What do you do when you feel like giving up but you can't?

Hello all!  My ds 1 has been diagnosed with ADHD and Learning Disability.  Homework is very difficult to get through.  The hard part is getting him to focus.  If I can get his brain in gear for doing the work he goes through it fairly quickly with help.  Right now he isn't recieving any help through the school system.  He is 8 years old and enrolled in a regular 1st grade class and is expected to do the same work as everyone else.  The school system is trying to get him in the special education program and it should be started sometime this month.  So, here's where I am feeling soooo bad for my son:  I sent the Connors' Teacher Rating Scale-Revised (S) for his teacher to fill out.  I have the Parent edition to fill out and I will take those back to the psychologist at our next appointment.  Some of the answers on there have me bummed:-(...combined with the homework issues we have been having, his poor academic scores, his behavior at home and now my ds 2 is starting to struggle academically (probably due to me not having as much time to focus with him on his homework because of ds 1).

I am hoping that you all can see and read the picture of the Connors' Teacher Rating Scale that I am including here.  I am going to put which #'s questions on there that sort of have me bummed and why:

2.  Two days ago teacher told me ds 1 is not defiant at school.  I realize this is minor but it seems that he IS infact defiant some of the time at school so apparently fibbed to me:-(

8.  We study soooo much (every night) with spelling and he knows them better than ds2!....but apparently he does not reflect that at school:-(

22.  Again, he does sooo well at home with math!...especially hands on math!...but does not reflect that at school:-(

As far as ds 2 goes, he is very sloppy with his work and has an arrogant attitude that really just strikes some nerves with me!  Despite how he has been doing here at home, he has been doing really well at school until today.  He made Unsatisfactory on his weekly tests!  He never makes U's!  There are/have been times that I wonder secretly if my ds 2 has learning disabilities that haven't been diagnosed because he is so quiet at school that might show up later.  I worry that if it's not caught early on that it's going to hurt him more in the long run.  I also wonder if he is ADD and he knows what to do to get by better than my ds 1, kwim?...Like reading, he is sooo good with sight words(don't get me started on that) but struggles with phonics.  He memorizes books, the little easy reader books.  It's like this: At school they will read the easy reader book 1 to 2 times and his teacher says he seems insecure with reading it.  The teacher sends each student home with the book they read in their group that day and when ds reads the book to me at home he is very secure and doesn't struggle at all.  He "reads" the book sometimes without looking at the words and only looking at the pictures.  I know he has to be memorizing that! 

Right now I am really feeling low and like a failure as a mom.  I have failed my kids.  I have a bad temper and yell at them too much over probably little things!  I feel like this is the whole thing of what's affecting them.  I do feel like giving up but I know that's not an option.  :-((

I am supposed to be my boys' best advocate but I am not feeling like I am doing a very good job at alllll.  What to do??

Ok-I feel your pain!!  My 14 year old son is SEVERELY dyslexic and has Irlens Syndrome. I want to cry every day over his school. It will get better!!  Have you had an ARD meeting?? If not-get in touch with the school counselor and have a meeting set up with EVERYBODY!!! It sounds crazy, but it works!  The school needs to modify his work-so he does not have so much and is not so overwhelmed with it. Not sure what state you are in, but in Texas they don't put kids in "resource" classes anymore for learning disabilities. They are left in regular classes and pulled out for one on one help, work is modified, etc....

Now your second child.  Have him tested for dyslexia. He may have a mild case and is doing enough to get by. I totally know the memorization trick!! It'll get you every time!!  If he is having problems with phonics-that is a clue.  If you feel it's necessary, make the school call an ARD meeting and discuss your concerns with his teachers and such. It is your right as a parent to be able to call ARD meetings at any time-for any reason. I have been to so many ARD's-my son has dyslexia and my daughter has a speech delay and is in the 2nd grade. The school has to hold the meeting within 30 days of your first call. If you feel they are not cooperating you can call the special services department and ask (or complain/demand) to them and if you are still not getting any help call the administration office. All school districts have ARD Facilitators and Advocates and that is what they are there for.  I had a counselor tell me once--"You love your child, the teachers like them. You need to fight for them. If you don't no one else will." Best advice!! I have screamed and demanded and cried in meetings-you may feel like an idiot, but at the end of the day your child will get the help he is deserved!!  Good Luck, Angela

I understand your pain too.  I am depressed over my son's Conner's scale report the teacher gave me.  I am so sad to have to go through this all again when I have a 14 year old I struggled with and still struggle with.  I hate this.  All I can say is just stand by your kids,. although I know how hard it is.  I lose patience so easily with them sometimes.  At least your son will get the help he needs when they give him special services at school.  Good luck...

:) It seems you enjoy homework time as much as I do! It is so stressful and it is really hard to keep your cool sometimes! It helps me if I make a cuppa and get a few catalogs/books/mags to go trough while im helping my son do his home work it seems I stress less with a little distraction!

With the memorizes the books at School thing! My son is in a special learning class and them memorizing books words is something I have asked about because my son does this too! The "special helper teacher" told me that this is what they want the kids to do at first because it helps them if they remeber the story they can look at the words and start to recignise them but she said the main thing is they get praise for being able to "read" the book themself even if they are remembring the story it is something you can make out it is such a big deal to build their confidence! HTH

You keep going No one will ever love your children the way you do. No one will ever do for your children what you do. Sometimes when I think of my boys I think of all the stress, the challenges and the exhaustion but all that is nothing compared to the the feeling I get when I realise how far they have come and what they have achieved in spite of everything. Get whatever help you need and if your heart tells you something, listen to it, even if you have to fight tooth and nail to follow it.

DS1 has ADHD. I know how stressful and frustrating it can be. It has taken about 2 yrs to get things 'sorted' but I have seen a HUGE change in him. He was at the bottom in Prep but is now at the top in Grade 2. These 'rewards' give me hope and the strength to keep going. DS2 has just been diagnosed under the Autism spectrum and I have a long road ahead of me. I am exhausted and worn down to the ground but who else is there to help, love & encourage them? Do whatever you can to help your boys. And remember - you are only human, you are not perfect and you are not a robot. You do the best you can. And if you have a bad day today remember that tomorrow is a clean slate. Be kind to yourself. Being a mum is not an easy job   

Flying the Coop--that was the sweetest post! Thank GOD for people that understand what we go through!

Yep you just keep pluging along and something that might be a small or minor accomplishemnt for others is reason for a celebration in our homes...

I have 2 with ADHD the older is 13 and in 8th grade (DS#2) has been on meds since he started 2nd grade, he is now a member of the jr. honor society and an honor role student, we are actually med free so far this school year and I celebrate every single second of this, we worked hard to get here...

DS#4 is 7 and we just started this past year getting him help, he has ADHD and ODD and is way more difficult than DS#2, but we are plugging along and trying to find what works for him, there are days I just want to hide from the world and cry, some days ugh I don't want to be near him, other days he melts my heart, he is on meds and getting counseling right now, but the ODD is not taken care of by meds so we will fight this for years and years to come... We take it one day at a time and look forward to those celebrations!!!

Deech, I know this is an older post but I'm curious as to what ODD symptoms your DS4 has.  I've always wondered about my son, but have never had him evaluated except for ADHD.