This is going to be brief as I am already crying and the screen is blurry. lol I am so sorry for your loss. I woould never wish this on anyone and I know the pain all to well. I have two wonderfully healthy little boys at home and my heart has always ached for a daughter. I have lost my dream gender, not once, not twice, but three times.
The first and second were is 2004. I was pregnant with twins and they were both girls. I was sooooo happy that I could barely contain myself. My girls had a genetic X related chromosome abnormality called Turners Syndrome, but it is very much possible to survive and lead a happy life with this condition. My water broke premature with Angela (baby A) and I went into preterm labor. They could not stop it at that point and after 27 hours of labor, I delivered my daughters. They were alive and fighting until the end, but never took their first breaths. I have their hat and blankets, I have their footprints, I have pictures. I held them, I loved them, I let them go and buried them. This was the hardest thing that I had ever done in my entire life. I did not want another child and we were waiting on my first period to start birth control. God had other plans and my period never started. 4 weeks after the birth/death of my daughters.... I was pregnant. This time I was sure that God would bless us. He did bless us, just not in the way that I wanted. He blessed us on His terms with another healthy baby boy.
I had been on birth control for most of the next 4 years. When I was not, we always used condoms. We were out of town for Christmas holidays this past December and did not have any condoms on us. lol So we had unprotected sex ONE TIME the day after my period ended. Super Bowl Sunday (YAY Saints. lol) I was shocked with a positive pregnancy test. I am from Louisiana and this may sound dumb, but I thought a positive pregnancy test on the day that the Saints went to and won their first Super Bowl meant that miracles could happen. lol I knew without a shadow of a doubt from the moment that I saw that positive test that I was carrying a girl. We went in for our 12 week OB appointment only to discover there was no heartbeat. Because of what happened with the twins, genetic testing was done on Grace. On March 22, we got the results and the hurt and pain hit me like a ton of bricks all over again. It was a girl and she was perfect. All tests were normal and only God knows why Grace was taken from us.
So that is my story and I certainly know the pain that all of you feel. We will be attempting a girl. This is our first and last attempt at swaying. This can go three ways. We can get another perfectly healthy boy, we can be completely and totally blessed with the daughter of our dreams or we will have a fourth angel in heaven watching over us. I am hoping and praying for one of the first two.