my son abused our dog!

I am so sad. I left him alone in the playroom for 15 mints.with his younger brother and our very sweet 6 yr. old yellow lab. When I heard his brother cry b/c my older son (4 yr. old) was wrestling him I went up to the playroom. My dog was by the door wanting to get out After I calmed my son I went downstairs and my lab was stuck on the floor and couldn't get up. She can walk okay but has trouble getting up still and this was 24 hours ago. We talked with my son and he admitted to kicking her in the leg. I feel bad for my pup but am more concerned with my son's behaviour. I'm not thinking this is a normal behaviour for my 4 yr. old to kick a dog. He has said other weird things in the past (like I want to hurt the dog or a baby) that has my hubby and I wondering if he has some kind of psychological issues. Does anyone have any similar experiences or any comments on this that you would like to share? Admittedly, I shout at him a lot and spank him b/c he is SUCH a difficult child to deal with. He's always whiny and in a bad mood a lot of times. And seems to need a lot of attention. Like he'll cry at the top of the stairs for me to hold his hand coming down. He'll cry for a half hour if I let him. So after this whole incident my hubby and I made a pact to try a difft. approch to disaplinig him. LIke time outs or calmly talking to him if he does something wrong. I'm not blaming all of my parenting skills on the way he acts bc I truely think something might be wrong with him psychologically but I think if I handle things "more gentle" with him he may not say those scary things or try to hit my dog again. Any thoughts?

goodness!

I know some small children boys and girls can be a little rough at times with pets but it does sound like he has some issues going on hun

I Would take him to see a doctor and explain your worries to them and see if they can work with him to find out whats going on

TBH not to worry you but i just cant see a child wanting to really hurt a pet really although having said you do get kids who tease dogs and cats and things dont you but his own Dog

wanting alot of attention sounds like it could be some kind of ADHD? or whatever its called and usally the child just cant control there behavior and become frustrated when the parent becomes angry and smacks them

If it is some form of that you will get all the advice and help you need to learn how to deal and cope with any situation that arises

Have you tried talking to him about why he did it?

((hugs)) I personally think taking him to see someone would help just to rule out anything like the behaviour disabilities

xx

I agree with Mixture! 

My oldest son requires a LOT of attention.  There is this book called Love Languages, and in it, it describes different ways that people feel that they are loved - my son is a big time and attention person.  I am a physical touch person, etc.  I find that if I spend that one on one time giving him the time and attention that he craves, like I crave hugs, he is a lot better.  As for the dog, that is kind of worrisome.  Maybe he was just trying to wrestle the dog like his brother???

Thanks Mixture and Gryphon for your advice. I was not in the room so I did not actually see what he did to our dog. My DH asked if he kicked her and he said yes. I will think about seeing someone but not sure who b/c I don't have much faith in peditricians all that much. I'm going to try to work on my parenting ways and see if it can make a difference. Thanks again for reading my post! Whitney DS 4, DS 2.5, currently ttc DD

WhitneyWW:

Thanks Mixture and Gryphon for your advice. I was not in the room so I did not actually see what he did to our dog. My DH asked if he kicked her and he said yes. I will think about seeing someone but not sure who b/c I don't have much faith in peditricians all that much. I'm going to try to work on my parenting ways and see if it can make a difference. Thanks again for reading my post! Whitney DS 4, DS 2.5, currently ttc DD

 

I don't think you need to bring him in your right change your approach and I bet he changes too. Like my ds2 is quite like you said a difficult child and right now I have to log off and play candyland bc if i don't i won't have a happy son all day bc this is how he likes me to show him love is playing games and such, hugs do not do it. He also gets really pissy if you don't get down and play with him quite frequently. SO don't worry I don't think its a huge deal and hope pups feels better.

