Pregnant again and scared...

(M/C mentioned...) I have wanted a little girl as long as I can remember. My first pregnancy, I just had a feeling he was a boy...and was right. I was okay with it, as I knew I'd have more kids...(and I would have wanted a boy at some point too!) :) My second pregnancy, I found out on Christmas Eve. My DH didn't want to know (someone slipped to him later) but when the tech told me boy I was devastated. I cried in private for a few days...but then I realized, we'd probably have one more. My third pregnancy was so different....I was hopeful. Then I found out in February that the heartbeat I had seen previously...was gone. :( Something in my heart tells me this was my girl... Now I am pregnant again...and feeling negative. I actually said without thinking to my DH yesterday.."This baby is either not going to make it, or it's another boy.." I am so anxious because now I'm on an anti-depressant too because I haven't been handling the loss well...:( I so much want a girl...and am afraid that if this is a boy, I am always going to feel like I lost my only daughter. I just don't know how to feel. :( My DH doesn't want to find out gender. He says if it is a boy, he'd rather have me upset about it after the baby is out (so I don't cause the baby stress, etc, and I'm high risk already)...I so much just want to know.

 Dearest Dannie

 

I am so sorry to hear about your loss in your third pregnancy. It must really be a hard thing to go through. I have two beautifull little girls but have always wished for a little boy. I  had three M/C last year (early no heart beat yet) and find myself pregnant again now. we will be finding out 11 june what the gender is but i am a little gutted as my OB said at my last check that he is sertain it is another DD. But if i think about the brighter side of things my babies have always been healthy and I CAN HAVE CHILDREN.  and hey who knows, maybe your boys will only have girls and you will be the luckest grandma ever with not just one but many to do girly stuff with.I have a friend who was on anti depres for all her preg and just had twins, they are all fine stable kids.  God has a plan for all of us and we must trust he knows whats he's doing and sees the greater picture. best wishes with this pregnancy. and keep us updated. 

Thank you so much for the kind words. I guess we're at opposite ends of the spectrum :) I truly hope that you get your boy! I know I'll love this baby, no matter what the gender. I'm just afraid I may have major depression if I don't get the girl (I always have gotten post partum too..). I see moms doing things with their little girls, see all the cute clothes, and really feel sad at this point. It's been terrible since I lost the baby. I have never been on anti-dep until a few weeks ago. I was told I've been having panic attacks...and my ob said she would rather see my on them than not at this point. If it keeps me in a better, more healthier mindset at this point, I'm all for it.

So sorry to read of your loss and your fears.

I was very much in your shoes a while back....... wanted a girl with each pregnancy - I could just imagine myself as a girl mummy, then my firstborn was a son. With my second I thought that this had to be my little girl but alas, another little boy. I then also suffered a miscarriage and also told myself it must have been a girl but the next pregnancy WOULD be a girl. It was not.

When my youngest was born almost 2 months ago we went through a very difficult time (he was sickly, etc) and was diagnosed with Hirschsprung's Disease. He was operated on at 1 month of age and right now I'm sitting with him on my lap. You know what, I wouldn't change him for anything in the world or even a girl! Nothing I can say will ease your fears and if you happen to find out that it's another bouncy baby boy I have no doubt in my mind that you will love him like you love your other 2.

After our ordeal we have decided that our family is complete - and our family is perfect in every way. Yes, there's been stumbling blocks along the way, but at this moment in time I'm happy to have a little boy who is alive and who was a soldier from the word GO that I don't even find myself thinking of "what could've beens".

 I hope that you are blessed with pink in your life, but if not, then rest assured that you'll be a queen in the eyes of 3 princes!

Good luck and take it easy on yourself!

I think it's hard because many of my friends have girls. One of mine told me she'd trade me for a boy any day....but of course she can say that, she's had both genders! I love my boys to death and wouldn't give them up for the world... Did you find out during the pregnancy or at birth about the gender? Do you regret that choice? (out of curiosity..:))

All my friends have 1 of each too, so I know where you are coming from. It's very easy for them to speak about such things...

I found at at my 16 week ultrasound - was devastated for a short while (no more than a few days), but quickly grew fond of him (needless to say, his older brothers were elated!!!) I wrestled with the thought of leaving him a "surprise package", but I'm glad I found out because by the time he was born he had his name and we were waiting eagerly for him! I also thought that if he had popped out a girl, then it would be a bonus, but if not, we were prepared... So no, I don't regret that decision at all.

My DH doesn't want to find out, and to be honest, I'm thinking of finding out and not telling him I know....I think I'll deal better like that.

You could do that... but I know I wouldn't be able to keep it a secret.

I know it's so "old-school", but why not have the doc / tech write it down, place it in an envelope and keep it until you both perhaps compromise to find out... (although knowing myself I'd rip the envelope open before I'm at the car)

I really do hope you get your girl! Have you placed any u/s pics on the gender prediction forum? When can you find out the sex?

DH is not going to budge on finding out the sex. I actually have no idea how far I am. This was my first cycle after my mmc...I have an ultrasound this Friday for dating. By LMP, I'd be over 7 weeks. In reality, I think I'm about 5 or so...I was charting and FF didn't give me a definite O date, so it's all up in the air! As soon as I get to my 12-14 week u/s, I will be sure to put pics up. Is there a certain shot I can ask for? (DH probably won't come with me until 20 weeks)

Well, keep me updated on what your u/s says on Friday!!!

When you hit the 12 week mark you just need a profile shot, but ask the tech to make sure it's a pic where bub's spine is to the bottom.

Good that he won't go with you until then because then if you decide to find out you'll know before then.

How often do you go for ultrasounds? Here in South Africa we have to go every 4 weeks for a full ultrasound.

First off I wanna say I am sorry for your loss!! In someways I could have written some of your post. I have a large family and have mixed genders, however my last dd died when she was born at 22 wks and since her I have had 3 ds's. I just want a little girl again so bad! I look at my friends and SIL who have had girls over the last 5 years and wonder if I am being punished. Don't get me wrong I love my boys, but at times they are sooo busy and my older boys have a xlinked issue. I keep telling myself its another boy and I know I am trying to convince myself. I too have PPD and coupled with GD it can take somethings out of perspective . I am just pg and trying to decide how to handle the gender scan, I know I have to find out bc I will go crazy, but also that surprise at the end maybe the best way to avoid building up negative feelngs.....I had quiet a few with my last and he had a tramatic entering into this world( so i have guilt now). I just want to let ya know you are not alone! Praying this is your . Rebecca

I'm not sure how often I'll be going this time around, but I'll probably go for 2-3 in the first trimester, one at 12-14 weeks and the one at 20 weeks. It really depends on how I'm doing :) Thanks for the advice on the profile shot. :) Should I tell the tech what I want a clear shot of? lol

 Hi Dannie,

I went for a private gender scan with baby #3. I went at week 22 or 23 and took a good friend with me. I am in England the scan was £70 and really worth it. I needed to know!!!

 

Did you tell your DH? I very well may go and not tell a soul...except for on these boards :)