I can't get over my GD

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Hello, this is the first post I ever write here. I’m having a real hard time with my GD. Whenever I think that I’m finally over it something happens that sets me back and shows me that I was never even close to getting over it.

I have 3 beautiful girls and worked on trying for a boy using all these different natural methods from diet to timing intercourse to douching - basically the Shettles method. This pregnancy is so different from my previous ones that I thought it was a boy for sure. I had severe morning sickness which I never experienced before with the girls. On the 16^th week U/S the doctor told me she couldn’t see for sure but it looked like a girl. I went to the car with my husband and cried, I felt fooled by the way this pregnancy was and by everything that I tried. My husband was better than me, he was a little disappointed but quickly got over it and decided that he will love her just the same as her sisters, me on the other hand, am not so sure. I am now at 27 weeks and I don’t feel any connection with the baby. I don’t even care what to name her.

I try not to share my true feelings with any1 except my husband because I don’t want to be judged. When my mother found out I was feeling GD she played the guilt card on me and went ahead and told my sisters and aunt which I didn’t appreciate, they are my feelings and they were private. My husband can’t deal with my GD anymore and I’m afraid I have no one else to turn to. My best friend is also pregnant and she’s due a couple of weeks after I am. She has a girl and didn’t have a preference for her 2^nd baby and of course it’s a boy. I am happy for her, but I am sad for me. This was my last try and it failed. My husband thinks we should try one more time but what if it’s a 5^th girl??? I just want to give up and not try anymore but that means that we’ll be a family without a son. My girls are all Daddy’s little girls and I’m never gonna have my Momma’s boy.

I know that I’m lucky to be able to have babies and that others try and try with no luck but I can’t help it. I’m trying to get by a day at a time but I’m just not happy. I turned to the internet to find help to see why I am experiencing those feelings and I came across this forum. Reading some posts made me feel a little better and got me to write my own. It really does help to know that I’m not the only one who has these feelings.

 

  7yrs old, 5yr old twins , girl # 4 due March 1st

I'm sorry you feel this way. Sometimes I feel like life isn't fair. I have horrible GD and this is my first baby. I'm due March 1st too and it's a boy. I feel like after this baby I never want to try again because I don't think I could even handle having another boy :(

I dont blame you for feeling this way. I would feel sadness if this baby was my last and my 5th boy also...I would also know form experience that when he is born I will love him like his brothers---no other before him/them! I hate to see someone struggling like this...it hurts...I wished it would be as easy as pushing a botton to get our DG...desired gender. I think it would be breath taking to see you with all those pretty girls out around town if I ever ran accross someone like you...:)

*HUGS*

 Thank you for your kind words, life isn't fair sometimes. I know that your baby will bring you all the joy in the world. It just felt good to get it off my ches. I hope we can overcome this GD issue soon.

 blessed2havekids, thank you for your reply. I really hope that I will not resent her and love her just the same as her sisters. I am not a bad person and I normally don't have thoughts like that but my GD is so overwhelming that I don't know myself anymore.

 skanded: Thanks

Awww massive (((hugs))) you need them :)

Im so sorry you are feeling this way I think it was good you found out the gender so you can deal with all these emotions and feelings before she comes along it really does help :)

I have no doubt in my mind you wont love her when shes born you sound like a fab mum to your girls and your husband sounds like a Fantastic Dad and Husband you are very lucky

Let me just tell you life has a funny way of working out and when my 4th son was born i felt like you i loved him to bits but i was so desperate for a girl and scared to try again in the end we did try again and i began to suddenly feel as if i wanted another boy and when i had my scan and found out she was a girl i couldnt believe it

you never know what the future has in store for you thats what is so great about life

and everything ALWAYS turns out ok in the end and we realise what worried and upset us so much no longer matters

I think you should allow yourself time to grieve the loss of a dream and be ready for your little girl i garantee you she will light your world when i look at my 4th son he just melts my heart

XXXX

 

ShyLove:

I'm sorry you feel this way. Sometimes I feel like life isn't fair. I have horrible GD and this is my first baby. I'm due March 1st too and it's a boy. I feel like after this baby I never want to try again because I don't think I could even handle having another boy :(

 

 

Shy love, we are in the exact same boat. :(

Oh dear, I'm sorry you're feeling so sad. Unfortunately I don't have any great advice for you, but I just wanted you to know that we are all here for you and we all understand. GD is SOOOO hard. I have it very badly as well and it is all-consuming. I wish there was a magic pill we could all take to make it go away so we could get on with our lives. Big hugs to you....

I am having girl #2 and my sister did the samething to me.  She threw it up in my face then went and told everybody in the family that I am having a girl and that I am mad about it.  I was so upset with her because I asked her to keep that confidential however she had to make herself feel better and good by making me feel worse.

 I know how you feel, and I am sorry that you have to go through it too. It is so terrible!! I am also having a girl and wanted a boy. I also feel guilty for feeling bad that I am not getting what I wanted...so many people try so hard to conceieve and can't; I know a couple who has tried for 2 years with no luck, and another couple who tried for 3 years and finally had to go invitro. It is so easy to say "you should appreciate what you have" or "you should feel blessed you can get pregnant so easily", but that is so much easier said than done!!

My hope is that when the baby comes, you will love her and you will be able to bond. I am hoping that for myself, too.

::HUGS::  I'm sorry you're feeling like this.  And I'm especially sorry that your mom betrayed your trust.  Not cool!  I hope things start to get better soon.

Nina I can definitely understand the way you're feeling and I'm so sorry that you have to experience that. I too have 3 girls, I'm pregnant with a 4th child. Although I don't know for sure yet, I'm thinking girl and I am extremely sad about it. It must be a tough choice to decide if you should go for a 5th or just end it at 4, especially when you dont know what you're gonna get.  I've heard once the baby actually comes and you're forced to take care of your baby, your mother instincts will kick in and you will love your dd regardless.  with dd#2 I sooo wanted a boy and I was very disappointed.  I hoped that the ultrasound was wrong.  This site has definitly helped me know that my feelings are valid and I'm not a terrible person. I hope you get through you GD so you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

For the record though for every 10 negative comments I get about having 3 girls I do get 1 comment every now and then, basically about how pretty and cute my girls are. Something about 3 little girls, all close in age together. It is a sweet picture.I imagine 4 will be even sweeter.

Nina, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. You and I share a lot of the same feelings. I also feel as though there is no one around me that understands, and the few people I have mentioned it to, say well at least the baby is healthy. I find out in 2 days, and cannot get rid of this sick feeling I have in the bottom of my stomach. I am not sure how I will tell anyone either. My husband has been totally supportive, he has known I have wanted a daughter for as long as he has known me, but I feel like he is getting exhausted with my GD as well.

 We are all here to be supportive of eachother, and I am thankful for the ones that support me and thankful I am able to help others!