Why am I feeling this way?????!!!!

 I am 21 weeks pregnant with my third child, and I had my ulstrasound yesterday. I have cried about a dozen times since.

 Our first child was a girl...and I had a very strong set of symptoms with that pregnancy-sore breasts, morning sickness, spotting, the general way I felt, and even very particular cravings for specific things-such as spaghetti, Gatorade, and fresh fruit. Of course, since it was my first baby, I didn't know the gender until the ultrasound confirmed it was a girl.

 With our second-I immediately "knew" it was a boy. I had none of the symptoms of my first pregnancy-I didn't even truly believe I was pregnant until I heard the heartbeat at about 12 weeks-because I had no sickness, no cravings, no sore chest-no nothing! This pregnancy was so "different" from my first-and I had a very, very, strong maternal feeling that it was a boy. The baby was "shy" during the ultrasounds, so I never knew for sure until it was about a week before I delivered him. But-I KNEW it was a boy.

 With my third pregnancy-I have had such strong, strong feelings with this one. Super strong-I can't even describe it. It was like every symptom I ever experienced with my daughter tripled. The sickness...the spotting (even put me on bedrest for a week)...the cravings were even identical. I even joked with my husband that I must be having TWIN girls. : )

 Well, during the ultrasound yesterday, the technician said she believes the baby to be a boy. I was absolutely mortified. I held it in, and cried all the way home in the car...and just can't stop feeling this way. I feel such a sense of loss, like the baby that I have been bonding with is gone, and now there is a foreign "replacement". I didn't even have any boy names chosen-because my feelings have been, and still are,  so strong that it is a girl.

 I know that this sort of grief is different than those who have unbalanced families-someone who has 3 girls and are hoping for a boy, for instance. I already have a child of each gender-so that isn't the case. My grief and disappointment is because throughout this whole pregnancy, my heart and body has been telling me "girl" and even after the ultrasound, it is a feeling I just cannot shake. I don't know if there is anyone here has ever had this happen, and who has ever felt this so strongly.

 It wasn't like I "dreamed" of a girl and that is what I wanted upon becoming pregnant. When I took the urine test in December, I would have been happy with either sex. It is just the technician told me something that isn't what I "feel" and I am not dealing with it very well.

 I feel such a sense of loss...I don't know what to do, other than to wait until my 28 week ultrasound and have them "double check"-or schedule a 3/4D ultrasound with one of those places.

 Any advice would be appreciated.

Hugs,

mom2raiandjas

 I would also like to add that my husband's cousin had a baby girl a couple of months ago, and my sister in law had a baby girl last week. I have a friend due with her baby ( it will be a surprise) and my other SIL is 16 weeks and having her ultrasound in 4 weeks. I am jealous of the two moms with girls right now, and I am afraid of my friend having a girl, and my SIL's ultrasound showing a girl-because I will feel like nature is "taunting" me and shoving it all in my face. I hope so much that the two new babies will be boys for my own selfish reasons, and I just feel worse and worse, the more I have these feelings. I have only been up for about 2 hours, and I have cried 3 times today already.

What you are feeling is perfectly normal and I'm sure most of us here can relate.  When I was pg w/ my third son, I really believed him to be a girl.  I felt that my symptoms were all so different, that I was carrying differently, and I guess I just really wanted a girl.  I could not believe my eyes when I saw the u/s.  With my other two I had strong feelings they were boys, but this one I did not expect.  It took me a while to get over it, but by the time he was born I was ready to accept and love him.  Aidan is such a light in my life right now, I cannot even explain it.  He is such a sweet, loving little 3 year old, that I cannot imagine my life without him.  So, give yourself time to process it, and I promise you will feel better in time.

As for the u/s technician, they CAN be wrong.  I have heard of it often.  I would DEFINATELY get a second u/s done, just for your own peace of mind.  With my second son I made them do me again the next month.  He was moving around so much that she could not get a clear shot.  I needed to know.  If you did not get a clear shot of the area, she could be wrong.  GOOD LUCK!!

