never thought I'd feel this way... Moms of four kids, any advice??

Let me preface this message by saying that I have never, ever posted a message in a site like this. I have three lovely boys (6, 4, 1) and have been lurking on this site for awhile. I felt some GD with babies 1&2, but it was okay, bc I was always planning on three kids. When #3 turned out to be another boy (a surprise, whereas I found out with the first two), well, it's been a rough time. He is about to turn one. I feel like I have about all I can handle most days, so the thought of a fourth child seems terrifying. On the one hand, the thought of having a little girl is the only thing that truly keeps my depression at bay. My husband is supportive, as much as he can be, and is even open to the idea of another. In another moment, of "really, is this who I am?", I am even looking into high tech methods. What am I thinking?? On the other hand, I feel like I could have another, but I have so many reservations about it (even if I could be absolutely guaranteed a girl). My Mom, who had 3G and 2B, always says to only have another child if you really want another child, not just another gender. My sister, who had two boys and always wanted a girl, is my secret ally (but then, she's not the one who would be raising another one, helpful as she may be). btw - my sister just turned 50 and is living proof that GD may subside, but never truly goes away. I have two friends who had three boys and then a girl, so it seems feasible. I don't know. I wish I could get this all out of my head. Being a stay at home mom, I can't seem to think about anything else though. Some days, I think it would be wonderful to have a girl, and others, I think I'm out of my mind for thinking about having four kids. Four kids! That's a lot. They do get older and easier, though, right? My other sister (who has four girls, no joke!) says that you have to suck up the first two years but then it gets much easier, and that four kids isn't really THAT much harder than three. So, thanks for letting me rant. You Moms of four kids, any advice??

I found having 4 kids was no different than having 3 kids and having 3 kids was REALLY difficult for me to adjust to. I also didn't find out with #3 and really struggled after he was born with guilt.

I am proof you could have a 4th boy. So if you can't accept a 4th son then go high tec. I also do think that yes you can have GD for a life time. Sure it can subside, but I have met more than one elderly mom who it never truely went away. That said. YOU could have a 4th son or even a 5th. In today's society we have choices, we can spend the money and ttc the gender of choice.

GOOD LUCK!

Thank you for answering my post. That's exactly what I needed to hear. :)

 I don't have four kids. However, coming from someone who just had a good sway go wrong - go high tech if you decide on a fourth!  You don't have to do the most expensive.  I'm on number two and am kicking myself everyday for not just saving up for high tech.  High tech is just a fraction of the cost of raising another a child.

 Good Luck!

 Nikki

DuchessScrat:

 High tech is just a fraction of the cost of raising another a child.

 

True.  But it's not a guarantee.  At all.

Many women have come away from it with an opposite or no baby at all....  And out several thousand dollars.

I have three boys and one girl.  I tired high tech twice.  Once after ds#2 (ms/iui) and no pregnancy.  Then ds#3 came along after a darn good sway.  Then I went all out with high tech (ms/ivf/pgd) and again walked away with no pregnancy.  A few months later, dd was conceived with no swaying.

You need to decide first and foremost if you are willing to have 4 kids...and then if you are OK with a boy for #4.  Those two questions will lead the way.

After ds#2, I was OK with the small chance of another boy only using MS.  After ds #3 I was NOT ok with another boy. That is why I did PGD.  I did not really want 4 kids (three was my ideal number).  I was OK with 4 only if it was my dd.  Yes, dd was a surprise baby. 

In all honesty.....having 4 kids is pushing me over the edge.  My third ds was a dream child...so super easy.  Transisitioning to 3 was a piece of cake.  Now having dd, who is a very high needs baby, I am about to lose it daily.  I am so very thankful I have her...but I do reminice to the 'good old days' where my live was so very much simpler.  And then I dream about the day she is a bit older and things will calm down again. 

I will NOT be having any more kids.  They say you know when you are done and I know.  I cannot go through it all again. 

Good luck in your decision....it is not an easy one and you have no idea how things might turn out.....

 

For me the hardest was none to one, then one to two. Once you get use to multitasking it really isn't that much of a difference. I never noticed it to be much harder on me. Now my wallet, yes! But that's about it.

IMO, 4 isn't much different than 3.  I find it easier now that I have 2 older ones who can help out. 

When we decided to try for #4, I soooo wanted a girl....but in my heart, I never thought I would get her.  I thought we got pg in Feb when we tried and did some swaying....when I went to the doc and had an u/s, I found out we actually conceived in March when we were NOT trying.  So, after finding that out, I really thought I had no chance at a DD. 

I wanted another baby more than I wanted a DD because I really didn't think we would ever have a DD.  In fact, I'm almost positive if we tried for #5, it'd be a boy!  I do think you need to want a baby more than just a boy or girl.  GL!

 

theres a bunch of us on here who had three boys first and then a girl, it does happen.but your mums right about only going for another if you really want another child.

