Going for abstinance and then a cut off??

I'm thinking of changing my plan from frequent bd from end of AF until a cut off to abstinanc and a cut off.

But how do you do this?!? 

Some months I get a fade in pattern the night before my + opk....so when I see a strong fade in pattern, should that be my one attempt? 

I would have a cut off of around 1.5 days...(but might even go as long as 4 days if I O late, it's rare, but could happen)

So, what do you ladies think?  Go for abstinance and a 1.5 day cut off or frequent bd and a 1.5 day cut off?

Ooh, I should add that I conceive my son when bding every OTHER day from CD 10 until CD 21, and O'ed on CD 20

 i say abstinance (not necessarily 14+ days-i heard 7 days is just as good) b/c then you only have to worry about checking your pH a shorter amt of time til O

i think the way you described it would work!

Thanks SOS sis, you are always a huge help and support for me :0)

-Just worried that bding once 1.5 or possibly even 4 days before my O day isn't great girl timing.  But it isn't "that" bad, and might be better than frequent bd...kwim?

-The only way I can figure out a cut off at all with abstinance is by dtd once when I get a strong fade in pattern, but my digi opk is still negative. 

-I  don't always get a strong fade in pattern, but I will be looking very closely for it.

-My only other concern is if I do a one time bd and end up with a 5 day cut off...eek!  But the chances of me getting pregnant from that is slim to none...especially since I will be "jumping" after bd...so I think it is a "safe" plan

SOS sis:

i say abstinance (not necessarily 14+ days-i heard 7 days is just as good) b/c then you only have to worry about checking your pH a shorter amt of time til O

This sounds interesting, but I'm a bit confused by this...if you can explain it more I would really appreciate it.

Thanks so much!

 ditto-you always seem to be there for me w/ an answer & support!

i wouldn't worry so much about the timing.  it's lower on the list for the 7 factors.  i really think abstinance would be the way to go for you.  

yeah, i don't exactly remember where i read this.  i thought i read that having DH abstain for 7+ days was ideal-over 14 days was too much (could damage sperm?)  but, i know Tamara recommends 14+ days so i would do that! (if DH will agree that's what i'll do!)

i think it's great that you are fine-tuning your sway.  it seems like new info pops up all the time that needs to be added/deleted.  

i've been tracking my OPKs & keeping them to compare.  i can definitely notice a pattern w/ fade-ins...hope you do too!  (the hardest part for me has been trying to concentrate my pee to get accurate readings-too much CL!!!  i've had to use a whole tub in 1/2 the amt water-yuck!) 

so, thinking about it all, i would do 14+ days abstain-i really think you'll get a good cut-off

hey guys, sorry to hijack your post;) wanted to clarify (maybe) about the abstinence... i remember T wrote that abstinence of 14+ days is best, actually the longer the better, she DID say that LOOOOONG abstinence's *can* cause sperm damage in very RARE circumstances, but she also said that you wouldn't get pg from the damaged sperm, so if you did damage the sperm from to long of an abstinence you just wouldn't get pg. HTH!! I think this is an excellent plan for you BD! especially since this is opposite of how you got your DS! this is also my plan... abstinence with either O+12 or cutoff...

SOS sis:

yeah, i don't exactly remember where i read this.  i thought i read that having DH abstain for 7+ days was ideal-over 14 days was too much (could damage sperm?)  but, i know Tamara recommends 14+ days so i would do that! (if DH will agree that's what i'll do!)

yeah, I'm going to look into that...7 days vs. 14 days abstinance...but if Tamara recommends 14+ days then I'll probably go with that one.

SOS sis:

i think it's great that you are fine-tuning your sway.  it seems like new info pops up all the time that needs to be added/deleted.  

Yes, that's so true!  I feel like a few months ago, frequent bding didn't get such a bad rap....but now, it seems that more and more people are chosing abstinance over frequent bding.

And like you said, timing isn't even all that important, so if I mess up and have a one time bd too close or too far away from when I O, then it probably won't be a big deal anyway, since I still won't be bding on O day and I will have done all the other factors.

Just hope it doesn't take me too long to get pregnant this way, but we'll see.

SOS sis:

i've been tracking my OPKs & keeping them to compare.  i can definitely notice a pattern w/ fade-ins...hope you do too!  (the hardest part for me has been trying to concentrate my pee to get accurate readings-too much CL!!!  i've had to use a whole tub in 1/2 the amt water-yuck!) 

aww, I'm sure it doesn't taste good at all!  But that's a GREAT idea of how to get your pee concentrated and to get an accurate reading on the opk's!!!  I think that is the only way to get a true fade in pattern, thanks sooo much for the tip!  So I guess we have to wait at least 4 hours and then take an opk.

So are you also going to do abstinance until you see a fade in pattern on your opk and then do a one time bd on that day? 

 

 I've been thinking a lot about the same thing. Here's the thing though. I know you don't want to do O+12 because you said it's hard to pinpoint O and I totally understand that. Mine is very hard too as it's a different day every month without fail. But I was thinking that abstain + cut off would be even harder to pinpoint than O+12 because at least with O+12 you get warning of a positive OPK and stuff. I guess what I'm saying is that if it were me and I do go with abstinance rather than frequent, I will aim for O+12 because any other way just seems too hard to time correctly and/or get pregnant.

