Lynette you are so wonderful! Your words are always so comforting to me.
We do have a name picked out and I really love it - I mean I REALLY do! Her first name will start with an H. We always keep it a secret until the birth, just between DH and I... but you are right, I should start thinking about her by her name. With DS3 DH and I started calling him by name when we were in private right away. I have hesitated to call this little one by her name because it makes it so final... but I want to accept and love her, so I think I will start referring to her by name.
I don't get to decorate a nursery as our bubs are always in our room until they move in with a sibling... but I do love to sew and I will sew a large part of her wardrobe. I'm finishing up a couple of projects right now and should be able to go shopping for fabrics in Feb. Like you, I like the idea of using gentle pastels. I have been thinking I will do some layette gowns and kimonos in white and trimmed with perwinkle blue, which I think can look good for either gender and will have a soft feminine look for a baby girl... without being really GIRLY, lol. I am planning to make her some little dresses in lavenders and yellows, and maybe some simple floral prints. It makes me happy to think that I can make her sweet clothes that aren't all "girly girl." DH keeps reminding me I can dress her however I wish and that even if people buy frilly pink I don't have to go with that. I would rather use simple pastels and basic little dresses.
I also used some hypnobirthing tracks to help prepare for DS3 and I will start using those again in a couple of weeks - I felt I was really able to bond with him during those so I'm hoping it will help with this little lady, too. And DH and I will do our childbirth refresher (we use the Pink Kit) together soon which will hopefully help me start to get excited about the birth.
It's just so hard, the ups and downs. One day I feel wonderful and then the next... so sad. DH has even told me we can try for one more baby after this to even us out (to six little ones), and that we can sway for a boy. But to me I feel like I *should* enjoy this pregnancy and be glad for my little lady I am pregnant with now - otherwise I will feel guilty for having a happy pregnancy "next time" if it is a boy. I feel like if I enjoyed my other pregnancies I should enjoy this one, and be happy for her and because she is coming. I hope the good days will begin to outnumber the bad, and I hope I will fall head over heels in love with her.