Pigeon Pair mom bashing?

I just don't get it. I noticed this a lot on several sites including this one. I hear alot of people saying they are glad they have the same gender because their kids will be closer and other ridiculous comments. Also that pp moms are smug. One person on this site even said she felt bad for people with pp. It's funny that they don't like commenets about them having the same gender but they have no problem trying to insult parents with different genders. Pretty funny.

I have noticed this and I aim to tell you I wanted a before I had kids badd.....once I had kiddos and they were so close I wanted ...Your lucky to have both genders with out multiples of the same gender...TRUST ME!

I know and I'm really sorry...

Sadly though, those of us who don't have a PP are subjected to comments from those who do on an almost daily basis.  Unfortunately I do know a lot of people IRL with PPs who are terribly smug about it and don't mind rubbing my nose in the fact that they 'got it right' (this is a direct quote from a mother in my local area) and I didn't.  So you see we console ourselves with the thought that our multiple sons/daughters are going to be close, as otherwise we are just made to feel like total losers all the time.

I'm sure right now you're thinking this can't be true -  but believe me the comments are constant.  My mother had a PP (me and my brother) and she is regularly shocked by the things people say to me.  It is like another world.

I think part of the problem may be that some mums are jealous, because their dream family was B/G or G/B and that's not how things turned out. That, or they've been hurt by a mother of a PP in the past and they have a negative view of women with this family makeup. Some women really do go out of their way to skite if they get what they want (i.e. children of a desired gender, usually a PP) so that may be something to take in to consideration, obviously there are also a lot of women out there that wouldn't dare do that.

I think their comments about being glad they have two or more of the same gender are completely valid - in a lot of cases same gendered children do seem to connect better than opposite gendered children. I don't think it's them being smug about it, but merely them trying to accept what they've been given and find the positives in a situation where they might not be able to get past the negatives in their mind. Someone saying that a mother of a PP is smug is a huge generalization, and whoever said that should really get their facts checked! xx

I think what you have to remember is that this is a GD board, and most, not all, but most of us that have GD have multiple boys with no girls or multiple girls with no boys and desperately want to experience the other gender. While GD comes in many forms, the PP is the "ideal" family combination in our society, which means most people with a PP not only get to experience both genders (again, what most of us on this board want), but you are applauded by society at large for having the "right" family while those of us that have 2 or 3 or 4 or more of the same gender over and over are pitied, made to feel like failures, and reminded over and over by unintentional (and intentional) comments that we somehow did it wrong or that something is wrong with our family. If you have a large family of all one gender you get treated like a freak show and constantly reminded that you NEED that girl (or boy). This board in a way becomes sort of a meeting place for those of us with 2 or more of the same gender not only to commiserate, but also to lift each other up and share the positives of having one gender when the outside world does not recognize the good that can come from multiple children of the same sex.

Before I had kids I at least wanted a PP so I would be "guaranteed" a boy and a girl. After having DS2 though, I can honestly say I love watching the brotherly bond (although I still very much want a daughter too) and my ideal has changed. I recently found out I am expecting boy #3 and it's been hard, but when I come here and have moms of 3+ boys (or girls) share the wonderful things about having all these same gendered kids, it really helps my GD. That is NOT to say there is something wrong with PP families - again, the PP is everyone's "ideal" in this society, what most people want. I have a brother and a sister and I have VERY special relationships with each. A brother and a sister can be super close, just as sisters can be super close and brothers can be super close. Each type of sibling relationship is different, but all are special and valuable.

I don't think anyone is bashing any PP moms that are on this board, maybe they are speaking about PP moms they know IRL. I know many of the PP moms I know IRL are smug, sorry. I remember one in particular who was in a group of us mom friends who had a PP (the only one who had a PP, the rest of us had only one gender) and she would always talk about how she was "so blessed" that she "got her boy and girl". Talk about making your friends feel like crap. Again, this has been MY experience. I have been "guilty" about talking about the positives of having other family make-ups including all one gender on this board, because I think it lacks in general society. We need more positivity about moms of 4 boys or 5 girls, because honestly I think it is pretty special and unique. Yet when they walk down the street they are treated like a freak show and reminded over and over that something is missing from their family, that somehow their family is not measuring up to society's standards. You will not have to deal with that.

And if I'm being honest, I'll say that I no longer wish I had a PP. I'm not bashing PP moms, just telling the truth. I'm glad I get to experience having kids of the same gender, I just want to experience girls as well as boys. I hope to be able to try PGD in a few years and I would really like twin girls, because I see the cool brotherly relationship my boys have and want to give a daughter of mine a sister as well. Again, this is just MY preference, and remember my preference has sort of changed over the years.

I think it's important for ALL of us - no matter what our family structure, or whether we have GD or not - to remember that other people's comments are almost always more of reflection on the commenter's situation or feelings than they are on our reality. This is true whether some tactless college student with no kids is exclaiming with horror about your crew of boys, whether a small-minded old lady is chiding you for never giving your husband a son, or whether a poster on a GD board is venting about the smug, insensitive PP mom she encountered at the park that day (or any other of a dozen possible scenarios).