Obsessed, you make a very good point...I"m also worried that abstaining + cut off will be very hard to figure out!! 

The only way is if I see a strong fade in pattern on my opk's and I still have a - digi opk.  I could most likely get a 1.5-2 day cut off from this (and a 3 or 4 day cut off if I end up O'ing a bit late)

It's not that hard to figure that out, but sometime I don't get a strong fade in pattern....BUT I think I can get this fade in pattern if I wait at least 4 hours to take the opk and really get my pee concentrated...kwim?

I think I might play around with this starting this month and see if I can do it...hmmm, what do you think?

I really don't think you should change. One time BD with a 1.5 day cut-off is (in my opinion) perfect boy timing. If you are closer to a 2 day cut-off, that is good for a girl, but unless you are absolutely sure about when you will ovulate (and I know you've said you aren't), I think it is really dangerous. You run the risk of having perfect boy timing. According to my study, the best timing for a boy is 1 time the day before ovulation (which probably varies from about 24-36+ hours before ovulation). While my study certainly is not the end all and be all on timing, that is still the traditional recommendation for trying for a boy (BD one time the day before or day of ovulation), so I think there is other information besides my study supporting it. I don't think abstinence is worth the risk for an extra 1-3% points (unless you are doing O+12 or have clockwork cycles which allow you to time a cut-off perfectly). I think that BD at least 4 times in the 5 days prior to ovulation with a 24-36 hour cut-off is the best way to sway for a girl. It has the highest effectiveness rate of any timing method in my study, it minimizes stress, it minimizes the chance of error, and it maximizes the chance of getting pregnant. Not everyone can do it, of course, but if you can do it, I think it is the best timing method for ttc a girl.

Thanks so much for reassuring me minerva'smom...I actually feel like a ton of bricks has been lifted off my shoulders right now! :) 

I was really going back and forth because I see so many women on here wanting to try abstinance over frequent bd...but you are sooo right and you know me well, I can't figure that out.  I just can't figure out a 2 day or 3 day cut off and it is waaay to stressful for me.   I'm was getting all stressed just thinking about it.  Was trying to do a little workout before bed and couldn't get it out of my mind.

O + 12 is out for me because I really can't figure that out for anything.  It would be a complete guess for me unless I got really lucky one cycle and everything lined up (but that has yet to happen)

So, you are 110% right, I should go with frequent bd.

quick question:

  I had decided to start dtd on cd 10 and dtd until I get a + opk...however, I conceived my Ds when dtd every other day from cd 10 to cd 21 and I ovulated on cd 21.  So, is this too similiar?  Do you think I should start dtd right after af? 

and if I did do frequent bd, I would do it until I got a + opk...which would = a 1.5-2 day cut off probably...so you feel that's ok to do with frequent bding but not with abstinance right?

Thanks again, you've really made me feel a ton better tonight :)

 

minervasmom explanation makes sense.  she spent all that time researching...i'd go w/ her!  

SOS sis:

minervasmom explanation makes sense.  she spent all that time researching...i'd go w/ her!  

Yep!  My thoughts exactly, I'm gonna go with that, frequent bd starting on CD 10 until a I get a + opk, that's the best way for me I think :)

 Everything MinervasMom wrote I agree with.  As soon as I saw the post I thought "boy timing."   Just remember you have to do whats good for YOU.  They will  both lower sperm count.  MinervasMoms study weighed heavily on my decisions.  I can see how its tempting to want to change when you see people on this board doing abstinence..but overall I think people do both.  I think it will put you in a grey zone, and for me that was a nonnegotiable..I wanted my timing down perfect.  I did soo much reading on this..on and off IG to help w/ my decision.  Oh, and bc DH was always releasing (such a weird word, why cant I just say cumming lol)..when we BD he  was like down to the tiniest amout of cum (sorry tmi)...which is good.  Say for whatever reason we didnt DTD for  like a week..its like superload!!  Sorry for the TMI but I  had to  share!

ooh, so anna, you did one actual attempt and had dH release all the other times right?...see I WISH I could do this, but then my timing would be a one time bd 1.5 days before ovulation, and that is boy timing, kwim?  I know dH would be releasing, but we wouldn't be actually bding, so I think a 1.5 day cut off while not actually bding is not so good.

My problem is how in the world do I get my pH to be low after dtd every night on the nights when I can't use replens?!? 

Last night we did a practice attempt and I was finally able to get my pH around 4.9 but that was already 90 min. after dtd.  I kept using finger replens every 30 min. and it brought it down every time but only at 90 min. did it go to just under 5.0 and stayed there 'till the morning.

I guess a pH of 4.9 is ok, but I'm afraid I can't even get it there if I don't use replens...kwim?  Maybe I can use finger sylk after dtd every 30 min?  I don't think the cran pill or CL is going to do anything :(

babydust292:

ooh, so anna, you did one actual attempt and had dH release all the other times right?.

 

No, I  didnt do this.  From Af to cut-off Dh would release every day (shower lol)...But it wasnt a one attempt.