Stop Congratulating me

Everybody who knows me, knows I only tried for another child with the hopes of having a boy, I studied Dr Shettles book for months, I couldnt sleep for the nights leading up to the Ultrasound, and I cried when I got the news of having a third girl. Yet when they ask what Im having and I say "girl" in a somber tone. They say Congratulations...WHY....It just upsets me even more, you would think they would say Im sorry to hear that...Its been a week now since I found out and I dont feel any better.I just hope it passes soon

I understand how you feel, trust me. But try to remember that every baby is worth a congratulations, even if we aren't as thrilled as we maybe should be about it. Just smile and walk away... that's what I do.

I think people just aren't sure what to say and being positive about it is better than being negative. I never know what to say when I know someone's gotten the gender they didn't want. I know there's no good answer, from a personal standpoint. The best thing I've ever heard is, "Oh, that will be so wonderful for your son. He'll love having a brother!" I am NOT in the GD closet. Everyone and their mom knew I wanted a girl, and I get very defensive when I exasperatedly tell people this one is another boy. I always follow quickly with, "So, there's no way this is the last one since I just can't handle being the only girl in the house." It has to be awkward, especially coming from someone with no kids or a PP. I try to be nice since I know that there are just no good answers. As long as the response I get isn't bitchy or mean, I try to just nod and be gracious for the congrats...and remind them that I'm not giving up yet!

Would it really feel any better if people were saying "our deepest sympathies" or "our condolences"? Is that what you would like or expect to hear? Come on...I truly understand your feelings but lets face it - most people dont....and it is not like somebody died, right? You are having a baby and although it is not the gender you hoped for, I would say congratulations are still very much in place. I would probably be as disappointed as you are to have another girl but I do not expect people to understand that.Most folks just do not experience or understand GD and cant get why you wouldnt like to be congratulated on having a healthy baby..

Truly hope you feel better soon... .

You know I really do think a lot of times people probably know you're disappointed but don't know what to say... so congratulations is just... a nice medium? I imagine it's especially hard for people with both genders because they don't know what it's like. Where as those of us with just 1 gender - we see someone having their 3rd, 4th ect baby boy or girl and can be like "I understand I have ____ boys" or whatever.

I'd rather hear Congratulations than a half hearted Congrats or any other things I heard when I was preggo with my 3rd son...good luck on your newest baby....I have a shettles Opp too...he is a special guy.

Sasha2012:

You are having a baby and although it is not the gender you hoped for, I would say congratulations are still very much in place.

 

i'd rather hear congratulations than sympathy or nothing at all. that would just make me feel even worse!

I really do understand what you mean....with my DD I almost would have rather heard "oh I know you're disapointed" than Congratulations....I know it sounds ugly and it's not that I wasnt happy she was healthy because I was...I just wanted someone on my side which sounds like what you want. No one in my family was ever disapointed or upset she was a girl and it almost made it worse for me in my particular case because no one had my back or understood me. I don't expect them to this time either, but I get what youre saying...

Sometimes people just dont know what to say.  Although we weren't "trying" for a girl, when you see a chick with 2 little boys and a big belly, you can imagine she probably wanted a girl.  I hated when people acted like they felt bad for me, or asked me if I "was ok."  I hated when people felt "pity" for me.  It's all very individual. 

This is a hard one, but I think that every baby is worth congradulating, as a previous poster says.

Also, there is a lady on these boards who has 2 boys already and was desperate for her third to also be a boy. From the outside you might think she wanted a girl, but she didn't, so if someone had said to her when she found out her third was in fact a boy that they were sorry it would have been an insult. You just never know what people really want and I think the best thing to say is just 'congrats'

While you may have hoped for a boy, you must remember that you are bringing a new life into this world. A baby is a baby, regardless of gender, and a healthy child is always worth celebrating. Of course people are going to congratulate you because it is a wonderful thing to be having a baby. Most people would not automatically assume that you would be disappointed because of the gender of your baby. I have three girls, and while I did hope for my third to be a boy, my youngest is the absolute love and joy of our lives. I could not live without her, and I thank god that she was not a boy. I truly believe that sometimes we end up with what we need, not necessarily with what we thought we want. Good luck.