I think the problem with what's seen as bashing of moms with PPs is twofold. As others have mentioned, many (maybe even most) of the moms who post here wanted a PP but didn't get it. Fair or not, that alone is likely to breed a bit of resentment toward others who got what they wanted, and sometimes those feelings are going to surface.

The other part of the problem is that those who wanted a PP and got it are often the worst offenders when it comes to making negative or thoughtless remarks toward people who didn't get their DG. Many of them act smug or superior about it, as if it was their due, or as if you didn't get what you wanted because you just weren't as worthy as they were. Of course that's not true of all PP moms, and we shouldn't paint them all with the same brush. But because of the nature of this board, the ones you're going to hear about most often are the ones who display that attitude, not all the perfectly nice, supportive ones.

It's just the nature of the beast. You should always feel the freedom to chime in when you have something helpful or supportive or enlightening to say, but you shouldn't take it to heart any more than any of the other moms should take comments about their families (or families like theirs) to heart. If you're not one of those moms, then none of it is really about you, no matter how all-inclusive it may sound.

Sorry, but I have had many PP moms comment negatively about my two boy family. My once best friend made a very smug comment about being rewarded from God about having boy girl twins. I dropped her like a hot potato. She even said multiple boys were "Ick" .

I am not saying everbody is like this . My mom is a PP mom and I don't ever remember her saying she felt lucky for having a PP. Because at the end of the day, her perfect PP was not so perfect. Ha Ha

I wanted a PP . Even though my boys are super close and have something I will never have with my brother, I still think it would have been better if boy number two were a girl. Mainly so I would look complete to others. And I have to admit. I save a TON of money having two of the same gender. We had a ton of expenses this fall and I was so relieved I only had to buy one winter wardrobe. There are benefits.

I say if you are happy with your family makeup concider yourself LUCKY. It is a gift many of us on this sight don't have. Your never going to make all the people happy all the time. THe important thing is your happy with what you have.

It's sad isn't it? I mean it's not like we all had control over which sperm won the race.

 And thats why I don't have my boy/girl in my siggy becuase I have a boy and girl I'm not going to let that define me as a person. The people that say mean things to you are not that way because they have a PP its because there just mean. I have read a TON of threads on the GD board and I have seen many stories of all different moms with different family makeup that say mean things. One recently was a story of a women with 2 boys and a girl who said something mean to some one here. But no one goes out of there way to say, Oh im not going to like all moms with a boy boy girl. My BF has a girl/girl. Im so jealous, they are so cute, they were matching outfits. Your able to tell the difference between the 2 and who looks like who. Yes I love what I have but I love what she has to. You want whatt you don't have. I think what the OP was trying to get to is that people on hear don't like mean comments about there family makeup so why do they say it about some elses. Just because theres other people out there with PP that are mean? Not to mention everybody follows up with the comment I never wanted a PP so I don't understand why they just don't say that to the moms that say mean things. & like i said on a previous thread. We get comments to, Nothing like hearing everyday " Your done now right". Like I shouldn't be aloud to have any more kids.

I always wanted three a BBG or if I was going to have two a PP. I don't bash PP moms but I understand how people feel. Right now I am dealing with this myself. A coworker of mine is pregnant with her second which is a different sex. My work is putting on a shower for her and she has already had three showers and this is her second child. I wasn't offered a shower at work since I was recently pregnant with the same sex. This will also be her second shower at work since she had another baby a few years ago. Of course I am happy for her but I also can't help but feel angry and sad about this. I love my boys and wouldn't trade them for the world but society makes things so hard on those of us that have same gender families. I get comments asking if I'm going to try again etc. at least once a week and I am so sick of it. If I'm out with only the baby strangers ask me if he is my only and when I say I have other kids they have to ask the gender. I just don't get it.

AliceB:

 

I know and I'm really sorry...

Sadly though, those of us who don't have a PP are subjected to comments from those who do on an almost daily basis.  Unfortunately I do know a lot of people IRL with PPs who are terribly smug about it and don't mind rubbing my nose in the fact that they 'got it right' (this is a direct quote from a mother in my local area) and I didn't.  So you see we console ourselves with the thought that our multiple sons/daughters are going to be close, as otherwise we are just made to feel like total losers all the time.

I'm sure right now you're thinking this can't be true -  but believe me the comments are constant.  My mother had a PP (me and my brother) and she is regularly shocked by the things people say to me.  It is like another world.

I don't know if it's "bashing" to say I'm glad I have 2 boys that are close in age..  I *am* happy to see them grow up, as brothers.. it's really sweet.  And what I thought was the only thing I wanted (a pigeon pair), it turns out.. I got something I didn't realize would be so great.