I hadnt planned a fourth although I think I might have tried, when the boys were all at school. I have found it quite difficult having four. they are 7,5,2.5 and 5 mths. everyone needs something different and usually at the same time.

its the silly stuff like not all fitting in one car, dh wants to hang on to his and I want to trade both cars in for a bigger one. theres always something to do and the noise level drives me crazy.

on a positive note Its the best feeling seeing them all together and when its okay its fantastic. only you know whats best for you,Im so glad ive got them all and wouldnt change anything now.

gl

 

Okay...I have three boys 7,5,2 and a baby girl 5 mths old. I pretty much knew since baby #2 that I was not going to give up...lol. My hubby and I said we would stop at three and she was a true oooops!(0+12) 12 hours after O. I had to back track for data. Four is not much more than three for us. I must say that the spacing was super hard though being preggo with a one year old to handle but I would NEVER  take it back. I feel my family is complete. I also must add I prayed like crazy....for her. If she was a boy I am sure I would love her the same but maybe had another...lol

I don't have four children YET, but I will in about 8 more weeks.  I am finally pregnant with my son after having three girls, so you and I are opposite.  I really was not planning to have a fourth but it happened and now we are blessed with the opposite gender.  I didn't try any high tech or swaying, it just happened naturally, so you never know, maybe it can happen to you as well.  I am 1 of four children and I guess I was destined to have four for some reason, but I am defintely done after this one.  I have an older daughter who is 11 and she helps out alot, but I also have a 3 1/2 and 1 1/2 year old so I guess it will be tough in the beginning, but eventually they get older so that's what I look forward to.  Sometimes I get scared thinking about having a fourth child, but then I start thinking how great it will be that they will have each other when they are grown up.  It's the best feeling in the world.  So just look at it as them just being young temporarily with something to look forward to .....LOL  ( you know what I mean).  I wish all the best to you and your family, and I hope you make the right decision.

My 4 boys are very close in age--5, 4, 2, and 5 months.  It was not until this last baby that my ass got kicked.

I think moms that say "what is one more after three", may have large age gaps in their kids.

I have not been the same since my fourth boy was born.  Four is alot, I have lost the basic rights to eat, toilet, sleep.  It is very difficult.

Before he was born I wished to God that he was a girl.  Now I could care less if he was a girl, or if I ever have a girl.  I just want some sanity back into my life.

I just re-read that, and it sounds a little more negative than I intended.

Although things are have gotten rough with the addition of the 4th boy, I love him so much, and feel he was meant to be here.  He cries alot, but that is one of the benefits of being a seasoned mom--you can deal with it.  Having him though has taught me alot about gender--for me personally, I think the key to me being more fulfilled and happier is NOT a girl, but rather, things outside of motherhood.  I am looking forward to everyone becoming more self-sufficient so that I CAN sleep thru the night, make a proper lunch, take my time in the bathroom for goodness sakes!!  Four kids makes TIME FOR YOURSELF and TIME FOR THE MARRIAGE very difficult, my experience anyway.

For what it is worth four has been a lot for me. I had our three boys close together, three in three years. I loved them being close. Always wanted three so we were done. After several years I started having the urge to try once more for a daughter. We were blessed and four years after our third she was born. I had  very difficult time adjusting to four. With my boys they were young together, no school or sport scheduals to consider. By the time I had her all three were in school and sports. It didn't help I pretty much gave birth then had to take my son to practice and not to mention the stress of what if I miss ds#2 first day of kindergarten. I know that added a lot to our situation but even now that she is two yes, life is easier but I do catch myself at times thinking how much easier it could have been with just my three sons. I don't regret going for one last try but I knew it would be a hard adjustment for me and I was willing to risk it and hope it would turn out easier. I don't want to be a downer, I adore my family make-up now but it is not always a smooth transition.

highfive:

My 4 boys are very close in age--5, 4, 2, and 5 months.  It was not until this last baby that my ass got kicked.

I think moms that say "what is one more after three", may have large age gaps in their kids.

I have not been the same since my fourth boy was born.  Four is alot, I have lost the basic rights to eat, toilet, sleep.  It is very difficult.

Before he was born I wished to God that he was a girl.  Now I could care less if he was a girl, or if I ever have a girl.  I just want some sanity back into my life.

I am the first one to say that after 3 I didn't find 4 that big of a deal and my 5 younger children are EXTREMELY close in age. And I also said that 3 close in age is what kicked me in the butt. And 4 wasn't ANY easier but wasn't any harder...  I found  3 crazy. I had 3 boys only 2.5yrs apart and then when my 5th son was born my second son had turned 4 the month before he was born. I had 4 boys in 4yrs... when I had my 6th child my only girl I had 5 kids in 6 yrs. (I thought she was born "late" compared to the boys haha!)

ages of my little boys when ds#5 was born, 4,3,15monthsand newborn (and the 4 and 3 yr old are only a yr apart and both turned 4 and 3 when ds#5 was born.)

I DO NOT find alot of little kids close in age easy at all. I just think that now that I am in Looney ville, an extra child didn't make much of a difference. I was already crazy. What was one more.

AND I don't really remember any of my little boys being babies and toddlers... it is just a blur that I am glad I lived through haha