It felt nothing like I dreamed. I spent so much time dreaming of how I would feel, how I would tell people, what my daughter would be like. It was so not like that.
As far as the pregnancy, I didn't believe it was really a girl, even though I had a CVS. When I finally believed, I constantly felt like something would happen and this dream come true would disappear. Even at my baby shower I was so reserved thinking if I really started to enjoy this, it would be taken away. I have no idea why I felt like this...but I am an anxious person.
When she was born, she looked just like her siblings I felt weird, almost like I was doing something wrong, when dressing her in pink.
I really dreamed of a little girl, who could sit still and be, well, happy. I did not get that at all....and I think it was hard for me to accept that. I have a very strong willed, spirited and energetic little girl, who really is more 'boy' than girl. She is not very happy, cannot sit still, and is a LOT of work (not a personallity for a 4th child, lol!).
However, I love her to peices. I love her the same as my boys. And now I can actually enjoy my boys boyness and not be bitter. She is not what I dreamed, but she is the world to me. And I embrace any ounce of girlness she shows. I absolutely melt when she hugs me. There are times that I still cannot believe I am putting a bow in her hair or buying dresses, or that I have pink the house. And I hope that all my other dreams of having a daughter, talks with her, her first date, wedding dress, etc will happen!
Having your dream gender does fill that hole in your heart, lets you enjoy the kids that you do have. But there is so much more....like the guilt you feel for feeling the way you did.....the fact that you still get jealous of those that were able to get both genders so much easier and faster than you.....still getting jealous when you see little girls sit on their moms laps and can sit there for more than 5 mintues (oh...thats probably just me). Like someone else on these board say, GD never goes away completely and it can creep up on you, even when you do have your dream gender.
I know I always come across on these posts as not seeming to being thankful that I have my dd. But she is a tough kid and having 4 kids is really too much for me. But I truly love her.....and I am so thankful to know the other side of GD..... and I look at her in awe and am just so stinkin happy to have her.....as I do all the time with my boys too. I wouldn't change a thing. It is just NOTHING like what I dreamed it would be like.