Claire

ME TOO ,ME TOO ,ME TOO, AS Im reading your post I can t help but cry. Its as if your writing my story. I havent had an u/s to confirm yet, however the baby gender mentor told me boy and im still crying, and Im not too sure why. I have a first born daughter symptoms the same as yours and then my son very different. I knew he was a boy, and this one, Im 14 wks, is just like my daughter but more, I was even told twins at first but now there is just one. I m not sure why we feel this way, but Im happy to see Im not alone. I try not to be upset in front of my husband, I dont want him to think I dont want the child. Its just from the moment we conceived we both said Girl!! we were right on the other two, so I never second guessed it!! If  you ever want to chat Im Tiffany And I definetly understand you. Good Luck. Hope you feel better. My u/s isnt until May 8th, Ill post for sure.

Tiffany,

 Thank you so, so very much for responding. I know that some mothers want a specific gender so badly because they have all of one gender, or because they have a dream of a certain gender, so tehy tell themselves that this is what the baby is-so their disappointment is a little bit different.

 I really, really, didn't care about the gender when I got pregnant. I really didn't. It has just been nature telling me one thing after already having a child of each gender-and the ultrasound tech telling me something different. I just feel like I have bonded for half of my pregnancy with this baby, and over that period of time the maternal instinct was telling me it was a daughter-and it was so, so strong. I really do feel like I have been cheated out of the baby that I have bonded with, and that I have to start all over again.

 I think I feel worse now, over a day later-than I did when they first said "boy" in the physician's office. I was nesting really badly before this-cleaning the entire house, touching up paint, planting flowers outside, and decorating the nursery. Now-I just want to lay here on the couch, and not do anything-even my hair. I just feel so depressed, and so sad.

  I am the same as you-I try not to act too upset or anything in front of my husband and children, but any time I am alone for a few seconds I cry. I honestly don't even want to decorate the nursery at this point-or buy any gender specific items. We had the bare crib/mattress, changing table, stroller, etc. in the nursery waiting for the ultrasound results before we decorated it or bought any crib bedding-and we had not bought any onesies , socks, or anything that were not white or yellow. I just want to leave the white onesies and recieving blanket upstairs in there, just the way they are-and just shut the door.

 I tried to explain to my husband how I was feeling-and he said that I should be happy that the baby was healthy. I told him I WAS, and that actually made me feel even worse, and more guilty. I feel worse because the baby is healthy, and I am feeling the way that I am instead of being thankful and feeling blessed.

 I don't want my husband or kids to think I don't want the baby-but I can't pretend to be excited about baby shopping and decorating now, when I am not. To make matters worse, my pregnant SIL just called me a little while ago, and asked me how the U/S went. I just wanted to hang up the phone. I don't want to talk to these people about it, and I don't want to pick out boy names-or anything. I just want to curl up and cry again.

I do hope you start to feel better. Truthfully no one can really understand the way you and I both feel about our situations, including us. I do know however that being a mother of two children, we both understand the Joy of being a parent to a boy and girl.So even though we feel so upset and alone,when we do hold our baby in our arms for the first time these tormenting hormonal feelings will all go away. I am confident in that. Until that day I have decided to stock up on tissue(ha,ha)Humor helps!!   I too feel Like I have bonded with a little girl in my belly and when the bgm test told me boy it was as if I lost a child I never really had. I try to be careful who I say that too b/cause alot of people would think I were crazy. I hope and pray that your joy of being pregnant will be restored to you, completly. That has been the hardest thing for me.I find myself not enjoying my pregnancy like I did with the other two. Praying tomorrows a better day!!  Tiffany.  Do get the 3/d just to be sure, you never know!!!

Tiffany:

ME TOO ,ME TOO ,ME TOO, AS Im reading your post I can t help but cry. Its as if your writing my story. I havent had an u/s to confirm yet, however the baby gender mentor told me boy and im still crying, and Im not too sure why. I have a first born daughter symptoms the same as yours and then my son very different. I knew he was a boy, and this one, Im 14 wks, is just like my daughter but more, I was even told twins at first but now there is just one. I m not sure why we feel this way, but Im happy to see Im not alone. I try not to be upset in front of my husband, I dont want him to think I dont want the child. Its just from the moment we conceived we both said Girl!! we were right on the other two, so I never second guessed it!! If  you ever want to chat Im Tiffany And I definetly understand you. Good Luck. Hope you feel better. My u/s isnt until May 8th, Ill post for sure.

Tiffany just wondering how your u/s went, how you feeling?

Rae