Whitney, You said it "admittedly, I shout at him a lot and spank him b/c he is SUCH a difficult child to deal with. He's always whiny and in a bad mood a lot of times." You are the one causing the problem in my opinion, do you know why???? Because I have also done the same and ended up with the same result, all be it not so bad, but my daughter is very difficult, very bright, but very very stubborn. I bet he wants to hurt a dog or a baby because he wants to be in control of something because he doesnt have control in his life as he is always being shouted at. My daughter loves to pick up our cat even when he crys because she like the fact she can control him, when we first got him I caught her telling him off like i tell her off, (verbally) but it showed she wanted some control. I dont belive your boy has problems other than behaviour directly linked to parenting, it does not sound to me like he was a born killer or anything weird. You have to be a calm parent, get the book "parenting the strong willed child byrex forehand and nichokas long, i have it, its my bible. They say the main problem that causes childrens bad behaviour is that we tel them what to do and ask non stop questions, they say to try for 5 mins a day to "attend" sit down and watch your child play, DO NOT tell them what to do eg, put the red brick on the blue one. or ask questions, what are you doing with the car, just attend which means describe what he does and tell him his good behaviour, you think its simple but its hard when you have habits, but when i did it for the first time, my daughter just suddenly came up to me and said i love you mummy, you have to say things lke, your building a high tower, you are smiling at your brother, you are putting the red car in the garage, you are playing nicely, you are drawing a cat etc etc, keep doing it. Time out is also a must, do not shout at your child, write down house rules, no shouting, for all, and if your child misbehaves give them a calm chance and tell them what they need to do or not do, if they dont, do not shout, take them to time out, calmly say i am sitting you on time out because you hit the dog, you will sit here for 4 minutes, keep returning him calmly if he gets off, even if it takes an hour and them screaming, they soon pick it up, at the end of 4 mins, (my rule is the last min has to be quiet) you go and say, at their eye level, calmly you were sat here becuase you hit the dog, they then have to say sorry, and its all forgotton, you have to be calm to have a calm child, its tough but its the only way. Keep in touch but buy the book!!!! and dont blame yourself just do something now, I am still improving but it makes a big big difference and it doesnt take long, we now have loads of stickers for good behaviour, always over praise good and give not much attention to bad, just time out. x

Honestly, I find the comments about wanting to hurt a dog or a baby quite worrisome.  I would take him to talk to someone... and make sure to talk about how you discipline him.  Maybe a counseler can help you and DH come up with a discipline method that is more effective for him... a previous poster mentioned The Love Languages... it's basically about how everyone responds/shows/feels love in different ways - I think it's also a lot like that with discipline.  What works for one child, may not work as well for another.   If he saw a lot of yelling and stuff, it might be a case where he thinks it is okay to react with violence when he is angry (for example; he may have done something naughty... but if you are spanking him in anger, it can confuse a child.. and the child might react on that later.. like he did with the dog).  Please, please note... I am not judging you, or how you discipline your child. 

I would rather think my bad parenting caused my son's behavior than him having emotional problems. I know I need to be calm and mature and it will take a lot to not revert back to my old ways but you are all so right. It will only help overall. I want to clarify that I don't think I abuse my son. I don't punch or slap him. I do spank lightly and yell a lot. But the yelling could hurt his psyche at such a young age and it will stop! Also, I have a 2.5 yr old son who is an angel. He never does anything bad and if he rarely does I correct him so my 4 yr. old sees I'm not playing favs. but I am mainly focused on my 4 yr old b/c he's the one that gives me the most grief. Thanks so much again. I'm looking forward to getting my fam. happy again!

I don't really have any advice, but I wanted to let you know it happened to me as well.  Evan never hurt anyone/thing but when he was 4-5 he would say some awful things.  He would tell Madison that he was going to put fire on her bed, shoot her, tell my parents he was going to smash all the wondows in their car.  Very strange things.  I have no idea where it all came from, I think it was a boy he was hanging out with.  As soon as I banned them from hanging out it stopped though. Maybe it was imagination?  I never let my kids watch violent things or scary things. No toy guns or even pretending to use other objecs as guns.  It was very scary as a mother to wonder what your child is capable of. :(  (((HUGS)))

Hey, noone thought you were abusing him like that, we all get frustraighted. Get the book though, honestly. x

I'm not sure about the other issues...though my 4 yo ds is afraid to go to some areas in the house on his own (though these fears stem from specific things - Halloween related mostly. ;)...BUT my dh hurt his own dog when he was young.  He actually hit the dog over the back with his hockey stick.    He was angry that the dog chewed a toy.  I assure you, however, that he is a completely normal, decent and successful human being today.  Was just a kid who had very poor impulse control in that moment.  I do think it is more common for kids to 'say' things like I'll hurt the dog or the baby as a way to get a reaction out of the parents...and a way to say I'm pretty upset about something and I want/ need your attention.  I can imagine it was very horrifying for you...I know it was for MIL too (and my dh today actually) but hopefully its isolated. ((HUGS

Thanks for the book recommendation loopylou. I will get it. I have been reading some other parenting books about how to raise boys. I'll put yours on the list too.