But by me saying that, I'm not also saying "pigeon pairs suck"...  That's doing a LOT of assuming on the reader's part.

saggyrl11:

I think what you have to remember is that this is a GD board, and most, not all, but most of us that have GD have multiple boys with no girls or multiple girls with no boys and desperately want to experience the other gender. While GD comes in many forms, the PP is the "ideal" family combination in our society, which means most people with a PP not only get to experience both genders (again, what most of us on this board want), but you are applauded by society at large for having the "right" family while those of us that have 2 or 3 or 4 or more of the same gender over and over are pitied, made to feel like failures, and reminded over and over by unintentional (and intentional) comments that we somehow did it wrong or that something is wrong with our family. If you have a large family of all one gender you get treated like a freak show and constantly reminded that you NEED that girl (or boy). This board in a way becomes sort of a meeting place for those of us with 2 or more of the same gender not only to commiserate, but also to lift each other up and share the positives of having one gender when the outside world does not recognize the good that can come from multiple children of the same sex.

Before I had kids I at least wanted a PP so I would be "guaranteed" a boy and a girl. After having DS2 though, I can honestly say I love watching the brotherly bond (although I still very much want a daughter too) and my ideal has changed. I recently found out I am expecting boy #3 and it's been hard, but when I come here and have moms of 3+ boys (or girls) share the wonderful things about having all these same gendered kids, it really helps my GD. That is NOT to say there is something wrong with PP families - again, the PP is everyone's "ideal" in this society, what most people want. I have a brother and a sister and I have VERY special relationships with each. A brother and a sister can be super close, just as sisters can be super close and brothers can be super close. Each type of sibling relationship is different, but all are special and valuable.

I don't think anyone is bashing any PP moms that are on this board, maybe they are speaking about PP moms they know IRL. I know many of the PP moms I know IRL are smug, sorry. I remember one in particular who was in a group of us mom friends who had a PP (the only one who had a PP, the rest of us had only one gender) and she would always talk about how she was "so blessed" that she "got her boy and girl". Talk about making your friends feel like crap. Again, this has been MY experience. I have been "guilty" about talking about the positives of having other family make-ups including all one gender on this board, because I think it lacks in general society. We need more positivity about moms of 4 boys or 5 girls, because honestly I think it is pretty special and unique. Yet when they walk down the street they are treated like a freak show and reminded over and over that something is missing from their family, that somehow their family is not measuring up to society's standards. You will not have to deal with that.

And if I'm being honest, I'll say that I no longer wish I had a PP. I'm not bashing PP moms, just telling the truth. I'm glad I get to experience having kids of the same gender, I just want to experience girls as well as boys. I hope to be able to try PGD in a few years and I would really like twin girls, because I see the cool brotherly relationship my boys have and want to give a daughter of mine a sister as well. Again, this is just MY preference, and remember my preference has sort of changed over the years.

Wow, I couldn't have said it better myself..

 Although PP bashing (not "I don't prefer a PP"opinions, I'm talking about actual put downs) does somewhat bother me/ruffle my feathers a bit, I can totally see where it comes from so I definitely understand... however, the problem I do have with it is that I know there are a few PP moms who have real GD on this board. So I do think it's unfair to them to come to a place with their GD and see posts about why people never wanted a PP and feel sorry for those who have one. Cause some of the ladies on here really, realled wanted two boys or two girls, and it has to hurt to read about how great same gender sibling bonds are (which is what they wanted, hence the GD). Again, I can see past it cause I understand (some of the comments people say to those with all boy or girls make me sick), but someone with PP GD may see it as extremely insensitive and be hurt by it is all I'm saying! I know I'm not stopping at two just because I will have a PP so one of my kids will have a gender bond of some kind at some point which I do look forward to.

Just my thoughts!

You know try walking in our shoes and then come back and write this post?  Look seriously i can see where you are coming from, but in the real world you are not looked at as the freak, with all the same gender children. I have 4 boys and a girl and yes i have come across ALOT of pp parents who have been so smug and hurtful! I am not saying all of them are like that but that is what i have dealt with in real life. How many years of crap comments, how they got it right the first two times and yes even though i did get a dd, i still get "You had to have all  those boys to get your girl, i was smart i did it the second time" so on and on!!!!!!!!

Its not ever going to be the same for you, no one hardly ever gives negative comments on PP'S, you can walk by with your family and know that you will not have to turn around and see some women staring and pointing at your family, or asking you another stupid question. Yes i realise i chose to have 5 kids, but what gives them the right to make me feel that some how my family is not as worthy as theirs and believe me it happens.

Like you said not every mother who has one of each judges or comments negavtively, but that is the exprience of most women here and they come here to express themselves and share a bond with people who know how they feel, if they can not come here and express themselves freely, then where  do they go?

Like i said if you heard  half the bullshit we have to listen and deal with everyday it would surprise you oh and if i another Pigeon Pair mum ask me if i had 5 kids because i just kept on going to get the girl, i will sock her!!!!!!!!!!! I know  that Pigeon Pair mums are sometimes asked if they are having anymore kids or that they do not have to have anymore because they have one of each already, yes i know it can get too much sometimes as well, but somehow i feel its not said to make them feel bad or put down, like when we get asked about how family make up.

So sorry if my post annoys you, but you asked.I do not want anyway to come across bitchy, but i am so fed up!