic expectations in my head that things will be all better after birth.

Seb2011:

AlphaCentauri82:

Seb2011, I hope this helps because as you can see, girls are JUST AS messy as boys.  You never know, your little man could be a perfect angel that hates making messes!  I hope that you don't start everything off by thinking you won't be close because he's a boy - my husband and mom are VERY close and so are my dad and my grandma.  They definately love their mamas and I know your little boy will love his! Just remember that all kids will be messy, naughty, etc - that's just the way they learn about the world around them.

Well that certainly hasn't been my expierence so far but perhaps I will be proven wrong. I am not counting on having a close relationship with my son though so when it doesn't happen I won't be disappointed. I can only go by my personal experience and I've had many bad experiences with toddler boys (heck, make that men in general) and I am so dreading the baby growing into a toddler, and then into a teenage boy. I also want to say that I have seen far harsher comments posted on this forum arguing against having boys and I feel like I was crucified for expressing my feelings. Maybe I'm actually really upset right now and need a little sympathy instead of being attacked? For those who really think that people like me who didn't get their DG are bad people because they're upset about having the other gender, why are you on this forum?

I am really trying to move on and look past this but the fact that I am clinically depressed over everything it makes it a lot harder. I just want it to stop hurting and I wish I could just be happy I'm having a boy, but I'm not and I don't know if I'm going to get there anytime soon. I have a lot of doubts, and attacks are not going to help me get there any sooner. I decided that it's best to stay away from sharing my true feelings on this forum and saving them for therapy where I won't be judged and instead I'll be helped by someone who doesn't want to hurt me, but rather to help me.

What part of my message is attacking you - I hope it's not me?  I'm actually very sympathetic towards GD, and I think it's very normal for women to have it.  I had GD before my first because I wanted a girl so bad and I got judged for even having a preference.  People can be really cruel.  I think most women are trying to help/show you that girls really are just as messy as boys and that you can have a close relationship with your son.  Like I said, my husband and his mom are really close, so is my dad and my grandma.  It's really nice to see that kind of dynamic relationship. 

Who said you were bad?  You're not, it's obvious you are hurting.  If people are telling you are awful, just ignore that because plenty of women on here want little girls, there is no shame in that.

I know it's hard, but reading posts telling you about son/mom relationship will help because they can be fabulous.  I thank my husband's mom for helping make him who he is.  He is a kind, wonderful and loving father.  YOU can be that very same mom.

Seb2011:

I also just want to add that the comments about loving my baby instantly and bonding to him and being happy as soon as he's born aren't helping either. Anyone who has experienced clinical depression knows that it doesn't ever just magically go away over the course of a day or two days or even a week. It takes a long time and it's a painful uphill battle, and I'm fighting against myself. So no, having the baby placed in my arms isn't going to be like my fairy godmother waving her magic wand and making everything go away all at once for me. It could be months until I'm anywhere close to being back to my old self again and I need to be prepared for that, not putting unrealistic expectations in my head that things will be all better after birth.

 

I'm curious, are you on medication?  If not, will you be after your baby is born?  I had PPD and I wish I would have gotten medication instead of fighting it.  Sometimes we just need a little help through the tough times.  I plan on asking to be put on medication right away this time because chances are, it will happen again.

No no it wasn't *you* specifically I was referring to some of the earlier comments on this post I was trying to let go of, but today I feel like I've been thrown over the edge so I lashed back. I didn't mean *you* and I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. :(

Not yet. I only have 1 - 2 months left to go, and then I'm going to need something that's not going to impact breast feeding. It sucks that I'm going to have to go back to being "drugged" but I can't keep living like this after I have the baby.

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time, my comment was very much meant to make you feel better about having a son, my boy is 7 now and we have always been very close, i am closer to him then my 2 girls who tend to be Daddy's girls. In my experiance boys are normally very close and protective of their mummy and that was what i was trying to say to you, to let you know that a mother and son can be very close.

I hope you find some happiness soon, i can feel from your comments that you are very sad, I hope everything works out for you.

Take care x

Daffyf - that wasn't directed at you either. I was just really offended by the more harsh comments on this thread. I'm sorry that you may have thought my other post was directed at you. Your comment wasn't harsh at all. Thanks so much for the well wishes. I know this won't last forever.

Seb, I'm sure you can find some medication that is safe for breastfeeding to take after you have the baby. I think it will really help, instead of suffering, because clinical depression is unbearably hard...the mediation will help some, time will too.

 *hugs*