Coping with EXTREME Husband GD

texasangie1:

How Christian is he to terminate a perfectly healthy baby because of gender?  Not to be rude, but I am appalled that you are sounding so calm after he said such vile things to you and the baby.

I understand gender dissapointment-I have a sister in law that is suffering from it right now. I see how hard it is to cope with. But at the same time how could he possibly be mad at God for giving him a girl? How ridiculous is that? He needs to be praising God for giving him a healthy child.

FIrst off I am sorry that you while being pregnant have to deal with this. HOWEVER, I for one am the person (as everyone on IG knows) that freaks out when something  goes wrong. I say things that I think I mean at the time but in hindsite don't .

I have always been dramatic and GD makes me the most dramatic by far. I wanted an abortion with my last baby too. Being that I am habitual miscarrier that was taken care of . I totally deserved it . I feel horrible for wanting the baby gone , never thinking it would actually happen.

I thought that baby too would have ruined my life. I guarantee if something did happen to your daughter ,your husband would be crying for weeks for her. Trust me.

He is just really pissed right now. His life is turned upside down , his dream of a son is gone. THats big people. Huge! He wants someone to blame and you sitting there getting bigger by the day is an easy target. (Sorry that sounds kinds weird) .

Anyhoo , after he blames you , GOd , the doctors, the universe, he will calm down and will deal with the situation. He may always miss a son , as I do for a daughter, but my love for my sons can not be measured.

WHen I was angry and mad at everybody  and lashed out at my husband he never yelled back . No matter what I did he told me it would be ok. I have to say if he would have retaliated I don't think we would be together today.

He needs to spew this crap to be OK. I have no doubts he will accept this girl as time goes on.

Hugs to you , Keep positive .

xoxomytwo:

texasangie1:

How Christian is he to terminate a perfectly healthy baby because of gender?  Not to be rude, but I am appalled that you are sounding so calm after he said such vile things to you and the baby.

I understand gender dissapointment-I have a sister in law that is suffering from it right now. I see how hard it is to cope with. But at the same time how could he possibly be mad at God for giving him a girl? How ridiculous is that? He needs to be praising God for giving him a healthy child.

thinking same........

I know a lot of people here have religious beliefs, but not everyone does.  If OP and/or her DH do not, they probably don't feel like bad Christians, or feel the need to thank anyone/thing about their pregnancy, or conversely, feel bad that they are struggling to accept their baby's gender right now.  Just wanted to put that out there!!  lol

As far as anyone needing to praise any diety for a situation... well, many people who have been through GD do *not* feel like praising.  They are angry, and struggling.  This is normal.

Anyways, I still support the OP's decision to just wait it out.  At any rate, only she can decide what is right for her at this time...

GZ

The OP said her husband was religious and was mad at God for giving him a girl.

DH is not religious...when he was a child he had religious ties, but a tough life has severed those beliefs. He views God giving him a girl as a punishment vs. a blessing. :(

I wish he would reconcile his difference with his faith. I pray for him that he does, and that he will be open to letting this little girl in his heart.

Because, he has struggles with his faith- I want to be a supportive wife, help him cope through this EGD. I am backing off, as he knows how I feel, hoping he comes around in his own time and realization.

If he was ever a case where I literally worried about him harming me or our child- I would not stay. I think he is truly struggling with the gender along with all the other "new Dad" worries- finances, being a good Dad, what to do with a baby, etc.

Just keep in mind, that in MOST cases, our GD babies are truly loved and appreciated for all that they bring into our lives.  I have met very few women who didn't adore the baby once it was here.  I would assume that to be true for men too. 

I can't answer about what is right and/or wrong for you, but most of us wouldn't trade the baby that caused us sooo much pain, for anything in the world... because we realize that they ARE special.  A lot of them defied the odds to get here... and have amazing charecteristics and sweet little souls. 

It is impossible to explain to someone until the baby is here... but I promise it does USUALLY happen.  If that helps.  :o))

GZ, the only reason why I agreed was bc of the impression of the dh blaming God, yet "agreeing" to terminate until they got a boy (?) I am not questioning people's faith, each to their own IMO, but it seemed a bit contradicting to me. Thank you OP for clearing it up that he is struggling with his faith, which is completely normal. I just think the OP(post) came off a bit harsh from dh's perspective. If OP says the wonderful things about him, I'm sure he will turn around and things will be just fine.

toblvd:

I think he is truly struggling with the gender along with all the other "new Dad" worries- finances, being a good Dad, what to do with a baby, etc.

eta: now this is normal to feel this way. most men (and women) do. i'm sure he will be just fine.

I know everyone is freaking out because he said he would make the baby's life hell but if he is anything like my DH (who I could imagine saying something like that) he is just an immature sore-loser little prick that likes to run him damn mouth because he cant express himself appropriately.  My DH is a mouthy little punk but he never means half of what he says, he just cant handle not getting his way and cant take things in stride like some ppl can.  How old is he?  DH is only 24 so I think that explains us a little. 

I think you should also give him the chance- DH wasnt interested in my pregnancies, period.  I remember when I would buy baby stuff he would be annoyed because I was spending money but the night we left the hospital with her I ran to the store to get some little mittens (cause she was scratching her face) and a few other things.  I said "You didn't complain about me buying baby stuff this time...." and he said "Yeah, cause now we actually have something to put it on"  What?  Like was that how unreal it had been to him until she came out of my crotch?  Apparently.  He was never one of those guys that sat around rubbing or talking to my belly, seemed more creeped out than anything and sex, out of the question.  He was and is a great father once they were here though!  I know your DH is dealing with EGD, but I would wait until she is here and gradually try to include him as much as possibly.  If things dont get better after she is born the maybe counseling.  If he has already checked out on you over this though and if he means it when he says you can leave then F*** him!

Btw, DH and I had wanted 1 boy too and our first was a girl although I was the one with EGD, while his was only slight.  We decided we would make her a little tomboy, gave her a unisex name (Cale) and she is a spunky, fun, daredevil little kid now.  Now whiny or princessy.    Our son, on the other hand, is already way more of a wuss than she was.

 I have to garee with everything Green Zelda said on page 2. It's how I felt the first moment I read the thing. 

It sounds like he's facing some severe extreme gender dissapointment on top of being a new dad and not knowing what life is going to be like, and he's lashing out...and you're the only target, sadly. 

I will say he probably won't fall "in love" at first sight at the hospital. It takes a little while longer for fathers to bond with their babies then moms (usually) on top of how upset he is about losing his idea of having a son... but with some time I think he'll come around and that little girl will have his heart wrapped two times tigheter around her then anyone else. ♥ Just be easy with him, understanding. Don't force it.

You know your husband best. If he's not like this usually, if this isn't the man he normally is, then you can probably  guess that he's just facing harsh emotional problems and doesn't mean a lot of it. He has nobody to turn to except for you, and as he said to you- he just feels like you don't understand how much he's hurting over it.

If he ever starts getting abusive, then yes- get out QUICK, but I personally think it's just EGD and with time he'll come to terms and love having his daughter.

nicole_d:

Like was that how unreal it had been to him until she came out of my crotch?  Apparently. 

Just had to share that your anecdote made me laugh out loud.  lol

toblvd:

DH is not religious...when he was a child he had religious ties, but a tough life has severed those beliefs. He views God giving him a girl as a punishment vs. a blessing. :(

I wish he would reconcile his difference with his faith. I pray for him that he does, and that he will be open to letting this little girl in his heart.

Because, he has struggles with his faith- I want to be a supportive wife, help him cope through this EGD. I am backing off, as he knows how I feel, hoping he comes around in his own time and realization.

If he was ever a case where I literally worried about him harming me or our child- I would not stay. I think he is truly struggling with the gender along with all the other "new Dad" worries- finances, being a good Dad, what to do with a baby, etc.

Have you ever read The Power of a Praying Wife?  Stormie Omartian, I believe is the author.  I am totally not trying to push anything on you, but you sound like you are a woman of faith... and I believe WHOLE HEARTEDLY that a praying wife is one powerful thing.  (provided you aren't praying to just "get your way" lol. ) 

My dh has seperated himself from religion.  He was deeply religious when he was younger, and right now... he seems to have chosen not to believe as much (at all??).  Which is a nice way of saying that he believes that all Christians are just trying to make a way to be able to deal with their life. 

I don't lecture.  I don't argue.  I don't preach.  I pray.  I pray for God to work his way back into his heart.  I pray that without coming off as a religious nut, my faith might help him find his way back.  I pray that even if he chooses not to believe, right now... that God helps him make the choices that are best for him.  (not for me, but for him).  I pray that he is able to fulfill his hopes and dreams.  I pray God helps him in anything he chooses to do. 

I pray a lot.  lol. 

I would totally back off of him.  As long as you have made yourself clear... You want your daughter, and will be a good mother.  I wouldn't say anything else.  Just pray. 

If you push, you might push him in the wrong direction.  I believe that he will have a change of heart, regardless, when he sees his little girl... but the very best thing you can do is not push him and be angry.  Support him and reassure him about how good he will be as a daddy. 

Fear will come out even more angry then actual irritation/anger at having a girl. 

Try not to show your fear and concern to him... use us!  We are a supportive bunch.  lol.  It will be okay.  Just give it time. 

GZ

GreenZelda:

nicole_d:

Like was that how unreal it had been to him until she came out of my crotch?  Apparently. 

 

Just had to share that your anecdote made me laugh out loud.  lol

lol, me too!!!!!!!!!!  :O))

xoxomytwo:

but think about those poor children like Baby Grace, and Baby Peter, and Baby Brianna  -just google them if you do not know who I am talking about-  then step back and take a look at your relationship, and if you can guarentee that no harm will be done to your child or you, then by all means, stay and work the marriage out.

OMG...I don't know if she google this or not ( she should) but I did. Now I wish I did not. I can't believe something like this exist! Im so sorry. 

I have GD right now but I think your DH have to stop feeling sorry for himselfs already.It's not like you made this baby alone or you picked the gender.Plus he is even mean to you..I would be careful with him...Take care of the baby.